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Happily-ever-afters are rarer than you might think. According to research, 85% of people will experience a breakup in their lifetime, while two-thirds of couples end up breaking up within half a year of becoming parents for the first time. The reality is that not everyone is compatible, nor is everyone willing to work hard on their flaws. And sometimes, the signs are clear for everyone to see.

Internet user u/peachsnatch sparked a vulnerable online discussion on r/AskReddit after asking everyone to share what their exes have done that should’ve made them leave right then and there. Scroll down for their stories and what major relationship red flags look like.

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#1

“Apparently He’s Into Men Now”: 30 People Who Regret Not Leaving Their SO Sooner She hit me. A lot. She was also verbally abusive and made fun of my PTSD from military service. I finally worked up the courage to leave a few months ago.

potmakesmefeelnormal , Mikhail Nilov Report

Final score:
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#2

“Apparently He’s Into Men Now”: 30 People Who Regret Not Leaving Their SO Sooner Told me “he’s just a cat, you’ll be okay.” When my best friend died.

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Final score:
80points
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#3

“Apparently He’s Into Men Now”: 30 People Who Regret Not Leaving Their SO Sooner She was at my place, said she had to go home. I said something along the lines of "okay, have a safe trip back." She got mad at me for not fighting for her to stay longer. It felt so immature. I have no interest in games, only clear and open communication. I dumped her the next day.

Master-Baker-69 , Dương Nhân Report

Final score:
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Adam Chang
Adam Chang
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dodge a bullet, more test would come..."Just want to see if you cheat", "Just want to see if you saved me first"

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No relationship is perfect, sure, but they’re not all made equal. Happy and healthy relationships require a ton of consistent effort to maintain, as well as a lot of compatibility between the partners. Good communication, transparency, trust, honesty, mutual respect, a willingness to compromise—without these things, the relationship might not last very long.

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There’s a difference between yellow flags (which tell you to slow down in the relationship) and red flags (which tell you to get out of the relationship ASAP). Clinical psychologist Wendy Walsh, PhD, told Verywell Mind that some examples of red flags include a history of violence, chronic cheating, or substance abuse. Meanwhile, a yellow flag “might include difficulty with emotional communication that the person is aware of and working on.”
#4

“Apparently He’s Into Men Now”: 30 People Who Regret Not Leaving Their SO Sooner Chasing me down the highway after a fight, passing and braking in front of me until I pulled over. The knots you can tie yourself into at 20 to convince yourself that reckless and abusive behaviour is somehow romantic is absolutely insane.

strangelittlething , Amber Kipp Report

Final score:
49points
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#5

“Apparently He’s Into Men Now”: 30 People Who Regret Not Leaving Their SO Sooner When I got the call that my grandmother had unexpectedly passed, I was understandably distraught. The usual meltdown with tears and wailing from the utter shock of the whole thing.

He apparently “couldn’t handle” the state I was in and was very upset at my reaction. So I ended up comforting him the whole night/day after instead of properly grieving the loss of someone who was essentially my second mother.

Classic_Screen_825 , Pavel Danilyuk Report

Final score:
48points
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TMcG
TMcG
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had to fly overseas when my dad unexpectedly died and when I came back a week later exhausted one of the first things he said to me was just that I looked really ugly when I was asleep.

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#6

“Apparently He’s Into Men Now”: 30 People Who Regret Not Leaving Their SO Sooner Disrespected me only "joking".

Maria_Navalha666 , Austin Guevara Report

Final score:
45points
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Some other major signs that your relationship probably won’t work out is if you and your partner have extremely mismatched life goals. For example, if you want to get married and have kids while they don’t, there’s not much of a future there. Similarly, if you dream about living in the suburbs or on a ranch in the countryside while your partner wants to stay in the city, you might have a hard time moving forward. (Unless you sacrifice all of your hopes, dreams, and goals for them, but that’d only lead to resentment and frustration from your side.)

Other red flags include excessive jealousy and distrust, which indicate that your partner is very insecure and has issues with control. A good rule of thumb is to rethink your relationship if your partner is excessively controlling. If your partner tries to control who you meet, where you go, what you wear, how you spend your hard-earned money, and what you do online, it’s definitely not healthy.

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#7

“Apparently He’s Into Men Now”: 30 People Who Regret Not Leaving Their SO Sooner Making me feel bad for bringing up something that made me uncomfortable, insecure, sad, angry, or any other emotion.

EstimateJealous1388 , jm_video Report

Final score:
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Pittsburgh rare
Pittsburgh rare
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yup. Apparently l should have suck his infidelity up and not bring it up because it was "tiresome". He topped it all off insinuating l had mental health problems for not getting over it. After a lot of therapy, turns out HE was my mental health problem. So much so that l'm cured 😀. F**k you, JD

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#8

“Apparently He’s Into Men Now”: 30 People Who Regret Not Leaving Their SO Sooner Manipulating me into not going out, seeing friends, meeting new people, having hobbies on my own. Basically anything that caused us to not be together 24/7.

ZwaanAanDeMaas , Felipe Cespedes Report

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#9

“Apparently He’s Into Men Now”: 30 People Who Regret Not Leaving Their SO Sooner Ex number 1 (wife) - Banging other dudes
Ex number 2 - Ambushing me in my sleep and beating the s**t out of me
Ex number 3 - The third or fourth time I had to make sure she stayed dressed while carrying her out of a formal work event

I got myself into counselling after seeing a pattern.

TechnoDiscoHippyDeVo , Alex Green Report

Final score:
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Melissa Harris
Melissa Harris
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some people are attracted to self-destructive people. Hope the OP made progress in therapy.

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At what point did you realize that you had to leave your exes, dear Pandas? What were the biggest red flags that you saw in their behavior?

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What advice would you give someone who is in a toxic relationship but is scared of breaking things off? Share your thoughts in the comments.
#10

“Apparently He’s Into Men Now”: 30 People Who Regret Not Leaving Their SO Sooner She spat in my face during an argument. I should have ended it there, but I was dumb enough to stick around a couple of weeks more, when she did it again.

Banff_Beer , Budgeron Bach Report

Final score:
42points
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#11

“Apparently He’s Into Men Now”: 30 People Who Regret Not Leaving Their SO Sooner Consistent disrespect, belittling or talking down, especially in front of others.

TemptingHeartBabe , Timur Weber Report

Final score:
42points
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Steve Sharpe
Steve Sharpe
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You'd be surprised just how much damage and hurt this hind of behaviour can cause, even if - or especially if - you're physically larger and more intimidating than the person doing it.

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#12

“Apparently He’s Into Men Now”: 30 People Who Regret Not Leaving Their SO Sooner One night my cat was dying and I had organised to go and take him to be euthanised. He said why spend money when he could just hit him over the head?
In the same night I came back from the vets to bury my beloved kit cat, he thought I was being unfaithful (I now know projecting) and went through my phone as I sat and cried.
He didn’t find anything except contacts he didn’t know- he created a group what’s app thread on my phone, with all male contacts (my bosses, colleagues, my brothers, cousins, etc) and sent nude photos he’d taken of me and posted in that chat.
I feel one of my brothers has never been the same with me & the horror of having to go to work the next day is something I’ll always carry.

Hot_inferno33 , Pixabay Report

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Manana Man
Manana Man
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

One of her brothers should have come over and beat the snot out of him.

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#13

“Apparently He’s Into Men Now”: 30 People Who Regret Not Leaving Their SO Sooner Threw my phone off a 7th story balcony while raging drunk, convinced that I was cheating on her....yeah kept dating her for another two years RIP me.

Severe-Chemistry9922 , SevenStorm JUHASZIMRUS Report

Final score:
41points
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Alexandra
Alexandra
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry what? Two years?? Two years that could have seen you meeting a nice gf, becoming engaged to her and then married. What a waste!

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#14

“Apparently He’s Into Men Now”: 30 People Who Regret Not Leaving Their SO Sooner In my first serious relationship, there was a lot of s**t he did that I turned a blind eye to because I was desperate to be loved. I think a major one was that he would grab and jerk my steering wheel around at high speeds and laugh that I was scared. People who do that do not care about you. I should've left before it even started, but when you grow up with abuse, it looks like love. It takes a lot to realize it's not normal and that you deserve better.

SunshineSpite , Julian Hochgesang Report

Final score:
39points
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whodunnitfan2013
whodunnitfan2013
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm very thankful that I'm healing from my childhood trauma before major life events and entering into new relationships.

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#15

“Apparently He’s Into Men Now”: 30 People Who Regret Not Leaving Their SO Sooner Man. Where to start. No didn't mean no. She cheated on me. Threw knives at me. Held a knife to my throat in a argument. Tried to run me over a couple times. Lied. A lot. Spilled personal secrets like they meant nothing.

Prime_kills , Erik Mclean Report

Final score:
38points
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#16

“Apparently He’s Into Men Now”: 30 People Who Regret Not Leaving Their SO Sooner When he broke my ribs and my hand. But instead I forgave him... that time.

OneOldBear , RDNE Stock project Report

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Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am sorry that you felt the need to forgive him. Should have gone to the police.

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#17

“Apparently He’s Into Men Now”: 30 People Who Regret Not Leaving Their SO Sooner She wouldn’t get divorced… Her and her husband were separated and living separate lives but she was still legally married. I asked and pleaded for to get divorced for years. By year 5 along with other problems we had i bailed. I should have never of stayed as long as i did. Lesson learned.

CountBreichen , cottonbro studio Report

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Alexandra
Alexandra
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Never trust a man or a woman who tells you that yes, they will get divorced but first........ No. Wait until they actually are divorced, because if you don't, you're just the affair partner and you should have too much self-respect for that.

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#18

“Apparently He’s Into Men Now”: 30 People Who Regret Not Leaving Their SO Sooner He beat my dogs. That should've been the end of it, but the real end of it was when he threatened to beat my kid. I still feel ashamed that I didn't leave long before that.

katrilli , Jared Murray Report

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Alexandra
Alexandra
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Give yourself some grace: being faced with that level of agression is scary.

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#19

“Apparently He’s Into Men Now”: 30 People Who Regret Not Leaving Their SO Sooner Cheated on me at the start. She said she was sorry and I thought we could move from it. We didn't.

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#20

“Apparently He’s Into Men Now”: 30 People Who Regret Not Leaving Their SO Sooner In June of last year I spent nearly a month in hospital. After I finally got discharged I get home and she tells me that she got the guest room set up for me. Her excuse for making me sleep in the guest room was "you're on penicillin and I'm allergic to it". It didn't make sense to me at all and stung so much after almost a month of having very little human interaction.

About six months later I found out that she was cheating on me while I was sick.

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#21

“Apparently He’s Into Men Now”: 30 People Who Regret Not Leaving Their SO Sooner For context, the first girl I was ever in love with, and in a relationship with had passed away in a housefire at a young age. My ex after showing her a picture of the two of us when we were together when we were young said to me, "damn I thought she would be prettier like me, at least now you got someone who’s pretty though." never have I told someone get the f**k out of my house so fast. When she got out to my front porch she said, "wait can we talk about this." and I slammed the damn door and told her to leave. I spent the rest of the night crying my eyes out because I couldn’t believe that someone was so heartless. I opened up to her something that truly meant the world to me and I was beyond nervous to share with her and she showed me exactly why I should’ve never told her in the first place. It absolutely broke me.

Fate_of-humanity , Pixabay Report

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#22

“Apparently He’s Into Men Now”: 30 People Who Regret Not Leaving Their SO Sooner When I saw he cared so much about his ex wife and the son they had together, at first I believed he was just a good man who wanted to be a good father and a good ex… and then he started treating me and our daughter as if we were dissposable, but never stopped spoiling his ex. It took me a while to accept it, but I finally left and I’m very happy I did.

TiredAF2023 , Caleb Jones Report

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CrunChewy McSandybutt
CrunChewy McSandybutt
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When you have kids and are entering a new relationship, it is imperative to vet the person's attitude toward your kids. Some people are weird about bloodlines.

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#23

“Apparently He’s Into Men Now”: 30 People Who Regret Not Leaving Their SO Sooner Would lie about the smallest things that didn't matter if she thought I wouldn't like the truth. Surprise surprise she lied about bigger things...

Alternative_Simple_3 , Vera Arsic Report

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#24

“Apparently He’s Into Men Now”: 30 People Who Regret Not Leaving Their SO Sooner She took the keys out of my car while I was driving on the highway.

BestShivvyNA , vyko vikor Report

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#25

“Apparently He’s Into Men Now”: 30 People Who Regret Not Leaving Their SO Sooner He said that he will hurt me from the beginning, instead of thinking that it won’t be like that or that I am smarter, I simply should have left. They know themselves, sometimes got to listen and hear it and I would have spared a lot of my mental health. Now whenever someone says that they are not a good person, can’t commit or say that it never ends well - it’s more than enough for me to say thanks for the heads up and bye.

IlzeLemon , Kaboompics Report

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#26

“Apparently He’s Into Men Now”: 30 People Who Regret Not Leaving Their SO Sooner Didn't tell other men who hit on her that we were engaged.

RoutineComplaint4711 , TranStudios Photography & Video Report

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doredde
doredde
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

@Alexandra: There seems to be a lot of hate and negativity been unsolved in you.

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#27

“Apparently He’s Into Men Now”: 30 People Who Regret Not Leaving Their SO Sooner He told me i should just k*ll myself when i was having bad thoughts and asking him for help… and then he said if i seriously died he would get over it after 2 weeks..

I stayed with him for 6 more months after that.. those were horrible, he spoke bad of my family, made fun of me, mentally abused me and tried to manipulate me. He even openly admitted to it. I wasn’t myself while i was together with him at all and it seriously f****d me up.

Luckily he broke up with me because apparently he's into men now.

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Kim Bailey
Kim Bailey
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ooof that guy hates himself and just took it out on that poor gal...talk about projecting?!

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#28

“Apparently He’s Into Men Now”: 30 People Who Regret Not Leaving Their SO Sooner Ultimatums. I gave in to the first one not really recognizing the ultimatum. For years after that it was one thing after another until it was one bridge too far.

speedinbullet2u , Gül Işık Report

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#29

“Apparently He’s Into Men Now”: 30 People Who Regret Not Leaving Their SO Sooner She wasn’t happy when I was around.

Chrissyjustshowus , Sofia Alejandra Report

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#30

“Apparently He’s Into Men Now”: 30 People Who Regret Not Leaving Their SO Sooner Made other plans on my birthday.

UhohSantahasdiarrhea , lil artsy Report

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Doctor Strange
Doctor Strange
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

At least she didn't dump you on your birthday like my last girlfriend. Not sure if its better or worse that she didn't intend to dump me on my birthday, she just forgot that it was my birthday.

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#31

My 4ft 11 ex gf broke my nose in my sleep because at a work function she was invited to I talked to the boss's niece. Cool thing about it is when I showed up to work with 2 black eyes everyone laughed at me. Imagine if I a 6ft ex British army boxer broke my 4ft 11 gfs nose in her sleep sure it would be just as hilarious.

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#32

“Apparently He’s Into Men Now”: 30 People Who Regret Not Leaving Their SO Sooner When I was told men "aren't allowed to be progressive" from my ex. Put up with a lot more s**t than I should have in that relationship.

Project_Jormagandr , Keira Burton Report

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#33

When I found out she was cheating. She got a text from a guy (who she said was just a friend) saying "Send me another sexy pic". She swore he was just joking, but I knew the truth. I already had my suspicions. But she and I just had a baby, and I felt like I couldn't break up with her. She cheated on me multiple times afterwards. We ended up breaking up around two years later, and I got full custody of our kid. All's well that ends well.

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#34

Cheated. Repeatedly. I lacked the finances, resources and self respect/esteem to leave for a long time.

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Pittsburgh rare
Pittsburgh rare
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't beat yourself up. Even more so if you were financially dependent.

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#35

He was a very possessive guy but at this point we already had a child together. I was in medical school at the time and he was a clerk at a government institution. He was so insecure of all my male friends in medical school. One time he accused me of cheating with one of them and he got so aggressive he started choking me with two hands and put his weight on my neck. I could see his eyes filled with anger and got so scared that he would really k*ll me. I clutched at his arms until he calmed down and he said sorry and that it won’t happen again. I forgave him (IDK why I did, maybe because of our son) but it has never happened again since. There were no further instances of violence but we broke up years later because of his insecurity especially after I became licensed as a doctor.

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#36

Freak out and start fights over nothing, put herself in danger or act like she might hurt herself if I left or disengaged, chase me when I tried to leave, block doors with her body to trap me so I couldn't get away, talk in circles for hours over what I did or should have done or could do differently to contribute to a better outcome, bait me into situations that would trigger her, made me feel like everything was always my fault and that we were always one degree away from everything making sense and working perfectly. I was at a low point and in a vulnerable place already. Never again.

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#37

We were dating and I found out she was cheating on her husband. I called her husband and we set it up that when she went home I’d call and confront her. So he told me when she was home and I called their house and he answered the phone and immediately handed it to her. Everything was out and on the table. She showed up on my doorstep about an hour later and I let her in. One of my greatest regrets….ugh.

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#38

“Apparently He’s Into Men Now”: 30 People Who Regret Not Leaving Their SO Sooner Spent more time speaking to people on her phone rather than me.

Big-Combination5015 , Ron Lach Report

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#39

We lived together. Well, she lived in my house. Didn't contribute financially to anything. Groceries, mortgage, cable/internet/house phone, all me. She got offended when I sent out invitations to a fourth of July party and listed the location as "my house" instead of "our house." We did eventually break up, but it took a long time.

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Alexandra
Alexandra
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's not romantic at all, but if you want to live together, before you do that, do the financials. What are the outgoings? Who's going to pay for what? Do you split evenly or not? What about household chores? Inviting friends? Does your name get on the deed or the lease? That kind of thing. As I said, perhaps not the first thing you think about when going to live together, but it's so essential.

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#40

When she told me she couldn't afford to pay me 250 for rent that month, then the next day she bought tickets to go see Wicked for her and her friend for 250.

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Kim Bailey
Kim Bailey
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not that it's an excuse to not pay rent but Wicked IS awesome and I'd 10/10 recommend seeing it if you have the opportunity! :)

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#41

Made me work out a lot and told me I was perfectly healthy when I developed an ED. Now he's married and they can share their ED. And I love to cook and eat and work out a normal amount with my partner. Happy end I guess.

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john doe
john doe
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

ED? The only initialisms I know for ED are erectile dysfunction and Emergency Department, so what does it mean?

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#42

Gave up our new puppy because “it was hard”.

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Alyssa Phillips
Alyssa Phillips
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This obviously was a deal breaker for OP, but maybe it's a good thing they recognized their limits and gave the pup a chance at a good life..

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#43

Watched a movie that made me cry because I was abused by a family member as a child.

Cried to her. Inconsolable at points. She tried to make a move on me whilst crying and when I rejected she cried and slept in the spare room. Why didn't I leave.

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Big Bear Buchko
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#44

Got really upset when I refused to go into the bathroom and fetch a towel for her that was literally within arm's reach of the shower, where she was.

This was long before the "orange peel test" and looking back I realize that's what it was. At the time I had no idea, it just seemed like she was spinning a b******t conflict out of thin air, which ofc was also a correct assessment.

It shook me up and I seriously considered ending it then. This was before we moved in together, so I really should have tbh.

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#45

Told me everything she felt i did wrong in the relationship, would not give me the space to say things i didn’t like that she did in the relationship. would literally walk out of the house when i started talking and say she needs space from me.

I had no voice. As soon as i noticed that, i should’ve left.

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#46

When he said he talks to mixed/lightskin girls because “white girls are weird/crazy” and “black women are dirty”…then when he doubled back when I asked him what his dream life would be and he said a house in a the mountains or country married to a white woman (he’s a darkskin black man)…I was the biggest pick me.

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Nimitz
Nimitz
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did he call himself a black Nazi and run for governor?

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#47

It's what he didn't do, actually. The neglect was off the chain, like I wasn't even there... but it didn't bother me after 10 years; I became numb to it, and didn't care anymore. I formed a social life, hobbies, etc., had fun without him. I stuck it out for 20 years. I had my reasons. I'm extremely happy now.

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#48

Signed me up for a slow pitch team with her and her friends without telling me....just a couple weeks after I asked her to play with my work team and she gave a litany of excuses as to why she couldn't.

great insight to the causes of a lot of unnecessary future arguments.

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#49

I was younger and dumber. She was hearting guys pics and I walked out the door to leave and she found a glass shard and sliced up her arm, she also in another instance drank bleach and threw up all over our bathroom. I could go on for days the crazy stuff she did but I made the dumbest decision of all time having a baby with her. The first time we tried she had a miscarriage at work because of an Iron deficiency in which the miscarriage was probably a warning from God saying doing it was a bad idea but I didn’t listen. Now ever since I left her and kicked her out of my house she tells people and posts all over social media about how I constantly got drunk, beat and r*ped her she tells people I punched her and caused the miscarriage and makes visiting with my son very hard every time I go to pick him up to this day. I’ve never vented about this before so it feels good to get this out.

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#50

She broke up with me because she said we are not compatible and I take long( 2 hours was thr maximumi stayed before texting back) sometimes to respond to her texts and that causes her extreme anxiety and that she won't be able to come live in my city anymore because her mother told her to focus on her studies. I said okay and wished her the best then ghosted her. She called and texted me non stop for 5 days so we can get back together and said she was sorry it was a mistake. I was stupid enough to accept.

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Pittsburgh rare
Pittsburgh rare
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When you've said your farewell it's not ghosting. It's going no contact, which I think is always in place when a breakup is still raw

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#51

Punched me in the eye with a fist full of keys all sticking out from between her knuckles.

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Alexandra
Alexandra
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I rather hope you punched her back. I don't care that she's a woman: punch me and I'll punch back. No one gets to punch another person, regardless of sex, gender, political conviction, colour of their hair or seat of their pants.

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#52

She went through my laptop to check for messages from other women to see if I was cheating - I wasn’t.

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#53

She’d go out drinking at college parties every. single. night. for a whole week. Each night had to physically carry her to bed. Where she’d proceed to p**s on everything, all for me to clean up the next day.

Like a chump I hung around for all nearly 7 days before I was like “I think I’m done with dating”.

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Alexandra
Alexandra
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When she's fourty years old she probably won't have a decent brain cell left...

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#54

There was an art exhibit that brought Van Gogh's art to life, I knew she was a big fan of his art. So I bought tickets, along with some like vip goodies for her. She convinced me to give her the tickets for her and her best friend to go. We had just started to date, so I was trying to just be as agreeable as I could...

The worst was seeing her post pics of her and her friend up and said something like "best date ever" with her (the best friend). Because it WOULD have been the best date. It was one of my more romantic ideas, and I should have known better...

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#55

"I'm on tinder, *just* looking for friends. They have a friends setting now.".

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#56

Told me he dreamt of asserting his dominance by f*****g someone else’s wife someday and that I should be happy to be with an alpha male. Dunno how I stayed with that one for several more years and a ton of b******t later.

Second worst dude I’ve ever been with pulled the ol’ “I live with my girlfriend but we’re not together anymore” after lying to me about the situation for several weeks 😂 should’ve bounced then but I was in a bad place after a breakup and clung on. That ended well, of course.

I’m dumb with men.

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#57

Didn’t challenge me intellectually and avoided conflict at all costs, sharing no emotions or being vulnerable ever so I never knew when anything was wrong.

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#58

Made me feel like I was just an option. When we broke up she had a baby with someone else so yeah, maybe I was. Should have left earlier.

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#59

The patterns of casual emotional abuse disguised as attempts to "better myself" (i.e. do what she wanted and thought was right) that kept on repeating, and repeating, and repeating...

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Alexandra
Alexandra
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Note to many women: men are not projects. What you see is what you get. If he's abusive, it's not because he's misunderstood and you're the only one who knows him, it's because he's a POS. And yes, this note is meant for many men aswell. Women don't have to cater to you, if they tell you they don't want children don't count on them 'changing their minds', they are not 'naturally the best suitable for taking care of children' and no, they don't need you to explain how they feel.

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#60

Straight up told me in so many words he wanted to groom high school girls (we’d gotten together while I was still in high school and he was…. Not in high school - I was still in the stupid “we’re different” mentality but now know that no matter the specifics it’s all a different shade of the same f****d up painting.) I told him it was a f****d up thing to want let alone tell me but for some reason I didn’t leave on the spot. I think this along with a handful of other occasions is what chipped me away. They say women don’t leave all at once. I can attest to that.

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#61

In 5 years I went from being a person that I knew and honestly loved. Fast forward to now, I hate I exist. I don’t know myself anymore, I’m so unkind to myself, and I don’t trust myself. Im 33 and I don’t hope for anything spectacular to happen in my life, I just hope for peace one day.

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Libstak
Libstak
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Please see a therapist, you need to change that inner dialogue and you need a 3rd party to show you clearly how wrong you are to feel badly about yourself because of someone else's gaslighting.

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#62

Put us on break then got a hookup… should’ve never talked to her again but she told me after our break was over, if I found out before wanting her back the whole time I wouldn’t of even responded to her. She didn’t think she cheated, but in my opinion she did.

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Alexandra
Alexandra
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Put us on a break...that sounds as if you didn't agree. If you didn't agree, why did you go along with it? You should have left before the hook-up.

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#63

Did not prioritize me or our relationship. Looking back, I carried the relationship for way too long.

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#64

I've had my fair share of bad relationships. Cheaters, manipulators, substance abusers. But the one thing I would say is the biggest red flag these days, because it always came up in those other relationships, is saying "I don't deserve someone like you" without a prompt. If you've done something grandiose and lovely, it can be a natural reaction. But when somebody says it when you're just treating them like a normal person? They believe it and will act like it.

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#65

Told me not to worry about her new coworker and that he's "just a friend". She dumped me for him a week shy of our 2 year anniversary.

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#66

Picked a fight with me when I was sick. I got sick after carring for him while he was ill few days before.

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#67

That she cheated on her ex fiance. Red flag right at the get go, but I thought i was at 6 flags so f**k it we ball.

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#68

When he picked me up and threw me on the ground in front of his friends. 13 years later it ended.

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#69

We had a plan to sign up for a student dorm apartment together. It was us and 2 other good friends. She changed her mind and signed up with other friends instead when the application opened. I found out a week after the application started because I asked her so when should we apply....

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#70

We have NEVER been on a date. Ever. We have been together for two and a half years. I got flowers ONCE for my name day, when we were together for only just 2 weeks. Never again. He never met my friends, always excused himself or just came up with some pathetic excuse. He did not get me anything for our first anniversary -> fight-> solution: “I will do wonders for the second I promise!” Yeah he bought me a wind jacket… gah.

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#71

Refused to clean. At best did a subpar job. Got to the pont where i expected her to just clean 1 room each day. Low expectations. But half the time not even that would happen. Couldn't (or at this point I'm thinking wouldn't) hold down a job for more than about a month.

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Alexandra
Alexandra
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You expected her to clean? What about you? Did you offer to help her? Couldn't you clean together? Did you try to find out what was going on with her?

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