My father used food against us. No. Do not do it. if you're concerned, ask the pediatrician. Otherwise, parents need to stop working out their own neuroses by using their children. Repeat it with me: Children are not a therapy tool.

Ask a friggin dietician. None of you are experts.

This girl is going through a completely normal growth pattern. She is active and playing sports. That's the most important thing. Limiting her food intake at this point would be harmful to her health. This reminded me of a family I knew really well, where Dad was a tad heavy, Mom and daughter one were slim, and daughter two was more heavy set like dad. I stopped accepting invitations to dinner at their house. Three members of the family (and guests) would get full servings and desserts. Daughter two, at the behest of dad, only got salads and no desserts, and would be criticized if she ate too fast, or if she said she was hungry. Fast forward 20 years, daughter two is now extremely obese and, surprise, surprise, has some real issues with food.

"she's at a perfectly healthy weight for her height and age". If that is true, then I'm completely in the "NTA" category... but I'm curious how the mother defines "perfectly healthy", because some people have a distorted view of what is and isn't healthy.

not the a hole. in fact, it sounds more like dad has serious issues regarding food and is projecting them to his daughter. having battled weight issues most of my life i know that the restrictions put on in childhood can affect how we eat when we are away from that control. took me years to get a healthy attitude towards food and now i'm fine. but, boy...what a ride to get here.

It's only one side of the story... We don't know if the girl is actually healthy weight and eats perfectly normal - that's what OP says. Husband noticed something was wrong with their daughter eating habits and it's rarely only imagination.

That poor child is headed for an eating disorder. The only question is which one

The dads part sounds familiar. My mother also controlled much of what I ate. She had scoliosis and wasnt allowed to gain much weight, so she kept controll about basically all of us (except for my dad). I learned to sneak at night, where and how our house behaved noisewise so nobody would notice me. As soon as I moved out, I gained 60 pounds because 1. I didnt know how many calories were in what because my mother insisted on cooking and 2. I could finally eat whatever I wanted. Bad mixture. But by now, my mom understand what she put me through. She still asks every now and then but keeps her controlling manner for herself.

I think that if anything your daughters weight gain pays a part in her growth spurt. She is curvy and there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong with that. Tell your overbearing in laws the universe loves wonderful variety. The human form is inherently beautiful by design and some artists prefer models with actual realism (Botticelli). She a lovely, but living a life of honor, and integrity is far more important. Don’t give in. If you do all you are teaching her is to bend to the will of others who are unrealistic. Sending this with friendship!

It's so dangerous. I had family and classmates tell me I was fat as early as 5th grade. My parents tried to put me on a diet and my dad would always make nasty little comments whenever I ate with the family It lead to an eating disorder in middle school (MIDDLE school) and while I am better now, I'm still undoing the mental damage several years later. Teach your children to have a healthy relationship with food and don't push them either way, it's torture for both the parent and the child otherwise.

I remember the hunger of those years when I had that "growth spurt". I grew very fast, very tall. We as a family had three strict meals a day, and since we were poor, never had any snacks or extra food laying around. And I remember getting so hungry only an hour or two after the meal and then had to suffer till the next. I would roam the kitchen, desperately looking in the cabinets and the fridge, knowing there will be nothing for me in there, but still hoping. Let your daughter eat when she's hungry, OP, she'll grow out of that hunger very soon. Don't make this period harder for her because of your husband's fear. It may stick with her for the rest of her life.

This makes me so sad. I developed an eating disorder after gaining a little weight at about that age. I suffered for 10+ years with it and I can identify the triggers now, a lot were seemingly innocuous comments from family. Let me tell you, I wish I could have been slightly chubby than waste ten years of my life in ED hell.

Words can be very damaging. I have a sis who used to be tiny at least before turning into an adult and having kids. Even if I have never been fat, I was bigger than her in size, so I was the bigger sis. And people would always point it out (making jokes like I was stealing my sister's food and so on) and this has damaged a lot of the perception I had for my body as a teen/young lady. I was the sporty type with a healthy body but I would always think I am too fat/unhealthy. Even if people would reassure that I am not, this is how I saw myself in the mirror. Though I have gain a lot more confidence about my body since I became a mum, I still tend to think I am fatter than I really am (Sometimes trying clothes way too big and then realising oh no Im not that size). I have a distorted vision of myself. I have a wonderful daughter nearly becoming a teen and all I wish for her is to be happy and healthy and to enjoy her young years to the max.

You need other food not less. More protein and fat, less carbs. You feel more full from less calories.

Well, his weight gain is more complex than just the rules of the household growing up, so admitting that to him will open up the conversation. But what he wants to do doesn't work at all and is a recipe for disaster. Kid needs to eat healthy, and b very active. Dad needs a psychologist and a nutritionist to intervene. And also get cracking on sports and setting a good example in finding healthy solutions in stead of projecting sick fears.

Yeah, please don’t give a perfectly active kid a reason to get weird about food just when puberty is starting. Some people are never gonna be skinny skinny because of many differing factors not the least of genetics. Setting up restrictions makes a weird binge mentality as a form of rebellion and like all bad habits the best solution is to never develop them so you don’t have to waste your 20’s unpacking and undoing that damage. You’re gonna want your kid to be be comfortable with her body so she’s just a more confident person in general and won’t get hosed by so many outside forces that prey on young women in their most vulnerable years.

The internet is not a place to get validation for anything but a vacation place or restaurant etc. These parents need to get and go by doctors / nutritionist advice and get some parenting classes

Mother is in denial. Ask any obese kid or teenager they will say they wished their parents had done things differently when they were children.

I miss the weight + height of the kid 🤷🏻‍♀️ In general sweets and chips are not for every day but instead of forcing a kid to feel hungry it's way better to impove eating habits of WHOLE family and do more sports together. I wonder how strict And strong the father would be in such case 🤷🏻‍♀️

Or, and I know it sounds insane, they could see a doctor or a dietician and ask them their professional opinion about their daughter's weight and ask for advice to keep her from becoming obese. But I guess posting your domestic differences on social media is the more sane step to take in doing the best you can do for your daughter.

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I see both sides. Its easier to not get fat than to lose weight. Once fat, those fat cells don't actually leave, they linger in the hopes to soak up excess fat like a sponge. On the other hand, my parents put me on a diet when I was 10ish and my relationship with food is hella bad. The only real advice I have is to try to foster a healthy relationship with food and get the girl to move more, as in finding an activity that she enjoys that gets her moving.