Gift-giving is one of the things we look forward to the most at Christmas. We usually put a lot of thought and effort into the presents we give to our loved ones. It’s also fun to include something jokey that is guaranteed to make your family and friends laugh.

Sometimes, despite our best intentions, such presents fall through and can lead to tensions lingering throughout the day. In redditor u/throwawayaccount4990’s case, her Christmas spirit was crushed when she received all “joke gifts.” It was nothing new for her family to play pranks with presents, but when she was the only one who received all “fake gifts,” she got really upset and didn’t want to be there anymore.

After she left, her parents and siblings accused her of “ruining Christmas.” Torn on how to deal with this, the OP (original poster) turned to Reddit “Am I the Jerk” to share her story.

Christmas gifts don’t always hit the mark

Image credits: EKATERINA BOLOVTSOVA (not the actual photo)

However, the OP was crushed after opening her presents and finding out that they all were just a joke

Image credits: Yan Krukau (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo)

Image credits: throwawayaccount4990

This gift exchange could’ve gone smoother

Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)

Despite the redditor’s family’s best intentions, their gift exchange ended in an unpleasant turn of events. Looking from the receiver’s perspective, not everyone enjoys novelty presents, with 21% of Americans not wanting to see one in their stocking. Women (25%) and people over 55 (26%) particularly dislike jokey gifts and would rather find a gift card or an electronic under their tree.

One thing that could’ve made this gift exchange smoother is understanding your group’s traditions. This is most relevant for the newcomers, who might not be familiar with their in-laws’ preferences. Your large box filled with raisins, toilet paper rolls, and last year’s magazines might not fit into a family that follows a different set of rules. It’s a good idea to brief anyone new about their group’s gift-giving.

Before purchasing a present, the family could’ve asked themselves, “Am I buying it for myself or them?” It’s easy to get caught up in finding something we think the other person will like. In reality, we often shop for things we find enjoyable or useful. Rarely do people share the same interests and tastes, so it’s best to focus on giving them something they’ll like. To prepare for this, paying attention and listening to them is important. People reveal what they want all the time. Take notice of their new hobby, a comment on a movie they loved, or a restaurant they never get reservations for. Or just browse through their social media – that works too.

It might be surprising, but sometimes it’s not the thought that counts. We tend to think that people would prefer something we’ve carefully chosen for them instead of what they’ve explicitly asked for. The desire to be thoughtful might even backfire, making us overthink. As a result, givers end up overshooting, buying things that are maybe too niche or unique for the receiver. Gifting something from their wish list doesn’t mean you don’t care, but rather ensures you buy something they want. And no, money or gift cards aren’t the laziest presents of them all. A lot of people prefer it, as it allows them to get whatever they like or need.

Gift-giving tips based on research

Image credits: Julia Larson (not the actual photo)

When buying a present, thinking beyond the moment of exchange is also a great idea. As givers, we want to see excited friends or family who got a great present. However, those moments don’t last, and the recipient is left with gifts after the initial reaction. Research indicates that we should focus on what is most useful and has long-term enjoyment instead of chasing the “wow” factor. People don’t always need fancy things, and they might be happier with something that fits their lives better.

If the family is out of ideas, gifting experiences is better than giving material items. People who receive event tickets, gift certificates to restaurants, or special trips feel closer and more connected to their giver. It can strengthen your bond with family and friends, even if you’re not together, as it makes them think of you. A person who is “time-poor” would really appreciate spending their time enjoying themselves.

End-of-year gatherings can be a wonderful time to relax, eat, connect with your loved ones, and exchange presents. Some will probably miss the mark, just like in redditor u/throwawayaccount4990‘s family. But when that happens, etiquette expert Dianne Gottsman suggests politely thanking them for it. The following actions depend on your relationship with them and their temperament. It’s not out of line to ask for an exchange, donate, or re-gift the present (just avoid doing it in the same circle). After all, it’s now yours to do as you please.

People were supporting the OP in the comments

Commenters decided that she’s definitely not the jerk in this scenario

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