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Most of us, for a variety of good reasons, will spend our time in public, eardrums ensconced in earphones or headphones to drown out the noise. But every now and then, it can be worth it to just listen to the conversations flowing around you because sometimes folks end up saying something truly hilarious without knowing it.
Someone asked “What was the funniest thing that you heard someone say in public?” and netizens shared the best, out of context conversations they have overheard. So get comfortable as you scroll through, upvote your favorites and be sure to share your own examples in the comments below.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
"Can't you see I'm blind?" "No because I'm blind too!" Two blind men before laughing their a**es off after bumping into each other.
RELATED:
#2
Guy next to me at a urinal farted once and loudly says "sometimes when it rains it thunders". I stole it.
#3
A middle aged man in a phone call in a hospital cafeteria. “They did an autopsy on me and we’re waiting for results. I mean a BIOPSY! I’m not dead yet.”
#4
I was sitting on the patio at a bar one afternoon just watching birds and enjoying a few beers alone. Next to me was a group of older folks (around retirement age) just hanging out. They were talking about all kinds of things. I’d drift in and out of listening to them when I heard one man talking about his doctor. He said the doctor had passed away two years prior in almost a depressed tone. The other men told him:
“Don’t be so sad man it’s not like he was your wife or anything.”
And without skipping a beat the man replied:
“I know I shouldn’t be so upset but man he just gave really good prostate exams.”
The entire table started cracking up. I nearly spit my beer out from laughing so hard and the man pointed at me and said:
“See he gets it!”
The laughter only got louder. I didn’t talk to them afterwards or butt into their conversation but it’s a fond memory of mine.
#5
During a very quiet moment at church, in a service with both adults and children, a young child loudly asked his dad,”Does Spider-Man have a pen*s?!”😂😂😂😂😂.
Penguin Panda Pop 8 months ago
No, but he does have an auxillary web shooter. (downvotes understandable).
#6
I had put a hamburger on the seat of my son's baby stroller. My son was with my wife. Some guy walked by, looked down and without a beat said "Looks just like the father" and went on before I could call him an a*****e.
#7
I was walking along 10th street in Brooklyn when a man walked by on his phone and all I caught of his conversation was "I don't know, I've never owned a f*****g giraffe before."
#8
Boy at preschool was introduced to a new girl named Paige. He pulls one of the teachers aside and says “you know that her name is Paige?? Do you think…her parents like books?”.
#9
After watching a Bro-y dude do this huge burnout at a stoplight leaving like a dozen people (including myself) in a cloud of smoke and dust my friend yelled louder than I've ever heard before "I'm sorry about your penis!" We all had a good laugh amidst the coughing.
geezeronthehill 8 months ago
Saw a local cop arresting a guy for doing burnouts in a crowded parking lot. As I walked past he was saying "Look, buddy, I don't care how short your weiner is, you don't drive like that in my town."
#10
Dude jazz singing 🎶Better find a bathrooooom, before I s**t my paaaaants🎶 while skipping along at the Botanical Garden in Hawaii. We didn't hear it in person but our dad caught it on our VHS-C camcorder and we wore out the tape rewinding it and laughing for years.
#11
An older woman standing outside a restaurant… She was waiting for her husband to come pick her up because it was raining. He kept arguing about picking her up. Told her just to suck it up and walk across the parking lot. Finally he left and went to the car. She looks at me and says if I could teach a dildo to bring home a paycheck I wouldn’t have to put up with his s**t.
#12
Went to see Thor Ragnarok and was seated next to a mother and teenage son. After the Hulk fight when Hemsworth is topless the following exchange happens in hushed tones but sitting next to them I could hear.
Mom: oh yummy
Son: mom shhhhhh
Mom: what
Son: that's embarrassing stop being gross
Mom: why exactly did you think I was watching this?
Cee Sparrow 8 months ago
I mean, that would be the ONLY reason I would see a show called Thor Ragnarok.
#13
At intermission during ‘The Phantom of the Opera’ on Broadway. Scottish teenage boy seated in front of me turns to his mother (in a thickkk Glaswegian accent):
“I always thought that the Phantom was meant to be some kind of tragic, romantic anti-hero. But he’s just a f*****g d**k”.
Spooky Demon Bat (she/they) 8 months ago
I heard it in a David Tennant voice
Load More Replies...
Wish I was napping 8 months ago
Why not? It's good that parents expose kids to all the arts. My grandma started taking me to plays when I was seven. I have great memories and love them to this day.
Load More Replies...
#14
I was waiting in line at the convenience store. The guy in Front of me at the register had to cancel his transaction or something. Young woman working the register called out to her manager " I need your approval '. Guy said " it's ok I think you're doing a fine job.".
8 months ago
yall I love the girl's hairstyle i wear my hair like that everyday :DD i know its off topic but yea
#15
A very pregnant friend of mine and I were at a pharmacy to get, among other things, a toothbrush. While she was looking, a visibly nervous teen boy slinks past us and stops in front of the condoms etc, about six feet away from us in the same aisle. My friend, tracking the embarrassment that only teens can get, held her belly and shouted to the kid “Hey kid! You want me to tell you which ones DON’T work?”
I’ve never seen anyone turn so red, or run so fast.
cerinamroth 8 months ago
Could have ended up getting someone else pregnant or giving them an STD! People should never be shamed for wanting to use contraception.
#16
When I worked in a library. Overheard two kids in the children's area. Brendan 1: "Your name's Brendan? My name's Brendan too. Are we.......brothers?" Brendan 2: "No. I'm in the first grade."
#17
Was outside doing some yard work when a neighborhood kid was riding his bike past my house. He ends up falling down at the end of my driveway and I go “hey are you alright?”
He gets back up on his bike and yells “no thanks, I already have a family!” Then rides away. I chuckle every time I remember it.
#18
Was in a restroom once at Caesar’s Palace in Vegas. Some guy in the bathroom stall ripped this huge fart and a random guy washing his hands shouted, “Hail Caesar!”.
#19
Overheard a conversation about people talking about rich people and weird foods, and eventually they started talking about oysters. One of them remarked, “well if you wanna eat boogers outta rocks, you gotta be rich”.
#20
I lived in Amsterdam at the time, a city widely known for all adults and most children having a fluent command of English Was walking behind a group of American tourists speaking English saying “you know what the coolest thing about being in Europe is? You can speak to each other and no one understands a word we’re saying, we can say anything we want” Was amazingly dense and pretty funny.
Stannous Flouride 8 months ago
When I took Tagalog back in the 1990s I had a streak of blue hair and often rode the bus with older Filipinos who usually had something to say about it. I loved saying "Ayaw mo ba ng kulay asul?" (Don't you like the color blue?) but always did so with a smile and a wink that made them laugh.
#21
An elderly couple in the supermarket. He's walking funny and she turns to him and says “You've still got a hard-on! I told you it wouldn't wear off by now”.
#22
I was riding my bike and passed by a guy going the opposite way on a unicycle. As we pass he said, “F****n’ two wheeler!”.
#23
Grocery store:
“I know how to buy eggs Diane, I’ve done it before…”
I could not stop saying this for the rest of the day. I was a real joy to be around.
#24
My sister went to see Titanic. After the credits rolled someone behind her stretched then said:
> I told you it sank .
#25
I know this won’t reach many but I was at a pizza place and there was this family of four (mom, dad, grandpa, kid that’s maybe 5-6 years old) and all I hear from the kid is, “YOU’RE ALMOST 50?! THAT’S HALFWAY TO BEING DEAD!!”.
#26
Wife and I are grocery shopping and in the row next to us we hear a child getting agitated and having words with his brother. Out of the blue we hear him say to his mother “Mom! Jake is breathing my air”. Wife and I look at each other and giggle. We rush to their row and we find Jake is a small 2 month old in a carrier.
#27
A mom and her son were checking out at a Home Depot. The cashier was scanning the ladies purchases then scanned the kids hand, looked at her scanner and said to the boy, you are free! The kid looked at her and said, no I'm not I am 5.
#28
A friend of a friend was shopping and had her kid with her. As they walked by the feminine products aisle her 6 yr old son asked her very loudly if she needed to get another big box of v*gina diapers because Dad says you bleed like a stuck pig. I was crying I was laughing so hard. When she seen me and my friend standing there she went ten shades of red.
#29
I was in church and somehow the subject of sex was brought up by the pastor. Some lady in front of me said "I pray before, during and after" followed by a hallelujah.
#30
My dad adopted a dog that has a poop-eating habit, eats every other dog’s droppings. My sister came over with some breath spray for dogs. Dad’s response: “she eats poop. You can’t just throw a tic-tac on a pile of manure.”
Myrtille rat 8 months ago
when doggos eat poop that's often caused by a lack of vitamin B because of a malabsortion , can also be a side effect of stress or because they have parasites a quick check to the vet might be needed
#31
Not really in public because he was a temporary coworker of mine, but in making small talk he mentioned that his son was looking at colleges to go to. So I asked him if his son was a junior or a senior. And he said “No, I named him after my dad”
That was years ago and I still have no idea how to respond to that.
#32
A pregnant woman at Walmart talking to a cashier said “yeah I’m gettin a DUI after this one, no more kids.” Of course she meant IUD but the lady didn’t correct her and I died laughing. Maybe it was pregnancy brain.
LillieMean 8 months ago (edited)
Reminds me of when my husband's brother said he bought a new LSD monitor even though he meant an LCD monitor. We managed to joke around with lots of, hear the colors brighter jokes. Edit: typo
#33
An instructor for a school club turned to another instructor:
“Have you signed that thing that says, ‘I don’t diddle kids’ yet?”
I died.
#34
Friend of mine in high school went to pick up her little brother from some sort of after school activity. There was a lady sucking on a cigarette standing near the school doors talking on her cell phone loudly. In the most grizzled smoker voice she said "Hot dogs will give you cancer." *Takes a draw from the cigarette* "One bite and you're a goner."
Stannous Flouride 8 months ago
In 2020 a neighbor said he'd never get vaxxed because "you don't know what's in it" _as_ he was smoking a cigarette.
#35
I was at a Rubio’s many years ago and the woman in front me had brought her food up to the counter to tell them she had ordered chicken tacos but had gotten fish tacos. She and the employee are going back and forth on what’s in the tacos, the employee was adamant it was chicken. The woman is really pissed at this point and goes “It’s fish. If you don’t believe me, smell my fingers”. My friend and I ended up going outside because we were laughing so hard.
#36
Two of my friends joking around til one of them says "you know, if the Catholic Church knew of your existence they'd immediately endorse abortions" 💀.
Greg Baughman 8 months ago
One of my favorite insults is "You're just mad because you were the pro-choice poster child"
#37
“Well ever since she got the dog, she only buys organic eggs.” “Oh does she feed the dog eggs?” “No, but you know, being a pet owner is a big responsibility so she’s trying to watch her health.”
#38
We stopped at a yard sale one weekend. We had a really small bulldog with us, super friendly and they were ok with her being there while we browsed. Their little girl, maybe four years old, asked to pet the bulldog and we said she’d love that. So the little girl leans over to pet the pup… and that causes her to do the plumber’s butt crack thing. Mom runs over and pulls the pants and pull up diaper back up. The little girl turns to mom and says “I’m not done pooping yet.”
Mom’s face… it was like the visual version of one of those abrupt record scratches. We played it cool with a little chuckle and said “kids, gotta love em.” We got back to the car and just lost it, just crying laughing.
Out of chocolate 8 months ago
This person estimated that the kid was “about 4” This kid could have been three, which is generally when most kids are fully trained but not all. Second, as a special education teacher, I have six year olds in diapers with expressive language but unable to control their bodily functions. What I am saying is this: we don’t know the situation.
#39
Someone brought an infant to a formal/dress wear restaurant at 9 at night that was constantly crying, heard someone say "that's a kid I'd leave at the airport".
#40
Was at a bar once, and there was a drunk girl trying to put on her heels for a few minutes. She was clearly *gone* gone, and couldn't manage. A man that was there with her said "It's like watching a monkey try to f**k a football." and I couldn't help but catch a case of the giggles.
The words themselves didn't do it, but the mental image wrecked me.
What do you think ?
A James 8 months ago
Walking down the street in Philly. Guy in a blinged out Cadillac Escalade on the phone with the windows down. His side of the conversation... "That has got to be the stupidest f***ing thing I've ever heard you say! You gotta be a f***ing idiot to think that! I can't believe how f***ing stupid you sound." About 10 seconds of silence then "OK, yeah, see you at dinner, love you Ma".
Olli Hawk 8 months ago
I have a few I’m posting separately; once I was in the urinal when I heard this dude let out the most atrocious a**l explosion I’ve ever heard, and without missing a beat he gasps and yells “did you guys HEAR what that a*****e said to me!?
Jay Hall 5 months ago
The proper reply is; "he was talking s**t wasn't he?"
Load More Replies... LillieMean 8 months ago
I have one too. In the swimming pool, I heard how two elderly ladies were discussing their grandchildren's studies and career choices. Lady1: But what are we to criticize other people's choices. Lady2: True. We all poop the same poop. How philosophical.
Chris Przeklasa 8 months ago (edited)
I was sitting at a bar when two ladies started discussing a mans member..I overheard smiled and said "It's not the size of the boat it's the motion of the ocean" without a blink of an eye she responds " try swimming across the ocean in a canoe" lol yes I bought them their next round
Hooked 8 months ago (edited)
I have one too : I was eating at a restaurant with my husband in a town known for its thermal springs and spa's. A older couple, and what appeared to be her mother, were sitting at a table next to ours. They're discussing what they had been doing that day and the mother (in law) explained that she and her daughter went to the spa and brought back some bottles of "terminal water". I nearly choked on my food when I tried not to laugh. It's been over 20 years, but we still call spring water terminal water. Edit : 2 typos
Little king trash mouth 8 months ago
Me too! I'm on the iOS app and only one line if each post shows up.
Load More Replies...
Papa 8 months ago
It was over 40 years ago, but I will never forget one day when I was high school when the teacher had stepped out of the room and a few of the girls were teasing a guy who was very innocent. One of them asked him if he was a virgin. He thought for a minute, and finally replied "No, I'm a Presbyterian."
Sharkfin6 5 months ago
I was like that in grade school. I had mostly female friends and one of the older guys teased me one time saying: "Hey i heard you're a player!" and I responded "well, yeah I play the trombone". He died laughing but made sure to ruffle my hair afterwards.
Load More Replies... Becca not Becky 8 months ago
Back in 2012, I was in the university dining hall. I heard some dudes talking and one said "Man, imma defriend the sh1t out of you on Facebook, Josh!"
Olli Hawk 8 months ago
Facebook died out but I’m still gonna be stealing that one
Load More Replies... Olli Hawk 8 months ago
I literally heard this less than five minutes ago and came back to this thread to post it, I just walked into a cafe and I heard these two guys talking, I don’t know what the context is but I heard one say to the other “you gotta hold BABIES. Do you even KNOW how many babies you have to hold?? You need to hold SO MANY BABIES. And I mean an absurd amount of babies, you gotta hold like 40 babies a week I’m TELLING YOU” it wasn’t really the conversation itself, but the guy was saying it in the most urgent tone, like holding babies will save his life
Aussiegirl 8 months ago
I was shopping & I heard a lady on the phone say ‘I think you are the scammer, tell your mum to stop f*****g my cattle’ she had an American accent which made it sound even funnier (I’m in Australia) She saw me chuckling & gave me a smile & said something else hilarious but I don’t remember what it was
Little CJ 8 months ago
Was at a pizza restaurant once, and a group of bikers came in. One of them pulled up a graph of what I understood from conversation showed the number of views over time from their latest YouTube video or something. One of them says somewhat loudly "it looks like a boob" half the restaurant turned red red from embarrassment, the other half laughing too hard
Marcus Lynch 5 months ago
Went to an airshow that was close to an area where there was a lot of Amish farmers. They would go there to just for the experience. During one of the flyovers from a fast and loud military jet (F35 I think) I heard one tell the other "I bet your horse can't do that!"
Widdershins66 5 months ago
I felt incredibly old (and invisible) when next to me, two teenaged shelf stackers, in a high street pharmacy, were discussing their poops. One asked the other "do you fold or scrunch?"
Wetbeard the Pirate 5 months ago
I was once in a Payless, and there were three or four people standing around an aisle. All I heard from their conversation was "I don't care how much garlic you eat, I'm not the one making out with you." To this day, I still wonder about the rest if that exchange.
Jennifer Brown 8 months ago
My sister and cousin were with my parents trying to sell a couple of extra theaters tickets they didn't want to a show called "Breaking the Silence" All weekend long they had been joking about the name of the show. So while standing out in front of the theater someone approaches my cousin and asks what show the tickets are for and without missing a beat my cousin blurts out "breaking the wind" Laughing my sister runs off laughing leaving my cousin mortified.
Annabel Again 8 months ago
BP please fix these articles I can only see the first sentence again is really driving me crazy. None of the rest of us can read it either quite possibly! This is the second article I've come across like this but there's probably more I just skip the ones that look boring no offense.
She who must not be named 8 months ago
I found that used to happen to me all the time on the App so now I just use the website instead
Load More Replies...
alloutbikes@yahoo.com 7 months ago
Talking to a guy and asked his name. He said Bob Rushenov. I said I hope not.
Load More Replies...
shankShaw deReemer 8 months ago
This thread is cutting part of the caption off, too. WTF, BP?!
Olli Hawk 8 months ago (edited)
One time I was at a fast food place with a friend and I wanted to embarrass him so I ran to the bathroom clasping my a*s cheeks. After a few minutes of gas chambering the restrooms he came and joined me to ask if I was alright. And as soon as I heard him I burst into song and started singing my “dookie song” that I made up on the spot.. after I came out to wash my hands he smacked me and said “I WILL NOT TOLERATE THE S******G OF ONES PANTS” I like to imagine some stranger from the bathroom still thinks about that
A James 8 months ago
Walking down the street in Philly. Guy in a blinged out Cadillac Escalade on the phone with the windows down. His side of the conversation... "That has got to be the stupidest f***ing thing I've ever heard you say! You gotta be a f***ing idiot to think that! I can't believe how f***ing stupid you sound." About 10 seconds of silence then "OK, yeah, see you at dinner, love you Ma".
Olli Hawk 8 months ago
I have a few I’m posting separately; once I was in the urinal when I heard this dude let out the most atrocious a**l explosion I’ve ever heard, and without missing a beat he gasps and yells “did you guys HEAR what that a*****e said to me!?
Jay Hall 5 months ago
The proper reply is; "he was talking s**t wasn't he?"
Load More Replies... LillieMean 8 months ago
I have one too. In the swimming pool, I heard how two elderly ladies were discussing their grandchildren's studies and career choices. Lady1: But what are we to criticize other people's choices. Lady2: True. We all poop the same poop. How philosophical.
Chris Przeklasa 8 months ago (edited)
I was sitting at a bar when two ladies started discussing a mans member..I overheard smiled and said "It's not the size of the boat it's the motion of the ocean" without a blink of an eye she responds " try swimming across the ocean in a canoe" lol yes I bought them their next round
Hooked 8 months ago (edited)
I have one too : I was eating at a restaurant with my husband in a town known for its thermal springs and spa's. A older couple, and what appeared to be her mother, were sitting at a table next to ours. They're discussing what they had been doing that day and the mother (in law) explained that she and her daughter went to the spa and brought back some bottles of "terminal water". I nearly choked on my food when I tried not to laugh. It's been over 20 years, but we still call spring water terminal water. Edit : 2 typos
Little king trash mouth 8 months ago
Me too! I'm on the iOS app and only one line if each post shows up.
Load More Replies... Papa 8 months ago
It was over 40 years ago, but I will never forget one day when I was high school when the teacher had stepped out of the room and a few of the girls were teasing a guy who was very innocent. One of them asked him if he was a virgin. He thought for a minute, and finally replied "No, I'm a Presbyterian."
Sharkfin6 5 months ago
I was like that in grade school. I had mostly female friends and one of the older guys teased me one time saying: "Hey i heard you're a player!" and I responded "well, yeah I play the trombone". He died laughing but made sure to ruffle my hair afterwards.
Load More Replies... Becca not Becky 8 months ago
Back in 2012, I was in the university dining hall. I heard some dudes talking and one said "Man, imma defriend the sh1t out of you on Facebook, Josh!"
Olli Hawk 8 months ago
Facebook died out but I’m still gonna be stealing that one
Load More Replies... Olli Hawk 8 months ago
I literally heard this less than five minutes ago and came back to this thread to post it, I just walked into a cafe and I heard these two guys talking, I don’t know what the context is but I heard one say to the other “you gotta hold BABIES. Do you even KNOW how many babies you have to hold?? You need to hold SO MANY BABIES. And I mean an absurd amount of babies, you gotta hold like 40 babies a week I’m TELLING YOU” it wasn’t really the conversation itself, but the guy was saying it in the most urgent tone, like holding babies will save his life
Aussiegirl 8 months ago
I was shopping & I heard a lady on the phone say ‘I think you are the scammer, tell your mum to stop f*****g my cattle’ she had an American accent which made it sound even funnier (I’m in Australia) She saw me chuckling & gave me a smile & said something else hilarious but I don’t remember what it was
Little CJ 8 months ago
Was at a pizza restaurant once, and a group of bikers came in. One of them pulled up a graph of what I understood from conversation showed the number of views over time from their latest YouTube video or something. One of them says somewhat loudly "it looks like a boob" half the restaurant turned red red from embarrassment, the other half laughing too hard
Marcus Lynch 5 months ago
Went to an airshow that was close to an area where there was a lot of Amish farmers. They would go there to just for the experience. During one of the flyovers from a fast and loud military jet (F35 I think) I heard one tell the other "I bet your horse can't do that!"
Widdershins66 5 months ago
I felt incredibly old (and invisible) when next to me, two teenaged shelf stackers, in a high street pharmacy, were discussing their poops. One asked the other "do you fold or scrunch?"
Wetbeard the Pirate 5 months ago
I was once in a Payless, and there were three or four people standing around an aisle. All I heard from their conversation was "I don't care how much garlic you eat, I'm not the one making out with you." To this day, I still wonder about the rest if that exchange.
Jennifer Brown 8 months ago
My sister and cousin were with my parents trying to sell a couple of extra theaters tickets they didn't want to a show called "Breaking the Silence" All weekend long they had been joking about the name of the show. So while standing out in front of the theater someone approaches my cousin and asks what show the tickets are for and without missing a beat my cousin blurts out "breaking the wind" Laughing my sister runs off laughing leaving my cousin mortified.
Annabel Again 8 months ago
BP please fix these articles I can only see the first sentence again is really driving me crazy. None of the rest of us can read it either quite possibly! This is the second article I've come across like this but there's probably more I just skip the ones that look boring no offense.
She who must not be named 8 months ago
I found that used to happen to me all the time on the App so now I just use the website instead
Load More Replies... alloutbikes@yahoo.com 7 months ago
Talking to a guy and asked his name. He said Bob Rushenov. I said I hope not.
Load More Replies... shankShaw deReemer 8 months ago
This thread is cutting part of the caption off, too. WTF, BP?!
Olli Hawk 8 months ago (edited)
One time I was at a fast food place with a friend and I wanted to embarrass him so I ran to the bathroom clasping my a*s cheeks. After a few minutes of gas chambering the restrooms he came and joined me to ask if I was alright. And as soon as I heard him I burst into song and started singing my “dookie song” that I made up on the spot.. after I came out to wash my hands he smacked me and said “I WILL NOT TOLERATE THE S******G OF ONES PANTS” I like to imagine some stranger from the bathroom still thinks about that
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