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Man Cheats On GF With Her Best Friend, They Harass Her When She Refuses To Attend Their Wedding
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Man Cheats On GF With Her Best Friend, They Harass Her When She Refuses To Attend Their Wedding

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Getting cheated on sucks, but when they cheat on you with your friend, that hits twice as hard. 54% of Americans say they have been cheated on at some point in their lives, either physically or emotionally. The least anybody would expect in such a situation is an invitation to the couple’s wedding.

Yet, that’s exactly what happened to this woman. She recently shared a story about how her ex-boyfriend and best friend whom he cheated with asked her to attend their wedding. When family members started pressuring her to go, she decided to ask the Internet whether refusing the invitation was such a jerk move.

To better understand where that pressure might be coming from, Bored Panda contacted Lisa Brookes Kift, LMFT. She kindly agreed to tell us why someone would want their ex-girlfriend and ex-best friend to attend their wedding, and how people in a situation like the author’s can establish boundaries.

More info: Love and Life Toolbox | Marin Therapy and Counseling | Ask Lisa Consultations | Instagram

RELATED:

    This woman got news from her ex-BF and ex-best friend that they’re getting married

    Image credits: RDNE Stock project/Pexels (not the actual photo)

    Interestingly, they were very insistent on her attending, even when she refused

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    Image credits: Jeremy Wong/Pexels (not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: Juan Pablo Serrano/Pexels (not the actual photo)

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    It’s hard to understand why the couple would want the author to attend their wedding

    Image credits: Jeremy Wong/Pexels (not the actual photo)

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    Many people can’t imagine having a friendly relationship with an ex, but it does happen quite often. 17% of Americans say they are friends with all their exes, and 35% claim they’re friends with at least one of their former partners.

    However, that all goes out of the window when the partner cheats on you. Infidelity is one of the most extreme cases of disrespect, so, it can be really hard – nearly impossible – to be on good terms with the person who did you so wrong.

    Licensed therapist Lisa Brookes Kift tells Bored Panda it’s hard to understand why the couple would extend such an invitation to the author. “It makes no sense unless there is a desire to inflict more pain,” Kift points out.

    “Or there is a profound lack of emotional intelligence around how this would make her feel, which is most likely,” she adds. “If that were the case, perhaps guilt for their actions lies underneath this and they hoped somehow they could get some kind of closure for themselves for their harmful behavior. Regardless…ouch!”

    How might one go about telling a firm “No” in such a situation? “People who are challenged with setting boundaries are often also people-pleasers, are conflict avoidant and are challenged in saying ‘no,'” Kift says.

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    “But they also likely carry resentment inside for not speaking their truth. Because they have spent so long adapting to the wishes of others and not causing waves, it’s hard for them to not acquiesce to pressure.”

    Kift explains that it’s necessary to develop a stronger sense of self. People who have a hard time setting boundaries need to understand that being aggressive and being assertive are two different things. Go for assertive, not aggressive.

    The couple may want to stop feeling guilty for what they did to the OP, but that’s not how forgiveness works

    Image credits: Marcelo Chagas/Pexels (not the actual photo)

    When you hurt somebody – cheat on them, for example – there might be a lot of different emotions to deal with. Most cheaters feel shame and guilt and think that simply being sorry will make the victim of the cheating forgive them.

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    However, forgiveness is not possible without remorse. The cheaters need to arrive at a place where they admit to hurting the person and seek forgiveness for that. If they’re saying ‘Sorry’ only because they want to shake off the feelings of guilt and shame, the path to reconciliation is less probable.

    “[Guilt] often seems flat, emotionless, and is more focused on moving on and getting the ‘punishment’ over with,” Margalis Fjelstad, Ph.D., LMFT, told Brides. In this case, the couple may push so hard for the OP to attend the wedding because that would signify that the OP forgives them.

    So, what does true remorse look like? Apologizing often and being precise about what you’re apologizing for. Seeking true forgiveness is about lessening the pain for the one who got cheated on, not about making the cheater feel better about themselves.

    People pointed out this was about them not feeling guilty anymore, so the woman had no obligation to go to the wedding

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    Kornelija Viečaitė

    Kornelija Viečaitė

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    Hi there, fellow pandas! As a person (over)educated both in social sciences and literature, I'm most interested in how we connect and behave online (and sometimes in real life too.) The human experience is weird, so I try my best to put its peculiarities in writing. As a person who grew up chronically online, I now try to marry two sides of myself: the one who knows too much about MySpace, and the one who can't settle and needs to see every corner of the world.

    Read less »
    Kornelija Viečaitė

    Kornelija Viečaitė

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Hi there, fellow pandas! As a person (over)educated both in social sciences and literature, I'm most interested in how we connect and behave online (and sometimes in real life too.) The human experience is weird, so I try my best to put its peculiarities in writing. As a person who grew up chronically online, I now try to marry two sides of myself: the one who knows too much about MySpace, and the one who can't settle and needs to see every corner of the world.

    Jonas Zvilius

    Jonas Zvilius

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    This lazy panda forgot to write something about itself.

    Read less »

    Jonas Zvilius

    Jonas Zvilius

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    This lazy panda forgot to write something about itself.

    What do you think ?
    Add photo comments
    POST
    Bowtechie
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    First commenter hit it right on the head. They want OP to come as a sort of symbol of absolution for their behavior. She shows up acting happy for them and then the couple can basically convey the message "hey it worked out, see? she's totally cool with it and everyone can forget how this relationship started!" to everyone in attendance who knows the full story and may or may not be giving some side eye to the whole affair (pun fully intended)

    Cronecast AtTheRisingMoon
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It’s that or they have been lying about the timeline of getting together to hide the cheating aspect and OP not going blows the cover story that there was no overlap. They have to be lying about the cheating otherwise it makes zero sense that multiple people are pressuring her. They must be telling people she just couldn’t accept the relationship rather than they both betrayed her. I hope because otherwise those people are really weird.

    Load More Replies...
    Happenstance
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    “No” is a complete sentence. This is unhinged, weird and completely inappropriate. I think it is them trying to save face. They are not in reality and not deserving of your time. Not your monkeys, not your circus. I’m so glad, as you sound like you are doing great. The best revenge is living well. What complete psychos.

    Mike F
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Agreed, "no" is a complete sentence, so is FU¢K OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE! I'd tell them that they may feel like an affirmative response will assuage their guilt, but I owe you nothing. - Or - accept the invitation and go through all of the pre-wedding nonsense, then on the day of, go to bar while they wait for something that ain't happening, ie, your arrival.

    Load More Replies...
    Marno C.
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They are bad people who did a bad thing. They don't like feeling like bad people. Their friends don't like that they love and support bad people Yet, they don't want to do the hard work of apologizing, taking responsibility, making amends, being honest with themselves, and reforming. Instead, they figure that if they guilt and pressure the victim into acting like nothing bad happened, they will no longer be bad people and their bad things will just be 'unconventional.' They want an easy solution to change the uncomfortable truth into something more palatable.

    Pyla
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I feel like I need an update. Why are people so insistent?

    Terran
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah, I get why the couple wants to get OP to their wedding, but why do other people also call her? I feel like something is going on here

    Load More Replies...
    Beak Hookage
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How are you supposed to "let bygones be bygones" when the people who wronged you never even apologised? Sounds to me like they just want to rub it in her face. The whole thing is completely psychotic.

    michelle s
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I suspect that a lot of the old friend group are on OP's side and as a result are not going to go to the wedding. As a result the cheaters are getting a lot of rsvp of NO! They think that if they get OP there all their old friends will come running back. But these stupid little children are now along with their family instead making matters worse by harassing OP and making her close to reacting in a negative way that will make their life harder. People need to own their actions in life and understand their are things that cannot be forgotten or forgiven.

    Broadredpanda
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The thing is is that it's mutual friends asking. I believe that her ex boyfriend and girlfriend are asking them to ask her? It's stinks of them planning something.

    Load More Replies...
    Isobel Stevens
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We speak a lot about consent, but not in every day life. Consent is not just a thing for s xual intercourses, it's showing respect as well to what a person wants or not. I keep telling that toi often when people or friends insist, and every time I ask, I feel that I have to say "if you don't want to, no problem! Whatever you want!"

    BrownEyedPanda
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Perhaps OP can put things in perspective by posting the texts and messages she's received online. Every. Single. One. Give the backstory, then follow up with the subsequent texts and messages surrounding the nuptials. Even diehard TikTokkers would agree that this behavior is obsessive. Even better, post the whole kit and caboodle on Charlotte Dobre's website. She would oh-so-succintly evicerate the disgusting couple and their flying monkeys. Nothing like public humiliation to drive home a point.

    Schmebulock
    Community Member
    2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Once a cheater always a cheater and like everyone is saying they don't want to be know for that.

    Id row
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If OP wants to leave a lasting impression, she should show up in a wedding dress, start crying and sobbing, "How could you do this to us?!?" then just leave. The ensuing chaos will be legendary.

    Guess Undheit
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It might be too late, but I would have started documenting everything. How many messages and from whom, recorded calls, etc., and make it public that they wouldn't take no for an answer AFTER the OP polite said no.

    SheamusFanFrom1987
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They want to absolve themselves for their infidelity by forcing OP's hand, OP should just NOPE them with a major block and legal action if they keep harassing her. I hope OP stands strong in denying them their clean slate and forces them to live with the consequences of their cheating ways. People, SMH!!!

    Scott Rackley
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Are people this morally ambivalent?" *looks around* "Have you been paying attention?"

    notlikeyou1971
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Tell the couple that you are reporting them to the police for harassment. You then go to the cops Tell the cops that these people won't stop bothering you. Once you tell the couple to leave you alone,they ask others to join in to call you or call from other numbers. You legally CAN do it. These people refuse to take NO for an answer or leave you alone? There are consequences. Let them face the consequences. The only reason that they want you there is to look like you forgave them and to feel better about what they did anyway. Don't go. Also stop them from bothering you. If they won't leave you alone, MAKE EVERYONE LEAVE YOU ALONE! Start with the couple. Make them and the flying monkeys stop. Cops can stop it.

    Squirrelly Panda
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And on the forgiveness front, it sounds like OP has already forgiven them, as the cheaters have no space in her head or heart. That does not absolve them of the wrongs they did and OP is very right to not go to their wedding.

    Broadredpanda
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I know this has already happened but, something is really off. This has made me squirm because of the amount of people trying to get you to go. It can't be guilt, and that they want everyone else to believe you've forgiven them so everything is cool, because everyone who is going out of their way to contact you, doesn't have a problem or they wouldn't be going to their wedding. I feel something is wrong here! I wonder if he (ex) is pushing it more? Simply because he's a player and would like his cake and eat it. Something is very wrong here!

    P.L. Packer
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The only way I would suggest OP go to the wedding is to go wearing a beautiful wedding gown with a veil, train and flowers....the whole 9 yards (rent one, borrow one or go to a thrift store). Then make a speech in the middle of the ceremony about how this is the only chance she could wear the gown picked to wear when she thought she was going to marry the groom. But he chose to cheat with her best friend, instead. I actually think they have something planned and need OP there to make it happen. DON'T GO!

    Bookworm
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm wondering if they want to relieve their guilt while also trying to convince OP to pay for something for their wedding. I'm highly suspicious of random contact like this especially from people who have wronged you. Perhaps they were looking at their budget and went 'oh we don't have enough for X' let's ask OP. She hasn't contributed and she introduced us. Yes I know people dumb and greedy enough to think this is reasonable. BTW I checked the original post and no update yet.

    Fox with a Dragon Tattoo
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    2 things. First this feels like a desperate and frankly pathetic attempt to quiet their guilt and feel like they "won" the situation. And Secondly. This is Exactly when social media shines. Post all the details, tag all the trash harassing her, and make it exceptionally clear you dont owe that cheating filth anything. And that NO F**KING MEANS NO! And if it continues their will be legal consequences.

    Selena Wilson
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Guilty conscience is a crappy way to start a relationship. They're tired of being the bad guys, and if they can just convince themselves they have her blessing they can quit seeing themselves that way...and maybe so will everyone else who knows what they did.

    timhood
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would have said, "I'll come, but just as a guest." Then, don't show up. You don't get harassed for weeks or. O this and they pay for your spot that went unused.

    Christopher Crockett
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If anyone did that to me, I would absolutely go. I would wear black, like funeral goth black, and I would sit in the back, saying nothing, and during the ceremony when the priest asks if there are any objections, I would stand and silently unfold a sign that simply said "Cheater and Cheatrix". I would then wait for the uproar, crumple and drop the sign (mic drop style) and walk out without a word. I would then get in my car, drive away and NEVER look back.

    The Starsong Princess
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They want to rewrite history so they are “soul mates brought together by destiny” vs “lying cheaters”. They need you to support their relationship by standing up at the wedding and claiming “their love was meant to be.” Just continue to wish them all the happiness they deserve and move on. Of course, if you were a really awful person, you could pretend to be friends and be in the wedding party but then give a barnburner of a speech where you tell the real truth. Thats a fun fantasy but I don’t recommend it for real life.

    Sarah Matsoukis
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They're lucky they get to be married, I'd be in prison for my reaction to this betrayal

    KatSaidWhat
    Community Member
    1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You can be friends with an ex, but never be friends with a cheating ex. The fact that it was her best friend makes it doubly repugnant. She may have to change her number, or file a harassment charge as a warning to get her and all her "friends" to stop. She's trying to assuage guilt. As someone said, she likely needs all the female friends she can get as someone who stole her best friend's boyfriend. And if he cheated once, he can cheat again.

    Baba 35
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'd of gone and *tripped over* with biggest glsss of red wine and cake in hands , cake in his face wine over her dress and not even say sorry, let them get married then, or turned up with bf and said as toast I'm getting married and having twins and new promotion and house etc etc and say best thing was when ana cheated with my ex as my life gone on better and better now the herk was out of life

    Vinnie
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You're free to make a scene (or an entire movie) if something similar ever happens to you. The couple's desperation tells me that the OP staying away is revenge enough.

    Load More Replies...
    CrunChewy McSandybutt
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm calling BS. I can see the Ex and Best Friend harassing OP, if they are unhinged. But the entire town? 20-30 new messages and burner numbers every single day? I bet if you went into OP's Reddit history, you'd find a lot of Karma thirst traps.

    Menno
    Community Member
    2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    These “AITA”-posts all are so ridiculously obvious: “Somebody killed my kittens, burned down my car and shits on my porch daily. Now he wants me to buy him a Lamborghini, marry him and take care of his family. Should I say no or does that make me the AH?”

    Binky Melnik
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    “17% of Americans say they are friends with all their exes”: 😳 Seriously? That’s it? I’m in that 17%, and I’ve never understood all the malice/fury/spite so many seem to have for their exes! When I said “I’ll love you forever,” I seem to have meant it as I still love those people, albeit not romantically but platonically. I guess I can understand if people did something horrid, but the worst one was someone who said unkind things to me and about me to others. Have I just been really lucky? As for the girl in this story, she has an EXCELLENT reason not to love these people anymore, and I don’t understand enlisting others to harass someone for you. That strikes me as bizarre and grammar schoolish behavior. Adults don’t do that. (Well, apparently they do but they SHOULDN’T. Eeep!)

    Bowtechie
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    First commenter hit it right on the head. They want OP to come as a sort of symbol of absolution for their behavior. She shows up acting happy for them and then the couple can basically convey the message "hey it worked out, see? she's totally cool with it and everyone can forget how this relationship started!" to everyone in attendance who knows the full story and may or may not be giving some side eye to the whole affair (pun fully intended)

    Cronecast AtTheRisingMoon
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It’s that or they have been lying about the timeline of getting together to hide the cheating aspect and OP not going blows the cover story that there was no overlap. They have to be lying about the cheating otherwise it makes zero sense that multiple people are pressuring her. They must be telling people she just couldn’t accept the relationship rather than they both betrayed her. I hope because otherwise those people are really weird.

    Load More Replies...
    Happenstance
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    “No” is a complete sentence. This is unhinged, weird and completely inappropriate. I think it is them trying to save face. They are not in reality and not deserving of your time. Not your monkeys, not your circus. I’m so glad, as you sound like you are doing great. The best revenge is living well. What complete psychos.

    Mike F
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Agreed, "no" is a complete sentence, so is FU¢K OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE! I'd tell them that they may feel like an affirmative response will assuage their guilt, but I owe you nothing. - Or - accept the invitation and go through all of the pre-wedding nonsense, then on the day of, go to bar while they wait for something that ain't happening, ie, your arrival.

    Load More Replies...
    Marno C.
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They are bad people who did a bad thing. They don't like feeling like bad people. Their friends don't like that they love and support bad people Yet, they don't want to do the hard work of apologizing, taking responsibility, making amends, being honest with themselves, and reforming. Instead, they figure that if they guilt and pressure the victim into acting like nothing bad happened, they will no longer be bad people and their bad things will just be 'unconventional.' They want an easy solution to change the uncomfortable truth into something more palatable.

    Pyla
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I feel like I need an update. Why are people so insistent?

    Terran
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah, I get why the couple wants to get OP to their wedding, but why do other people also call her? I feel like something is going on here

    Load More Replies...
    Beak Hookage
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How are you supposed to "let bygones be bygones" when the people who wronged you never even apologised? Sounds to me like they just want to rub it in her face. The whole thing is completely psychotic.

    michelle s
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I suspect that a lot of the old friend group are on OP's side and as a result are not going to go to the wedding. As a result the cheaters are getting a lot of rsvp of NO! They think that if they get OP there all their old friends will come running back. But these stupid little children are now along with their family instead making matters worse by harassing OP and making her close to reacting in a negative way that will make their life harder. People need to own their actions in life and understand their are things that cannot be forgotten or forgiven.

    Broadredpanda
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The thing is is that it's mutual friends asking. I believe that her ex boyfriend and girlfriend are asking them to ask her? It's stinks of them planning something.

    Load More Replies...
    Isobel Stevens
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We speak a lot about consent, but not in every day life. Consent is not just a thing for s xual intercourses, it's showing respect as well to what a person wants or not. I keep telling that toi often when people or friends insist, and every time I ask, I feel that I have to say "if you don't want to, no problem! Whatever you want!"

    BrownEyedPanda
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Perhaps OP can put things in perspective by posting the texts and messages she's received online. Every. Single. One. Give the backstory, then follow up with the subsequent texts and messages surrounding the nuptials. Even diehard TikTokkers would agree that this behavior is obsessive. Even better, post the whole kit and caboodle on Charlotte Dobre's website. She would oh-so-succintly evicerate the disgusting couple and their flying monkeys. Nothing like public humiliation to drive home a point.

    Schmebulock
    Community Member
    2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Once a cheater always a cheater and like everyone is saying they don't want to be know for that.

    Id row
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If OP wants to leave a lasting impression, she should show up in a wedding dress, start crying and sobbing, "How could you do this to us?!?" then just leave. The ensuing chaos will be legendary.

    Guess Undheit
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It might be too late, but I would have started documenting everything. How many messages and from whom, recorded calls, etc., and make it public that they wouldn't take no for an answer AFTER the OP polite said no.

    SheamusFanFrom1987
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They want to absolve themselves for their infidelity by forcing OP's hand, OP should just NOPE them with a major block and legal action if they keep harassing her. I hope OP stands strong in denying them their clean slate and forces them to live with the consequences of their cheating ways. People, SMH!!!

    Scott Rackley
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Are people this morally ambivalent?" *looks around* "Have you been paying attention?"

    notlikeyou1971
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Tell the couple that you are reporting them to the police for harassment. You then go to the cops Tell the cops that these people won't stop bothering you. Once you tell the couple to leave you alone,they ask others to join in to call you or call from other numbers. You legally CAN do it. These people refuse to take NO for an answer or leave you alone? There are consequences. Let them face the consequences. The only reason that they want you there is to look like you forgave them and to feel better about what they did anyway. Don't go. Also stop them from bothering you. If they won't leave you alone, MAKE EVERYONE LEAVE YOU ALONE! Start with the couple. Make them and the flying monkeys stop. Cops can stop it.

    Squirrelly Panda
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And on the forgiveness front, it sounds like OP has already forgiven them, as the cheaters have no space in her head or heart. That does not absolve them of the wrongs they did and OP is very right to not go to their wedding.

    Broadredpanda
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I know this has already happened but, something is really off. This has made me squirm because of the amount of people trying to get you to go. It can't be guilt, and that they want everyone else to believe you've forgiven them so everything is cool, because everyone who is going out of their way to contact you, doesn't have a problem or they wouldn't be going to their wedding. I feel something is wrong here! I wonder if he (ex) is pushing it more? Simply because he's a player and would like his cake and eat it. Something is very wrong here!

    P.L. Packer
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The only way I would suggest OP go to the wedding is to go wearing a beautiful wedding gown with a veil, train and flowers....the whole 9 yards (rent one, borrow one or go to a thrift store). Then make a speech in the middle of the ceremony about how this is the only chance she could wear the gown picked to wear when she thought she was going to marry the groom. But he chose to cheat with her best friend, instead. I actually think they have something planned and need OP there to make it happen. DON'T GO!

    Bookworm
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm wondering if they want to relieve their guilt while also trying to convince OP to pay for something for their wedding. I'm highly suspicious of random contact like this especially from people who have wronged you. Perhaps they were looking at their budget and went 'oh we don't have enough for X' let's ask OP. She hasn't contributed and she introduced us. Yes I know people dumb and greedy enough to think this is reasonable. BTW I checked the original post and no update yet.

    Fox with a Dragon Tattoo
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    2 things. First this feels like a desperate and frankly pathetic attempt to quiet their guilt and feel like they "won" the situation. And Secondly. This is Exactly when social media shines. Post all the details, tag all the trash harassing her, and make it exceptionally clear you dont owe that cheating filth anything. And that NO F**KING MEANS NO! And if it continues their will be legal consequences.

    Selena Wilson
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Guilty conscience is a crappy way to start a relationship. They're tired of being the bad guys, and if they can just convince themselves they have her blessing they can quit seeing themselves that way...and maybe so will everyone else who knows what they did.

    timhood
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would have said, "I'll come, but just as a guest." Then, don't show up. You don't get harassed for weeks or. O this and they pay for your spot that went unused.

    Christopher Crockett
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If anyone did that to me, I would absolutely go. I would wear black, like funeral goth black, and I would sit in the back, saying nothing, and during the ceremony when the priest asks if there are any objections, I would stand and silently unfold a sign that simply said "Cheater and Cheatrix". I would then wait for the uproar, crumple and drop the sign (mic drop style) and walk out without a word. I would then get in my car, drive away and NEVER look back.

    The Starsong Princess
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They want to rewrite history so they are “soul mates brought together by destiny” vs “lying cheaters”. They need you to support their relationship by standing up at the wedding and claiming “their love was meant to be.” Just continue to wish them all the happiness they deserve and move on. Of course, if you were a really awful person, you could pretend to be friends and be in the wedding party but then give a barnburner of a speech where you tell the real truth. Thats a fun fantasy but I don’t recommend it for real life.

    Sarah Matsoukis
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They're lucky they get to be married, I'd be in prison for my reaction to this betrayal

    KatSaidWhat
    Community Member
    1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You can be friends with an ex, but never be friends with a cheating ex. The fact that it was her best friend makes it doubly repugnant. She may have to change her number, or file a harassment charge as a warning to get her and all her "friends" to stop. She's trying to assuage guilt. As someone said, she likely needs all the female friends she can get as someone who stole her best friend's boyfriend. And if he cheated once, he can cheat again.

    Baba 35
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'd of gone and *tripped over* with biggest glsss of red wine and cake in hands , cake in his face wine over her dress and not even say sorry, let them get married then, or turned up with bf and said as toast I'm getting married and having twins and new promotion and house etc etc and say best thing was when ana cheated with my ex as my life gone on better and better now the herk was out of life

    Vinnie
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You're free to make a scene (or an entire movie) if something similar ever happens to you. The couple's desperation tells me that the OP staying away is revenge enough.

    Load More Replies...
    CrunChewy McSandybutt
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm calling BS. I can see the Ex and Best Friend harassing OP, if they are unhinged. But the entire town? 20-30 new messages and burner numbers every single day? I bet if you went into OP's Reddit history, you'd find a lot of Karma thirst traps.

    Menno
    Community Member
    2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    These “AITA”-posts all are so ridiculously obvious: “Somebody killed my kittens, burned down my car and shits on my porch daily. Now he wants me to buy him a Lamborghini, marry him and take care of his family. Should I say no or does that make me the AH?”

    Binky Melnik
    Community Member
    2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    “17% of Americans say they are friends with all their exes”: 😳 Seriously? That’s it? I’m in that 17%, and I’ve never understood all the malice/fury/spite so many seem to have for their exes! When I said “I’ll love you forever,” I seem to have meant it as I still love those people, albeit not romantically but platonically. I guess I can understand if people did something horrid, but the worst one was someone who said unkind things to me and about me to others. Have I just been really lucky? As for the girl in this story, she has an EXCELLENT reason not to love these people anymore, and I don’t understand enlisting others to harass someone for you. That strikes me as bizarre and grammar schoolish behavior. Adults don’t do that. (Well, apparently they do but they SHOULDN’T. Eeep!)

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