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Teen Loses It At Graduation Dinner With Family When The Table Talk Revolves Only Around Her Sister
Hundreds of years ago, in the era of royal France, so beautifully described in the great novel Three Musketeers, literally any careless word, even a sidelong glance thrown at someone else, could become a reason for a duel. Now these romantic and, frankly, dangerous times have already irrevocably passed, but each of us has a period in life when we also feel like a powder keg, ready to explode from the slightest spark.
Yes, I am now talking about our teen years, when our perception of the world and people changes drastically and a family drama can break out for any reason. Especially when siblings are involved. In general, the way things recently happened with the user u/Huge-Ad3253…
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The author of the post recently had their high school graduation dinner with their family
Image credits: Alexander Grey (not the actual image)
However, the teen felt insecure because everyone was discussing only their elder sister’s education and plans
Image credits: u/Huge_Ad3253
Image credits: Kelsey Chance (not the actual image)
Image credits: u/Huge_Ad3253
When the author’s uncle finally asked about their own plans, they snapped at him and family drama ensued
Image credits: fauxels (not the actual image)
Image credits: u/Huge_Ad3253
The author’s mom demanded they apologize to the uncle, but they refused flatly, considering themselves right
The Original Poster (OP) says that they are graduating from high school this year and the family had arranged a special dinner for this occasion. As the teen themselves thought, this celebration was supposed to be about themselves – but the longer this gathering lasted, the gloomier they became. And it was because of the author’s elder sister…
The thing is, the author continues, that the sister has always been ahead of them – not only in age (she is graduating from college this year), but also in parents’ and relatives’ attitude, as well as in education. If the OP got by with B, then their sister ‘was a straight A student and so on,’ the author of the post notes. Either way, it was frustrating and at times annoying to the OP.
And so, during the dinner, which, as the OP sincerely believed, should have been dedicated to them and only them, the relatives again paid maximum attention to their ‘impressive’ sister – even despite the fact that her own graduation party was to be held next week. For example, their aunt, who always ‘was a lot of firsts in the family’, started asking the sister about her future job plans.
The tension inside the OP was growing every minute, and when their uncle, apparently trying to smooth the situation, turned to them with the question if they were going to college, he actually caught them at a bad time. The author snapped at him, arguing that nothing connected with them matters at all – after all, everyone around them was doing nothing but discussing their sister. Mom immediately demanded that OP apologize to their uncle, but they were having none of it. It all ended in a family quarrel, where the author took heat from literally everyone, but at the same time sincerely considered themselves to be absolutely right.
Image credits: Lisa Fotios (not the actual image)
“On the one hand, of course, this teen is wrong, because they brought down their wrath on practically the only person in the family who realized the awkwardness of the situation and, with his question, obviously tried to smooth this situation out,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment on this story. “On the other hand, we’re talking about a teenager who just couldn’t handle their emotions.”
“Moreover, such a perception of the success of their own sister, it seems to me, could not have arisen out of the blue. And the family, judging by many signs, itself supports the cult of achievements. Suffice it to recall how the author speaks of their aunt, who ‘was a lot of firsts in the family.’ In other words, of course, the author is wrong about their behavior at the dinner table, but I believe they should talk in detail with their parents about the reasons for such behavior. Perhaps a sincere conversation could help here,” Irina supposes.
The opinions of commenters in this situation were also divided. Someone believes that literally everyone was wrong here, with the exception of the author’s uncle. Another thinks that the original poster simply feels insecure and let their emotions get the best of them, thus making a huge mistake. And some people in the comments call to pay attention to the behavior of the OP’s relatives, who nevertheless made them feel disrespected while having their own celebration.
Apparently, some folks in the comments claim, the author is feeling like their family is picking favorites. In this case, it is worth simply realizing that we are all in fact smart and worthy in different ways. “Life is never a competition between you and your siblings,” one of the commenters wisely states. It remains to be hoped that the author will not take offense at criticism from other people, and will take into account some really useful advice. After all, growing up is all about this, isn’t it? And what do you, our dear readers, think about this situation?
People in the comments are divided in their opinions but wisely stated that life isn’t a competition between siblings
What do you think ?
Susie Elle 2 years ago
Soft ESH, OP has a lot of pent up anger (probably valid, I know what it's like to be in the shadow of a sibling) that she needs to do something with. Not because it's her responsibility but because this will not go away by itself. But OP soft TA because the uncle was trying to do what she wanted to happen in the first place, he was asking about her and her plans. I understand her frustration but it's not uncle's fault.
Randy Bùi 2 years ago
The OP should apologize the uncle for this, but not to the rest of the damn family, since they clearly forgot who they are celebrating or who is the star of the party. Also, my hatred goes to OP's sister for clearly not standing up to OP. If OP's sister knew that the party was meant for OP, the sister should've just tell the family to stfu and give some attention to OP.
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Doodles1983 2 years ago
NTA. As the 4th kid, nothing I did was special because everyone else had done it first. Didn’t even get a leaving party or celebration. My mum didn’t do my high school induction as she had done it twice. Sorry, lady, but I haven’t done it once. It’s not for you. Then new kid with second husband gets all the 1st kid treatment so I felt even less of a thing. I kept myself well out for the way most of the time because I generally felt invisible. She even told me not to ask for help with kids I may have in the future as she has helped my sisters with their 5 (between them) boys and is done being a nanny. It breeds a lot of problems later. Personally.
Colin 2 years ago
Try being the older siblingwho was ignored while the younger sibling was fanned over.
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Ama Deisowicz 2 years ago
I am probably the minority here, but I don't feel like OP was the AH here. Could OP have handled this in a more mature manner? Of course. However, she is human and humans have feelings and make snap decisions based on feelings all of the time. IMO, this family needs to be apologizing to OP for being careless and rude. Furthermore, OP's mother should not have pulled rank in front of the family in a public way. A more mature graceful response would have reflected on the feelings of one of her children, been more mindful of steering the conversation back to celebrant's attention, and being thoughtful. Instead, she remained oblivious to her child's well-being, as this is hardly a new thing that sister receives accolades. Any good mother would keep her children's accomplishments separate and equal. The mother here is the AH with the sister coming in a close second for being greedy inher siblings miment to bask in being celebrated. OP should apologize to her uncle, but I'm willing to go out
Ama Deisowicz 2 years ago
On a limb and say that the uncle is fine because he was the only who "got it." If I were the uncle, I would be appalled at the suggestion that OP offer me an apology and I would argue that if i were the uncle, I would be apologizing to OP for making her feel overshadowed. OP needs to find a good therapist, work through this, and share with her family how she feels. If they insist on apologies for that, OP needs to keep in mind that this is why we choose our friends. Personally, I *am* OP and I have done therapy over my own history, and I have walked away from my own toxic family situation. Mental health is the most important thing and should be sought out ahead of all else.
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Rain Anderson 2 years ago
I get your feelings. Welcome to the world of forgotten children. But you shouldn't have snapped at your uncle. He was the only one caring. I say apologize to him only .
michele mbennett1010@att.net 2 years ago
Hey Mom and rest of insensitive asshats, you need to apologize to OP for treating her like less than zero and then trying to gaslight her for your own selfish, rude, thoughtless behavior. It was supposed to be HER night to shine and you all made it about the sister and made her feel like she was insignificant. Well done a******s!
Sunny Day 2 years ago
I regularly got straight A's. Got nothing - except questions if I got a B. My (older) brother was a B student, and got straight A's one time in 6th grade. He literally got a party - cake, gifts, decorations, etc. I was valedictorian of HS class. My parents were given special seats, front and center. They left halfway through the ceremony because it was outside and too hot. I couldn't see their seats from my spot in the graduate seating, so I had no clue they left. Things finish, everyone is hugging and taking pictures of their kid - and I spent about 30 minutes trying to find them before driving myself home.
Otis B Driftwood 2 years ago
I understand how she feels. My whole childhood all anyone cared about was my sibling. They got all the attention, the gifts, and the love. I'm an adult now and whenever I run into an unknown relative, I avoid my certain family members, they immediately call me by my siblings name and start asking questions about them and not me. The teen was an ahole for yelling at the uncle though.
Georgie Gal 2 years ago
The family for overshadowing her achievements with her sisters are all AHs. I don't think she was an AH at all, just very upset and lashing out when someone actually remembered that it was supposed to be about her. I will say, what she should have done, was stood up, walked over to her uncle with a smile, and then said "I'm so happy you asked uncle." And then QUIETLY talked to him about her plans. And if anyone complained about her acting like they weren't there, point it out. "Oh! Did you want to know, also? I thought you were here for "Sisters Name". " Because I will be darned if she should have to assuage any guilty ego they may possibly (even if it is minuscule) contain. Shame them. I'm more or less overlooked until I say or do anything impressive. Then I get condescending praise. And I will call them out on it, in the sweetest and calmest tone. I don't do over the top outrage. There are too many things worth my/your energy, and rude, dismissive relatives are not one.
Liam Lowenthal 2 years ago
Op shouldn't have snapped at her uncle, sister could pull her head out of her a*s and notice what's been going on, parents are pieces of s**t for playing favorites like it's not going to leave lasting negative emotions on the less desirable child and if the grad party was clearly, *clearly* meant for Op and the family still took a p**s, the rest of them are evil too. The only one who wasn't a raging POS was the uncle. Poor guy.
Susie Elle 2 years ago
Soft ESH, OP has a lot of pent up anger (probably valid, I know what it's like to be in the shadow of a sibling) that she needs to do something with. Not because it's her responsibility but because this will not go away by itself. But OP soft TA because the uncle was trying to do what she wanted to happen in the first place, he was asking about her and her plans. I understand her frustration but it's not uncle's fault.
Randy Bùi 2 years ago
The OP should apologize the uncle for this, but not to the rest of the damn family, since they clearly forgot who they are celebrating or who is the star of the party. Also, my hatred goes to OP's sister for clearly not standing up to OP. If OP's sister knew that the party was meant for OP, the sister should've just tell the family to stfu and give some attention to OP.
Load More Replies... Doodles1983 2 years ago
NTA. As the 4th kid, nothing I did was special because everyone else had done it first. Didn’t even get a leaving party or celebration. My mum didn’t do my high school induction as she had done it twice. Sorry, lady, but I haven’t done it once. It’s not for you. Then new kid with second husband gets all the 1st kid treatment so I felt even less of a thing. I kept myself well out for the way most of the time because I generally felt invisible. She even told me not to ask for help with kids I may have in the future as she has helped my sisters with their 5 (between them) boys and is done being a nanny. It breeds a lot of problems later. Personally.
Colin 2 years ago
Try being the older siblingwho was ignored while the younger sibling was fanned over.
Load More Replies... Ama Deisowicz 2 years ago
I am probably the minority here, but I don't feel like OP was the AH here. Could OP have handled this in a more mature manner? Of course. However, she is human and humans have feelings and make snap decisions based on feelings all of the time. IMO, this family needs to be apologizing to OP for being careless and rude. Furthermore, OP's mother should not have pulled rank in front of the family in a public way. A more mature graceful response would have reflected on the feelings of one of her children, been more mindful of steering the conversation back to celebrant's attention, and being thoughtful. Instead, she remained oblivious to her child's well-being, as this is hardly a new thing that sister receives accolades. Any good mother would keep her children's accomplishments separate and equal. The mother here is the AH with the sister coming in a close second for being greedy inher siblings miment to bask in being celebrated. OP should apologize to her uncle, but I'm willing to go out
Ama Deisowicz 2 years ago
On a limb and say that the uncle is fine because he was the only who "got it." If I were the uncle, I would be appalled at the suggestion that OP offer me an apology and I would argue that if i were the uncle, I would be apologizing to OP for making her feel overshadowed. OP needs to find a good therapist, work through this, and share with her family how she feels. If they insist on apologies for that, OP needs to keep in mind that this is why we choose our friends. Personally, I *am* OP and I have done therapy over my own history, and I have walked away from my own toxic family situation. Mental health is the most important thing and should be sought out ahead of all else.
Load More Replies... Rain Anderson 2 years ago
I get your feelings. Welcome to the world of forgotten children. But you shouldn't have snapped at your uncle. He was the only one caring. I say apologize to him only .
michele mbennett1010@att.net 2 years ago
Hey Mom and rest of insensitive asshats, you need to apologize to OP for treating her like less than zero and then trying to gaslight her for your own selfish, rude, thoughtless behavior. It was supposed to be HER night to shine and you all made it about the sister and made her feel like she was insignificant. Well done a******s!
Sunny Day 2 years ago
I regularly got straight A's. Got nothing - except questions if I got a B. My (older) brother was a B student, and got straight A's one time in 6th grade. He literally got a party - cake, gifts, decorations, etc. I was valedictorian of HS class. My parents were given special seats, front and center. They left halfway through the ceremony because it was outside and too hot. I couldn't see their seats from my spot in the graduate seating, so I had no clue they left. Things finish, everyone is hugging and taking pictures of their kid - and I spent about 30 minutes trying to find them before driving myself home.
Otis B Driftwood 2 years ago
I understand how she feels. My whole childhood all anyone cared about was my sibling. They got all the attention, the gifts, and the love. I'm an adult now and whenever I run into an unknown relative, I avoid my certain family members, they immediately call me by my siblings name and start asking questions about them and not me. The teen was an ahole for yelling at the uncle though.
Georgie Gal 2 years ago
The family for overshadowing her achievements with her sisters are all AHs. I don't think she was an AH at all, just very upset and lashing out when someone actually remembered that it was supposed to be about her. I will say, what she should have done, was stood up, walked over to her uncle with a smile, and then said "I'm so happy you asked uncle." And then QUIETLY talked to him about her plans. And if anyone complained about her acting like they weren't there, point it out. "Oh! Did you want to know, also? I thought you were here for "Sisters Name". " Because I will be darned if she should have to assuage any guilty ego they may possibly (even if it is minuscule) contain. Shame them. I'm more or less overlooked until I say or do anything impressive. Then I get condescending praise. And I will call them out on it, in the sweetest and calmest tone. I don't do over the top outrage. There are too many things worth my/your energy, and rude, dismissive relatives are not one.
Liam Lowenthal 2 years ago
Op shouldn't have snapped at her uncle, sister could pull her head out of her a*s and notice what's been going on, parents are pieces of s**t for playing favorites like it's not going to leave lasting negative emotions on the less desirable child and if the grad party was clearly, *clearly* meant for Op and the family still took a p**s, the rest of them are evil too. The only one who wasn't a raging POS was the uncle. Poor guy.
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