Hawaii Trip Planned With “Close Friends” Unravels As Woman Discovers They Never Existed
Honesty is the most important ingredient for a healthy relationship. And while it’s tempting to play up your best qualities when meeting someone new (and downplay your less attractive traits), be careful not to bend the truth too much. Because telling downright lies is certain to come back to bite you.
One woman recently reached out to Reddit seeking advice after she had a devastating realization about her boyfriend’s “friend group.” Below, you’ll find the full story detailing how she found out about her partner’s lies, as well as some of the replies concerned readers left her.
A healthy relationship can’t be built on a foundation of lies
Image credits: OlgaGimaeva / Envato (not the actual photo)
This woman’s world was turned upside down when she found out that her boyfriend’s “friends” never existed at all
Image credits: varyapigu / Envato (not the actual photo)
She even shared a screenshot of the conversation that occurred after leaving her boyfriend’s place
Image credits: Mindless_Tennis_4045
Later, the woman replied to several comments and shared some more details about the situation
Honesty is necessary to build a genuine connection with your partner
Image credits: lookstudio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
We’ve all been taught that honesty is the best policy, but we tend to forget that when telling a little fib could be beneficial. Why be honest with your partner about their new haircut being unflattering when it’s only going to crush their self-esteem? And there’s no way this person interviewing you for a job will be able to catch you in your lies. So they’re harmless, right?
But bending the truth is a dangerous habit to get into, especially with loved ones. Because, when the truth does come out, it has the power to ruin relationships and erode trust in an instant.
Clinical psychologist Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, told Verywell Mind that honesty is so important in relationships because, without it, you can never have a genuine and authentic connection.
There are risks to being honest, of course. If you tell your partner that you actually hate the music that they listen to or that you don’t want to spend time with their friends, that could mean the end of your relationship. But being able to tell the truth is necessary to build a strong foundation with your partner.
And Dr. Romanoff notes that this honesty doesn’t only need to be used with your partner, but with yourself as well. It’s important to look at your relationship and evaluate it honestly. Find the issues or places that need improvement and make adjustments. Problems don’t get solved by themselves!
Plus, being forthcoming with your partner helps the two of you learn how to communicate, a skill that will help you resolve conflicts in the future. And, of course, it builds trust in your relationship. Knowing that your partner will always be honest with you, even if it’s uncomfortable, can make you feel much more secure in your relationship.
Lying can destroy relationships and can create long-term trust issues
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
While honesty is necessary for a healthy relationship, it’s no surprise that lying can quickly destroy the bond between two people. Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT, explained on Psychology Today that being dishonest blocks partners from experiencing true intimacy.
Lying also often snowballs, as even more lies will be required to cover up the first ones. Meanwhile, the person holding back the truth from their partner will likely feel uncomfortable and guilty and may start to pull back from the relationship, for fear of exposing their own lies.
At the same time, they might feel shame and start to value themself less for being a liar, which can lead to developing unhealthy coping mechanisms or struggling with internal conflicts. And, of course, when the truth finally comes out, it can have a devastating impact on the victim as well.
According to NeuroLaunch, being lied to can lead to a range of feelings, from hurt to betrayal to anger to sorrow. It’s natural for victims to feel a sense of loss, as the person they thought they knew might have never existed in the first place.
And following the truth coming out, they might start to question their own judgment and second guess their instincts. How could I fail to notice that I was being deceived? Will this happen again in the future? A relationship built on lies will never last, but it might have long-term impacts on those involved.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation below, pandas. How would you have responded if you had been met with earth-shattering news like this? Feel free to weigh in, and then if you’d like to read another Bored Panda article featuring similar relationship drama, we recommend checking out this piece.
Many readers were concerned for the woman’s safety and assured her that her boyfriend’s behavior was unacceptable
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My first thought was that he was just a lonely guy who didn't want to admit he didn't have any friends. However, after reading the texts he sent, it's clear that he isn't of sound mind.
Yes, from the title I thought he would be a friendless putz, but the gaslighting... What was he going to do once you got to Hawaii indeed!?! Disappear you off a cliff or into a volcano or something, bullet dodged!
Load More Replies...I hope the 4% of people who close the “ignore and move on” option in the poll thought it meant “ignore HIM and move on”. This is not something you just forgive and forget. This is a massive red flag and hugely manipulative behaviour
He's the perfect partner for a polygamist. 3 men for the price of one
Load More Replies...He sounds more like a psychopath than a sociopath - Anyways, she should cut any communication with him and take security measures seriously.
@Thanos'Fingers Never, ever, ever underestimate how dangerous these people can be. I don't really know whether he is a psychopath, a sociopath or "just" mentally unstable, but the way he acted shows he has no empathy, no ethics, and no remorse. He doesn't care who he hurts provided he gets what he wants. If I were OP I would change the locks in my house, in case he made copies of the keys, and I'd change my routines, avoid being alone, and check my surroundings carefully all the time. You never know.
Load More Replies...It just goes to show you - snooping is not all bad and can potentially save your life.
Yes! Don't get me wrong, personal privacy is super important and just snooping for the sake of snooping is wrong, but there is a massive difference between 'you invaded my privacy' and 'you found the evidence that I was lying to you (which I didn't even hide all that well), how dare you find out I was lying!'
Load More Replies...I really do want to know what he thought was going to happen for the hawaii trip...
I knew such a couple, they were together for almost 12 years since high school and she discovered that he was a liar with a double life, accidentally when she cleaned the apartment while he was on a business trip. When she asked him, he didn't give her any answers, mostly dodged and got angry at her, because she was dramatic and hysterical and kept poking him in the face. She believed that he would be the father of her children and at the age of 30 found herself alone and heartbroken. Since she got married and has children, he has entered into other relationships and done the same things, only that the women got on him faster (one of them even became my girlfriend) and he doesn't understand why I don't accept his friendship on Facebook. The guy is charming, charismatic and handsome and almost any woman would be charmed by him. If I didn't know the story - I would believe his version.
According to Psychopathy Checklist-Revised -Factor 1(Psychopathy) focuses on the emotional and interpersonal deficits of psychopathy, such as lack of empathy, manipulativeness, and shallow affect. -Factor 2(Sociopathy) emphasizes the lifestyle and antisocial behaviors, such as impulsivity, irresponsibility, and a tendency toward criminal behavior. I would say this dude fills out most of factor 1 ! The insane lies and manipulation are more on the psychopath side I would say. Sociopaths tend to be more honest and not always "bad" or "amoral" they can be a social deviant for many reasons A "Radical" in many shapes. A rebel and a terrorist are both sociopaths. The only difference is their morality but the factor 2 traits are all shared between the two. To go up against a bad regime/system you have to be impulsive, irresponsible and a "criminal" Mario's brother comes to mind. To spread an evil cult with fear because you are convinced it "saves people" yeh the same exact traits! As for psychopathy... It is very hard to imagine anything good coming out of it. I would say it is JUST all bad... But I don't have a degree in psychiatry, so maybe there is something I don't know.
Load More Replies...All those people who use “gaslighting” when someone is merely disagreeing with them should take a look at this.
As someone who was married for 14 mentally coerced years till I found the strength to get out your right on that note to many use the word lightly when it’s nothing t all what I went thru and this however is the true meaning of the word blessed be
Load More Replies...I have a family member in treatment/therapy for mental health issues, including a personality disorder. One of their dysfunctional traits is pathological lying. It's very possible he is unable to stop this behavior without help and doesn't understand or recognize why he does it or how devastating it can be to those victimized by it. His calling you out as if you're the problem is classic behavior. Get away and stay away, block him in every way possible and go completely no-contact. No relationship of any kind with this man is possible unless he commits to ongoing, active treatment and even then it will likely be an unpleasant roller coaster ride.
My first thought was that he was just a lonely guy who didn't want to admit he didn't have any friends. However, after reading the texts he sent, it's clear that he isn't of sound mind.
Yes, from the title I thought he would be a friendless putz, but the gaslighting... What was he going to do once you got to Hawaii indeed!?! Disappear you off a cliff or into a volcano or something, bullet dodged!
Load More Replies...I hope the 4% of people who close the “ignore and move on” option in the poll thought it meant “ignore HIM and move on”. This is not something you just forgive and forget. This is a massive red flag and hugely manipulative behaviour
He's the perfect partner for a polygamist. 3 men for the price of one
Load More Replies...He sounds more like a psychopath than a sociopath - Anyways, she should cut any communication with him and take security measures seriously.
@Thanos'Fingers Never, ever, ever underestimate how dangerous these people can be. I don't really know whether he is a psychopath, a sociopath or "just" mentally unstable, but the way he acted shows he has no empathy, no ethics, and no remorse. He doesn't care who he hurts provided he gets what he wants. If I were OP I would change the locks in my house, in case he made copies of the keys, and I'd change my routines, avoid being alone, and check my surroundings carefully all the time. You never know.
Load More Replies...It just goes to show you - snooping is not all bad and can potentially save your life.
Yes! Don't get me wrong, personal privacy is super important and just snooping for the sake of snooping is wrong, but there is a massive difference between 'you invaded my privacy' and 'you found the evidence that I was lying to you (which I didn't even hide all that well), how dare you find out I was lying!'
Load More Replies...I really do want to know what he thought was going to happen for the hawaii trip...
I knew such a couple, they were together for almost 12 years since high school and she discovered that he was a liar with a double life, accidentally when she cleaned the apartment while he was on a business trip. When she asked him, he didn't give her any answers, mostly dodged and got angry at her, because she was dramatic and hysterical and kept poking him in the face. She believed that he would be the father of her children and at the age of 30 found herself alone and heartbroken. Since she got married and has children, he has entered into other relationships and done the same things, only that the women got on him faster (one of them even became my girlfriend) and he doesn't understand why I don't accept his friendship on Facebook. The guy is charming, charismatic and handsome and almost any woman would be charmed by him. If I didn't know the story - I would believe his version.
According to Psychopathy Checklist-Revised -Factor 1(Psychopathy) focuses on the emotional and interpersonal deficits of psychopathy, such as lack of empathy, manipulativeness, and shallow affect. -Factor 2(Sociopathy) emphasizes the lifestyle and antisocial behaviors, such as impulsivity, irresponsibility, and a tendency toward criminal behavior. I would say this dude fills out most of factor 1 ! The insane lies and manipulation are more on the psychopath side I would say. Sociopaths tend to be more honest and not always "bad" or "amoral" they can be a social deviant for many reasons A "Radical" in many shapes. A rebel and a terrorist are both sociopaths. The only difference is their morality but the factor 2 traits are all shared between the two. To go up against a bad regime/system you have to be impulsive, irresponsible and a "criminal" Mario's brother comes to mind. To spread an evil cult with fear because you are convinced it "saves people" yeh the same exact traits! As for psychopathy... It is very hard to imagine anything good coming out of it. I would say it is JUST all bad... But I don't have a degree in psychiatry, so maybe there is something I don't know.
Load More Replies...All those people who use “gaslighting” when someone is merely disagreeing with them should take a look at this.
As someone who was married for 14 mentally coerced years till I found the strength to get out your right on that note to many use the word lightly when it’s nothing t all what I went thru and this however is the true meaning of the word blessed be
Load More Replies...I have a family member in treatment/therapy for mental health issues, including a personality disorder. One of their dysfunctional traits is pathological lying. It's very possible he is unable to stop this behavior without help and doesn't understand or recognize why he does it or how devastating it can be to those victimized by it. His calling you out as if you're the problem is classic behavior. Get away and stay away, block him in every way possible and go completely no-contact. No relationship of any kind with this man is possible unless he commits to ongoing, active treatment and even then it will likely be an unpleasant roller coaster ride.

































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