There are plenty of joke categories, but none other gets as much attention as the bad joke category. The stuff that is so bad that it becomes belly achingly hilarious has been known since the dawn of Earth. It has relentlessly followed humanity throughout its stages of development. And while in the prehistoric ages, one might’ve found themselves laughing at ‘ooga booga,’ then as early as the Middle Ages, it was common to laugh at depictions of knights fighting snails. This was probably considered the lamest joke ever, but even after eons have passed, we still find it so bad that it’s funny. And while most of these bad jokes now come in the visual form of memes, the written word still prevails, and we have proof of it - this thorough list of funny bad jokes!
To make it even, we’ve discovered that plenty of sub-categories fall under the umbrella of bad jokes. There, of course, are some lame puns in here and, needless to say, quite a few dad jokes. And with such an array of categories, the topics are practically inexhaustible. So, from fishing matters to teachers and from kids to horses, there indeed is a joke for you, me, and all the rest of the gang. All that’s left to do here is to check out the lame jokes and see which ones you find the greatest. Once the winners are discerned, be sure to vote for them so they can live on forever in the Universe of the Internet. Also, don’t forget to share these silly jokes with those around you; you might make their day so much brighter!
I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
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Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
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I will never understand why manslaughter is illegal. Men should be able to laugh at whatever they want.
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My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the National Zoo.
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What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics? Oops!
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I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it.
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What concert costs only 45 cents? 50 Cent and Nickelback.
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What did the buffalo say when his son left? Bison!
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Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight. There would be mass confusion!
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Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!
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Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots? He was picking his nose.
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Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves. Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
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Where do spiders seek health advice? WebMD.
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A guy told me, "Nothing rhymes with orange." So I replied, "No it doesn't."
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I tried to organize a professional Hide-and-Seek tournament, but it was a complete failure. Good players are hard to find.
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I have an addiction to cheddar cheese. But it's only mild.
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They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket. They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.
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I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but then I turned myself around.
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I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I'm going home for the hollandaise.
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I'm really excited for the next autopsy club. It's open Mike night!
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I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!
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There are three types of people in the world: Those who can count and those who can’t.
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Three fish are in a tank. One asks the others, "How do you drive this thing?"
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What did the drummer call his two twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two.
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I'm not a big fan of stairs. They're always up to something.
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What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
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Fun fact: Australia's biggest export is boomerangs. It's also their biggest import.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung? The guardians of the Galaxy.
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A communist joke isn't funny unless everyone gets it.
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I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, you want to see how far I can kick this bucket?"
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What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? Same middle name.
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My dad's answer to everything is alcohol. He doesn't drink, it's just that he's really bad at crossword puzzles.
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What's the best thing about Switzerland? I don't know, but its flag is a big plus!
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A cowherd counted 48 cows on his property. But when he rounded them up, he had 50.
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A chicken coup only has two doors. If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.
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This sweet ride has four wheels and flies. It's a garbage truck.
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What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reality.
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Where does the general keep his armies? In his sleevies.
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What do you call a hippie's wife? A Mississippi!
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Did you hear the rumor about butter? Never mind, I shouldn't spread it.
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What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
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Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
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What do you call an empty can of Cheese Whiz? Cheese Was.
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What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.
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What does a zombie vegetarian eat? Graaaaaaaains!
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I like to spend every day as if it's my last. Staying in bed and calling for a nurse to bring me more pudding.
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A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him. “Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out. The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”
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I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m ok.
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What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
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I sold my vacuum the other day. All it was doing was collecting dust.
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Two muffins were sitting in an oven. One turned to the other and said, “Wow, it’s pretty hot in here.” The other one shouted, “Wow, a talking muffin!”
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It’s inappropriate to make a “dad joke” if you are not a dad. It’s a faux pa.
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My daughter thinks I don't give her enough privacy. At least that's what she wrote in her diary.
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When is your door not actually a door? When it's ajar.
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What do you call a magician dog? A labracadabrador.
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I was sitting in traffic the other day. Probably why I got run over.
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What do you call a boomerang that never comes back? A stick.
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The wedding was so beautiful. Even the cake was in tiers.
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My new thesaurus is terrible. Not only that, but it’s also terrible.
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Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it’d be a foot.
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Why can't you trust an atom? Because they make up everything.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto!
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What kind of streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
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How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.
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Who’s there? Interrupting cow. Interrupting c– MOO!
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You’re not completely useless. You can always serve as a bad example.
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Why was the math teacher late to work? She took the rhombus.
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Why are there gates around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in!
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Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
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Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.
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What do you call HIJKLMNO? H20!
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What's green, fuzzy, and would hurt if it fell on you out of a tree? A pool table.
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Have you heard of the band 923 Megabytes? Probably not, they haven't had a gig yet.
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I hate Russian dolls. They're so full of themselves.
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There's no hole in your shoe? Then how'd you get your foot in it?
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Wait, you don't want to hear a joke about potassium? K.
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What do you give a sick bird? Tweetment.
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What is Forrest Gump’s email password? 1forrest1.
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Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they're bagels!
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What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? Oh sheet!
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How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Just follow the fresh prints!
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Because he always gets a hole in one!
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Before the invention of the wheel… everything was a drag!
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What do you give to a sick lemon? Lemon aid!
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My favorite word is "drool." It just rolls off the tongue.
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Why do cow-milking stools only have three legs? 'Cause the cow's got the udder!
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How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents.
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Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.
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I used to hate facial hair but then it grew on me.
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What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? Cashew!
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What's the best way to carve wood? Whittle by whittle.
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A dyslexic man walks into a bra. Get it?
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What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K? HDMI.
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The guy that invented the umbrella was gonna call it the brella. But he hesitated.
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What do you call it when Dwayne Johnson buys a cutting tool? Rock pay-for scissors.
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What do you call birds who stick together? Vel-crows.
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Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.
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Why do you smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam.
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I'm terrified of elevators so I'm going to start taking steps to avoid them.
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I watched hockey before it was cool. They were basically swimming.
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Five guys walk into a bar. You think one of them would've seen it.
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What's the award for being best dentist? A little plaque.
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What did the lawyer wear to court? A lawsuit!
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What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
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Why don’t dinosaurs talk? Because they’re dead.
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What did the duck say when she bought a lipstick? Put it on my bill!
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When's the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie!
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What happens when a frog's car breaks down? It gets toad!
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What does a house wear? Address!
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What's the dumbest animal in the jungle? A polar bear!
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Why don't crabs donate? Because they're shellfish.
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How many bugs do you need to rent out an apartment? Ten-ants.
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Why do ghosts love elevators? Because it lifts their spirits.
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Why did the man get fired from his job at the calendar factory? He took a couple days off!
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Why were they called the Dark Ages? There were lots of knights.
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I'd like to go to Holland someday. Wooden shoe?
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What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain? Hi Cliff!
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What do you call a farm that makes bad jokes? Corny!
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What kind of dogs love car racing? Lap dogs!
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What did Winnie the Pooh say to his agent? Show me the honey!
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Today I gave my dead batteries away. They were free of charge.
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What do you call someone who immigrated to Sweden? Artificial Swedener.
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I'm thinking about removing my spine. I feel like it's only holding me back.
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Where do mansplainers get their water? From a well, actually.
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How does your feline shop? By reading a catalogue.
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It's hard to teach kleptomaniacs humor. They take things so literally.
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What did Mario say when he broke up with Princess Peach? "It's not you, it's a-me!"
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Why did the teacher love the whiteboard? She just thought it was remarkable!
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What did the mime say to his audience? Nothing.
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What did Blackbeard say when he turned 80? Aye, matey.
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What do you call a man who can’t stand? Neil.
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What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!
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What did the clock do when it was hungry? It went back four seconds.
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Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the “no-bell” prize.
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Wife: “How do I look?” Husband: “With your eyes.”
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Do you remember that joke I told you about my spine? It was about a weak back!
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Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil? Because it's pointless!
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I put my root beer into a square glass. Now it's just beer.
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I went on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation. Never again.
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How do you feel when there's no coffee? Depresso.
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What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener!
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What do you call an alligator in a vest? An in-vest-igator.
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What did one dish say to the other? Dinner is on me!
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Who can jump higher than a house? Pretty much anyone.
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How do you organize a space-themed hurrah? You planet.
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Who invented the round table? Sir Cumference.
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Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory? 10,000 soles were lost. The police said some heels started it.
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What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool? Bob.
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What do you call a psychic little person who has escaped from prison? A small medium at large.
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What kind of pants does Mario wear? Denim, denim, denim.
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What do bees do if they need a ride? Wait at the buzz stop!
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What's red and shaped like a bucket? A blue bucket painted red.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up? Because it was too tired.
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Ever tried to eat a clock? It's time-consuming.
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Where did the king keep his armies? Up his sleevies.
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What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast.
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How can you make seven an even number? Just take away the "s"!
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What did the fish say when he swam into a wall? Dam.
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What do you tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast!
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What's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind when it hits a windshield? Its butt.
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What don't ants get sick? They have anty-bodies.
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Why are social media influencers afraid when they go to the woods alone at night? They're constantly being followed.
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Sunny-side up, scrambled, or an omelet? It doesn't matter. They're all eggcellent.
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Don't worry if you miss a gym session. Everything will work out.
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What did the finger say to the thumb? I'm in glove with you.
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What’s the difference between a rabbit and a plum? They’re both purple except for the rabbit.
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I like elephants. Everything else is irrelephant.
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Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks.
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Did you hear the story about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed some space.
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What do you call banana peel shoes? Slippers.
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What kind of car runs on leaves? An autumn-mobile!
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What do you call a monkey that loves Doritos? A chipmunk!
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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? Robin, get in the car.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
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Have you heard the one about the corduroy pillow? It's making headlines.
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What do you call a dangerous sun shower? A rain of terror!
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When the two rabbit ears got married, it was a nice ceremony. But the reception was amazing.
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I want to go camping every year. That trip was so in tents.
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What to hear a joke about paper? Never mind, it's tearable.
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What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
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Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta-way.
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Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella? For drizzle.
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What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk.
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Do you use your right hand to stir your coffee? I use a spoon.
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How does the squid go into battle? Well-armed.
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Want to hear a roof joke? This one’s on the house.
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Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.
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What do you call it when one cow spies on another? A steak out!
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What are the biggest enemies of caterpillars? Dogerpillers.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's fine, he eventually woke up!
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What kind of dinosaur loves to sleep? Well, now, all of them.
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Where did the computer go dancing? The disc-o!
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Why did the businessman invest in Smith & Wollensky? He wanted to stake his claim.
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Why didn't the astronaut come home to his wife? He needed his space.
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What do an apple and an orange have in common? Neither one can drive.
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My boss just texted me, “Send me one of your funny jokes!”
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Your ex. That's the punchline.
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What’s green and has wheels? Grass.
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