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Woman Lies To BF About Event Start Date Because She’s Tired Of His Selfish Behavior
Interview With Expert
Punctuality is a virtue… well, at least for some people! Without it, you’ll probably find it hard to thrive in the modern world that’s stuffed full of deadlines, meetings, and appointments. But the odds are that you probably have at least one friend who’s constantly late to everything, leaving you waiting around.
The temptation is to tell someone like that to meet you earlier than you plan to, so they show up on time. That’s exactly what redditor u/thatgirl829 did. She lied to her boyfriend about the start time of an event so he wouldn’t be late, as usual. However, when he found out, he was furious. Scroll down for the full story.
Bored Panda has reached out to the author via Reddit, and we’ll update the article once we hear back from her. Meanwhile, Ainsley Hawthorn, Ph.D., an author, international expert in sensory studies, and the host of The Sensory Revolution blog on Psychology Today, was kind enough to share her thoughts on this particular situation with us.
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Some people have very different perceptions of time, which can lead to a lot of frustration
Image credits: Yan Krukau / Pexels (not the actual photo)
A woman revealed how her boyfriend’s time management issues affected her, and how she dealt with it
Image credits: nenetus / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: thatgirl829
Image credits: amazingmikael / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)
A lack of punctuality can be a sign that the other person doesn’t respect you very much
The reality is that if you’re constantly forcing everyone to wait for you, you don’t care much about their time. On the flip side, if you’re punctual, it shows that you respect them as an individual.
Time is pretty much everything. You’ve only got one life to live, after all. So, if we’re being very technical, someone who’s wasting your time is also wasting your life.
There are so many other great things that you could be doing with the time you spend waiting for your chronically late amigos. At some point, you have to wonder if all of that time and energy wouldn’t be better spent in the company of someone who sees you as an equal.
While some folks are simply careless about punctuality, others might have difficulty managing time due to serious issues. For example, someone who has time blindness can have difficulty with the perception of time. Simply put, they find it hard to tell how much time has passed and estimate how long doing something will take.
Someone who has ADHD is likely to suffer from time blindness. The condition can also affect those who are grieving, overly stressed, sleep-deprived, or drunk, but in these cases, it is all temporary.
“What’s interesting about this scenario is that sometimes people with time blindness ask loved ones to lie to them about event start times to help them avoid being late,” Hawthorn, an expert in sensory studies, shared some comments on the viral story author’s situation with Bored Panda in an email.
“They’re aware they struggle with punctuality, and they genuinely don’t want to waste other people’s time,” she said.
According to Hawthorn, this type of white lying can be a part of someone’s strategy for managing their time blindness. However, the essential thing here is that all of this is all consensual.
“A time-blind person may also ask a loved one to help keep them on track for an event by telling them when to start getting ready and giving them occasional updates on the current time,” she told Bored Panda.
“The important thing is that both parties are willing to give and receive help to achieve the shared goal of arriving on time.”
Image credits: peus80 / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)
Not everyone who has trouble telling time is ‘lazy.’ Time blindness is a genuine problem for some
During a previous interview with Bored Panda, Hawthorn went into more detail about time blindness with us.
“Many of the consequences of time blindness, like being late, missing deadlines, or forgetting to respond to messages, are ones we associate with laziness, but laziness implies choice. When we say someone is lazy, we mean they had the option to be productive but instead made the decision to relax, to dawdle, or to procrastinate. Time blindness isn’t a choice but a symptom linked with conditions like ADHD, autism, anxiety, depression, and traumatic brain injury,” the expert told us earlier.
“All of these conditions impair executive function, the skills that allow a person to plan ahead and take step-by-step actions to achieve long-term goals. A time-blind individual generally wants to be punctual, make deadlines, and answer messages promptly, but their inability to track time constantly gets in their way. Laziness is relaxing, an escape from the pressures of work, but time blindness is stressful. It prevents a person from doing tasks they themselves care about and leads to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt,” she said.
According to Hawthorn, people tend to assume that everyone perceives the world the same way. This, however, is not the case. “There are many types of sensory differences and disabilities. We have no trouble accepting that a person can be color blind or tone deaf, so why do we struggle to accept that someone might have impaired time perception?”
The expert noted that not all cultures see punctuality as a moral value. “The majority of the population, who have no trouble tracking time, have no reason to change this way of thinking because it allows them to feel virtuous for something that comes easily to them. I believe the best way to learn empathy for others is to listen to or read their stories. It broadens your own mind and makes you more aware of the diversity of human experience,” she said.
“It’s generally a good idea to seek professional advice if a problem like time blindness is interfering with your quality of life. Whether you’re traditionally employed or self-employed, the ability to make appointments, meet deadlines, and communicate promptly are fundamental requirements of our working world. These expectations can pose a real challenge for those who suffer from time blindness. Time-blind individuals compensate by wearing watches, setting alarms, keeping time logs, and avoiding activities that will cause them to hyperfocus,” she told Bored Panda.
“It’s generally a good idea to seek professional advice if a problem like time blindness is interfering with your quality of life. Look for a professional who specializes in neurodiversity and may be more aware of time blindness.”
Do you have any family or friends who are always late, dear Pandas? What do you do in those cases? Do you call them out or find some fun way to pass the time? Have you ever told a chronically late person to show up earlier than the event was scheduled? Let us know in the comments.
Here’s what the internet had to say after reading the author’s honest tale
A few readers shared similar stories of their own
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What do you think ?
FreeTheUnicorn 6 months ago
If OP only lived 10 minutes away from the gathering, why was she a hour late? Just go to the event, say bf is running late again. If its her own family there's a good chance they don't care if he comes. Just travel independently, it'll take the stress out.
Janice 6 months ago
If they have 2 vehicles, this is the answer. Tell him what time you need to leave and, if he's not ready, leave. He will get the message eventually, or he won't. Either way, she will be on time and he can make his entrance, which is the only reason people are chronically late (when you break it down, making an entrance is usually the reason).
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Littlemiss 6 months ago
Wow he's a special kinda stupid. Gets told they need to go by 12 and gets up at that time. He's entitled and so used to being molicoddled he's acting like a brat.
arthbach 6 months ago
Being constantly late is incredibly inconsiderate of others. Some use this passive aggressively, or outright defiantly. For others (often those with ADHD or autism), they have time blindness. They might get caught up in a task and not notice the passage of time, or they might not take into consideration all the little steps needed to get to places on time. This comes to many people quite naturally, but to some of us, it needs to be explicitly taught. We can learn how to do it, although in my case, I overcompensate and I'm always too early.
Paul C 6 months ago
There is another large group who don't care about time - the narcists. Their way of thinking is that the event does not start until they arrive, so they always arrive on time.
Load More Replies...
FreeTheUnicorn 6 months ago
If OP only lived 10 minutes away from the gathering, why was she a hour late? Just go to the event, say bf is running late again. If its her own family there's a good chance they don't care if he comes. Just travel independently, it'll take the stress out.
Janice 6 months ago
If they have 2 vehicles, this is the answer. Tell him what time you need to leave and, if he's not ready, leave. He will get the message eventually, or he won't. Either way, she will be on time and he can make his entrance, which is the only reason people are chronically late (when you break it down, making an entrance is usually the reason).
Load More Replies... Littlemiss 6 months ago
Wow he's a special kinda stupid. Gets told they need to go by 12 and gets up at that time. He's entitled and so used to being molicoddled he's acting like a brat.
arthbach 6 months ago
Being constantly late is incredibly inconsiderate of others. Some use this passive aggressively, or outright defiantly. For others (often those with ADHD or autism), they have time blindness. They might get caught up in a task and not notice the passage of time, or they might not take into consideration all the little steps needed to get to places on time. This comes to many people quite naturally, but to some of us, it needs to be explicitly taught. We can learn how to do it, although in my case, I overcompensate and I'm always too early.
Paul C 6 months ago
There is another large group who don't care about time - the narcists. Their way of thinking is that the event does not start until they arrive, so they always arrive on time.
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