I’m in!

There was something I read that having three parents would be the best thing due to the fact you can have two of them working full time and have the third as a stay at home parent.

Hahaha Gooooooooone! Not chance mate just move on lol

Hero

Needs more votes!

"You cant handle the truth"

Hahaha I tell my students "none of you are smart enough to be master criminals so probably best you just listen in class". I work in a school for at risk teens

I can manage 5 hours. Tops. On a good night.

Absolute genius.

Quite well said and very true

Remember, kids: Say no to school and stay in drugs!

Gotta have goals

Haha my daughter turned 6yrs old for an entire year she was asked by her uncle's "how old are you?" She'd say "six" then "Your sick? What's wrong?" When she turned 7yrs "you want some devon?" 8yrs "I know we're mates" haha drives her nuts but what are uncles for?

omg i still do

head, shoulders legs and back, legs and back, head, shoulders legs and back, legs and back and eyes and hands and feet and neck, head, shoulders legs and back, legs and back!

I need some synovial fluid

🤣🤣🤣

My superpower as a Nurse is drinking my tea (or coffee)luke warm. Without pouring it down the sick when it is stone cold and there is no way I am reheating it in the microwave that is waaaaaaay down the hall in the break room.

WHAT? My husband has ANOTHER wife?

don't let him see you break the spaghetti. actually, don't break it at all. Who does that? edit: if it's a small pot just let the bottom cook and it will slide in 😭

Secret snacks in bed while watching Netflix lol

🫣 emergency!

My toddler was chatting all day long. When put to bed he said: Wait! I have to tell you something

Good way to start.

the real reason is the prince covered the stairs in pitch or glue depending on what you read

Yes. That is the Medical Term for it, as I've always known it.

Harsh but fair

this is when you start sneaking twinkies and Doritos in the pantry

I love the tanks of ice cream

My friend, Mansa Musa looks at the pile of gold your kids think you have in the bank, and thinks it would be ridiculous to have that much money.

Can confirm. Out of observation of friends/siblings, thankfully, being an uncle can be tiring enough for me.

Mine calls my bra 'boobie jail'.

Well, not while you're DRIVING 😉

Same here too. Along with being closed for holidays that may be made up

Just 5 more minutes

One day America will grow up....jk

I'm 27 and I still have this conversation with my mom! Love you mom but also I have a space heater in my office so I think I can avoid frostbitten ankles lol

When I was 3 I released the parking brake and ended up in our across the street neighbor's driveway. I could drive! (Only if there is another driveway perfectly parallel to ours but still)

They'll just Spoil them Rotten and send them back for YOU to deal with' ("But Grandma Lets us.....)

My sister and I were both in college when she was setting up my dad's first email account. She was like, we should put his display name as something funny since you really don't notice it when you log in, but it will show up on outgoing emails. He went 6 months before he realized his display name was "Weiner Toucher". The best part was, we knew he had sent some emails to my aunt so we told her the story and she goes "OH, that's what those were! I thought it was some kind of porn, so I deleted them." LOL

But then parents complain we don't talk to them enough

Never thought about that but yesss so true!

Am Italian American, those come naturally to me.

I just always wake up then. Think it's the sense of impending doom

Lilith, aka Lilitu, is the Devil's wife! You're welcome.

Looks for the remote in their hands after walking downstairs and not even picking up the remote. "It's lost we all gonna die"

Toy story 4 be like

I’d be happy to hear a child singing while I shopped, keep up the good work

Ugh been there. One time, both parents forgot I stayed after school for football practice and I had no access to a phone (no pay phone, coaches had already locked up and left.) I waited around for 3 hours, until finally one of the lunch ladies who knew my parents and didn't live far from me, gave me a ride home. My sister always said how happy she and my brothers were when I got my license, because they didn't have to be embarrassed by being the last ones to leave or having to get a ride from a coach because no one picked them up. I knew how much it sucked, so I always got there on time.

Comedy gold right there! I had an elderly teacher in the school i work in try to explain to the class why its NOT funny to draw penis' on everything lol I did step in for the kids and say "well, there is graffiti in many ancient cultures where they drew them people have found them funny for a long time". Im not encouraging this but the kid in me giggles, She sees the funny side now lol