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“AITA For Asking My Husband To Prioritize Our Family Tradition Over His New Friendship?”
Creating traditions with your partner is a wonderful way to bond. The first time you do something, you have no way of knowing that it will become a necessary outing in the future. But if you decide to turn that special little trip to look at Christmas lights and drink mulled wine into an annual event, it becomes even more magical every single year!
That’s why one woman was looking forward to the beloved outing that she and her husband have been going on every year they’ve been together. But when her husband asked if they could postpone the adventure, she reached out to Reddit for advice. Below, you’ll find the full story, including suggestions that readers chimed in with.
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This woman looks forward to the annual tradition she has with her husband all year long
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
So when he asked if it could be postponed this year, she was extremely disappointed
Later, the woman shared an update with a bit more information on the situation
Image credits: Miserable-Light-3444
She also responded to readers to provide more details
Creating traditions together is a great way for couples to stay connected
Traditions don’t just form overnight. But once you notice that you’ve created one, it feels like a magical creature that you have to keep alive. We must order pizza every time the power goes out in our building, and we have to create a painting together every year on Christmas! If we don’t keep our own traditions alive, who will?
While traditions should be formed organically, rather than forced, they can be a wonderful tool for growing closer to your partner. Dr. William J. Doherty at Boyle Counseling notes that rituals are important for keeping a strong connection with your partner.
Even small, simple daily rituals like having a cup of coffee together before work or recapping your days to one another in bed before falling asleep can be extremely comforting. The two of you can always look forward to these small moments that say “I love you” without using those exact words.
We can enjoy traditions with our partners year round, but many couples look forward to enjoying these special moments during the holiday season. Kari Rusnak, MA, LPC, CMHC, at Psychology Today shared that enjoying traditions with your partner during this time of year can help alleviate some of the holiday stress.
Making time to be present with your partner and focusing only on enjoying a Christmas film, decorating cookies together, drinking hot chocolate and playing board games or walking around and looking at holiday lights can be extremely relaxing. You don’t have to worry about shopping, decorating or finishing all of your work before New Year’s. You can simply focus on being with the person you love and making new memories.
Even simple, daily rituals can become a way to say “I love you”
Image credits: lookstudio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The two of you can enjoy traditions that you used to partake in with each of your families or create your own! It doesn’t matter; as long as you feel connected, the tradition is serving its purpose. But if you’re wondering how to form these rituals with your partner, The Wed recommends starting simple and focusing on your shared values and interests.
If you both hate arts and crafts, you probably won’t want to go to a pottery class together. And if one of you isn’t into sports, a physical activity might not be ideal. But if you love the same type of music, you might enjoy making playlists for each other every month or so. Or perhaps you can attend a concert every month and turn it into a fun date.
The Wed also notes that you don’t need to worry about something becoming a ritual or tradition immediately. Feel it out, and see how much you enjoyed the experience. If it wasn’t as much fun as you expected, you don’t have to repeat it. But if you find that you’re always craving pizza on Sunday evenings, making pizza with your partner might be the perfect way to welcome in each new week.
And if you do have a special experience, don’t hesitate to snap a few photos or take a video of the occasion. You don’t want to spend the entire time on your phone or behind your camera, of course, but it can be extremely special to have photos to look back on to remind you of the experience.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think it was reasonable for this woman to ask her husband to postpone his trip instead of their annual tradition? Feel free to share, and then if you’d like to check out another Bored Panda article discussing traditions, look no further than right here!
Some readers took the woman’s side, noting that it’s understandable why she didn’t want to postpone the special tradition
And others noted that neither party was in the wrong, while suggesting that the wife try to be more flexible
However, some readers thought that the woman was being unreasonable
Finally, the author shared another update after talking everything through with her husband
Image credits: katemangostar / Freepik (not the actual photo)
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What do you think ?
Helena 3 weeks ago
A guy making an actual friend as an adult, you support that 100%. It is good for his mental health. He isn't missing your birthday, anniversary, Christmas, your weekend thing can happen any weekend. This was a silly fight to pick.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 weeks ago
It also makes me wonder if her attitude would change if the shoe was on the other foot: if a friend or family member of HERS wanted to schedule something for that special weekend. Or a relative's wedding - would OP tell them they had to reschedule their wedding because that weekend is her "special tradition"? And, of course, there's all the things that can arise - a new job with less flexible hours/vacation time, children, etc. that could disrupt the "special tradition" that can ONLY happen on this ONE weekend. If OP's husband had to get a new job, would she demand that he tell his new employers that he ALWAYS has to have the first weekend in November off because it's their special tradition? My tl;dr is this - if the trip you usually take on x day has to get moved to z day, it's STILL the special trip! A special tradition isn't only defined by the date it happens on. Heck, adults sometimes have to celebrate their b-days on a day that ISN'T their b-day due to work, etc.
Load More Replies... Tyranamar Suess 3 weeks ago
She's TA. Even after reading all the comments she still decides they're going to keep it on exactly that day. I could never be married to someone so inflexible. "I don't mean to seem like I'm keeping you on a leash. Now do you mind turning around while I put this collar on you? See, everyone's happy. I get what I want. And you, well I hope your friendship makes it until January."
Green Tree 3 weeks ago
Yeah my immediate thought would be to move the ornament trip up a week this once. Sowing the seeds of resentment in a relationship is really dangerous
Load More Replies...
Ben Aziza 3 weeks ago
Ohh my god it happened! For once! I am actually partial to the YTA crowd... To me her logic fell apart when the "date" as in the specific time became more important than their couple tradition. Also, she ended up getting exactly what she wanted despite all what was needed was a tiny compromise about the time... Very controlling... "We have talked about it, and we concluded we both messed up and I get what I want!"
Roland Nijveld 3 weeks ago
That last part. In the end, she won and that date stays holy for her it seems.
Load More Replies... Helena 3 weeks ago
A guy making an actual friend as an adult, you support that 100%. It is good for his mental health. He isn't missing your birthday, anniversary, Christmas, your weekend thing can happen any weekend. This was a silly fight to pick.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 weeks ago
It also makes me wonder if her attitude would change if the shoe was on the other foot: if a friend or family member of HERS wanted to schedule something for that special weekend. Or a relative's wedding - would OP tell them they had to reschedule their wedding because that weekend is her "special tradition"? And, of course, there's all the things that can arise - a new job with less flexible hours/vacation time, children, etc. that could disrupt the "special tradition" that can ONLY happen on this ONE weekend. If OP's husband had to get a new job, would she demand that he tell his new employers that he ALWAYS has to have the first weekend in November off because it's their special tradition? My tl;dr is this - if the trip you usually take on x day has to get moved to z day, it's STILL the special trip! A special tradition isn't only defined by the date it happens on. Heck, adults sometimes have to celebrate their b-days on a day that ISN'T their b-day due to work, etc.
Load More Replies... Tyranamar Suess 3 weeks ago
She's TA. Even after reading all the comments she still decides they're going to keep it on exactly that day. I could never be married to someone so inflexible. "I don't mean to seem like I'm keeping you on a leash. Now do you mind turning around while I put this collar on you? See, everyone's happy. I get what I want. And you, well I hope your friendship makes it until January."
Green Tree 3 weeks ago
Yeah my immediate thought would be to move the ornament trip up a week this once. Sowing the seeds of resentment in a relationship is really dangerous
Load More Replies... Ben Aziza 3 weeks ago
Ohh my god it happened! For once! I am actually partial to the YTA crowd... To me her logic fell apart when the "date" as in the specific time became more important than their couple tradition. Also, she ended up getting exactly what she wanted despite all what was needed was a tiny compromise about the time... Very controlling... "We have talked about it, and we concluded we both messed up and I get what I want!"
Roland Nijveld 3 weeks ago
That last part. In the end, she won and that date stays holy for her it seems.
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