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35 People Share Behaviors They Thought Were Normal Because Of Their Family But Realized Were Weird Later On In Life
As kids, we don’t really question things. The way our parents or caregivers run our families, we used to take as a given.
Only after growing up and stepping into the adult world, you may come to a realization that some of the things you’d do as a family when you were little weren’t standard for others.
“What kind of behavior did you think was normal because of your family, then grew up to find out it’s definitely not?” someone wondered on Ask Reddit and the childhood memories started flooding in. Below we wrapped up some of the most interesting and sad responses people shared.
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#1
My dad has bipolar disorder and I never knew until I was an adult. That in itself is a full response to this. PSA to any parents with bipolar. Just tell your kids, explain what’s happening, embrace therapy. Do not hide that s**t and pretend it’s normal. It will eff your kids up.
Having your dad get so upset that he screams profanities at you, breaks a door, then gets in the car and disappears for hours, then comes back and won’t talk to anyone for a day, then breaks down crying and then wants to hug everyone and go have a nice dinner like nothing happened… is not normal. And thinking that behavior was because of something I or my siblings did wrong and not because of a disease, really messed us up.
I don’t know how to have a healthy discussion now. This would happen and we would just move on with saying a word about it. No apology from him. My mom just told us to apologize, be on our best behavior, and act like everything was fine.
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#2
I've got a positive one. My mum always threw the best Halloween parties. We had to eat donuts off strings without kicking your lips, throw eggs at each other and attempt to catch them in a net, feed each other blindfolded. Apparently these aren't normal activities for Halloween parties. Especially the one year we played them on the street with random trick or treaters who came past.
#3
The morbid sense of humor. My nana died on my 18th birthday and my dad came into my room and just said “well. Kid. Looks like you’re fresh outta grandparents” (His mom had just died, mind you. she was my last grandparent to die) and years later my aunt tried to remember how old I am by going “okay. Which year did we lose mom again?” And just went “well f**k you too.” While my dad lost it laughing.
And also My aunt on my moms side (my moms sister in law) lost her mom fairly recently and they were having a sale on urns so she bought an urn for her mom and a new one for my grandmother and texts me with a picture saying “gram got a new apartment!”
And people wonder why my sense of humor is so dark and morbid. I got it on both sides of my family!
I learned that others aren’t quite so caviler about death.
While many stories shared in the thread recount negative family memories, a Redditor who goes by the nickname Butterfly_cats shared a positive story. We reached out to the author, who said that they knew their family was unique when they were around 10 years old. “We moved house and I moved school so suddenly I was meeting loads of new people who were incredibly surprised at the kind of parties that we threw.”
The typical Halloween for the Redditor was unlike anything that other kids would celebrate. “It would start with some classics. Catching eggs in a net except some of the eggs weren't hardboiled. We used to eat donuts off strings without licking your lips. Musical pumpkins, which is like musical chairs but with pumpkin paper cutouts. Mummy wrapping using toilet roll.”
More fun activities included splitting into 2 teams and having one person wear a onesie: “we’d fill it with as many balloons as possible within the time limit while they were wearing it.”
#4
Having to hide our TV in a cupboard whenever someone from church came over; we weren't supposed to have one. Turns out we were in a cult.
#5
Being embarressed about the normal bodily functions of a female, such as periods, having boobs and sex. My mother was a prude on another level.
#6
Your parents hating each other. I only realised this was not normal after witnessing my first boyfriends parents interacting with each other kindly and respectful.
“Then there were gross ones. Feeding each other while blindfolded. Trying to pull gummy worms out of a tub filled with canned tomatoes using your teeth. Then doing the same in flour so it gets stuck to you. I always needed a towel to blow the custard/flour/sauce mix out of my nose,” Butterfly_cats recounted a typical Halloween when growing up.
The Redditor would describe their childhood as “manic.” Butterfly_cats said: “My mum acted like a child at any given chance but she was also responsible and hardworking. She made games up and always thought of the next crazy thing we could do. Hide and seek in castle ruins at night using torches. Spend 3 weeks handmaking a costume for world book day when I was 13. Building a functional, real size, cardboard car with the kids in her class. Running 200 miles to celebrate her 50th birthday.”
According to the author, if someone said it was impossible, their mom made it her mission to prove them wrong.
#7
Literally, most of my autism symptoms, lmao. I was diagnosed last year. Turns out my parents had no idea because they're autistic themselves and just thought my behaviour was normal because they all acted the same way.
Sad Quokka 1 year ago
... living with autism isn't easy... Especially when it's not the most noticeable
#8
I thought the people closest to you were the ones who were meanest to you because they saw the real you (and the real you was bad). I also thought anger was only expressed as horrible blowout arguments, insults, name calling, and physical aggression. Such sad things to learn and very difficult to unlearn.
#9
My family on my dad’s side all drink beer, and it was very common on long road trips for my dad and uncles to buy a six pack “for the road” and just drink it while driving.
So of course my siblings would do that too once they were old enough to drink. Well one of them got married, and I witnessed a pretty big argument the first time they tried to do it and their spouse freaked out for something that we all thought of as “normal”
Butterfly_cats also said that they took this attitude into their adult life. “My mum never let anything stop her or let anyone tell her what she could do. She's my inspiration every day. She made things that seemed impossible happen. She always fought for what she wanted. That sort of drive is instilled in me, although I could never be quite as strong as her,” the Redditor told us.
When it comes to other people who shared not-so-happy childhood memories in this thread, Butterfly_cats believes that “it's good to remember that you can be memorable for the right reasons as much as for the bad.” According to them, humans are wired to focus on the bad, so it's good to throw something light in there every now and then.
#10
We weren't allowed to laugh loudly or after 7pm. My parents said if we were laughing, it meant we were getting into trouble.
We also weren't ever really taught things, just expected to know them and then kind of shunned by my parents even we failed to perform.
#11
Drinking and driving, and underage drinking. My dad used to drive around with a mickey of scotch or beers for sipping all.the.time. and by the time I was 13 he was giving me both beer and booze along with him. It wasn't until I was an adult and realized my husband wouldn't even have a drink with dinner and then drive home that it dawned on me. I actually scoffed at him a few times before I f*****g got it. Also - drinking at 13, was an alcoholic by 14 and would sit at the dinner table smoking joints with my dad like it weren't no Thing. I have a 14 year old and that literally makes me so heart sick thinking of it.
So yeah anyways. That stuff.
#12
Eggs stacked in between my pancakes, with syrup. Went to college and at breakfast all my new friends looked at me and said, what the f**k are you doing? My entire family ate them that way. I always figured evryone did. Ha!
#13
When I was a kid I thought that ALL dads worked a lot and rarely saw the kids.
Until I got older and my friends would tell me things like "my dad took me to a baseball game" or "my dad took me camping."
I was so jealous.
#14
My family has a bell which is rung when they need to summon us all to dinner. I didn't realise it was that unusual until my friends found out about it. Tbh it's a pretty good system
Jan Rosier 1 year ago
Well... we have the modern equivalent. Instead of shouting up or down the stairs to get them to come to dinner, we bought two cordless doorbells. Receivers in the rooms, buttons in the kitchen, marked with their names.
#15
Parents interrogating you about your sex life. Everyone made jokes in movies and school about overprotective dads. I didn't realize being woken up at 5AM to be screamed at wasn't normal. Or being told I'm a shame on the family for a tiny hickey wasn't normal. Or assuming every piece of my actions was related to sex.
I grew up in an Evangelical cult.
Skulls.N.Succulents 1 year ago
Is it me or do the insanely religious seem to be the ONLY ones who obsess over sex?
Tamra 1 year ago
This reminds me of the daddy-daughter "purity balls" that some Christians are fond of, where the daughter pledges to stay "pure" and the father will often give her a ring in exchange. I find the whole concept misogynistic and gross.
Becca Kuehn 1 year ago
I find the concept disturbingly misogynistic also.
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YourLocalLizard 1 year ago
From the age of 7 my parents always went on and on about me sneaking out to go to parties and have sex with boys. This kept going on till I was about 14 and my older brother got custody over me. I only see my dad once a week and I haven't seen my mom in 2 years.
censorshipsucks 1 year ago (edited)
that's gross and pedo-ey. So sorry that that happened to you. My kids are tweens and still have no idea about it.
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Leo Domitrix 1 year ago
Huh. My dad was an atheist and did the screaming thing about shame on the family. Given his family, we'd need to have been mass murderers of small children to outdo *them*, but....
censorshipsucks 1 year ago
wow so weird, he must have not applied the logic of rejecting "god" to also rejecting "god's laws". Italian?
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Tucker Cahooter 1 year ago
Sounds like "The Virgin Suicides", and we remember how that turned out
Erin Ward 1 year ago
Yep grew up Seventh day Adventist. My dad, who was sane right up until now, called me a whore when he caught me making out with my boyfriend
Becca Kuehn 1 year ago
Making out with your boyfriend DOES NOT make you a whore. There's absolutely nothing shameful about it (as long as both people are consenting and no laws are being broken) I'm sorry that your father treated you that way. Your father should be ashamed of himself for saying that to you.
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David 1 year ago
while I don't think religion per se is bad, my observation over the years is it seems to be the kids who grow up with the super strict rules who rebel more as they come of age. The slang term for it is "PK Syndrome" because preacher's kids often go that route after spending years of being forced to be 'perfect' because their dad is the preacher.
#16
Making a big deal about death. In my family when someone dies, it’s like, “Wow, that sucks, what’s for dinner?”
Janos Schumacher 1 year ago
Same here. Dying sucks but death and dying is a part of life. It's OK to be sad about it, but no need to fuss about it. Why have an expensive funeral? That's money that could have been used for something good rather than throwing it in a hole in the ground. Put me in a sack and throw me in a ditch. Let the animals get me. And for God's sake keep my shoes. They're good shoes. Someone else can wear them..
#17
When I was young my dad used to make me and my oldest sister( there is three of us) stand on the scale everyday. My middle sister was always very athletic and thin and the pride and joy of what my father pictured for a perfect daughter. Me and my oldest sister where on the heavier side but at 14 and 9 we were not “fat” now looking back. My mother did not know this was going on but I remember she came home when my dad had my sister in the scale criticizing my sister of her weight, my mother flipped out about 6-8 months later my parents were divorced and looking back at these things my dad did and said I think has absolutely affected the type of person I am today especially with my own children. My current real with my dad is a little rocky but we don’t really communicate a whole lot because he’s really done some f**ked up sh*t that I thought everyone’s parents did. Apparently not.
Silent Hill 1 year ago
My dad and sister would make snide jokes about my weight. I was average sized. I can't wear shorts because they made me ashamed of my legs.
#18
Having tantrums because someone showed that you were wrong
Feels weird now seeing my 50+ uncle throwing s**t all over the place because I straight up told him I'm not lazy I have to rest a lot because of a serious heart condition that I'm diagnosed with.
#19
Dad playing the piano at 3am because that was his ‘thinking music’. We would all stick our pillows over our heads and try to go back to sleep. I thought it was normal until we got new neighbours who had young kids and after a couple of times asking dad not to play as it was waking up his kids he came over and punched dad’s lights out. Dad just moved the piano to other end of the house and kept playing. He really was a thoughtless arsehole but we all thought it normal.
OneSoulHero 1 year ago
Like punched your Dad or literally punched the lights out? Because both are equally good punishments I imagine. Especially at 3am in the dark.
#20
I’m still struggling to describe the way my mom lives the way she does, but the only word I can think of is “tacky”? Unless anyone can think of a better word. For context she grew up in a poor village, but I don’t think it’s commonplace there and maybe it’s because of how her parents raised her.
She is clueless to how things “should” be. Like it’s not normal to use shower curtains as normal curtains in the living room. Or to make a homemade pillow by stuffing it full of old jackets, instead of going out to buy a normal pillow. Or pruning a tree using a butcher knife instead of ACTUAL tree equipment (she exclaimed, “Doesn’t that look nice!”, but to me it just looked like the tree had been demolished by a butcher knife.)
Or when she held my baby brother over the trash can so he could poop in it, except she did this in the living room while my friend was there. My friend didn’t want to come over after that.
Or how we have 1 pair of scissors in the house that we use for EVERYTHING, from cutting food to cutting hair, and she used it to cut a mole from her back instead of going to the doctor. We all still used the scissors afterwards too.
Or how she repurposes stuff in the house to re-gift to other people. Like, it would be okay if she actually put in the effort to make it look nice, but most recently she re-gifted a plate of cookies that a neighbor gave to us, except we ate half already. And twice she gave my brothers supermarket gift cards for their friend’s 12th birthday party.
Everyone in my family, mom included, uses the bathroom with the door wide open, whether it’s pee or poop, though my mom is different in that she doesn’t care if someone walks in to brush their teeth while she’s doing it, and will have conversations with you from the toilet too.
I didn’t know until I was in college that other families don’t share the same bath towel.
And nobody cleans the house except with a broom occasionally. So you can imagine how it looks. My mom hasn’t cleaned her car in 15 years.
She used to be dirt poor in the village, so I guess old habits die hard. I was desensitized to everything since I grew up in it, but even when I was younger I could tell that this was a bit gross.
#21
Emotional and psychological manipulation is not normal. Saying I love you is not weak
#22
No privacy. Wasn't allowed to lock any door, even the bathroom....
Nash Nopper 1 year ago
yep same in my childhood... and my parents came in the bathroom, when I was on the Toilet or Shower was normal... I hated it!
#23
At least half of what my parents have said I was going to experience in the real world has been proven completely false and/or the complete opposite of reality. Also, it’s not normal to just say yes to literally every option just because “it’s better to have and not need”. Being a people pleaser apparently doesn’t mean you have to set yourself on fire to keep other warm even if they don’t ask you to. It’s apparently not normal to randomly lash out at people who happen to be in the same room just because you’re having a bad day. It’s apparently not normal to live in constant stress about what could’ve happened in a past event. I could go on but I won’t.
#24
Living so strictly under the rule of "everything you do needs to be working towards your career" no friends, no boyfriends or girlfriends, no days to do nothing and no self expression of any kind.
#25
I thought all married couples eventually grew to hate each other and fight all the time. Apparently I was wrong.
censorshipsucks 1 year ago
50% do, unfortunately. My kids are now at least seeing that it's not meant to be like that.
#26
Raking the shag carpet with a garden rake to make it fluffy after vacuuming.
#27
A complete and utter lack of any and all affection and romance between my parents. Turns out, my mom was cheating on my dad for over a decade.
#28
Grandmother would lead all of us in song at every get-together, like a band. Was 16 before a friend told me it was weird, families don't do this. It wasn't religious but it sure looked cultish. Lss; my therapist loves to hear about the weird s**t my grandmother does/says.
Huddo's sister 1 year ago
My grandma's family used to do singalongs whenever they could. I don't think it's particularly strange.
#29
Marrying cousins. This is common in Pakistan. My cousin got married to my other cousins. Even my sister got married to one of my cousins. I thought it was normal until I came to the UK and realised how weird it was.
I’m the only one in my family and my other sibling who could potentially marry outside the family. We have girlfriends but we’re too ashamed to tell them that our own sister married her cousin and so did everyone else.
It is strange though, I don’t really have any genetic defects in my family; no one has a disease as a result to inbreeding.
N Miller 1 year ago
I assume the extended family with multiple children must have more marrying outside the family, otherwise you just end up with a bramble instead of a tree. First cousin marriages narrow the branches, but second cousins keep the genetic pool clear enough to avoid the expected problems of inbreeding.
#30
This is gross. We had a large family. Instead of handing out napkins, we used a single dishcloth, and passed it around the dinner table. We weren't poor. Just uncivilized.
#31
Looking down on people worse off than us. Like it was their fault. My parents kind of conditioned us to think everyone had the same opportunities, some people just didn't take theirs.
FluffyPanda 1 year ago (edited)
“Pulling yourself up by your bootstraps” is physically impossible and the saying was originally made to show how impossible a feat it was. Income inequality is a big problem and we shouldn’t blame the victims
#32
Being so negative and constantly making fun of people, apparently most people dont do tht
#33
This one is gross, but my mom barely never washes her hands. If she goes number one in the toilet for example, she doesn't wash her hands. Only after number two. She can clean the dogs ears with her finger, wipe them to her trousers and then go toss a salad for the family.
I've had to spend years learning to not disgust people, and now I can't stay at my parents because they disgust me. I love them, but just find them gross.
We're not a family you'd guess doesn't wash hands. Lower middle class academics. Nice house.
Shelli Aderman 1 year ago
I wonder if this was written before 2020, and if habits have changed?
#34
Not giving privacy and sarcastically taunting someone in every way possible
Ovata Acronicta 1 year ago
I was actually analyzing this in my life while I was taking a break from scrolling through the list here. Notably, my lips have a natural downcurve and I recall an individual in the house slouching, making a frownie face at me, as if my natural f*****g face was worthy of being mocked. She's dying, I'm uncertain if this particular bout of weakness and not eating is going to be the last bit, or if she'll 'rebound' somewhat again. I'm caregiving for her during the day, but as time goes on it's increasingly just being yelled at in the morning and then she sleeps all day. Death terrifies me, and although I love her, I don't like her, and her derision of me throughout my life is a huge part of that...part of me thinking her passing isn't going to hurt me as bad as it'll hurt Dad. I don't know, truly, until the experience comes to pass. But taunting someone...it's awful. An awful thing to do, way to think.
#35
Kissing on the lips. Growing up my dad and mom would kiss us on the lips. It wasn’t until I got a little older that my friends started pointing out how weird it was. (To expand, there was never anything sexually inappropriate going on, it was just a peck on the lips)
What do you think ?
Biofish23 1 year ago
Can we have a list of just the silly ones? Thus was mostly a depressing list of child abuse.
Stargazer66 1 year ago
I grew up with my grandmother telling me "if it was a snake it would have bit you" when I finally find something I've been looking for and it was right under my nose the whole time. So I would tell my daughter the same thing. My daughter's friends thought that was weird. But for my NC born and raised grandmother it was a common expression.
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Kody Franks 1 year ago
I thought that it was normal for people to be gay and lesbian, growing up with a lesbian mom. Didn't think it was weird or gross. Just thought that love was love, and if my mom liked a girl then that was fine and I could too. I now identify as pansexual, which means I like people for who they are, not their genitalia.
censorshipsucks 1 year ago
yep when we grew up my aunt had gay friends, it never struck me as odd at all.
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Grace Smith 1 year ago
Oh dang, this was really depressing. My family just didn’t have cable TV
Jaguarundi 1 year ago
There are family photos of all of us children sitting and staring at the presents under the tree waiting for our parents to get ready for the holiday. They would get up, make coffee, have a cup, have a smoke, make a second cup, then come into the living room and get settled before we were allowed to touch anything. If we did open one present before they came in, we knew there would be h3ll to pay. Those photos still strike that same fear in my heart. ...and people don't understand why I don't like to celebrate the winter holidays...at all...
Stargazer66 1 year ago
My mother tried to make us eat breakfast before opening presents. By the time we were old enough to really understand the whole deal, breakfast before presents went out the window.
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Catherine Spencer-Mills 1 year ago
Having scrambled eggs over cottage cheese. My husband's family. He didn't realize not everyone did so until he spent the night at a friend's house. I had never had eggs like that until we got together. Now, I miss having the cottage cheese if I have scrambled eggs. I rather like it.
J 1 year ago
I’m torn on how torn we are about kissing one’s children on what becomes an erogenous zone. It seems worse than forced hugging, no?
Stargazer66 1 year ago
I blame the Puritans. In Europe in many countries, kissing each other on the lips as a greeting is very common.
Load More Replies... Biofish23 1 year ago
Can we have a list of just the silly ones? Thus was mostly a depressing list of child abuse.
Stargazer66 1 year ago
I grew up with my grandmother telling me "if it was a snake it would have bit you" when I finally find something I've been looking for and it was right under my nose the whole time. So I would tell my daughter the same thing. My daughter's friends thought that was weird. But for my NC born and raised grandmother it was a common expression.
Load More Replies... Kody Franks 1 year ago
I thought that it was normal for people to be gay and lesbian, growing up with a lesbian mom. Didn't think it was weird or gross. Just thought that love was love, and if my mom liked a girl then that was fine and I could too. I now identify as pansexual, which means I like people for who they are, not their genitalia.
censorshipsucks 1 year ago
yep when we grew up my aunt had gay friends, it never struck me as odd at all.
Load More Replies... Grace Smith 1 year ago
Oh dang, this was really depressing. My family just didn’t have cable TV
Jaguarundi 1 year ago
There are family photos of all of us children sitting and staring at the presents under the tree waiting for our parents to get ready for the holiday. They would get up, make coffee, have a cup, have a smoke, make a second cup, then come into the living room and get settled before we were allowed to touch anything. If we did open one present before they came in, we knew there would be h3ll to pay. Those photos still strike that same fear in my heart. ...and people don't understand why I don't like to celebrate the winter holidays...at all...
Stargazer66 1 year ago
My mother tried to make us eat breakfast before opening presents. By the time we were old enough to really understand the whole deal, breakfast before presents went out the window.
Load More Replies... Catherine Spencer-Mills 1 year ago
Having scrambled eggs over cottage cheese. My husband's family. He didn't realize not everyone did so until he spent the night at a friend's house. I had never had eggs like that until we got together. Now, I miss having the cottage cheese if I have scrambled eggs. I rather like it.
J 1 year ago
I’m torn on how torn we are about kissing one’s children on what becomes an erogenous zone. It seems worse than forced hugging, no?
Stargazer66 1 year ago
I blame the Puritans. In Europe in many countries, kissing each other on the lips as a greeting is very common.
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