Weddings can be expensive affairs, but, after all, most of us plan to only have one, so you might as well go all out. The dresses, the venue, the decorations and even the flowers can all cost a pretty penny. Often this means getting some help from friends and family. Unfortunately, some folks feel like this also means they are now entitled to start making demands.

A bride gave away her wedding flowers worth over four thousand dollars to a children’s hospital, only to learn her mother really wanted them instead. We got in touch with the woman who posted the story and she was wiling to share more under the condition of anonymity.

What the happy couple does with their wedding-stuff is generally their business

Image credits: Luis Felipe Pérez/Pexels (not the actual photo)

But one woman was called selfish for giving her wedding flowers to a children’s hospital and not her mom

Image credits: Liza Summer/Pexels (not the actual photo)

All’s well that ends well

Bored Panda got in touch with the woman who shared the story and she was wiling to give some updates. “We decided not to fight it – the logistics of finding the right place to donate so many flowers to (15 centerpieces, 15 smaller bouquets, 2 giant arbor cascades, and 2 giant floor bouquets), coupled with my mom still being upset with me even after I apologized, made me realize that this wasn’t a battle worth giving my energy to. We got massively mixed advice on the reddit post anyway – some telling me to stand my ground, others telling me I’m being an petulant bridezilla, and it made me realize that the only correct answer was doing what would bring me peace on one of the most stressful days of my life.”

“So, we did it on our own terms – we gave ALL our guests who stayed near the end the option to take home some flowers, and that was very exciting for everyone. In the end, I’m happy I got to send my friends home with a little joy. Hilariously, one of my mom’s friends nearly left with my bridal bouquet on accident when the centerpiece on her table had already been claimed. Thankfully, one of my siblings was there to rescue it, as my husband and I had already made our grand exit at that time! She got one of the larger bouquets instead.”

Humans have have had a special relationship with flowers since the stone age

Different people might have differing opinions on flowers, but the fact remains that many folks out there do like them. After all, what better decoration for a wedding than these ephemerally beautiful plants? Yes, they do not last and are, from a purely monetary perspective, very expensive for the short amount of time they are “alive,” but this does add to their appeal.

Like so many things in life, from cat memes to makeup, the tradition of using flowers to commemorate something goes back to Ancient Egypt. No doubt this practice evolved in various places simultaneously but since the Egyptians actually wrote things down (and depicted them in art) we tend to give them credit. That being said, traces of pollen have been found in prehistoric tombs, so the mother wanting these particular ones is just the continuation of an ancient tradition.

However, it was the ancient Romans who specifically used flowers during wedding ceremonies and not just as decorations or “gifts” for the dead. After all, flowers are pretty and make a wonderful symbol for fertility. Over time, we’ve grown accustomed to associating flowers with something good, for example well wishes. It probably helps that flowers are generally not at all cheap, as the four thousand dollar subject of this story demonstrates.

It’s important to actually communicate what you expect

Of course, the main issue here is the disconnect between the bride’s wishes and what the mother thought she was entitled to. It’s sad that it bears repeating, but if you don’t pay for something, you generally aren’t entitled to it. This is as true for gifts as it is for anything else. It’s maybe not at all unreasonable to want to take some things from a wedding that has ended, but to expect them without confirming it with the bride is just ridiculous.

This is her mother, after all, it would be monumentally easy to ask. This seems like a classic case of an overeager mom enlisting people by promising something she didn’t have and now it’s blowing up in her face. The bride invokes the idea of principle and she is right to do so. It’s nice that these people helped, but the mother didn’t communicate any terms and now set herself up for failure. A lack of communication is a one-way ticket to problems down the road, something the mom should have enough experience to avoid.

It’s easy to call the mother entitled, but without more details it can be hard to tell if she regularly acts like this or is just a little too eager. As the woman notes in the comments (which can be found below) she didn’t know about this expectation. From her perspective, these folks volunteered. In “return” in a pretty broad sense of the word, they get invitations and some catering. As she herself says, this still costs her money per person, as, surprise surprise, weddings are not cheap.

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