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Daycare Keeps Calling The Mom Instead Of The Dad When They Need Something, So She Calls Them Out
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Daycare Keeps Calling The Mom Instead Of The Dad When They Need Something, So She Calls Them Out

Interview With Author Daycare Keeps Calling The Mom Instead Of The Dad When They Need Something, So She Calls Them OutMom Has Had Enough Of Daycare Failing To Recognize The Dad As Primary Caregiver For Their Son'I Have Repeatedly Asked Them To Call My Partner First': Mom Calls Out Son's Daycare For Reinforcing Gender InequalityMom Rants About Daycare For Always Calling Her First Instead Of Her Male Partner Who Is Listed As The Primary Caregiver For Their SonMom Shares How Daycare Ignores The Father As A Primary Caregiver And Keeps Calling Her, Starts An Important DiscussionMom Calls Out Daycare That Won't Recognize Her Partner As Their Son’s Primary Caregiver In A Viral TweetMoms Calls Out Daycare Because They Refuse To See Her Male Partner As The Primary Caregiver For Their KidMom Rants About Daycare For Failing To Recognize The Dad As Primary Caregiver For Their SonDaycare Refuses To See Male Partner As The Primary Caregiver, Mother Calls Them Out, Others Chime In With Similar StoriesPeople Share Their Experiences With Gender Inequality After This Mom Calls Out Her Son’s Daycare For Refusing To Recognize Her Male Partner As The Primary Caregiver
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Gender inequality is still firmly rooted in areas you wouldn’t expect. It’s shocking that you’d find it in a place like a daycare. However, that’s exactly what happened to Dr. Raina Brands’ partner.

Dr. Brands explained how the daycare always calls her when their child is sick, despite her repeatedly having told them to call her partner. According to her, the staff working at the daycare “are incapable of viewing him as a primary caregiver” despite all the effort he puts in.

The tweets went viral and prompted other Twitter users to share their own experiences with gender inequality in a variety of areas. Scroll down to read them, dear Pandas. And when you’re done, let us know in the comments what cases of inequality you’ve recently seen.

Bored Panda reached out to Dr. Brands, who is a Professor at the UCL School of Management, to have a chat about her viral tweets. She was kind enough to answer our questions about gender inequality which she sees as a self-reinforcing system. “I am happy to have started a conversation on an important topic. I was appalled by some of the stories that women shared in their replies, which recounted seriously egregious examples of sexism,” she shared her thoughts with us.

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“I was also quietly amused at the small number of people who took offense to me referring to my partner as my partner instead of my husband (even though we are not, in fact, married),” she said. Scroll down to read our full interview with Dr. Brands, dear Pandas.

More info: Twitter | CareerEqually.com

Dr. Brands tackled the issues of gender inequality in daycare

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Image credits: RainaBrands

Dr. Brands reiterated that gender inequality is a self-reinforcing system. “Just take my experience as an example. If nursery workers, doctors, etc., assume I am the primary caregiver and call me and not my partner, I will end up doing more childcare than him. An hour here, a day off there—any single instance doesn’t matter. But the cumulative effect is significant,” she explained to Bored Panda that this has a knock-on effect on every aspect of a woman’s life, including professionally and at home.

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“Perhaps my employer notices I am more distracted at work, or that I am more unreliable than before I had a child, and I don’t get that promotion I wanted. At home, I will likely find it more difficult to balance work and home commitments than my partner because I’m doing more childcare, so I might start to think about a job or career change that will give me more flexibility,” she continued.

“But flexible jobs tend to be paid less than demanding ones, so if I take one, suddenly the earnings gap between me and my partner is a lot bigger. And then we are in a situation a lot of couples find themselves in, where it doesn’t ‘make sense’ for my partner to contribute an equal share to the childcare because his career is so much more important to the household,” Dr. Brands went into detail about how a small decision by a daycare has a far wider effect than it might seem at first glance.

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However, she noted that childcare workers aren’t the ones to blame for assuming that the mother is the primary caregiver. “It usually is the case. Why? Because men in the UK rarely get more than a week or two of parental leave! This is what I mean when I say it is self-reinforcing: gender inequality in the home is reinforced by gender inequality at work/society which leads to more gender inequality in the home.”

Dr. Brands also told us a bit more about herself. “I co-founded Career Equally, which I use as a platform to give women free advice on how to de-bias their careers. We do this by educating women through our newsletters and webinars on what bias to look for, how to measure it, and by giving them tools and tactics to confront it. We want to inspire women to take collective action to de-bias their workplaces and create meaningful connections to other women to further their careers.”

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The mom’s daycare post got over 20.5k likes, and revealed just how deeply rooted inequality is in certain areas. It’s 2022, yet dads are still seen as secondary caregivers by some, which is ridiculous.

Something like this would probably very rarely happen in any of the Nordic countries which are very big on gender and parent equality. And dads are naturally seen as being very involved in their children’s future. In other words, the basic assumptions there are that parents are parents, no matter their gender. Dr. Brands agreed that some countries “are more egalitarian, others are more gender unequal.”

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However, it wasn’t always the case. When shared parental leave was first introduced in the Nordic countries in the 1970s and 1980s, at first, few fathers actually took advantage of it. However, over the decades, attitudes changed and Nordic dads embraced their more involved roles as parents. And along with that changed societal attitudes.

Here’s how some people reacted to Dr. Brands’ post. Some even offered some spot-on advice

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Unfortunately, in many countries, gender equality continues to fester. During an earlier interview, human rights advocate Elizabeth Arif-Fear told Bored Panda that the most obvious indication that such inequality exists is the gender pay gap in the workplace. To her, the pay gap is “a gross violation of women’s rights.”

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In Arif-Fear’s view, women are most definitely recognized for their talents in the workplace in the West. However, they still face numerous obstacles.

“Discrimination includes women being denied work, in preference for men due to maternity leave allowances. Due to the imbalance between caring for children and housework among male/female partnerships—which is still prevalent across the globe—women are left juggling a high amount of childcare and work which places extra demands on women,” Arif-Fear said.

“Practical barriers add an extra burden onto women. Beyond childcare, women in leadership is an area that is evolving but there is still a massive glass ceiling. We need more women in leadership positions,” she added.

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Twitter users shared their own experiences with gender inequality in childcare

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Some women shared other areas where they experienced sexism

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Jonas Grinevičius

Jonas Grinevičius

Writer, BoredPanda staff

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Storytelling, journalism, and art are a core part of who I am. I've been writing and drawing ever since I could walk—there is nothing else I'd rather do. My formal education, however, is focused on politics, philosophy, and economics because I've always been curious about the gap between the ideal and the real. At work, I'm a Senior Writer and I cover a broad range of topics that I'm passionate about: from psychology and changes in work culture to healthy living, relationships, and design. In my spare time, I'm an avid hiker and reader, enjoy writing short stories, and love to doodle. I thrive when I'm outdoors, going on small adventures in nature. However, you can also find me enjoying a big mug of coffee with a good book (or ten) and entertaining friends with fantasy tabletop games and sci-fi movies.

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Jonas Grinevičius

Jonas Grinevičius

Writer, BoredPanda staff

Storytelling, journalism, and art are a core part of who I am. I've been writing and drawing ever since I could walk—there is nothing else I'd rather do. My formal education, however, is focused on politics, philosophy, and economics because I've always been curious about the gap between the ideal and the real. At work, I'm a Senior Writer and I cover a broad range of topics that I'm passionate about: from psychology and changes in work culture to healthy living, relationships, and design. In my spare time, I'm an avid hiker and reader, enjoy writing short stories, and love to doodle. I thrive when I'm outdoors, going on small adventures in nature. However, you can also find me enjoying a big mug of coffee with a good book (or ten) and entertaining friends with fantasy tabletop games and sci-fi movies.

Ilona Baliūnaitė

Ilona Baliūnaitė

Author, BoredPanda staff

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I'm a Visual Editor at Bored Panda since 2017. I've searched through a multitude of images to create over 2000 diverse posts on a wide range of topics. I love memes, funny, and cute stuff, but I'm also into social issues topics. Despite my background in communication, my heart belongs to visual media, especially photography. When I'm not at my desk, you're likely to find me in the streets with my camera, checking out cool exhibitions, watching a movie at the cinema or just chilling with a coffee in a cozy place

Read less »

Ilona Baliūnaitė

Ilona Baliūnaitė

Author, BoredPanda staff

I'm a Visual Editor at Bored Panda since 2017. I've searched through a multitude of images to create over 2000 diverse posts on a wide range of topics. I love memes, funny, and cute stuff, but I'm also into social issues topics. Despite my background in communication, my heart belongs to visual media, especially photography. When I'm not at my desk, you're likely to find me in the streets with my camera, checking out cool exhibitions, watching a movie at the cinema or just chilling with a coffee in a cozy place

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vernon_bear avatar
Gavin Johnson
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My ex-wife and I split over 5 years ago. We went through the process of changing details with our daughter’s school and explained that we now needed all correspondence to come to both of us. Not something that’s difficult to do I thought. Roll on five years. My ex, gets the updates on the emergency system that is designed to quickly update parents, , I get text messages, we both get the emails. We’ve stood in reception and the school admin have confirmed on 5 or 6 separate occasions that it’s sorted, it never is. Gave up. Luckily we are on speaking terms and this is just another thing that causes amusement. Next year our daughter is changing school so we get a fresh page and hopefully a system that can cope with the horror of a divorced couple!

carolyngerbrands avatar
Caro Caro
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As if you're the schools first divorced couple in the world !. Sigh. Glad to see you 2 get along relatively well, that's nice for your little girl. I hope she's doing fine.

Load More Replies...
savannahyoung avatar
S
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is so disappointing. People are so disappointing!

hrr311 avatar
Helena R
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Luckily my kids nursery listened to me after I told them to only ring me if they can't get hold of dad. His workplace is literally around the corner from them and I work on the other side of the city. I don't understand why this still happens in the 2020s

Load More Comments
vernon_bear avatar
Gavin Johnson
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My ex-wife and I split over 5 years ago. We went through the process of changing details with our daughter’s school and explained that we now needed all correspondence to come to both of us. Not something that’s difficult to do I thought. Roll on five years. My ex, gets the updates on the emergency system that is designed to quickly update parents, , I get text messages, we both get the emails. We’ve stood in reception and the school admin have confirmed on 5 or 6 separate occasions that it’s sorted, it never is. Gave up. Luckily we are on speaking terms and this is just another thing that causes amusement. Next year our daughter is changing school so we get a fresh page and hopefully a system that can cope with the horror of a divorced couple!

carolyngerbrands avatar
Caro Caro
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As if you're the schools first divorced couple in the world !. Sigh. Glad to see you 2 get along relatively well, that's nice for your little girl. I hope she's doing fine.

Load More Replies...
savannahyoung avatar
S
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is so disappointing. People are so disappointing!

hrr311 avatar
Helena R
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Luckily my kids nursery listened to me after I told them to only ring me if they can't get hold of dad. His workplace is literally around the corner from them and I work on the other side of the city. I don't understand why this still happens in the 2020s

Load More Comments
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