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Granny Says 3YO Granddaughter Doesn’t Know What She Wants, Insists On Kissing Her As She Says No
Consent is important, but it’s often a subject people get touchy about, especially regarding children. In families, relatives love doting on young kids and giving them hugs, cuddles, and pecks on the cheek. But if they’re told not to do these loving gestures, people tend to get angry.
This is something a woman struggled with while trying to teach her toddler about consent. Even when her daughter said no, the child’s granny kept trying to be affectionate. The woman wondered if she was wrong for not liking that behavior.
Highlights
- Woman struggles with grandma not respecting her 3-year-old's consent, making her teaching efforts difficult.
- Experts state teaching consent and respecting children's boundaries at an early age is crucial for their well-being.
- Studies show 30-40% of child abuse victims are harmed by family, highlighting the importance of teaching consent.
More info: Netmums
RELATED:
Everyone knows how important it is to respect people’s boundaries, but when it comes to kids, folks often tend to downplay the situation
Image credits: Polesie Toys / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The woman explained that she was trying to teach her 3-year-old about bodily autonomy but that her mom was making things difficult by disrespecting the kid’s boundaries
Image credits: Juan Pablo Serrano / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Even when the child said no to hugs and kisses, the grandma would do it anyway and say, “don’t be silly, of course, you can hug your nanny”
Image credits: Laura H(8)
The poster didn’t like that her mom was being so persistent with cuddles and kisses even when the child didn’t want it, but she wondered if she was ridiculous to think that way
The woman explained that she had been trying to teach her toddler that her body was hers and that she could say no to things that made her feel uncomfortable. As adults, we know we have the right to set boundaries when it comes to physical touch. Children also have these rights and can reject physical contact if they don’t want it.
Understandably, the grandmom wanted to show her granddaughter love and affection in the only way she knew how. It might also have just been her way of showing how much she cares about the child. But in many families, kids often feel obligated to hug or kiss their relatives, because if they say no, the adult may feel offended.
This is a belief system that needs to change because studies on child abuse have found that around 30-40% of victims get abused by family members. So, if kids aren’t allowed to set boundaries with relatives or are not taught about consent, they might easily fall into the trap of a predator.
It’s impossible to gauge which person has ill intentions toward the child. That’s why kids should be allowed to say no to anyone if they feel uncomfortable. Even though it’s an important issue, whenever the woman tried speaking to her mom about it, she’d say the poster was being ridiculous.
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The woman also said that she was in two minds about the situation. On one hand, she wanted her daughter to feel she had control over her body, and on the other hand, she wasn’t sure if she was overreacting to her mom’s behavior. The problem is that netizens were also divided on the topic.
Experts on child well-being and care state that it’s very important for children to be taught about consent and for parents to ensure their boundaries are respected. Kids should be educated about it as early as possible and at an age-appropriate level so that their understanding develops as they mature.
Parents may worry about offending relatives by setting such boundaries. That’s why they need to first start the discussion and explain why the issue is so important. Relatives can ask questions and also collaboratively come up with alternatives to hugging and kissing that might be more comfortable for the child.
This might seem like a very new concept because most people in previous generations were not taught about consent or bodily autonomy. But it’s essential to understand why the topic is so important. Such knowledge could help a young child escape from or speak up about an unsafe situation, and that’s truly wonderful.
What’s your verdict on this situation? Do you think the mom was being ridiculous and getting worked up over nothing?
Some people felt that family members should be taught to respect a child’s boundaries and that the mom wasn’t being ridiculous
Image credits: Daka / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Other folks said that such boundaries should only be imposed on extended family members, not on close relatives
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What do you think ?
Adam Belaire 3 months ago
I'm sorry, but even with a "safe" adult, if the child does not want to be hugged or kissed, the child shouldn't get hugged or kissed. Pretty sure the saying is "no means no" not "no means no unless you're immediate family then no doesn't mean anything and you are allowed to do whatever you want"
Sand Ers 3 months ago
“Safe” adults are by far the most likely to be child predators. The “random stranger kidnapper” does happen, but not nearly as much as the news would make you think. The reason those stories blow up is because they’re so rare.
Load More Replies...
Rita Verschuure 3 months ago
The firts five years wil lay the foundation of the rest of your life, especially with regards to relationships. If you are taught that you have to accept that close family gets to kiss, hold and touch you anytime they want it, you basically learn that you can not set boundaries to them. This will put you at risk for things like incest and domestic abuse. So you need to learn that it is totally okay to kiss and hug nanny and be kissed and hugged by her, but only if and when you BOTH wish to do so.
Rita Verschuure 3 months ago
That's to say, three-year-olds are children. Not cuddle toys.
Load More Replies... A girl 3 months ago
I hated being hugged or kissed by anyone when I didn't want it. My earliest memories are hiding behind Mom to avoid it. I've watched my grandson (5yo) since he was 18 months old. Sometimes he's fuzzy and wants hugs and kisses. Sometimes he's not. My husband always tries to force a hug. I taught gs that if he doesn't want to, he doesn't have to. It's his choice. Both husband and I get plenty of hugs from him, voluntarily.
Adam Belaire 3 months ago
I'm sorry, but even with a "safe" adult, if the child does not want to be hugged or kissed, the child shouldn't get hugged or kissed. Pretty sure the saying is "no means no" not "no means no unless you're immediate family then no doesn't mean anything and you are allowed to do whatever you want"
Sand Ers 3 months ago
“Safe” adults are by far the most likely to be child predators. The “random stranger kidnapper” does happen, but not nearly as much as the news would make you think. The reason those stories blow up is because they’re so rare.
Load More Replies... Rita Verschuure 3 months ago
The firts five years wil lay the foundation of the rest of your life, especially with regards to relationships. If you are taught that you have to accept that close family gets to kiss, hold and touch you anytime they want it, you basically learn that you can not set boundaries to them. This will put you at risk for things like incest and domestic abuse. So you need to learn that it is totally okay to kiss and hug nanny and be kissed and hugged by her, but only if and when you BOTH wish to do so.
Rita Verschuure 3 months ago
That's to say, three-year-olds are children. Not cuddle toys.
Load More Replies... A girl 3 months ago
I hated being hugged or kissed by anyone when I didn't want it. My earliest memories are hiding behind Mom to avoid it. I've watched my grandson (5yo) since he was 18 months old. Sometimes he's fuzzy and wants hugs and kisses. Sometimes he's not. My husband always tries to force a hug. I taught gs that if he doesn't want to, he doesn't have to. It's his choice. Both husband and I get plenty of hugs from him, voluntarily.
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