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“After 21 Years, My Wife Still Can’t Get Her Head Around”: 35 Facts About Men Women Don’t Believe
People tend to make a lot of assumptions. With so much information to process every single day, it’s hard not to. But generalizations can lead to misinformation and a warped sense of reality. All of us need a wake-up call to keep us grounded, from time to time.
Recently, the members of the massively popular r/AskMen shed some light on what it’s like to live as a guy. They shared some of their top facts about men that women might not be aware of. We’ve collected some of their best insights to share with you. Check them out as you keep scrolling.
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#1
That many of us don't want to hurt women or make them uncomfortable.
I spend so much mental effort and time monitoring myself so I don't make the women around me uncomfortable. I understand why women feel like this - it only takes 1 s****y man to change someone's life forever. So I get you have to be vigilant.
I know I'm not dangerous. But I also know women have to operate under the assumption I could be dangerous for their own safety.
I get it. I just want you to feel safe.
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#2
You can think someone is attractive without being attractED to them.
Amelia Jade 4 months ago
I'm a woman and I absolutely believe this. I see men all the time that I can see are attractive. I can see why other people find them attractive, but I'm not attracted to them. Off the top of my head: Jason Momoa. He's clearly an attractive man. I can see that. But I'm not attracted to him. He does nothing for me. It's no different than all the women I find attractive that I'm not attracted to because I'm straight. I still have eyes though and can appreciate why others might be attracted to them.
#3
The reason why so many men don't show emotion is because at one point in our lives, we opened up, and it was used against us to some degree. It's happened to almost every man at some point. We choose to be distant so we don't get hurt again.
Kimberly Alison 4 months ago
This happens to women over and over again. We’ve been hurt too. It’s still better to share who you are.
It’s no wonder that there’s some misinformation about any topic, including men, floating around on the World Wide Web. People are more likely to believe information that gets repeated more frequently. This is true for both real facts and gossip.
This phenomenon is called the illusory truth effect. It’s a cognitive bias where individuals associate reliability and plausibility with repetition. Somewhat worryingly, it holds true even when someone starts off knowing that the information they’re hearing is false or if they’re suspicious of the source’s reliability.
#4
Sometimes we aren't consciously staring at some part of your body, we're just zoned out thinking about something and you happen to be in the line of sight.
#5
We can talk with our male friends for hours, and not find out a damn thing about what’s going on with their lives.
And we’re still cool with each other.
#6
That some of us need an emotional connection to enjoy sex.
Psychology Today explains that the illusory truth effect was first established in 1977 with the help of a series of psychological studies. During those studies, researchers found that every time an untrue statement was repeated, people’s confidence in the validity of the information grew.
While this can lead to the accidental spread of misinformation, others can deliberately use this cognitive bias to spread propaganda, especially related to political topics.
#7
We don't care for the long gel acrylics or threaded eyebrows or pound of make up.
#8
That as much as you assume we know what you're thinking, we don't. We like directions, instructions, not assuming that we know what we have to do.
Amelia Jade 4 months ago
This depends on what he means. I agree that communication is important. But if he's talking about things like household chores--then just no. I shouldn't have to direct and instruct another grown adult what needs to be done in the house. No one is directing and instructing me but I somehow know what needs to get done.
#9
Some of us don’t cheat. Some of us don’t like one night stands. I like to know my woman’s body. Easier to make them crazy about me.
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 4 months ago
I like to think MOST of us don't cheat. I'm 44 and never cheated once in my life. When I'm into someone I'm all in and I don't see other women that way. Never could wrap my head around cheating.
A major issue with countering the illusory truth effect is that pushing back against misinformation relies on repeating the same lies that you’re trying to debunk. This, ironically, only works to solidify those very same false facts.
One alternative solution is using the truth sandwich approach, as proposed by cognitive linguist George Lakoff. He suggested mentioning the truth, then the lie, and then describing the correct info. Lakoff suggests always repeating more truths than lies.
#10
We actually find you just as attractive without the makeup, my wife still doesn't believe me and gets confused when I compliment her makeup but she actually doesn't have any on. I really can't tell sometimes.
StrangeOne 4 months ago
Some women have such low self-esteem about their natural appearance within themselves, no amount of compliments will convince them otherwise. They worn makeup so much as a part of their morning routine that they don't feel awake and presentable without the pastes, creams and powders slathered on their faces. To them, they would feel unrecognizable and naked, perhaps even scary looking. It's psychological and they need therapy to undo that warped, dysphoric mindset of themselves.
#11
Women would be surprised to know just how many of us have been SAed.
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 4 months ago
THIS! It happened to me more than once. I was 21 years old when I was raped. I also used to date a woman who would get drunk on whiskey and beat me. It's far more common than people think.
#12
When I say “I don’t care” about something, I truly do not care. I don’t care if we go to visit your parents or go watch grass grow outside. I really want to do whatever makes you happy.
Another alternative is so-called prebunking or inoculation. In short, it involves first explaining how scientific information can be distorted and then moving on to the consensus on the subject.
What false truths have you personally heard about men, Pandas? What misinterpretations do you wish would get corrected everywhere on the internet? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section.
#13
It feels like many women are misinformed about what we find attractive.
Relaxenjoyyourself:
Very true. It seems to me that women get their idea of what a man finds attractive from other women and gay men. I think a lot of celebrity women are too thin and look sick.
The Darkest Timeline 4 months ago
Media also warps our sense of what is typical and realistic.
#14
The "Nothing Box"...we really do have the ability to think about nothing. Women have a hard trouble believing this. I refer to you the below comedian who explains it well....
Like how so many men love fishing and women can't understand...just switch off and think about nothing.
René Sauer 4 months ago
Wish I could do that. I am constantly thinking about hypothetical scenarios, like, what would I do if I win a couple million in the lottery? What kinda business would I open?
#15
Men want to, need to and would love to be expressive and vulnerable around you, sometimes switching roles and being the one with the shoulder we need to cry on is ok. It doesn’t mean we are weak, it means we trust you like we trust our mother and would like to open up and build a bond where we both feel supported by each other.
I’ve heard a lot of women complain that men don’t share or men aren’t emotional. Tbh if a man gets emotional, y’all either make fun of it, or dismiss him as a weakling, and then ask why we don’t get vulnerable around y’all. We just find it easier to share it with a guy friend (most of whom don’t know how to deal with their own emotional issues so supporting each other is out the window).
And to the few women I’ve met who understand and support men while they’re being vulnerable, thank you.
Arkham Wohlfert 4 months ago
Ok, yes, this is a big one. I hate this part. Pick a side, either you want me to be vulnerable, or you don't. Playing both is harmful, confusing and frustrating.
#16
That not all of us are misogynistic, domestic violence prone , controlling , anger issues having a******s . There are many of us who just want to be heard , asked about our interests, accompany you and die fighting for you .
Oh yeah and we just wanna be held sometimes.
#17
Women don’t know what men find attractive. A lot of women I know personally think men love playing mind games. Think playing hot or cold because “men love mystery”. One of the dumbest things I’ve heard in a long time.
winterwidow87 4 months ago
I think it's being ingrained in them by romance novels/movies. The same type of novels/movies that tell the guy to keep chasing the girl after she said no because eventually she'll give in. Those things have done so much damage for straight relationships.
#18
1) Sometimes erections happen and has nothing to do with what we're seeing or thinking about.
2) We really don't get complimented ever. I've seen some women on here recently claim this isn't true.
3) Women are just as responsible as men for men suppressing emotions.
StrangeOne 4 months ago
I think women just don't compliment men because we're worried it's not something men are comfortable with, or it's deemed as not masculine to give a compliment. Women may also feel like if we give a compliment we're inviting the interaction to go further than wanted.
#19
That we are ready to bang anytime. First of all, I can't get aroused about a woman I don't respect. Don't care how bouncy your figure is if you talk down to the help.
#21
Sometimes we don't feel like talking doesn't mean there is anything wrong. We just need time in our own heads sometimes.
#22
I gave up dating and chasing women years ago. I was never any good at it and never found it was worth the effort. I'm perfectly fine single so I just can't muster the enthusiasm to bother putting the effort in any more.
My female friends and family flat out refuse to believe I haven't been on a date or hooked up with anyone in about 5 years. They view all guys as desperate, s*x crazed maniacs and the notion that as a single, straight, apparently reasonably attractive man I'm not out trying to hook up with women constantly just does not compute with them and they refuse to believe it.
They think I'm lying or I'm hiding some secret harem of women somewhere, and I've even had some of them try to test if I'm actually gay and hiding it. When I've explained my issues with dating to them in the past they just scoff at it and say 'why don't you just go to a bar and hook up with someone or download a dating app', as if that's all I have to do and I'll have women lining up to get with me. They're baffled when I say it's not that easy for some guys.
#23
Many women believe we don’t care about emotional connection as much as they do, but in reality, we often value it deeply but might express it differently.
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 4 months ago
I blame "gender roles". Strong men are supposed to be stoic and strong. Utter BS. We aren't that different.
#24
There are many of us who can work full-time, raise kids, and maintain a household perfectly fine.
#25
That we can find women who look very different attractive at the same time.
Amelia Jade 4 months ago
Women do this too. I have pretty equal crushes on both Keanu Reeves and Chris Farley, and was crazy about Donald Sutherland.
#26
We don’t want our girl to be like the girl I like on my instagram feed.
#27
We can go months without ever receiving any attention from the opposite sex.
Christopher Crockett 4 months ago
It’s been close to a decade. My own fault really, I just stopped dating when I felt I had nothing left to offer. I miss being with someone that way, but if there isn’t any connection, I just can’t abide. I’m just scenery for other peoples stories now. Not complaining, just stating what is.
#28
That we don't just care about s*x, and that some of us actually care very little about it at all.
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 4 months ago
There's that whole myth that men think about sex every 12 seconds. It's simply not true.
#29
We really dont talk s**t or sex about you.
Can't remember the last time a bud has talked about their sex life or drama life, we just don't talk about that.
Arkham Wohlfert 4 months ago
Ok yeah, this one is just false. When I began "passing" as male after being on hormones to transition from female to male, one of the top 2 major differences I noticed right away was that when men didn't know i was trans they would just randomly start talking super inappropriately about women in their lives, or even just some woman that just left the room. When they know i am, it's rare but still happens. It's either "that b***h is crazy" or something about their bodies and what they do or don't want to do with them. It's far worse than I expected, actually.
#30
The likelihood that we will be over 6 foot, have a good family life, can travel anywhere at the drop of a hat _and_ making 6 figure income is extremely small.
#31
1. erections are involuntary. Sometimes a response to mental or physical stimulation, but sometimes you can find yourself having an erection you don't want, and everyone thinks you're horny when you're not.
2. we have a stitchline on our balls from when the labia fused in the womb to create what then became the ballsack.
3. we all have a shoebox of old wires, adapters, connectors, and cables.
4. sometimes we slam doors and break things, not because we're angry or anything like that, but it can be hard to control your strength sometimes, so you might slam a door and then instantly recoil like "oh f**k oh f**k oh f**k" because you realized you shut it too hard - this is also why some men might be averse/scared to choke or slap girls in bed who ask for it; we don't want to cause actual harm, and it's very easy to accidentally go too hard.
5. I don't know anything about, nor talk about, my friends' partners. I care about my friends, but I don't ever think to ask about their partners. whether it's a person they're dating, or one they're set to marry.
6. A lot of guys can be satisfied with a mattress on the floor, a tv and a fridge with only basic supplies. Anything else is nice-to-have, but not necessary for us to want to spend our entire weekend at home just lounging around.
7. and of course, we spend years trying different positions to optimize our fart-sounds.
#33
That it’s entirely possible to be a perfectly decent guy with social skills and a good heart, yet still struggle to find love.
I’ve found that, as a man, if you ever say you’re struggling with dating, YOU by default are the problem and people will turn into private investigators trying to find out what’s wrong with you. Maybe you’re unhygienic, or you just don’t groom yourself, or you’re secretly a misogynist. It has to be *something*
No, that’s not necessarily true. That is called the Just World Fallacy. If you can’t get a date, people will often give you nothing advice like “just take a shower,” assuming that if dating is a struggle for you then you must genuinely be that clueless. There are scores of well put together men that just aren’t finding love for any number of reasons that are out of their control and insinuating that they always must be doing something wrong perpetuates the stigma against people who are single in adulthood. The stigma that they’re single because something is wrong with them.
I don’t doubt a lot of men have some ridiculous blind spots in the dating world, but based on dating discourse I’ve seen on here, it seems a lot of women think all a man has to do is be a good and fun human being and he’ll be snatched up immediately.
John Cole 4 months ago
So true. Its a lot of pressure to think its always something you are doing wrong. The older I get, the more I think formal dates are quite weird anyway. My wife of 10 years, the best thing when we first met was how little pressure there was. We just hung out and had fun with no judgement, that's how we knew! Every other date I'd been on was just so dang exhausting.
#34
When we say we're fine we mean it... Alternatively if we say we aren't thinking about anything.
LonelyLittleLeafSheep 4 months ago
Fine. F****d up, insecure, neurotic, and emotional. Yep, everybody's just fine.
#35
That almost all the s****y things that happen to women at work also happen to men. We get talked over, talked down to, excluded, "mansplained" too, and underpaid as well. The number of times I've heard women complain about this stuff as if it only happens to women is unreal. Maybe it happens more to women, I don't know, but some women seem to believe it literally never happens to men.
There actually isn't a "boys club" where all the men get together smoke cigars, drink brandy, and discuss how we're going to keep the womenfolk down and rate their b**bs.
What do you think ?
similarly 4 months ago
Okay, what about me do I think might surprise women? I like intelligent women. I have female friends. I care about the feelings of the women around me. I'm in my fifties, but I still make an effort to learn more and more how to be a better person, how treat others the way they want to be treated. I said this in a comment above, but I'll say it again: I think I've learned a lot at BP. I think reading people's comments, and learning about people's experiences has really helped me think about how I talk to people, how I act around people. It's really helped me to read about things, for example, that people don't like, or that make people uncomfortable. I think that's the important thing about our communication at BP, is our ability to share with each other and learn from each other through communication.
Auntriarch 4 months ago
Yes! Also I can promise you that the question 'what are you thinking ' will empty my mind quicker than a Dyson vacuum cleaner
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similarly 4 months ago
Okay, what about me do I think might surprise women? I like intelligent women. I have female friends. I care about the feelings of the women around me. I'm in my fifties, but I still make an effort to learn more and more how to be a better person, how treat others the way they want to be treated. I said this in a comment above, but I'll say it again: I think I've learned a lot at BP. I think reading people's comments, and learning about people's experiences has really helped me think about how I talk to people, how I act around people. It's really helped me to read about things, for example, that people don't like, or that make people uncomfortable. I think that's the important thing about our communication at BP, is our ability to share with each other and learn from each other through communication.
Auntriarch 4 months ago
Yes! Also I can promise you that the question 'what are you thinking ' will empty my mind quicker than a Dyson vacuum cleaner
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