With 2017 rapidly coming to an end, we thought we'd update our hilarious list celebrating the funniest parenting tweets of the year. From moms getting accused of being horrible parents because they won't let them play with a chainsaw, to dads who try to solve all of their parenting problems with cookies, the funny collection of tweets compiled by Bored Panda is sure to resonate with sleep-deprived moms and long-suffering dads everywhere. Don't forget to vote for your favorite!
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remember as you kids hysterically run and play like maniacs, they are not burning energy, they are building it up.
More importantly: can _you_ remember (without checking Google Calendar!) :)
Some people don't even have a thing they can look forward to, so you're lucky:))
Once my then 3yr old nephew convinced a gymnasium seat block he lost his chipmunk while his dad was coaching hs basketball. It was imaginary.
Party Muffins.... Pupcakes.... all the cool names the little kids come up with!
It's about the time. 7:00 is late for parents. Kids gotta go to bed soon after and strangers can't always put kids to bed effectively.
There 's something even more frightening: a silent home when you have kids. It can only means that something terrible is on.
I love how we are expected to know how to do all this new math and english stuff that they are teaching the kids these days. Nothing like how we were taught.
Lately I came up with a new strategy with my 4 yo: "if I have to say it once again, I take a playmobil". I line up my little hostages on a top shelf he can't reach. The first time I had to punish 12 playmobils for an afternoon, after two weeks I have around 4 playmobils on the self every days (I dentify his favourit ones to target them first) but I'm beguinning to have success with the "threat" only ;p
Or told Monday morning that they have to bring cookies that day!!!
My man exactly... and then Disney bought Starwars licence and now he's buying action figurines for our son. Right, for our son ;p
my boyfriend does not have any kids, I have an 11 year old. every time he poops he has to immediately shower afterwards, turning a regular one hour man poop into a hour and a half.. i'm like, if we ever have a kid together, you are gonna have to get over doing that. you'll be lucky if you get the bathroom to yourself for five minutes.
Or explain awkward story lines, like......why Prince Charming kissed a dead corpse, why Jack was seeing giant bean stalks, why Alice was tripping out, who created Neverland, how three bears managed to talk, and why a girl broke into their house.......
I had to do some repair work in an elementary band room once. In August. They were already practicing their Christmas program. Why that teacher didn't pursue a career in panhandling defies understanding.
You know, it was just a dumb TV thing with kids talking about their parents coming to "all their games" or "never comes to watch me play" that started this off. Before that, it wasn't a thing, to my knowledge. Maybe watching the big game(s) at the end of the season was important, but I couldn't have cared less about my parents watching me play soccer for most of the season when I was in grade school. I think they just dropped me off. Parents demand too much of themselves based on fake TV parents.
And be there half an hour before for warmups, gotta leave house at 6:15, feed them and get them dressed by 6:10 so gotta start trying to wake them up at 5:20 which means I need to get up to get ready at...Dear God!!
Mary popins voice* "come on kids lets go" 15 mins later Batman voice*" I SAID LETS GO!"
School for my child meant a major shift from well behaved, to learning cuss words she never heard before.
I know a lot of parents have troubles with this. But it's easily remedied. Just make the kids never want to be in the bathroom with you ever again. I recommend a nice giant bowl of French Onion Soup, with a side of caramelized onions garnished with green onions in an onion reduction sauce.
My 5 yr old daughter asked me one day if she could have an elephant. I explained to her that she couldn't because elephants are too big. She looked at me with bewilderment in her eyes and informed me we *had* some elephants and she just wanted one. I proceeded to tell her we didn't have any elephants and she came back with "Yes we do Mommy". So I asked her where the elephants were and she said "in the refrigerator Mommy". I then told her "Honey, there aren't any elephants in the refrigerator but she insisted there were so I took her to the fridge and we looked inside it. She got all excited that stated "See Mommy, there they are". She was pointing to the olives. I tried to hard not to laugh uncontrollably and gave her her elephant.
Me: *Explains how to do math problem* , Me: *Walks away and double checks with Google* , Me: *Comes back to fix something I "forgot" to explain.*
That is when I made them start cooking for themselves. Finally heard it enough.
Oops! LOL. That is when you detour to McDonalds like you had it planned all along.
Or insists on wearing a heavy sweatshirt in 95 degree weather. In humid Florida!
Omigawd, I thought my children would be so well-behaved because I was very good at training my dogs. Boy, was I mistaken!
When my sister was young, she was freaked out by seeing a teacher at a store. She really thought they lived at school. She did not understand it at all, haha.
My one-year old granddaughter puts her hand up to her ear every time someone's phone rings!
Halloween. Good parenting strategy that reverses all the education about not taking lollies from strangers........
There is no better compliment than when your child gets home from school, smells the dinner cooking and drools while asking what’s for dinner tonight? Mmmmm.
My aunt is pregnant. My cousin (2) says he has a baby in his belly named baby Lizzie.
Why...why I wish I had my own bathroom (drops to floor and starts to sob)
Well, Lewis Carroll was allegedly on LSD when he wrote Alice in Wonderland...I think it was just opium....
I have some friends who are brothers named Dallas and Austin. Don't ask.
Literally me at the house my mum shares with my older sister the other day: "Why are all the dates on these photo albums before I was born?"
My friend's kid would pitch a fit if you DID peel his apple slices because he liked to put a whole slice in his mouth, work the peel off with his teeth and pull it out to deposit on a plate while he chewed up the rest of the apple bits.
Only on a 15 item or less shopping trip that does not require the purchase of dog food, toilet paper or paper towels. And you must know that everyone else is looking at you and thinking that you are so stinkin' cute for doing this with your child. Plus it is an awesome learning experience for shopping that your kids will not forget and it teaches them stuff about shopping that they need to know for later. Bless you.
Well, considering that "Malone" already has the "m", the name should be "Hoe." :-O
or a surivial pack with tissue, paper towels, baby wipes, and a plastic bag for wet clothes or barf, mostly for barf. all thats in my moms car
Once my daughter was at a friend ends house, they made slime, decided to throw it in the air. Stuck to the ceiling made a stain. Same slime, same week ruined our carpet.
It is a really weird feeling when you have recently adopted a dog, and something happens and you indicate you are upset, they come to comfort you.
We had friends who worked for Kimberly Clark and got all their "products" free of charge. One night when they had the pastor over -- of course -- the kids came down the hallway with the "telescopes" they found in the bathroom trash.
They'd probably be very specific about what toys, too. Whatever you can't get.
Give your kid the $20 and tell them the tooth fairy left an advance. Then you're done. Unless this is the last...
Actually, similar happened to me- with my Mother... I tried to explain, she's difficult sometimes.
My baby is almost 45 and she still chooses to have a conversation with me when I'm on the phone like I'm not on the phone.
My hubby does similar; he refuses to go to bed until 1 or 2 am- put him in the car, out like a light.
It's called "backwash". My husband learned about it when our oldest was a little over a year old and done with a glass of milk. He took a big swig to finish it... and got his first (and last) experience with backwash!
We totally have a 'bag of bags' too... my kids think it's hilarious when I tell them to use those for their little bedroom garbage cans.
every wake up covered in blood because of a nosebleed, cause I have!!
Raising children; the most difficult, expensive, exhausting, frustrating, horrifying & trying thing on Earth. Also the best.
I think these issues is common in developed countries. In developing countries, a parent does not have the whole time to be chasing kids. One word will make you all scatter. No child in Africa (it is a continent, 54 countries) would dare go against any word of the parent...well apart from the top 1%.
True. I live in Asia and if you talk back to anyone older than you or act undisciplined, there will be punishment.
Load More Replies...Raising children; the most difficult, expensive, exhausting, frustrating, horrifying & trying thing on Earth. Also the best.
I think these issues is common in developed countries. In developing countries, a parent does not have the whole time to be chasing kids. One word will make you all scatter. No child in Africa (it is a continent, 54 countries) would dare go against any word of the parent...well apart from the top 1%.
True. I live in Asia and if you talk back to anyone older than you or act undisciplined, there will be punishment.
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