Ah, Valentine’s Day. Personally, I love the holiday because I’ll take any excuse to eat chocolate-covered strawberries, buy myself flowers and shower my partner and friends with love. But it’s definitely a day that can come along with unnecessary pressure and expectations. If you’ve just started seeing someone romantically, it can be hard to know what an appropriate way of celebrating with them will be. If you’re interested in someone, should you take the opportunity to send them a valentine and lay your feelings all out on the table? Valentine’s Day can be a high-risk, high-reward situation, and unfortunately, sometimes, the risk leads to some tragic failures.

From being rejected to receiving rotten flowers or chocolates in the mail, Valentine’s Day just doesn’t always pan out. So it’s best to keep our expectations low. If you plan on having the most incredible evening of your life, the subsequent food poisoning or car accident that may follow will hurt twice as bad as it would have on a normal day. And while this holiday of love was not actually created by greeting card companies, as some cynics like to claim, the original spirit of the day did not include going out to extravagant restaurants and sending your partner a teddy bear the size of yourself, so don’t feel like you need to do those things either.  

Any day bursting with high expectations is an opportunity for massive disappointment, so to learn how to manage those expectations, we consulted this article written by Dr. Lisa Firestone for PsychAlive. Dr. Firestone’s first tip for avoiding being let down on V-Day is to be careful not to pile on the pressure. She explains that your partner may not have the same “sentimental feelings” about this holiday that you do, so don’t allow your mind to warp their lack of enthusiasm about Valentine’s Day into thinking that they are less invested in the relationship.

“At the end of the day, Valentine’s Day in particular, what matters most is the way your partner treats you and how you treat them the other 364 days of the year,” Dr. Firestone writes. “If he or she is affectionate, acknowledging and loving in the most ordinary, un-spotlighted moments, then you probably don’t have a lot to worry about. Keep this in mind when you plan your Valentine’s Day. Any period of time you have with someone you value can be an excuse for romance and affection. It can be filled with large and small acts of kindness, passion and love. The pressure shouldn’t fall on this one occasion to be perfect or to, in some way, represent your entire relationship.”

On the other hand, Dr. Firestone notes that individuals who are single should avoid placing too much pressure on V-Day as well. Avoid any negative self-talk because there is absolutely nothing wrong with being single; in fact, it might even be the healthiest choice for you at the moment. “Be kind to yourself and wary of any critical inner voices that start to tear you apart or toughen you up against love,” Dr. Firestone writes. “There is great value in learning and practicing self-compassion. This allows you to dig past the self-shaming statements and uncover your real point of view. Maybe you want to find love. Maybe you’re enjoying being single and just looking. In either case, no one day of the year defines your worthiness as a person or your status in relation to love.” 

It also might be helpful to focus on giving rather than getting this Valentine’s Day, to reduce the chance that your little heart will be broken. As easy as it may be to forget, it really does feel nice to give our loved ones presents or tell them how much we cherish and appreciate them. Write your partner a heartfelt card, paint something for them, create a photo album with pictures of the two of you, bake their favorite dessert, or book a couple’s massage for the two of you. Regardless of what they do for you, you can look forward to the joy that will appear on their face when they’re reminded of how much you care.

“When we focus too much on what we are receiving, we often are listening to destructive thoughts,” Dr. Firestone notes. “Giving into these thoughts feeds a feeling of righteous indignation at your partner’s perceived lack of generosity and, even more importantly, leaves you feeling miserable. Avoid the likely behaviors generated by these thoughts and feelings, such as lashing out at your loved one or sulking, which will hurt your relationship. Maintaining an outward focus will lead to more happiness for you and your partner.”   

While you might feel like you’re the only one in the world who’s ever had a disappointing Valentine’s Day, I hope this list is showing you that that’s certainly not the case. In fact, bad V-Days might be much more common than you realize. One survey from YouGov found that 45% of Americans believe that if you’re considering breaking up with someone as Valentine’s Day is approaching, the best thing to do is just rip off the band-aid before the day comes. However, some people wait until the day of, as 7% of Americans say they’ve been dumped on February 14th, while 6% say they’ve been broken up with shortly before and another 6% say they’ve been dumped shortly after. I’m not sure when the worst time is to break up with someone, but if I got dumped before or on Valentine’s day, I would definitely be taking advantage of all of that discounted chocolate on February 15th…    

If you’re curious why so many relationships reach their expiration dates around the day of love, you’re in luck. Wendy L. Patrick, J.D., Ph.D. wrote an article for Psychology Today exploring this topic, so we’ll try to give you some answers. According to William J. Chopik et al. (2014), Valentine’s Day is notorious for causing individuals who have an avoidant attachment style to realize they might not be as satisfied in their relationships as they had previously thought. 

“Chopik et al. explain that individuals who are high in avoidance report a lower amount of satisfaction and investment as compared to individuals low in attachment avoidance—a result that was particularly relevant when the significance of their relationships was emphasized on Valentine’s Day,” Dr. Patrick writes. Perhaps all the pressure surrounding this holiday is just too much for them to take. 

Dr. Patrick also writes that, “Past researchers found that partners in romantic relationships already in a weakened state were almost five times more likely to break up within the two weeks surrounding Valentine’s Day than they were during any other weeks of the year.” Maybe all of this pressure to have the perfect celebration is doing more harm than good. If you’re happy in your relationship, don’t allow a greeting card company or social media influencers who have the “perfect relationship” get in your head. 

Apparently it’s so common to break up before Valentine’s Day that the Tuesday before the big event has been deemed “Red Tuesday”, as it brings in more break-ups than any other day of the year. And according to a survey by Illicit Encounters, many people decide to break up with their partners before February 14th to avoid spending money on gifts or to avoid being pressured into a false declaration of love.

“The period between Christmas and February is a popular time for people to spring clean their love lives as well as their homes,” Christian Grant, a spokesperson for Illicit Encounters told The Sun. “This period of reflection reaches its peak in the week before Valentine’s … For lots of people, it is easier to call time on a relationship rather than pretend everything is fine and tell lots of white lies."

If you’re not feeling particularly thrilled about Valentine’s Day this year, remember that all of these people have been  through a rough V-Day before too. If you’re having a hard time feeling the love, feel free to enjoy the day with some of your closest friends or family members. And if they have other plans, there is nothing wrong with ordering takeout and sitting at home binging your favorite show on Netflix or playing video games. 

Do something that brings you joy, whether that means buying yourself flowers and chocolates or sending all of your best friends adorable cards to remind them how much they mean to you. Keep upvoting the pics you find most tragic (but that you can’t help but laugh at as well…), and then let us know in the comments if you’ve ever experienced an awful Valentine’s Day fail. Then, if you’re interested in checking out Bored Panda’s last article on the same topic, you can find more hilariously heartbreaking pics right here!