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“Apparently He’s Into Men Now”: 30 People Who Regret Not Leaving Their SO Sooner
Happily-ever-afters are rarer than you might think. According to research, 85% of people will experience a breakup in their lifetime, while two-thirds of couples end up breaking up within half a year of becoming parents for the first time. The reality is that not everyone is compatible, nor is everyone willing to work hard on their flaws. And sometimes, the signs are clear for everyone to see.
Internet user u/peachsnatch sparked a vulnerable online discussion on r/AskReddit after asking everyone to share what their exes have done that should’ve made them leave right then and there. Scroll down for their stories and what major relationship red flags look like.
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#1
She hit me. A lot. She was also verbally abusive and made fun of my PTSD from military service. I finally worked up the courage to leave a few months ago.
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#2
Told me “he’s just a cat, you’ll be okay.” When my best friend died.
#3
She was at my place, said she had to go home. I said something along the lines of "okay, have a safe trip back." She got mad at me for not fighting for her to stay longer. It felt so immature. I have no interest in games, only clear and open communication. I dumped her the next day.
Adam Chang 2 months ago
Dodge a bullet, more test would come..."Just want to see if you cheat", "Just want to see if you saved me first"
No relationship is perfect, sure, but they’re not all made equal. Happy and healthy relationships require a ton of consistent effort to maintain, as well as a lot of compatibility between the partners. Good communication, transparency, trust, honesty, mutual respect, a willingness to compromise—without these things, the relationship might not last very long.
There’s a difference between yellow flags (which tell you to slow down in the relationship) and red flags (which tell you to get out of the relationship ASAP). Clinical psychologist Wendy Walsh, PhD, told Verywell Mind that some examples of red flags include a history of violence, chronic cheating, or substance abuse. Meanwhile, a yellow flag “might include difficulty with emotional communication that the person is aware of and working on.”
#4
Chasing me down the highway after a fight, passing and braking in front of me until I pulled over. The knots you can tie yourself into at 20 to convince yourself that reckless and abusive behaviour is somehow romantic is absolutely insane.
#5
When I got the call that my grandmother had unexpectedly passed, I was understandably distraught. The usual meltdown with tears and wailing from the utter shock of the whole thing.
He apparently “couldn’t handle” the state I was in and was very upset at my reaction. So I ended up comforting him the whole night/day after instead of properly grieving the loss of someone who was essentially my second mother.
Some other major signs that your relationship probably won’t work out is if you and your partner have extremely mismatched life goals. For example, if you want to get married and have kids while they don’t, there’s not much of a future there. Similarly, if you dream about living in the suburbs or on a ranch in the countryside while your partner wants to stay in the city, you might have a hard time moving forward. (Unless you sacrifice all of your hopes, dreams, and goals for them, but that’d only lead to resentment and frustration from your side.)
Other red flags include excessive jealousy and distrust, which indicate that your partner is very insecure and has issues with control. A good rule of thumb is to rethink your relationship if your partner is excessively controlling. If your partner tries to control who you meet, where you go, what you wear, how you spend your hard-earned money, and what you do online, it’s definitely not healthy.
#7
Making me feel bad for bringing up something that made me uncomfortable, insecure, sad, angry, or any other emotion.
Pittsburgh rare 2 months ago
Yup. Apparently l should have suck his infidelity up and not bring it up because it was "tiresome". He topped it all off insinuating l had mental health problems for not getting over it. After a lot of therapy, turns out HE was my mental health problem. So much so that l'm cured 😀. F**k you, JD
#8
Manipulating me into not going out, seeing friends, meeting new people, having hobbies on my own. Basically anything that caused us to not be together 24/7.
#9
Ex number 1 (wife) - Banging other dudes
Ex number 2 - Ambushing me in my sleep and beating the s**t out of me
Ex number 3 - The third or fourth time I had to make sure she stayed dressed while carrying her out of a formal work event
I got myself into counselling after seeing a pattern.
Melissa Harris 2 months ago
Some people are attracted to self-destructive people. Hope the OP made progress in therapy.
At what point did you realize that you had to leave your exes, dear Pandas? What were the biggest red flags that you saw in their behavior?
What advice would you give someone who is in a toxic relationship but is scared of breaking things off? Share your thoughts in the comments.
#10
She spat in my face during an argument. I should have ended it there, but I was dumb enough to stick around a couple of weeks more, when she did it again.
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 2 months ago
Starts with spitting, would end up being a whole lot worse.
#11
Consistent disrespect, belittling or talking down, especially in front of others.
Steve Sharpe 2 months ago
You'd be surprised just how much damage and hurt this hind of behaviour can cause, even if - or especially if - you're physically larger and more intimidating than the person doing it.
#12
One night my cat was dying and I had organised to go and take him to be euthanised. He said why spend money when he could just hit him over the head?
In the same night I came back from the vets to bury my beloved kit cat, he thought I was being unfaithful (I now know projecting) and went through my phone as I sat and cried.
He didn’t find anything except contacts he didn’t know- he created a group what’s app thread on my phone, with all male contacts (my bosses, colleagues, my brothers, cousins, etc) and sent nude photos he’d taken of me and posted in that chat.
I feel one of my brothers has never been the same with me & the horror of having to go to work the next day is something I’ll always carry.
Manana Man 2 months ago
One of her brothers should have come over and beat the snot out of him.
#13
Threw my phone off a 7th story balcony while raging drunk, convinced that I was cheating on her....yeah kept dating her for another two years RIP me.
#14
In my first serious relationship, there was a lot of s**t he did that I turned a blind eye to because I was desperate to be loved. I think a major one was that he would grab and jerk my steering wheel around at high speeds and laugh that I was scared. People who do that do not care about you. I should've left before it even started, but when you grow up with abuse, it looks like love. It takes a lot to realize it's not normal and that you deserve better.
whodunnitfan2013 2 months ago
I'm very thankful that I'm healing from my childhood trauma before major life events and entering into new relationships.
#15
Man. Where to start. No didn't mean no. She cheated on me. Threw knives at me. Held a knife to my throat in a argument. Tried to run me over a couple times. Lied. A lot. Spilled personal secrets like they meant nothing.
#16
When he broke my ribs and my hand. But instead I forgave him... that time.
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 2 months ago
I am sorry that you felt the need to forgive him. Should have gone to the police.
#17
She wouldn’t get divorced… Her and her husband were separated and living separate lives but she was still legally married. I asked and pleaded for to get divorced for years. By year 5 along with other problems we had i bailed. I should have never of stayed as long as i did. Lesson learned.
#18
He beat my dogs. That should've been the end of it, but the real end of it was when he threatened to beat my kid. I still feel ashamed that I didn't leave long before that.
#19
Cheated on me at the start. She said she was sorry and I thought we could move from it. We didn't.
#20
In June of last year I spent nearly a month in hospital. After I finally got discharged I get home and she tells me that she got the guest room set up for me. Her excuse for making me sleep in the guest room was "you're on penicillin and I'm allergic to it". It didn't make sense to me at all and stung so much after almost a month of having very little human interaction.
About six months later I found out that she was cheating on me while I was sick.
#21
For context, the first girl I was ever in love with, and in a relationship with had passed away in a housefire at a young age. My ex after showing her a picture of the two of us when we were together when we were young said to me, "damn I thought she would be prettier like me, at least now you got someone who’s pretty though." never have I told someone get the f**k out of my house so fast. When she got out to my front porch she said, "wait can we talk about this." and I slammed the damn door and told her to leave. I spent the rest of the night crying my eyes out because I couldn’t believe that someone was so heartless. I opened up to her something that truly meant the world to me and I was beyond nervous to share with her and she showed me exactly why I should’ve never told her in the first place. It absolutely broke me.
#22
When I saw he cared so much about his ex wife and the son they had together, at first I believed he was just a good man who wanted to be a good father and a good ex… and then he started treating me and our daughter as if we were dissposable, but never stopped spoiling his ex. It took me a while to accept it, but I finally left and I’m very happy I did.
CrunChewy McSandybutt 2 months ago
When you have kids and are entering a new relationship, it is imperative to vet the person's attitude toward your kids. Some people are weird about bloodlines.
#23
Would lie about the smallest things that didn't matter if she thought I wouldn't like the truth. Surprise surprise she lied about bigger things...
#24
She took the keys out of my car while I was driving on the highway.
#25
He said that he will hurt me from the beginning, instead of thinking that it won’t be like that or that I am smarter, I simply should have left. They know themselves, sometimes got to listen and hear it and I would have spared a lot of my mental health. Now whenever someone says that they are not a good person, can’t commit or say that it never ends well - it’s more than enough for me to say thanks for the heads up and bye.
#27
He told me i should just k*ll myself when i was having bad thoughts and asking him for help… and then he said if i seriously died he would get over it after 2 weeks..
I stayed with him for 6 more months after that.. those were horrible, he spoke bad of my family, made fun of me, mentally abused me and tried to manipulate me. He even openly admitted to it. I wasn’t myself while i was together with him at all and it seriously f****d me up.
Luckily he broke up with me because apparently he's into men now.
Kim Bailey 2 months ago
Ooof that guy hates himself and just took it out on that poor gal...talk about projecting?!
#28
Ultimatums. I gave in to the first one not really recognizing the ultimatum. For years after that it was one thing after another until it was one bridge too far.
#30
Made other plans on my birthday.
What do you think ?
Bonnie Paige-Louise 2 months ago
I think a lot of men just find a way out and don't report or talk about the abuse because they don't want to be laughed at. It's sad but women can be abusers as well.
Koalafied to komment 2 months ago
Reading this list, it's very obvious I missed a lot of those points being with my ex. I was so insecure and after years of frustrating dating, he was the one I could have a real relationship with, so I put up with so much shîtty behaviour. It's something everyone should know: better stay single than enduring something like that. You are worthy to have a real good relationship ❤️
Bonnie Paige-Louise 2 months ago
I think a lot of men just find a way out and don't report or talk about the abuse because they don't want to be laughed at. It's sad but women can be abusers as well.
Koalafied to komment 2 months ago
Reading this list, it's very obvious I missed a lot of those points being with my ex. I was so insecure and after years of frustrating dating, he was the one I could have a real relationship with, so I put up with so much shîtty behaviour. It's something everyone should know: better stay single than enduring something like that. You are worthy to have a real good relationship ❤️
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