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39YO Woman Keeps Saying No To BF’s Marriage Proposals, He Decides There Won’t Be A Third Time
Interview With Expert
![“Am I The [Jerk] For Ending My Relationship After My Girlfriend Said No To Marriage?”](https://www.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2024/09/girlfriend-deny-marriage-cause-breakup-fb8-png__700.jpg)
You know how people say, “third time’s the charm”? Well, for this guy, two was more than enough. Relationships have a funny way of testing your patience, and some people are total saints about it. Others? Not so much. So, what do you do when you’ve popped the question, not once, but twice, and you’re still stuck in engagement purgatory, waiting for that elusive “yes”?
That’s the sticky situation one Redditor found himself in after proposing to his girlfriend twice and getting shot down both times. Two proposals, two rejections, and a whole lot of soul-searching.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
Rejecting a marriage proposal can mess up even the strongest relationships, especially when it happens twice
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
One man learned this the hard way when his girlfriend decided it’s not the best time to get married, leaving him questioning the future of his six-year relationship
Image credits: shurkin_son / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The man organized a beautiful proposal while on a family vacation, but his girlfriend said no, asking for more time
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The man decided to propose one more time after 8 months, but was shut down again
Image credits: chibitank
“After this second refusal, I fell out of love with her”: the man broke up with his girlfriend after she rejected his proposal the second time for no good reason
Our Redditor, a 41-year-old man (let’s just call him David), had been dating his girlfriend for six years. Not exactly a casual fling after so many years. It was more like a committed, full-on “we know each other’s Netflix passwords” type of relationship.
After dating for a few years, David figured it was time to take things up a notch and surprise his girlfriend with a grand proposal during a family vacation. You know the vibe: a lovely dinner, the whole fam gathered, a perfectly romantic moment to ask the big question… and then bam, the girlfriend hit him with a “not yet.”
Can you imagine? You’re down on one knee, ring in hand, and she says “maybe later”? That’s enough to make anyone want to crawl into a hole. But credit where credit’s due—David didn’t throw a tantrum or make a scene. He just slinked off to their room, probably rethinking his entire life plan over a sad drink and wondering what just went down.
After the sting wore off, the two lovebirds had a heart-to-heart, and his girlfriend told David she didn’t think he was “ready” for marriage. Fair enough, right? Relationships are like dance battles—you’ve got to move in sync, or someone’s going to trip. So, our guy took it in stride, thinking maybe love’s all about waiting for the right moment.
Flash forward almost a year later, and guess who starts dropping wedding hints like confetti? That’s right, the girlfriend! She was all about those “when we get married” daydreams, making it sound like the big day was just around the corner. David, ever the optimist, thought that his girlfriend was really ready this time and decided to pop the question one more time.
So, he planned another romantic proposal—this time, no audience, just the two of them after a lovely date night. He got down on one knee, popped open the ring box, and… crickets. Followed by a second “No, not yet…maybe a little more down the line.”
Yikes. Twice rejected, and this poor guy’s heart was done. You could practically hear it deflating like a balloon that’s been left out too long. After that second “no,” David realized the love he once had was fizzling out faster than a can of soda left open too long, and he wasn’t about to stick around for round three.
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Once they got home, David made the tough call to end things. He crashed on the guest room couch (classic breakup move) and broke the news the next morning. He wanted marriage, she didn’t, and he was done waiting for a “maybe” that might never come. In a move that was both practical and kind, he even gave her a whole month to move out.
But then, her friends and family swooped in, blowing up his phone with messages calling him heartless, cold, and all sorts of colorful names. Meanwhile, his own buddies were probably cracking open beers and telling him, “Man, you dodged a bullet.”
And they are probably right. After all, how long are you supposed to wait for someone to decide if they’re down for forever? Two strikes and you’re out seems pretty fair in the game of love.
To find out more about how couples can handle mismatched timelines on marriage, Bored Panda reached out to Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a clinical psychologist, author and podcast host, for some comments. She told us that it’s quite common for couples to have different timelines regarding marriage.
It’s normal for partners to struggle with aligning their views on significant life choices, and the decision about when to tie the knot can be particularly tough.
Several factors contribute to these differences. Often, one partner may feel a strong desire to marry soon, while the other may not feel any rush. Conflicting goals and values can also lead to mismatched timelines. For instance, one partner might wish to achieve financial security before getting married, while the other might not prioritize this.
We asked Dr. Manly what emotional or psychological impact repeated proposal rejections can have on a relationship. She told us that a partner facing repeated refusals may eventually feel unworthy or unloved if proposals are turned down without clear, rational explanations.
“While it is absolutely acceptable to decline a marriage proposal if the timing is not right, it’s important to get to the root of why the proposal was declined. If the partner declining the proposal knows that the fit isn’t right—that there will never be a ‘right time’—it’s important to be honest,” Dr. Manly explains.
We wanted to know if receiving mixed signals on marriage from a partner can indicate a deeper issue in a relationship. Dr. Manly told us that mixed signals might suggest deeper communication problems, particularly reflecting insecure attachment styles. Partners exhibiting avoidant or disorganized attachment styles tend to send mixed signals when it comes to commitment in a relationship.
What’s your take on this story? Do you think the OP is a jerk for breaking up with his girlfriend after she rejected him twice? Let us know in the comments.
Netizens say the man is not a jerk for dumping his girlfriend after she turned him down twice and giving him mixed signals
What do you think ?
tori Ohno 2 months ago
Some people just don't want to marry. If getting married is what you're after, don't stay with someone who isn't interested in it. But be honest with your partner about it. She wasn't being honest. Like others have said, she was projecting her own feelings onto him.
Broadredpanda 2 months ago
He was honest about marriage to her early on. She was hinting massively, just to be let down again. So it's not that she doesn't want to marry, it's because by saying no she can control when what happens and when. It backfired massively for her, because she middle aged and has lost a good man. He on the other hand might never ask his partner again, it's just that he wasted 6 years on a mindf**k!
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Cronecast AtTheRisingMoon 2 months ago
The bottom line is that they don’t want the same things. He wants to get married and she doesn’t. Breaking up is the only way he is going to get married because the weirdest detail is that she asked him both times what was wrong. How could you not understand how crushing repeatedly rejecting someone who does want to get married would be? There are good reasons not to get married, but don’t waste the time of someone who clearly really does.
tori Ohno 2 months ago
Some people just don't want to marry. If getting married is what you're after, don't stay with someone who isn't interested in it. But be honest with your partner about it. She wasn't being honest. Like others have said, she was projecting her own feelings onto him.
Broadredpanda 2 months ago
He was honest about marriage to her early on. She was hinting massively, just to be let down again. So it's not that she doesn't want to marry, it's because by saying no she can control when what happens and when. It backfired massively for her, because she middle aged and has lost a good man. He on the other hand might never ask his partner again, it's just that he wasted 6 years on a mindf**k!
Load More Replies... Cronecast AtTheRisingMoon 2 months ago
The bottom line is that they don’t want the same things. He wants to get married and she doesn’t. Breaking up is the only way he is going to get married because the weirdest detail is that she asked him both times what was wrong. How could you not understand how crushing repeatedly rejecting someone who does want to get married would be? There are good reasons not to get married, but don’t waste the time of someone who clearly really does.
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