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Have you ever found yourself in a situation where someone was acting inappropriate, but no one besides you didn’t seem to notice? And you didn’t say anything just because you felt as if it would just make everything worse? This TikTok user @nayaaford asked her followers to share what is something that people find normal or even idealised when it is an example of toxic behaviour. In her video that has 49.6k likes and almost 3.5k comments, she pointed out that one of the examples of toxic behaviour is wanting a “significant other” who is unfriendly and even mean to other people just because this would mean that they are not going to cheat.

Image credits: jade:

#1

Minimizing your own experience by saying “others have it way worse than you”. No. My feelings are valid regardless of how worse it could be.

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Pezor Zass
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's a balance here, though; you need to feel like your feelings are valid, but you also need perspective. too much either way is bad.

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It encouraged more people to share their examples of toxic behaviour in the comment section: overprotected partners who end up being control freaks, covering early abuse signs with “if someone is mean to you, it means they like you”, or blaming one’s bad behaviours or lack of responsibility to their zodiac sign. This endless list shows some ridiculous as well as serious problems that society faces but not really takes into consideration, instead they are simply normalised.

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    #2

    Telling little girls "if hes being mean to you it means he likes you"... no.. just no

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    QueenMiri
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Abuse is not a form of affection. If he is mean to you he is an asshole.

    Missy Moo Moo
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I studied engineering in the 90s, one of 10 females out of 200 guys and they were so mean to me! Omg horrible! So I swapped to a science degree and eventually did engineering a decade later. The guys were nice to me then but with 10 years older and wiser there was no way I was going to put up with that bs. Have crossed paths with all the mean boys over the years and they all hit on me. And I must add that 2/3rds of the men I work with now are foul because they don't want to work with women. Not just me, any women

    Caroline Nagel
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In Dutch we have the expression: 'meisjes plagen, is kusjes vragen' - teasing girls is asking for kisses. Such a bunch of nonsense. It is just to demean girls.

    elStiJneriNO
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    but jongens plagen is liefde vragen. the dutch are fair enough to demean boys too.

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    HooowlAtTheMoon
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    An excuse for boys being jerks. Just like the phrase "Boys will be boys" I HATE that phrase. Boys will be held responsible for their actions like everyone else.

    Aliquid A
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well... it is true, BUT that doesn't mean it is ok. Little boys who crave attention and lack social skills will pester people for attention. They don't care if it is "negative attention" or "positive attention", they are just starving for attention, and they know that pestering the heck out of someone will force them to pay attention. So, yes, he is being mean because he likes you and wants you to notice him, but that does NOT make it ok. Someone needs to work with him on proper social skills on how to get positive attention. If that fails, get him on ADHD medication, because it is almost impossible for a kid to socialize in a healthy way if they truly have ADHD. I knew a little boy who would cry every day at school "nobody wants to play with me"... and the instinctive response for adults was "well that's because you are annoying", but you can't go and say that to a kid... after trying therapy, the parents put him on meds, and he slowly started making real friends.

    Scagsy
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You might be right but I am not a big fan of medicating little kids just because they have too much energy. My neice was always happy and busy and showing you things whilst chattering away happily. Then the school claim she has ADHD and the next thing she's on medication which has stripped her of her personality. No longer the energetic, bubbly, fun kid, but instead a much more introspective, solitary child. The medication may have helped the teachers manage her but I am devastated that her personality has been subdued so much. It's heartbreaking. I would always suggest exhausting all other possibilities before using drugs to suppress a child's enthusiasm for life.

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    GirlFriday
    Community Member
    Premium
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That is telling the little girl "It is easier for us to get you to like it than it is for us to teach him not to do it."

    Busy_D
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Normally it's the other way around, i.e. "If she's mean to you, she likes you." I was told this alot as a kid

    bxttery_bxby
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I feel like that's why so many people have stayed in abusive relationships. They've been told this since they were children

    Ambar
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i was never told that, i was told "if someone is mean to you, you tell a teacher, mommy, or daddy"

    Ancsuri
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My grandfather taught be how to do boxing at the age of 4 or 5. if a boy was trying to be mean to me, I was very mean to him. My granddad always said, that you dont need to endure anything, but you need to know how to protect yourself.

    Kat
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    One boy from my daughters class did that and his mother sais this. I told her that, no it's just bad example of parenting and that her son is going to grow up a real a-hole, if she doesn't do anything about it now. She was pissed but her son stopped bullying my daughter, so maybe she eventually realized whay I said what I said.

    Tabby_Sohee
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Because of this, I only ever was very friendly to the boys that were rude to me / teased me in elementary school because of everyone telling me that they liked me, so I should be nice to them. LOL - now I just roast them ;-; not worth my time

    deanna woods
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For the most part, if he is being mean to you, he's a bully. If someone really likes you, they won't hurt you. I learned that with my high school guy best friend. He treated me very well.

    Capelli rosa e patate
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is true to an extent! Little boys don’t realize how to handle their feelings of affection. All they need is someone to teach them. Once out of toddler/little kid phase thought, THEN it’s not scientifically backed up. Simply a matter of educating young boys.

    debrina blackmoon
    Community Member
    3 years ago

    This comment has been deleted.

    Charles Amoranto
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am mean to girls because i don't want to be do close to them. And if you are a sweet guy they will just call you play boy. Even though you are just concern so i just hide my concern and sometimes mean to them and help them behind their back

    Xylle Flora
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah, that guy in third grade who pushed me down the stairs did that because he liked me! Totally makes sense!

    Logic and Reason
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was told that, but I was also taught to recognize the difference between teasing and someone actually being mean.

    Sophia Atkinson
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When I was little, I liked this boy and thought if this worked for guys it should work for girls. So everyday I did what another boy had done because he liked me. Ran up to this boy and squeeze him very tight. I did this for about a week and half before I got in trouble. But the kid who was doing it to me kept doing it for the whole school year and got off scot free!

    Evan Tambolang
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's what my parents said to me every time I'm being bullied in school: "They doing that because they like you." Biggest bullcrap I've ever heard

    themossman
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There’s a difference between being mean, and teasing. Please remember that

    H Edwards
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Maybe you are a different generation, and people are better at this sh*t now. But I was told this all the time when I was growing up. It's (in my opinion) another version of 'they are mean to you because they are jealous' which can be partially true but doesn't make it ok.

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    -Stitch-
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How to people feel comfortable bullying the person they like? That’s just a no no if someone did that to me and asked to go on a date THE KNLY LOGICAL ANSWER IS NO

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    #3

    Giving men glory for doing all the normal things women do..ie: cleaning, cooking, caring for their own kids, grocery shopping, etc

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    kennedy1209
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I realize I am in the minority here - But I actually hate that it is assumed that my wife does all of those things and gets all the glory, when I am the one who does them all.

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    The virality of the video and the number of comments of this TikTok video showed that people are actually aware of these toxic behaviours. But why then people get along with these situations? Most of them occur in the family and groups of friends. So not saying to your family member or a close friend that they are being unreasonable saves you from a fight that at first seems unnecessary because these people are close to you, so why would they want bad things for you?

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    #4

    People bragging that they are “brutally honest”. You can be honest without being Brutal.

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    #5

    Don't come at me but moms who excessively drink wine to put up with their kids. you'll never convince me it's ok .

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    Later all these saved fights turn little annoying behaviours into normalised habits: spitting something upsetting and then calling yourself “brutally honest”, being abusive towards your son’s/daughter’s partner, or spreading toxic positivity when clearly this is not the way to solve an occurring problem.

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    Do you also find some other things that people say or do to be toxic, or maybe you know an effective way on how to stop this kind of behaviour? Share your thoughts in the comments!

    #7

    Giving money to homeless on YouTube. Toxic. You don't need other people to see you doing charitable things for it to be worth doing.

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    Marianne
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Also think about the people on the receiving end who probably don't want to be on some stranger's social media while they are in a bad place in their lives.

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    #8

    Toxic positivity... let people feel

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    #9

    They use their zodiac sign to justify their actions and anger issues.

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    Marianne
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Who does that? I'm a Scorpio and I am so annoyed by all the negative prejudices. No, I am not a psychopath because I was born in November and I am certainly not going to make anyone believe that this is a thing.

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    #10

    Adhd- just because you were late a few times and got distracted by your friends in class doesn't mean you have it. It's not fun and quirky.

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    Bird lover
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    YES don't just self-diagnose because you daydream. Tell me once a professional diagnoses you bitch

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    #11

    Being each other's “everything”. Nah y'all both need lives, family, and friends

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    denzoren
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    #Facts. Sure you want to spend time with each other but you also have lives outside of it. I don't mean to ignore your partner either btw.

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    #12

    "Push yourself till it hurts” when it comes to work, school, physical activities. I don't get paid enough to go over my physical limits.

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    #13

    Treating trauma/traumatic events as a competition.

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    #14

    When the current gfs hate their boyfriends ex's for no other reason but the fact they dated him.

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    Kateryna
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or exes who hate the current partner of their ex-partner for the same reason

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    #15

    Mother in law's being abusive towards their son mates it's normal in so many cultures and it's NEVER OKAY

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    Ambar
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    let me tell you, my mother is getting married to her boyfriend and he has met my grandmother and she is NOT abusive nor is my mom's boyfriend's mom abusive to her as far as I know. this needs to stop since it puts a bad name of MIL

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    #16

    Men not taking care of their children because they have a new woman in their life

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    #17

    The whole “respect your elders” where I agree, you should show respect but there is a lot of disrespectful elderly and people in general who don't

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    Marianne
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I generally try to show respect to every person I meet until they give me reason to stop respecting them.

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    #18

    But we got a baby together so we gotta stay together

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    Marianne
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Kids might prefer divorced parents to a home where fights and anger are a daily issue.

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    #19

    Overprotective partners - your partner should trust your judgment enough to let you stand up for yourself or ask for their help when it's needed

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    A
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Many romantic movies do this and it irritates me. So many creepy or abusive actions or traits are seen as romantic in movies because the love interest is physically attractive. Just stop....

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    #20

    Hustle culture for me. Would rather have a good paying 9-5 than 3 entrepreneural "hustles"

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    denzoren
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Hustle" has just become so overused and watered down. What they don't show you is 95% of those "hustlers" have financial support outside of the hustle.

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    #21

    People romanticise "being crazy" in relationships. "Yeah she's so crazy, she deleted every girl off my Facebook, she's so crazy I love her though

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    #22

    Friendzoning! setting boundaries in friendships should be okay. no one owes you getting into a relationship

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    anarkzie
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This one is weird. The Friend Zone just means that someone you like doesn't like you back, it will happen to every adult at some point in their life, it has nothing to do with being owed something.

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    #23

    Going through your partners phone

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    cookie panda
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    this is actually rlly disrespectful and disgusting. m8, if they let you use their phone its bc they trust you. don't exploit that.

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    #24

    Possessive partners

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    denzoren
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am assuming they mean a partner that wants to know exactly what you're doing every second of the day and want you to be with them 24/7....I'm assuming.

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    #25

    The ‘psycho' girlfriend. There's a difference between boundaries and control/abuse

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    #26

    The concept of forgiveness nowadays is just "oh yeah they hurt you and u prob have trauma u will deal with forever but just forgive and move on" um no

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    beavis
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah like my ex friends beat me up ( I had bruises) I got horrible anxiety that they would stab me while I was outside bc my mum asked me to go to the store, after the weekend one of them ( didn't even apologise) asked if we could be friends again and I said no bc they beat me caused me pain and anxiety and made me scared to go outside

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    #27

    When people talk about beating there kids or scaring there kids

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    anarkzie
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I feel that this attitude has thankfully changed in the part of the world that I live in, it seems mad to me that someone would think that hitting a child is somehow okay.

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    #28

    I don't know if this is toxic but people think that because two people have been together for years their relationship is perfect and healthy.

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    Ambar
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    love can break down. it doesn't matter how long you have been together it matters if your love is still strong that can build up a relationship

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    #29

    Any beauty standards

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    Marianne
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Best way to improve your body image: Throw away any fashion magazines. Go to places where you see real people's bodies, e.g. public pools. (Saunas if you live in a place where this is a thing. Seeing naked strangers will show you that NO ONE has the perfect body.)

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    #30

    Couples that take pride in being each other's only friends and spend ALL their time together. It's good to be separate from your partner sometimes

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    Ambar
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    spend some time with family, friends, or just alone time for yourself

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    #31

    For kids-he picks on her cause he likes her.

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    #32

    Hyper independence when really its just unaddressed childhood or other past trauma

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    denzoren
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've got that trait and I can definitely tell you...it was past trauma.

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    #34

    Befriending the kid that's alone out of pity. Bruh sometimes they just don't like the environment or people

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    cookie panda
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    it is nice to ask if they need a friend, but if they say no don't push it like: "oh don't be scared i wont be mean i promise" like just give them some space, you don't know what they might be going through.

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    #35

    Being petty, people wear it as a badge of honor. You can have boundaries so people don't overstep but being petty is usually just extreme immaturity.

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    #36

    Anger issues

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    cookie panda
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    if someone has anger issues and they ask for space don't be like: but whyy? aw are u mad? they want their space to cool off for a bit and are tryina be polite about it.

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    #37

    Drinking because you are stressed or overwhelmed.

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    #38

    Having no feelings and not wanting to admit when you actually care or when something is actually affecting you

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    cookie panda
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    another one: people glorify depression of all things. like 4 real? depression?

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    #39

    People bragging about having no boundaries like how their bestfriends just show up in their rooms with no notice like some ppl need boundaries

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    David Butler
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is, literally, a recurring nightmare. Doors and windows in my dream-room never stay closed, and dream-people never stay out. I grew up an introvert in a family of extroverts.

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    #40

    Standing by a partner when they are unwilling to better themselves and their life situation

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    anarkzie
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Some of these people that unwilling to better themselves have underlying mental health issues, depression etc; it's tricky.

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    #41

    Being a ride or die

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    #42

    The idea your friends owe you so much more than they really do... let people be independent and live their lives. Be a good friend but don't be clingy

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    Alexis Bilodeau
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You owe me nothing, I owe you nothing, what I do for you is of my own volition so don't keep tab

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    #44

    Maladaptive Daydreaming- its not cute and fun, you miss out on ur life and become extremely dependent on it. you also can't turn it off its alwys on

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    cookie panda
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    question, i make storys in my head. a lot. is this the same thing? i get carried off sometimes but it hasn't hurt me.

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    #45

    Not texting people back that you like

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    #46

    Having multiple partners /cheating

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    blue
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    multiple partners isnt toxic as long as everyone is consenting and aware of it all! its called polyamory, and theres nothing wrong with it at all :]

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