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30YO Simply Can’t Take Care Of Disabled Foster Brother Of 7 Years, Ready To Send Him Away
We hear many stories where kids have terrible experiences with their foster families. However, that’s not always the case, for there have been instances where people become foster carers out of the purity of their hearts and not just for the money.
Even the original poster (OP) and his mom loved fostering. But, after his mother passed away, the poster couldn’t handle a foster kid with special needs. In fact, he was so frustrated with him that he decided to break the promise he had made to his mother and give up that child.
More info: Reddit
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The poster of this story is a 30YO man whose mom had been a foster carer for the past 11 years and made him promise to take over when she died
Image credits: Ron Lach (not the actual photo)
Although she had heart failure, she lived for 7 years after diagnosis and had adopted 2 foster kids, dubbed in this story as J and P
Image credits: u/mushier-saddle-0a
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster developed a great relationship with J, but no matter how much he tried, he couldn’t do the same with P who was a kid with special needs
Image credits: u/mushier-saddle-0a
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
After his mom passed away, he tried really hard, but couldn’t cope with P, and he slowly started resenting him
Image credits: u/mushier-saddle-0a
He felt that P deserved someone who loved him, so he decided to give him up, stating he would love to foster someone else
In today’s story, Reddit user mushier-saddle-0a explained that his mom was a foster carer for the past 11 years and she made him promise to take over when she died as she had heart failure. After her diagnosis, she lived for 7 years, and she had taken in 2 foster kids, J and P, who stayed with them.
Although it was a life-changing experience for the poster, he quickly bonded with J and grew to love him a lot. In fact, they still lived together and had developed a special relationship. But on the other hand, it wasn’t all smooth sailing when it came to P.
OP mentioned that P was a kid with special needs and try as he might, he just couldn’t form a connection with him. His behavior also frustrated the poster and he had to constantly remind himself that it was unfair on the kid. When his mom was alive, she took care of P and OP helped her.
However, when she passed away a couple of months ago, OP was solely burdened with his complete responsibilities. He tried really hard but he just couldn’t cope with him. He had started to resent P and felt it was not right as P deserved someone who loved him. After a point, OP finally gave up and told his social worker that he couldn’t take care of the kid anymore.
He loved fostering and he was also full of guilt. He had promised his mom that he would look after P till he was 18, but gave up when he was 16. Racked with guilt, he also sounded pretty overwhelmed with the whole situation. Probably, just to get things out of his system, he vented online.
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Research shows that special needs parents experience a higher rate of burnout and a harder time obtaining resources for their children than other caregivers. It was probably this burnout that forced the poster to take this decision and break the promise he made to his dying mother.
It has also been observed, “Raising a child with special needs can be physically, emotionally and financially draining and over time, this can take an emotional toll on caregivers. They often report feelings of stress, anxiety, guilt, or inadequacy.” Now, this bit of information definitely throws light on what OP must be going through, and who wouldn’t crack under that much pressure?
Even the Redditors told him not to beat himself up over it and claimed that sometimes, it’s braver to admit defeat rather than make things worse. People also pointed out that he was not really experienced in taking care of a child with special needs and what he did was actually a good thing.
They hoped that the social worker would find a professional to take care of P. And it seems like that would be the best solution for everyone in this situation. People also said that it was very unfair of his mother to make him promise something that put him in such a difficult position. They also argued that his mom wouldn’t want him to get burnt out while caring for someone.
But what really resonated with them was the fact that he tried and didn’t just decide it out of the blue. OP also mentioned in the comments that P was going to a residential home and he planned to keep visiting him and check up on him now and then. Folks also told him that he was definitely not the bad guy in this story and sometimes, you just can’t win at everything in life.
Well, what do you make of that? Now that you know the whole scenario, we would love to hear your thoughts. Just scroll down and leave them in the comments!
The Redditors told him not to beat himself up over it and it’s fine to feel overwhelmed in such a situation
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What do you think ?
Susie Elle 4 months ago (edited)
It's selfish for mom to make her barely adult son promise her to take care of a special needs foster child that he never signed up for.
Daniela Lavanza 4 months ago
Indeed, all of this started because the mum forced her son to take responsibilities he never chose.
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Lantana Howell 4 months ago
I have 2 special needs adult children and it is ALWAYS a challenge. There is no shame in admitting that you are unable to care for this child. Your mom should not have made you promise to do this by yourself. Please forgive yourself for being unable to keep this promise.
notlikeyou1971 4 months ago
Actually, I don't see you as selfish or scum as all. I see you as doing what is right for both you and that a special needs child that you would not be able to give proper care to. That's really a good thing deciding not to do it out of obligation knowing that. Giving the child the best care possible is more important than keeping a promise to Mom,who will never be around to know the difference. Don't
Susie Elle 4 months ago (edited)
It's selfish for mom to make her barely adult son promise her to take care of a special needs foster child that he never signed up for.
Daniela Lavanza 4 months ago
Indeed, all of this started because the mum forced her son to take responsibilities he never chose.
Load More Replies... Lantana Howell 4 months ago
I have 2 special needs adult children and it is ALWAYS a challenge. There is no shame in admitting that you are unable to care for this child. Your mom should not have made you promise to do this by yourself. Please forgive yourself for being unable to keep this promise.
notlikeyou1971 4 months ago
Actually, I don't see you as selfish or scum as all. I see you as doing what is right for both you and that a special needs child that you would not be able to give proper care to. That's really a good thing deciding not to do it out of obligation knowing that. Giving the child the best care possible is more important than keeping a promise to Mom,who will never be around to know the difference. Don't
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