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“I Laughed So Hard I Couldn’t Breathe”: The 19 Funniest Things Folks Have Heard In Public
Most of us, for a variety of good reasons, will spend our time in public, eardrums ensconced in earphones or headphones to drown out the noise. But every now and then, it can be worth it to just listen to the conversations flowing around you because sometimes folks end up saying something truly hilarious without knowing it.
Someone asked “What was the funniest thing that you heard someone say in public?” and netizens shared the best, out of context conversations they have overheard. So get comfortable as you scroll through, upvote your favorites and be sure to share your own examples in the comments below.
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#1
A middle aged man in a phone call in a hospital cafeteria. “They did an autopsy on me and we’re waiting for results. I mean a BIOPSY! I’m not dead yet.”
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#2
Someone brought an infant to a formal/dress wear restaurant at 9 at night that was constantly crying, heard someone say "that's a kid I'd leave at the airport".
#3
Boy at preschool was introduced to a new girl named Paige. He pulls one of the teachers aside and says “you know that her name is Paige?? Do you think…her parents like books?”.
#4
I was waiting in line at the convenience store. The guy in Front of me at the register had to cancel his transaction or something. Young woman working the register called out to her manager " I need your approval '. Guy said " it's ok I think you're doing a fine job.".
#5
A very pregnant friend of mine and I were at a pharmacy to get, among other things, a toothbrush. While she was looking, a visibly nervous teen boy slinks past us and stops in front of the condoms etc, about six feet away from us in the same aisle. My friend, tracking the embarrassment that only teens can get, held her belly and shouted to the kid “Hey kid! You want me to tell you which ones DON’T work?”
I’ve never seen anyone turn so red, or run so fast.
#6
When I worked in a library. Overheard two kids in the children's area. Brendan 1: "Your name's Brendan? My name's Brendan too. Are we.......brothers?" Brendan 2: "No. I'm in the first grade."
#7
Was outside doing some yard work when a neighborhood kid was riding his bike past my house. He ends up falling down at the end of my driveway and I go “hey are you alright?”
He gets back up on his bike and yells “no thanks, I already have a family!” Then rides away. I chuckle every time I remember it.
#8
Overheard a conversation about people talking about rich people and weird foods, and eventually they started talking about oysters. One of them remarked, “well if you wanna eat boogers outta rocks, you gotta be rich”.
#9
I lived in Amsterdam at the time, a city widely known for all adults and most children having a fluent command of English Was walking behind a group of American tourists speaking English saying “you know what the coolest thing about being in Europe is? You can speak to each other and no one understands a word we’re saying, we can say anything we want” Was amazingly dense and pretty funny.
#10
An elderly couple in the supermarket. He's walking funny and she turns to him and says “You've still got a hard-on! I told you it wouldn't wear off by now”.
#11
Grocery store:
“I know how to buy eggs Diane, I’ve done it before…”
I could not stop saying this for the rest of the day. I was a real joy to be around.
#12
My sister went to see Titanic. After the credits rolled someone behind her stretched then said:
> I told you it sank .
#13
Wife and I are grocery shopping and in the row next to us we hear a child getting agitated and having words with his brother. Out of the blue we hear him say to his mother “Mom! Jake is breathing my air”. Wife and I look at each other and giggle. We rush to their row and we find Jake is a small 2 month old in a carrier.
#14
A mom and her son were checking out at a Home Depot. The cashier was scanning the ladies purchases then scanned the kids hand, looked at her scanner and said to the boy, you are free! The kid looked at her and said, no I'm not I am 5.
#15
Not really in public because he was a temporary coworker of mine, but in making small talk he mentioned that his son was looking at colleges to go to. So I asked him if his son was a junior or a senior. And he said “No, I named him after my dad”
That was years ago and I still have no idea how to respond to that.
#16
A pregnant woman at Walmart talking to a cashier said “yeah I’m gettin a DUI after this one, no more kids.” Of course she meant IUD but the lady didn’t correct her and I died laughing. Maybe it was pregnancy brain.
#17
An instructor for a school club turned to another instructor:
“Have you signed that thing that says, ‘I don’t diddle kids’ yet?”
I died.
#18
Two of my friends joking around til one of them says "you know, if the Catholic Church knew of your existence they'd immediately endorse abortions" ?.
#19
“Well ever since she got the dog, she only buys organic eggs.” “Oh does she feed the dog eggs?” “No, but you know, being a pet owner is a big responsibility so she’s trying to watch her health.”
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