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Mom ‘Kidnaps’ Her Own Child To Prove To Her Husband How Incompetent And Lazy He Is
Interview With Author
Housework and childcare are among the top things that couples in long-term relationships fight about. In any relationship that’s built upon mutual respect and trust, there’s a need to find a balance that works for both partners, not just one of them. If one side works, does all the chores, and has to take care of the kids on top of everything, it’ll lead to lots of resentment and frustration.
Case in point, redditor u/AdditionFamiliar655 recently made a big splash on the AITA online community after sharing how she taught her stay-at-home husband, who sleeps all day, a lesson he’ll never forget. The working mom fake kidnapped their baby after learning that he doesn’t take care of her. Read on for the full story.
Bored Panda reached out to the author of the post, u/AdditionFamiliar655. The redditor gave us a very important update about what happened next. She shared that she has finally left her husband and that her baby is safe. Scroll down for our full interview with the OP.
RELATED:
Both partners in a relationship should find ways to contribute their fair share of effort when it comes to childcare and housework
Image credits: yuliia_lisiana (not the actual photo)
One woman shared how she resorted to a fake kidnapping of her own infant in order to teach her stay-at-home husband a lesson
Image credits: yavdat (not the actual photo)
Image source: AdditionFamiliar655
“I reported my husband for neglect because I want full custody. I filed for divorce, too”
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)
The author of the post, u/AdditionFamiliar655, shared with Bored Panda that she isn’t a Reddit user and only created an account so that she could vent some of her anger at the entire situation. “I don’t want to give too much personal information, but I have officially left my husband,” she revealed to us.
“I would’ve left him years ago but I was scared to live independently,” she said.
“He lost his job years ago because he was injured at work, it wasn’t serious but he claimed mental distress and he gets $1,700 a month in disability, which he uses to buy things for himself,” the woman told us.
“When I asked him to clean he always messes up. Breaks things, stains things, burns things… it was easier to do it myself. His mom did come over a few times to clean after I gave birth.”
The OP shared some more information on what happened after she posted on Reddit. “I reported my husband for neglect because I want full custody. I filed for divorce, too,” she opened up to Bored Panda.
“And a person from Reddit who owns a daycare and lives nearby agreed to take my daughter. She worked out a great deal with me,” u/AdditionFamiliar655 said. “I never want to see my ex again, I also suspect that he was cheating on me, but I don’t care.”
Ideally, couples should feel like they’re a team looking for a compromise
Redditor u/AdditionFamiliar655 felt guilty about what she did, especially after her husband and other family members called her out for the fake kidnapping. That’s why she turned to the AITA community to get their verdict.
Most of the community stood in support of the working mom, telling her that she did nothing wrong. In their opinion, the dad should step up his game and do more to take care of the baby. They were also worried that something bad might actually happen to the infant while he was sleeping and ignoring her.
Ideally, nobody should resort to fake kidnapping kids in order to solve their marital problems. There’s no real alternative to open and honest communication—sitting down and talking about a specific issue in the relationship that’s making you lose sleep. However, how you broach the subject—whether it’s about how you raise your kids or sharing the burden of chores at home—will determine whether the discussion ends in a compromise or a huge argument.
During your talk with your loved one, your primary goal should be to solve the issue, not complain about your partner’s behavior or show just how wrong they are. Attacking your partner is only going to make them defensive and less willing to look for solutions.
“Once you’re in the problem-solving phase, take a collaborative approach. Spend some time brainstorming ways to solve the problem and don’t judge each other’s ideas. Then, mutually pick one that sounds like a good compromise to both of you and commit to trying it out,” neuropsychologist Judy Ho, Ph.D., told NBCNews.
The psychologist also advises avoiding hyperbolic terms. Telling someone that they ‘always’ do something and ‘never’ do something else doesn’t leave much room for discussion. And having your character attacked isn’t an enjoyable experience. Instead, it helps if you focus on sharing how their actions made you feel. This adds a bit of subtlety and nuance to the argument and your partner should be more willing to hear you out.
And speaking of hearing others out, it’s imperative that both sides do their very best to actively listen to each other’s perspectives (even if they think they’re blameless and the other party is entirely in the wrong). At the end of the day, you’re supposed to be a team. You’re on the same side and this is just one in a series of arguments that you’ll have to navigate throughout your lives. It really helps if you’re able to put yourself in your partner’s shoes.
Dividing up the childcare and the chores in a way that makes sense to both partners is a practical necessity
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
“What often happens is that we are so heated in an argument, we latch on to one word or a phrase and begin to develop our defense without hearing the entirety of what the other person is saying. We then respond to a portion of what was said and miss the majority of the content. This just perpetuates and escalates the argument,” professional counselor Mark Mayfield, Ph.D. explains.
Meanwhile, try to end the argument on a more positive note that shows you’ve made progress. “Wrap up the argument with something encouraging that acknowledges something good the person did in the process. For example, ‘I appreciate you listening to my concerns today,’ or ‘I’m grateful we have an open communication line so I can honestly express my feelings,’” neuropsychologist Ho advises.
Psychology Today notes that the top six things that couples disagree over include chores and responsibilities, inadequate attention or affection, jealousy and infidelity, sex, control and dominance, as well as future plans and money.
As we’ve touched upon earlier on Bored Panda, dividing up the chores in a fair way is a practical necessity in any relationship. One partner is going to feel like they’re working a second job as a nanny if they’re left to do the lion’s share of housework and childcare, even if they’re working full time.
One thing that really helps here is for both partners to write down all of the chores that they absolutely hate and the ones that they don’t really mind doing all that much. That way, they can both find what they can do without grumbling too much. It really helps to be realistic here because someone who comes back home after a 12-hour shift in the coal mines might not have the energy to do anything more than wash the dishes and take out the trash. Each couple has to find what genuinely works for them.
Meanwhile, if housework and childcare are a constant thorn in the side, it might be worth investing in a proper daycare, a nanny, or hiring someone to clean the house from time to time. It might cost a bit more money than doing everything yourself, however, it may give you some peace of mind if you’re not constantly arguing over everything.
The author of the post responded to a few internet users’ comments
Here’s what some other readers had to say about the family drama
What do you think ?
OhnoI’vebeencensored 1 year ago
Wow. It sounds like she'd known he was a lazy useless excuse for a human for a while. Since before they got married? Probably before they had a kid. Why would you willingly have a child with someone like that? They won't change, especially if they've reached their mid-30s and gained so little maturity. At least she has decided to leave...
Jessica Bertram 1 year ago (edited)
i mean, asking why she'd have the baby with a man like that is moot and comes close to victim-blaming. my mother stayed bc in her day, you couldn't easily leave (bank accounts were run by husbands, etc). some women stay because many ppl are programmed by SOCIETY to think of a single parent household as a failure. some women won't or cannot have abortions. and finally, she is probably young, and how great were YOUR life choices before 30? because most of mine were a pile of steaming garbage. point is, this is a tiny list of reasons why she stayed and had the kid. it isn't exhaustive. and simplfying it by putting the onus on her is...not a good look.
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The Doom Song 1 year ago
I looked after my niece overnight for the first time when she was about 10 months old. I barely got a wink of sleep coz I was so paranoid she'd need me overnight. OP gotta ditch the husband.
Monday 1 year ago
Hell yes. When I was babysitting my youngest brother alone for the first time when he was a couple of months old I'd check on him every 30 minutes just to make sure he was okay and still sleeping. I didn't even like the kid back then (Moody teenager upset that her parents had another kid), but when you're responsible for them you suck it up and do it properly.
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Panda Kicki 1 year ago
The neighbour was kind to not call CPS or right away. I cant see how anyone can take the bastards side, family or not. The kids has a trauma of being abandoned now and he is lucky she isnt hurt or dead. Had it been me I might have been in jail myself for manslaughter or assault. Bloody bastard!
Agnes Jekyll 1 year ago
She should also get a notarized statement from the neighbour about the baby's crying. That will come in useful in the divorce proceedings, if not court.
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cerinamroth 1 year ago
Don't just leave him - he should be reported to the police and social services for child endangerment. He should never be able to look after a child again.
RP 1 year ago
Had the same thought. It would be hard to see your daughter go through this and not do anything, so little way of getting proof, but this is criminal and he needs it to be on his record to protect other kids
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Deborah B 1 year ago
It's not the noise cancelling headphones, it's that he wore them while the only adult in the house. I fully endorse wearing noise-cancelling headphones or earplugs while caring for a baby that's screaming, but FFS, you wear them while rocking them and comforting them. My nephew could scream like an air-raid siren, and had colic. Both parents were wearing earplugs, while one slept, and the other walked the baby half the night. You use them so the constant noise doesn't drive you crazy, not so you can ignore the baby. Definately leave this prick, and make sure he gets supervised visitation only. He should also get his physical and mental health checked, because unemployment and sleeping round the clock sounds like depression. It wouldn't be a justification or an excuse for his behaviour, but with treatment, he might improve enough to be employed and pay child support, and possibly even build a relationship with his kid sometime in the future.
Doodles1983 1 year ago
Personally, one parent should have ears open at all times. If with baby, and if at all physically possible (I.e., deaf parents is less possible.) Babies cry for a reason and those cries are information. You learn distinction and variations and that helps adapt to their needs. Blocking it out is irresponsible. Swap the comforting. Swap the headphones. For some sanity, sure. But alternate it.
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Ryan-James O'Driscoll 1 year ago
I don't even like babies and I would do more than this guy. It's neglect. Plain and simple.
Valaun 1 year ago
Normally I think the calls to leave the spouse are bit over the top. Not so in this case. This is 100% neglect. And is criminal. She needs to involve the authorities and lawyers.
Yvonne Dauwalder Balsiger 1 year ago
And she should also update and thank the kind neighbor and ask them if they would help her once more and give a written statement.
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WonderWoman 1 year ago
Any family member who is calling OP an AH is out of their minds and are abetting a child abuser. Make no mistake, the "father" is abusing this child. The only thing OP is an AH about is getting pregnant by a man-child. That was a HUGE mistake.
Azure Adams 1 year ago
He only had a panic attack because he knew the jig was up, not becaase he was concerned for his kid. His mother just lost her grandkid.
Jennifer Clark 1 year ago (edited)
How are they calling her TA, when it took him 6 hours and a wakeup call to realize his baby was missing
Isa's left eye 1 year ago
That guy is no husband and no father, just a steaming pile of rubbish wasting space.
JK 1 year ago
I think the fact that after 2 HOURS of her leaving the house, it wasn't until he got a message saying she was coming home that he even noticed - AND if he was wearing noise cancelling headphones when she picked her baby up, HOW did he know he had a message?? If a screaming infant won't wake him, neither would a phone notification. That means he WAS AWAKE for at least SOME of the that 2 hours and DIDNT NOTICE she wasn't there until he went to get her up. WHAT THE ACTUAL F??????
Rocky 11 months ago
"Oh, the baby is quiet.. phew." Like holy s**t, she could have already been passed away from the neglect. It's so horrible.
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The Thing 1 year ago
So child neglect, child endangerment, doesn't have a job, and refuses to clean. He's a real keeper ladies.
Dre Mosley 1 year ago
Hasn't worked in two years and fails at being a stay-at-home dad. Yeah, you and the kids can do without him.
CaptainFluffy 1 year ago
If you have ever had a baby you know that going for two whole hours without even checking on them is outrageous. This guy needs to be locked up.
pug nose curly tail 1 year ago
Of course, get rid of him. Good riddance to the enabling MIL too. That's why he is the way he is.
Jared Robinson 1 year ago
Ma'am you are doing the right thing getting that child out of there.
CatWoman1014 1 year ago
I think it’s time for a new husband. Apparently you’re raising 2 babies and only signed up for one.
Wysteria_Rose 1 year ago
I remember an associate who said their baby could NOT sleep at night no matter how hard they tried. It was so frequent and him and his wife were exhausted. Finally, he decided to install a camera in their house. Turns out, the babysitter they were paying to watch their baby every day was putting her back in her crib every chance she could, letting her sleep all day. After they fired her, the baby immediately took to a more normal sleep schedule. People who are not going to care for the child should not be left with the child.
Nikki Sevven 1 year ago
Absolutely NTA. Had there been an actual emergency, your husband wouldn't have known. You can NOT neglect a 4mo baby for hours and hours. Jesus. File for divorce and demand supervised visitation only, citing this incident as your reason. Your neighbor can testify, and you likely have voice mails or texts as evidence. Do this before something serious and irreversible happens to your child.
morticia_b85 1 year ago
I feel sorry for OP. I mean the very LEAST you expect from your partner is to be a good parent to your child. To put on noise cancelling headphones and then neglect his own 4 month old baby really says it all. But to then pretend to give a s**t before the mother gets home shows he KNOWS he's a lazy disgusting POS and called his toxic Mammy for back up when he got caught out. I love how people keep saying she shouldn't have gotten pregnant by someone who was so lazy. How is it 100% being put back on to her? It took 2 people to create this little baby and should take 2 people to look after her and raise her. OP is out working, cooking, cleaning and providing before coming home to jump into parenthood and yet she's being called the as$hole and should've known better. Hope he doesn't even get access to the poor child. He cant be trusted. Lazy pr!ck
Rahul Pawa 1 year ago
Ok, so I got confused right at the beginning. OP said husband is unemployed and *reluctantly* agreed to stay home. Where was he planning on going?
Sonia Bailey 1 year ago
Neglect is absolutely a form of child abuse. She needs to divorce and get full custody. And only allow him supervised visits with his daughter. But you know what? I bet he won't even bother, the lazy douchebag.
DrBronxx 1 year ago
This guy is so incredibly despicable. Just horrible. I can't believe he would do something like that. My daughter is coming up on 4 months herself, and it hurts me to see her crying. I can't imagine just......ignoring here. What he's doing sounds similar to just going out for a walk or for lunch and something and leaving the baby at home. It's reprehensible.
Mad McQueen 1 year ago
Not the ah. If that house burnt down or someone broke in an hes out to the world w noise cancelling headphones on I'd say get a divorce. Not worth the emotional damage to your child and neglect or stress. Move on an dump that big baby man child.
Zedrapazia 1 year ago
What she did sure was a bit a*****e-ish, but you can't tell me he wasn't the bigger a*****e all along. He deserved to learn a lesson that his behavior is unbelievable.
Jill Pulcifer 1 year ago
NTA! My Ex did the same to my first child (never asked him to watch the other two). He was always unemployed so I went back to work when my daughter was 2 mo's old. I worked shoveling horse stalls in the AM and waitressed in the PM, first day back to work, got off of first job at noon and he wasn't awake yet and she was half starved screaming in her crib, he diaper had soaked thru and I was livid. I never trusted him alone for more than a few mins with my (our) kids again. Long story short, dont be like me and waste your youth. You know what he is, just like I knew what my Ex was. I promise you will be so much happier without him.
rob 1 year ago
A bit of an a*****e by scaring the s**t out of the guy but he is way more of an a*****e. Didn't work for two years, doesn't contribute to the household, make a baby and still have the audacity to not care for your own kid. F**k people like that.
Ms.GB 1 year ago
I'm surprised he even cared. How are you going to let a baby cry for hours, possibly soiled, possibly hungry, possibly both and just leave them like that but care about them at the same time. He probably just didn't want to look like the bad guy for losing her.
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Tereza Cervenakova 6 months ago
I would let the baby girl checked for shaken baby syndrom, malnurishment and dehydration (even though this gets sorted out before they get the chance visit a doctor), take the reports and call the cps and cops. Divorce, no contact, no visits (not even supervised) anything... And i would trash the headphones just to blow off some steam.
Raven Hayden Rudnik 6 months ago
Sounds like he has Depression or some issues. I am constantly tired as well but I dont have a child. Dunno why the woman decided that having a kid with someone who is asleep and tired all the time is a good idea. If he cant work since 2 years, how is he a good person to take care of a child
Amy Heller 7 months ago
Reddit Update: Update——-sorry I created this account just to post my story I’m not a big Reddit user. I missed so many wonderful messages from people. The last few days have been crazy. Once I finally told everyone what happened many took my side. My ex-husband and mother in law still think I’m a jerk. My friend allowed my daughter and I to move in with her. Which is nice, we were living in a bad area before so this can be a fresh start. My ex-husband has not asked to see my daughter for the past week. Online he’s saying how I ruined his youth by trapping him with a baby. Idc anymore I’m in a nice routine with my daughter. I took her to the hospital and they found signs of neglect. I explained the situation. The doctor advised me to press charges against my ex husband. I think I will. But I’m safe My daughter is safe
Livingwithcfs 1 year ago
I'm glad she appears to be leaving him but she needs to document what happened and talk to a lawyer as soon as possible to get a court order to keep him away from the baby. That's blatant neglected and therefore a danger to the child
May Day 1 year ago
The grandmother's reaction is telling. The man has been brought up spoiled and not learned to take responsibility. A pity. I hope the child can meet him once in a while and get to know him, because it will be good for her psycological development to know who her father is, since she will not grow up with him.
Julia French 1 year ago
this is neglect & endangerment! I would get CPS involved so he can't get any kind of unsupervised custody in the divorce!
Elizabeth Deighton 1 year ago
Let's be honest. Birth control can fail, accidents happen and a child is on the way. Mum did totally the right thing. The sperm doner (he is not a dad) is a complete waste of space. She will be far better off without either him or his mother. Let her put up with his behaviour
Ladee Warrick 1 year ago
I would have waited to see how long he ignored her...not call him. That is more revealing.
Doodles1983 1 year ago
“Husband” or Man-child? This was child neglect, and endangerment. OP is sort of an AH in pro-creating with this guy and risking subjecting her child to a useless waster! No work in 2 years, tight income, choosing to have a child was stupid. He knew what side his bread was buttered on, and he knew what he would do when he “agreed” to child care responsibilities. Personally, I would boot him out, and file restraining orders against him AND his mother (who will be outraged that her baby is losing his baby! I bet she’d even threaten to go for custody in revenge so, strike first!!!) on your baby’s behalf. Make sure the event is documented with witnesses.
Scott Rackley 1 year ago
Could have been done better. By better I mean divorcing this bum a year ago.
tabithapaquette98 1 year ago
Anyone hear any updates on this? I'm dieing to know what happens.
jip 231 1 year ago
This sounds more like her husband has some mental health issues, like depression. It's not normal for a healthy person to sleep that much. I'm probably the only person that thinks that the OP is the a**hole for choosing to prank and scare her husband instead of trying to really solve the problem like an adult.
Michelle 1 year ago
Yeah. You are the ONLY one. A 4 month old can't care for themselves. Whatever you are going through, you take care of your own. This is beyond what you're saying and I hope to god if you do have kids or planning on, that this doesn't happen to you. Open your eyes to the real issue here.
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Mysteria 1 year ago
I know I’m gonna get downvoted for this, but imo BP is sending out wayyyy too many “Useless husband neglects my child AITA for calling him out for it?” lately… like it’s basically the same story just a different event. Like it goes How Hubby Neglects Family - The Specific Incident - Everyone Thinks I’m Bad - AITA? Just very repetitive. Alright I’m ready, bring on the downvotes.
Khall Khall 1 year ago
Eh I disagree. I think what she did was crazy. Even if he's neglecting the kid that doesn't excuse staging a kidnapping? That's crazy. She should leave him definitely and never trust him or let him be alone with the kid ever again. But...imagine waking up and thinking you have to call the police because someone kidnapped your kid and it was just this? Again not saying he isn't a AH. But...that doesn't mean we make someone think a felony crime has happened.
Securitas Epay 1 year ago
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Ash 1 year ago
Very small ESH. I agree that she should DEFINITELY have done something about the situation, but staging a fake kidnapping is extreme and could be illegal, even if that wasn't her intention. It would have been better for her to leave a note for him in the crib saying where she and the child were, and then tearing him a new one when he found it. I'm glad to hear she's divorcing him and has a plan in place. Allowing a baby to cry for hours is hideous physical and emotional neglect, and could cause emotional trauma, not to mention putting the baby in severe physical danger. OP could genuinely take him to court for child abuse for neglect like that.
kath morgan 1 year ago (edited)
It’s your baby, you had a responsibility to remove her from a bad situation. Leaving her there after you found out would have been bad. Relatedly, what are you doing with this sucker?
Disgruntled Pelican 1 year ago
Ah yes, he neglects the child but naturally you call the woman crazy. Wtf is wrong with you?
Load More Replies... OhnoI’vebeencensored 1 year ago
Wow. It sounds like she'd known he was a lazy useless excuse for a human for a while. Since before they got married? Probably before they had a kid. Why would you willingly have a child with someone like that? They won't change, especially if they've reached their mid-30s and gained so little maturity. At least she has decided to leave...
Jessica Bertram 1 year ago (edited)
i mean, asking why she'd have the baby with a man like that is moot and comes close to victim-blaming. my mother stayed bc in her day, you couldn't easily leave (bank accounts were run by husbands, etc). some women stay because many ppl are programmed by SOCIETY to think of a single parent household as a failure. some women won't or cannot have abortions. and finally, she is probably young, and how great were YOUR life choices before 30? because most of mine were a pile of steaming garbage. point is, this is a tiny list of reasons why she stayed and had the kid. it isn't exhaustive. and simplfying it by putting the onus on her is...not a good look.
Load More Replies... The Doom Song 1 year ago
I looked after my niece overnight for the first time when she was about 10 months old. I barely got a wink of sleep coz I was so paranoid she'd need me overnight. OP gotta ditch the husband.
Monday 1 year ago
Hell yes. When I was babysitting my youngest brother alone for the first time when he was a couple of months old I'd check on him every 30 minutes just to make sure he was okay and still sleeping. I didn't even like the kid back then (Moody teenager upset that her parents had another kid), but when you're responsible for them you suck it up and do it properly.
Load More Replies... Panda Kicki 1 year ago
The neighbour was kind to not call CPS or right away. I cant see how anyone can take the bastards side, family or not. The kids has a trauma of being abandoned now and he is lucky she isnt hurt or dead. Had it been me I might have been in jail myself for manslaughter or assault. Bloody bastard!
Agnes Jekyll 1 year ago
She should also get a notarized statement from the neighbour about the baby's crying. That will come in useful in the divorce proceedings, if not court.
Load More Replies... cerinamroth 1 year ago
Don't just leave him - he should be reported to the police and social services for child endangerment. He should never be able to look after a child again.
RP 1 year ago
Had the same thought. It would be hard to see your daughter go through this and not do anything, so little way of getting proof, but this is criminal and he needs it to be on his record to protect other kids
Load More Replies... Deborah B 1 year ago
It's not the noise cancelling headphones, it's that he wore them while the only adult in the house. I fully endorse wearing noise-cancelling headphones or earplugs while caring for a baby that's screaming, but FFS, you wear them while rocking them and comforting them. My nephew could scream like an air-raid siren, and had colic. Both parents were wearing earplugs, while one slept, and the other walked the baby half the night. You use them so the constant noise doesn't drive you crazy, not so you can ignore the baby. Definately leave this prick, and make sure he gets supervised visitation only. He should also get his physical and mental health checked, because unemployment and sleeping round the clock sounds like depression. It wouldn't be a justification or an excuse for his behaviour, but with treatment, he might improve enough to be employed and pay child support, and possibly even build a relationship with his kid sometime in the future.
Doodles1983 1 year ago
Personally, one parent should have ears open at all times. If with baby, and if at all physically possible (I.e., deaf parents is less possible.) Babies cry for a reason and those cries are information. You learn distinction and variations and that helps adapt to their needs. Blocking it out is irresponsible. Swap the comforting. Swap the headphones. For some sanity, sure. But alternate it.
Load More Replies... Ryan-James O'Driscoll 1 year ago
I don't even like babies and I would do more than this guy. It's neglect. Plain and simple.
Valaun 1 year ago
Normally I think the calls to leave the spouse are bit over the top. Not so in this case. This is 100% neglect. And is criminal. She needs to involve the authorities and lawyers.
Yvonne Dauwalder Balsiger 1 year ago
And she should also update and thank the kind neighbor and ask them if they would help her once more and give a written statement.
Load More Replies... WonderWoman 1 year ago
Any family member who is calling OP an AH is out of their minds and are abetting a child abuser. Make no mistake, the "father" is abusing this child. The only thing OP is an AH about is getting pregnant by a man-child. That was a HUGE mistake.
Azure Adams 1 year ago
He only had a panic attack because he knew the jig was up, not becaase he was concerned for his kid. His mother just lost her grandkid.
Jennifer Clark 1 year ago (edited)
How are they calling her TA, when it took him 6 hours and a wakeup call to realize his baby was missing
Isa's left eye 1 year ago
That guy is no husband and no father, just a steaming pile of rubbish wasting space.
JK 1 year ago
I think the fact that after 2 HOURS of her leaving the house, it wasn't until he got a message saying she was coming home that he even noticed - AND if he was wearing noise cancelling headphones when she picked her baby up, HOW did he know he had a message?? If a screaming infant won't wake him, neither would a phone notification. That means he WAS AWAKE for at least SOME of the that 2 hours and DIDNT NOTICE she wasn't there until he went to get her up. WHAT THE ACTUAL F??????
Rocky 11 months ago
"Oh, the baby is quiet.. phew." Like holy s**t, she could have already been passed away from the neglect. It's so horrible.
Load More Replies... The Thing 1 year ago
So child neglect, child endangerment, doesn't have a job, and refuses to clean. He's a real keeper ladies.
Dre Mosley 1 year ago
Hasn't worked in two years and fails at being a stay-at-home dad. Yeah, you and the kids can do without him.
CaptainFluffy 1 year ago
If you have ever had a baby you know that going for two whole hours without even checking on them is outrageous. This guy needs to be locked up.
pug nose curly tail 1 year ago
Of course, get rid of him. Good riddance to the enabling MIL too. That's why he is the way he is.
Jared Robinson 1 year ago
Ma'am you are doing the right thing getting that child out of there.
CatWoman1014 1 year ago
I think it’s time for a new husband. Apparently you’re raising 2 babies and only signed up for one.
Wysteria_Rose 1 year ago
I remember an associate who said their baby could NOT sleep at night no matter how hard they tried. It was so frequent and him and his wife were exhausted. Finally, he decided to install a camera in their house. Turns out, the babysitter they were paying to watch their baby every day was putting her back in her crib every chance she could, letting her sleep all day. After they fired her, the baby immediately took to a more normal sleep schedule. People who are not going to care for the child should not be left with the child.
Nikki Sevven 1 year ago
Absolutely NTA. Had there been an actual emergency, your husband wouldn't have known. You can NOT neglect a 4mo baby for hours and hours. Jesus. File for divorce and demand supervised visitation only, citing this incident as your reason. Your neighbor can testify, and you likely have voice mails or texts as evidence. Do this before something serious and irreversible happens to your child.
morticia_b85 1 year ago
I feel sorry for OP. I mean the very LEAST you expect from your partner is to be a good parent to your child. To put on noise cancelling headphones and then neglect his own 4 month old baby really says it all. But to then pretend to give a s**t before the mother gets home shows he KNOWS he's a lazy disgusting POS and called his toxic Mammy for back up when he got caught out. I love how people keep saying she shouldn't have gotten pregnant by someone who was so lazy. How is it 100% being put back on to her? It took 2 people to create this little baby and should take 2 people to look after her and raise her. OP is out working, cooking, cleaning and providing before coming home to jump into parenthood and yet she's being called the as$hole and should've known better. Hope he doesn't even get access to the poor child. He cant be trusted. Lazy pr!ck
Rahul Pawa 1 year ago
Ok, so I got confused right at the beginning. OP said husband is unemployed and *reluctantly* agreed to stay home. Where was he planning on going?
Sonia Bailey 1 year ago
Neglect is absolutely a form of child abuse. She needs to divorce and get full custody. And only allow him supervised visits with his daughter. But you know what? I bet he won't even bother, the lazy douchebag.
DrBronxx 1 year ago
This guy is so incredibly despicable. Just horrible. I can't believe he would do something like that. My daughter is coming up on 4 months herself, and it hurts me to see her crying. I can't imagine just......ignoring here. What he's doing sounds similar to just going out for a walk or for lunch and something and leaving the baby at home. It's reprehensible.
Mad McQueen 1 year ago
Not the ah. If that house burnt down or someone broke in an hes out to the world w noise cancelling headphones on I'd say get a divorce. Not worth the emotional damage to your child and neglect or stress. Move on an dump that big baby man child.
Zedrapazia 1 year ago
What she did sure was a bit a*****e-ish, but you can't tell me he wasn't the bigger a*****e all along. He deserved to learn a lesson that his behavior is unbelievable.
Jill Pulcifer 1 year ago
NTA! My Ex did the same to my first child (never asked him to watch the other two). He was always unemployed so I went back to work when my daughter was 2 mo's old. I worked shoveling horse stalls in the AM and waitressed in the PM, first day back to work, got off of first job at noon and he wasn't awake yet and she was half starved screaming in her crib, he diaper had soaked thru and I was livid. I never trusted him alone for more than a few mins with my (our) kids again. Long story short, dont be like me and waste your youth. You know what he is, just like I knew what my Ex was. I promise you will be so much happier without him.
rob 1 year ago
A bit of an a*****e by scaring the s**t out of the guy but he is way more of an a*****e. Didn't work for two years, doesn't contribute to the household, make a baby and still have the audacity to not care for your own kid. F**k people like that.
Ms.GB 1 year ago
I'm surprised he even cared. How are you going to let a baby cry for hours, possibly soiled, possibly hungry, possibly both and just leave them like that but care about them at the same time. He probably just didn't want to look like the bad guy for losing her.
Load More Replies... Tereza Cervenakova 6 months ago
I would let the baby girl checked for shaken baby syndrom, malnurishment and dehydration (even though this gets sorted out before they get the chance visit a doctor), take the reports and call the cps and cops. Divorce, no contact, no visits (not even supervised) anything... And i would trash the headphones just to blow off some steam.
Raven Hayden Rudnik 6 months ago
Sounds like he has Depression or some issues. I am constantly tired as well but I dont have a child. Dunno why the woman decided that having a kid with someone who is asleep and tired all the time is a good idea. If he cant work since 2 years, how is he a good person to take care of a child
Amy Heller 7 months ago
Reddit Update: Update——-sorry I created this account just to post my story I’m not a big Reddit user. I missed so many wonderful messages from people. The last few days have been crazy. Once I finally told everyone what happened many took my side. My ex-husband and mother in law still think I’m a jerk. My friend allowed my daughter and I to move in with her. Which is nice, we were living in a bad area before so this can be a fresh start. My ex-husband has not asked to see my daughter for the past week. Online he’s saying how I ruined his youth by trapping him with a baby. Idc anymore I’m in a nice routine with my daughter. I took her to the hospital and they found signs of neglect. I explained the situation. The doctor advised me to press charges against my ex husband. I think I will. But I’m safe My daughter is safe
Livingwithcfs 1 year ago
I'm glad she appears to be leaving him but she needs to document what happened and talk to a lawyer as soon as possible to get a court order to keep him away from the baby. That's blatant neglected and therefore a danger to the child
May Day 1 year ago
The grandmother's reaction is telling. The man has been brought up spoiled and not learned to take responsibility. A pity. I hope the child can meet him once in a while and get to know him, because it will be good for her psycological development to know who her father is, since she will not grow up with him.
Julia French 1 year ago
this is neglect & endangerment! I would get CPS involved so he can't get any kind of unsupervised custody in the divorce!
Elizabeth Deighton 1 year ago
Let's be honest. Birth control can fail, accidents happen and a child is on the way. Mum did totally the right thing. The sperm doner (he is not a dad) is a complete waste of space. She will be far better off without either him or his mother. Let her put up with his behaviour
Ladee Warrick 1 year ago
I would have waited to see how long he ignored her...not call him. That is more revealing.
Doodles1983 1 year ago
“Husband” or Man-child? This was child neglect, and endangerment. OP is sort of an AH in pro-creating with this guy and risking subjecting her child to a useless waster! No work in 2 years, tight income, choosing to have a child was stupid. He knew what side his bread was buttered on, and he knew what he would do when he “agreed” to child care responsibilities. Personally, I would boot him out, and file restraining orders against him AND his mother (who will be outraged that her baby is losing his baby! I bet she’d even threaten to go for custody in revenge so, strike first!!!) on your baby’s behalf. Make sure the event is documented with witnesses.
Scott Rackley 1 year ago
Could have been done better. By better I mean divorcing this bum a year ago.
tabithapaquette98 1 year ago
Anyone hear any updates on this? I'm dieing to know what happens.
jip 231 1 year ago
This sounds more like her husband has some mental health issues, like depression. It's not normal for a healthy person to sleep that much. I'm probably the only person that thinks that the OP is the a**hole for choosing to prank and scare her husband instead of trying to really solve the problem like an adult.
Michelle 1 year ago
Yeah. You are the ONLY one. A 4 month old can't care for themselves. Whatever you are going through, you take care of your own. This is beyond what you're saying and I hope to god if you do have kids or planning on, that this doesn't happen to you. Open your eyes to the real issue here.
Load More Replies... Mysteria 1 year ago
I know I’m gonna get downvoted for this, but imo BP is sending out wayyyy too many “Useless husband neglects my child AITA for calling him out for it?” lately… like it’s basically the same story just a different event. Like it goes How Hubby Neglects Family - The Specific Incident - Everyone Thinks I’m Bad - AITA? Just very repetitive. Alright I’m ready, bring on the downvotes.
Khall Khall 1 year ago
Eh I disagree. I think what she did was crazy. Even if he's neglecting the kid that doesn't excuse staging a kidnapping? That's crazy. She should leave him definitely and never trust him or let him be alone with the kid ever again. But...imagine waking up and thinking you have to call the police because someone kidnapped your kid and it was just this? Again not saying he isn't a AH. But...that doesn't mean we make someone think a felony crime has happened.
Securitas Epay 1 year ago
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Ash 1 year ago
Very small ESH. I agree that she should DEFINITELY have done something about the situation, but staging a fake kidnapping is extreme and could be illegal, even if that wasn't her intention. It would have been better for her to leave a note for him in the crib saying where she and the child were, and then tearing him a new one when he found it. I'm glad to hear she's divorcing him and has a plan in place. Allowing a baby to cry for hours is hideous physical and emotional neglect, and could cause emotional trauma, not to mention putting the baby in severe physical danger. OP could genuinely take him to court for child abuse for neglect like that.
kath morgan 1 year ago (edited)
It’s your baby, you had a responsibility to remove her from a bad situation. Leaving her there after you found out would have been bad. Relatedly, what are you doing with this sucker?
Disgruntled Pelican 1 year ago
Ah yes, he neglects the child but naturally you call the woman crazy. Wtf is wrong with you?
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