Many parents want to spark their kids’ interest in something that they themselves were—or still are—interested in.

But this redditor made sure that her children knew that they didn’t have to take part in an activity that they were not interested in. In her daughter’s case, it was cheerleading—something that the girl’s dad’s new partner—his affair partner, as the OP calls her—really wanted her to take part in. Unsurprisingly, the woman pressuring the girl into cheerleading became a problem and even led to the OP wondering if she was a jerk for how she handled the dispute.

While some parents try to force their kids into taking up certain activities, others let them make such decisions themselves

Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)

This woman found herself at war with her ex’s “affair partner,” who was pressuring her daughter into taking up cheerleading

Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)

Image source: Competitive-Let-8254

It’s important to know your child well before encouraging them to take up some sort of activity

It’s no secret that forcing your child—especially a teenager—to do something will likely result in acts of rebellion, whether it’s washing dishes, doing homework, or maybe even something fun that they refuse to do for one reason or another. Unsurprisingly, trying to put them up for activities they’re not interested in might also not be met with great enthusiasm.

While forcing a child to do something they loathe is not good, what about forcing them to push through something when it gets tough? For instance, when they’ve always loved basketball, but all of a sudden, it becomes too much and they want to quit. Should parents support their decision or encourage them to keep going? Also, where is the line between forcing and encouraging?

These questions have likely run through the heads of many parents. And it will probably come as no surprise, but there is no right answer to them. What works for one child might not work for another, so it’s important to know your kid well.

Dr. Janine Domingues, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute, suggests that encouraging children can have a positive impact on their confidence. “I think it gives them a sense of confidence to know that if there is a challenging moment, as a parent, you’re helping them to problem solve it through as opposed to completely removing it or taking the problem away,” Dr. Domingues commented on a piece for the Child Mind Institute. “A child really does feel accomplished and good about the fact that they were able to get through it.”

However, the expert continued to point out that in such situations, it’s important to know your child well, especially when it comes to extracurriculars. “If they’re not into sports, then pushing them into team sports may not be the best thing,” she said, adding that it might be better to look for an alternative that might tick the boxes of what you, as a parent, would like your child to take part in and what they themselves would enjoy.

Parents have to remember that even if they enjoyed something as kids, their children might not enjoy it equally as much

Delving deeper into the topic, another expert, a child and adolescent psychiatrist, Dr. Harold S. Koplewicz, suggested that if an activity is met with resistance from the child, it might be necessary for the parent to reevaluate their motivations. “Are we encouraging or pushing our kids because it’s in their best interest, or is it something we’re doing for ourselves?,” he commented for the Child Mind Institute.

That is another problem that tends to stand in the way of kids choosing an activity they enjoy. While some parents eagerly advertise their beloved activity in the hopes that their offspring will enjoy it as much as they do (or did), others tend to live vicariously through their children. Needless to say, that can lead to additional pressure, especially if the child doesn’t enjoy it nearly as much.

In the OP’s daughter’s case, it was cheerleading that her dad’s partner pressured her to take upon. But despite its popularity—according to last year’s data, over 3.8 million Americans aged six and older participated in cheerleading—the activity didn’t appeal to the OP’s daughter the slightest bit.

That was one of the reasons the girl’s mother didn’t appreciate her ex’s “affair partner” pushing her daughter. She was also seemingly worried about the likelihood of cheerleading-related injury. Some research points out that high school cheerleaders experience an average of 3.8 injuries throughout their careers. The mom shared her concerns in the comments, where fellow netizens shared their varying opinions on the situation, too.

The woman provided more details in the comments

Fellow netizens shared their thoughts on the situation; many didn’t think the mom was a jerk

Some people believed everyone involved was being jerks to each other

A few netizens weren’t willing to side with the OP

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