X, formerly known as Twitter, has become a playground for everyone from politicians, to celebrities, comedians, companies, the guy or girl next door, and even their pets. The platform's limited characters and fast-paced nature make it the perfect platform for hilarious one-liners, sarcastic quips, dad jokes, and clever clapbacks.
There's never a shortage of funny posts on X, and November was no different. The sarky moms, funny dads, and the generally jokey human beings didn't disappoint. It was hard to single out the funniest tweets from this month. But after much deliberation, Bored Panda managed to do it. Keep scrolling for the November Dump of tweets that had us in stitches.
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I (62) fell the other day, but not in an old man sort of way. It was in a tried-to-hop-into-sweatpants-and-wound-up-in-one-leg sort of way. 62 going on 6.
The gate is down and the lights are flashing but there is no train coming.
I was working as a filler substitute teacher at a high school. Walked into a chemistry class. After taking attendance one of the kids asked for a small white board because "I think we summoned a demon yesterday while the other sub was here." They needed the white board to communicate with it by making their own ouija board. I asked if they tried holy water. They said they were looking on Amazon for some. School is weird these days.
When I get out of the swimming pool and someone is just getting ready to get in the water I tell them "I warmed the water up for you."
He's been gone a long time but I still sometimes hold the door open shouting, "Look dad! I'm heating the entire neighborhood!"
I really hope this is more of a workaholic situation and not a she didn't have a choice situation.
A voice from the Heavens that sounds a lot like the dungeon master bellows, "Well, open the wall, idiot!" as thunder crashes and arrows begin to rain down.
I miss not staring at someone like they just stabbed a baby because they coughed.
I miss mouthing exactly what I thought of people and being safe in the knowledge that they couldn't read my lips..
Top tip for the winter: mittens. Then you can raise that middle finger at them and they’ll just think it’s a friendly wave.
Load More Replies...I missed putting my mask on before I enter a shop like I'm about to rob the place.
I'm terribly disappointed that shaking hands came back. I really hoped that was dead forever and I'd never again need to touch some stranger's clammy hand. Ick.
I still wear a mask if only to confuse all the facial recognition devices staring at you.
I miss only having to do my eye makeup. Everything else was covered, so why bother?
"Good" news then if you live in the State of Victoria, Australia, because we're experiencing a new COVID wave at the moment. From the ABC website today: "COVID-19 cases are rising in Victoria, with hospitalisations increasing by 59 per cent over the past month. The JN.1 strain, a sub-variant of Omicron, remains the dominant strain in the community"
I hope the wave is gone soon - those poor Victorians!
Load More Replies...On BP ee don't seem to have so many Marketing Bots anymore. That's nice. ("My name is Anastasia Cybertron and I make $10 million a week without even breathing...")
little hack for that - if it's a pack that doesn't have the hard plastic support at the opening, snip the opening about 15mm bigger on one side then you'll only get one - if the pack has a hard plastic support, put a hair band over the packet at each end, then you'll only get one (btw, they do this on purpose so you'll use more)
I’ve not heard one hummingbird complain and they’re way smaller than us and doing all the work themselves, as for geese I haven’t heard them complain my guess is they take it out on us
That's why I quit writing those things down. "Smrga doff Dunkin' overboard lass."
Two brooms leaning against each other would be like a romcom poster
It was a cruel Bastard who termed obsessive compulsion a DIS-order... Order is everything to obsessive compulsives
I’d call this list mostly confusing with a sprinkling of faint smiles. Maybe it’s a culture thing - I’m co-writing a script with an Indian guy and there’s a noticeable difference in what we both think is ‘hilarious’.
I thought it was brilliant - very funny, very diverting. Yes, much of it was completely incomprehensible without the comments, but that didn't seem to matter. I'd like more like this.
Load More Replies...What was funny here? I don't get it. I finally gave up on reading it.
I think you need the right kind of warped humour. I seem to have it. Middle aged Brit if that helps. I think StarCrossedFriday is right - it's a culture thing.
Load More Replies...What was the actual point of this eclectic collection of mostly meh?
Instead of Google Translate, we needed BP Comments translate to decipher half of these depending on what generation you are in.
That's part of why I love BP and its community. We have all ranges of ages, cultures, locations, etc. so usually SOMEONE can translate for us and then we all can share in the humor, even if some of the initial presentations thereof are frustrating XD
Load More Replies...This is the tabloid version of "downright hilarious", ie one or two mildly amusing.
Maybe, but a lot funnier than lists of awful parenting or arguing over airline seats.
Load More Replies...Think I must have had a stroke towards the end because some of them made no sense whatsoever.
Some of the comments seemed to indicate that you need to be under the influence of strong, possibly illegal, d***s to understand them.
Load More Replies...I thought it was fine, BUT WHY DO I NEED A SUBACRIPTION TO ENJOY BORED PANDA FURTHER
My twitter account got suspended within a week for violating some policy. Still have no idea what I wrote that made the bots mad, and haven't bothered to get back on it since. Glad I never bothered now that the South African menace owns it. That said, the Iron Sheik made the best insane tweets.
On the other hand, now I know what to do with the bottle of Worcester sauce I bought on a whim.
I’d call this list mostly confusing with a sprinkling of faint smiles. Maybe it’s a culture thing - I’m co-writing a script with an Indian guy and there’s a noticeable difference in what we both think is ‘hilarious’.
I thought it was brilliant - very funny, very diverting. Yes, much of it was completely incomprehensible without the comments, but that didn't seem to matter. I'd like more like this.
Load More Replies...What was funny here? I don't get it. I finally gave up on reading it.
I think you need the right kind of warped humour. I seem to have it. Middle aged Brit if that helps. I think StarCrossedFriday is right - it's a culture thing.
Load More Replies...What was the actual point of this eclectic collection of mostly meh?
Instead of Google Translate, we needed BP Comments translate to decipher half of these depending on what generation you are in.
That's part of why I love BP and its community. We have all ranges of ages, cultures, locations, etc. so usually SOMEONE can translate for us and then we all can share in the humor, even if some of the initial presentations thereof are frustrating XD
Load More Replies...This is the tabloid version of "downright hilarious", ie one or two mildly amusing.
Maybe, but a lot funnier than lists of awful parenting or arguing over airline seats.
Load More Replies...Think I must have had a stroke towards the end because some of them made no sense whatsoever.
Some of the comments seemed to indicate that you need to be under the influence of strong, possibly illegal, d***s to understand them.
Load More Replies...I thought it was fine, BUT WHY DO I NEED A SUBACRIPTION TO ENJOY BORED PANDA FURTHER
My twitter account got suspended within a week for violating some policy. Still have no idea what I wrote that made the bots mad, and haven't bothered to get back on it since. Glad I never bothered now that the South African menace owns it. That said, the Iron Sheik made the best insane tweets.
On the other hand, now I know what to do with the bottle of Worcester sauce I bought on a whim.