Infidelity is one of the top reasons why marriages fail. While it devastatingly affects the partners involved, children are often in the background silently living out such breaking up of a family even more deeply. It definitely doesn’t make matters easier when affair partners are trying to do damage control and win them over by employing questionable methods.

This teen was the first one to know that their dad was unfaithful, as his “mistress” told them, asking to support them and even pitch in a good word for their siblings. Involving a twelve-year-old in such a messy adult affair broke out a huge fight in the family and left the teen wanting nothing to do with his father and his affair partner turned wife. 

Infidelity can affect the partners as much as their children

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This affair partner wasn’t probably aware of it when she involved her partner’s child into these adults issues

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Parental infidelity can bring feelings abandonment and betrayal in children

Image credits: mohamad azaam / unsplash (not the actual photo)

Two common feelings that children go through when they learn about their parent’s infidelity are abandonment and betrayal. 

“When a parent strays the feeling is oftentimes translated by the child as abandonment,” says Kimberly Friedmutter, hypnotherapist, life-management expert and author of the best-selling book Subconscious Power: Use Your Inner Mind to Create the Life You’ve Always Wanted. “The feeling of abandonment leads to mistrust and the child pulls away from the value of that parent, placing a higher value on the parent that stayed.”

They might get stuck between choosing a “good guy” and a “bad guy,” and for children that love both of their parents, it can get confusing who to trust and show their feelings to. This can also make them question what is real and what’s not. 

“When a parent is unfaithful, it can cause a child to question the stability they felt at home,” says Dr. Cassandra LeClair, Ph.D., a relationship expert and author of Being Whole: Healing from Trauma and Reclaiming My Voice. Such a tricky situation in a household that the kid thought was safe and loving can also make them feel less motivated and depressed. 

75% of children feel lingering betrayal towards the parent who was unfaithful

Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)

If parental infidelity is not handled appropriately, it can have long-term affects on children and their future relationships too. Clinical psychologist Ana Nogales has found that 75% of children feel lingering betrayal towards the parent who was unfaithful. 80% admit that the infidelity has influenced their view towards romantic relationships, and 75% reported having trouble trusting others in general. 

That’s why parents who decide to stay or separate after infidelity have to remember to put their children first. They have to invest more time and work to monitor and ensure that their child is processing this adult issue well. 

Healing and moving forward are only possible if the lines of communication are open. Nogales says that the unfaithful parent admits their wrongdoings and offers a genuine apology for betrayal and breaking up the family. This may gain back some of the child’s respect for the parent and encourage opening up and talking about the whole situation. 

They might need some time to process everything but when the time comes, it’s important that their feelings are heard and validated. Otherwise, they might be tempted to bury their emotions that will come spilling out in future relationships. 

Children may be more willing to forgive the unfaithful parent when they know that it doesn’t mean ignoring or condoning what their parent did. Forgiveness should mean coming to terms with it and allowing one to accept their negative emotions surrounding it. Professional help can make this process easier. The most important thing is not to overlook the child and their feelings, as many parents might brush off the effect infidelity has on them.

Most readers believed that none of it was the teen’s fault

However, there still were those who disagreed

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