To get some insight from an expert on this topic, we reached out to Marlon Joseph, host of The Modern Waiter podcast. Marlon has been working as a server for 26 years and says he has loved it the whole time. He started this podcast to highlight that working in the service industry can certainly be a viable career and currently has recorded 196 episodes with his best friend and fellow industry veteran Danny Davila. "Rude guests unfortunately are a part of life when it comes down to it," Marlon told Bored Panda. "As a server you must find ways to deal with it and even turn things around. Some days are easier than others." Marlon says he even plans to record an episode on this same topic because there are so many ways to retaliate against customers.

"If a guest gets rude in a personal way I deal with it directly and tell them 'I going to need you to be nice to me for me to continue'," he says. "If they are being rude in an annoying way, I make them wait. They will wait for me to take their order. They will wait for their food. They will wait for their check. I may even tell them their credit card has declined if that person is paying. I may even tell them we ran out of an item even though we have it," Marlon admitted.

We asked Marlon if he thinks customers ever learn a lesson when they receive worse service due to their attitudes. "I do not think rude people are self-aware, especially if it is them being jerks. Most rude people in a restaurant are situationally on tilt. They may be hangry or had a bad day, so they use a measure of power to ease their aggravation. Unfortunately, a server may not want to give their best to a guest like that, and the result is bad service. Then the cycle of self-fulfilling prophecy begins."

We also wanted to know what Marlon would like to say to any customers who feel entitled to be rude to wait staff. "My advice is the same advice I give to guests who do not tip: Do not go back to the same restaurant twice. Servers have bad days too."

Lastly, Marlon added, "90 percent of the time a good server can recognize the attitude of an unsavory action of a guest and find a way to turn it. There is no excuse to be rude. I have had a guest tell me they wanted to punch me in the face. I leaned over the table and placed my fists down on the table and said, 'I bet you wont'." I bet they never came back to that restaurant!

If you'd like to hear more tales from Marlon's experience as a waiter, be sure to check out his podcast right here.

If you have ever worked a customer service job, you know that they are not easy. Customers come in every day with ridiculous demands or unreasonable expectations, and they are often under the impression that they are right solely because they are the customer. “Oh, you don’t have my size in stock? Let me speak to your manager!” Or, “This doesn’t taste right. I’m sending it back, and I’m not paying for it!” You know the type. And while most of us are well aware that this behavior is embarrassing and disrespectful, some entitled individuals never seem to learn. So there is nothing wrong with giving them cold, hard butter or an ugly burger if you, the employee, have had to deal with insults and sass for the duration of someone’s visit.

So what gives people the nerve to act this way when in a restaurant or retail store? Didn’t their parents ever teach them manners? Well, according to Melanie Morrison, a psychology professor at the University of Saskatchewan, there are three possible reasons behind an entitled customer’s rude behavior. The first being that they may want social dominance. These people usually work high up in an organization and have employees below them and continue to act like a superior everywhere they go. "There's still that belief that they have a socially dominant position, they have more power over this individual and they'll treat them in a demeaning way because of that,” Melanie told CBC Canada.

The next reason an individual might be rude to wait staff is if they are part of a marginalized group and do not often have a dominant position in society. "When they go into a restaurant, they can exact power. They can become somebody who has been given a bit of power over a server in that moment," Melanie explained. “They can treat them in a demeaning way and be powerful in that environment because the conditions allow them to be." Lastly, Melanie notes that sometimes people are just plain rude. There might not be a great explanation for it, but not everyone can empathize with others or feel guilt for treating people poorly. 

People who have worked in the service industry before and understand what it’s like to be a server or retail worker are much less likely to be rude, but it should not take having similar experiences to show someone respect. As Melanie notes, “There's nothing wrong with having expectations. If it's something surrounding the food or the environment or something, then you can ask for some changes. That would be okay, but look realistically,” she says. “Take a breath. Think about it. Look realistically at the server — is that the server's fault?"

While the way someone treats wait staff or customer service employees might not seem like a huge deal in the moment, it can actually say a lot about their personality. Have you ever been on a date with someone you really liked and then saw them speak down to a server or employee at a movie theatre? For most people, this would be a huge turn off. In fact “The Waiter Rule” has become a popular tactic employed by hiring managers and people in the dating pool to determine whether someone is a good person or not.  

As Del Jones wrote for USA Today, “How others treat the CEO says nothing, they say. But how others treat the waiter is like a magical window into the soul.” And he’s right. It is important to observe how someone treats a person when they are not looking to gain anything from them and they are the one being served. Do they look down upon someone else because they are paying for a service from them, or do they view everyone as their equal because we’re all just human beings after all?

According to Dr. Fredric Neuman at Psychology Today, we actually should be considering how our partners treat servers. “I had a patient who broke up with her fiancé because he was rude to a waiter,” he wrote. “That made sense to me. Waiters cannot answer back. I think people who are rude to waiters are bullies. Someone rude to a waiter is likely, sooner or later, to be rude to a spouse.” And he’s absolutely right. A person who is capable of being disrespectful to complete strangers will eventually show that side to loved ones as well, it just might take a bit more time. Plus, if you stay with a partner who makes employees uncomfortable everywhere you go, that will affect the service you receive too. Don’t let yourself be lumped in with a bully.

Nick Darlington wrote about “The Waiter Rule” in a piece for Lifehack, and he noted how big of a red flag it is when someone has a situational value system. If someone knows how to be nice and charming but only makes the choice to turn on that side of their personality when interacting with people they “value”, they are not actually kind or charming. They are evaluating everyone they come in contact with, and there is always a chance they will change their mind and start valuing you less as well. 

“On the other hand, those without a situational value system treat people well on every possible occasion,” Nick writes. “Their behavior is unconditional. Their behavior is not constantly changing. They accept that every person has a story. The waiter or waitress might be the sole breadwinner, or perhaps they are working two jobs. Maybe they are paying for their studies. Whatever the situation, this type of person remains cognizant of the fact that all humans are equal.”

Nick goes on to explain that people who are rude to wait staff have a judging personality, rather than an understanding one. Rather than putting themselves in the shoes of the busy server who is likely juggling multiple tables at once, dealing with communication between the kitchen and their customers and has probably been on their feet the entire day, these customers can only see what they want. They are sitting, so they deserve their food now. Or if they are dealing with a retail employee, they deserve to be waited on hand and food, regardless of how many other customers are in the store. People with judging  personalities make everyone’s lives harder by frustrating themselves with having unrealistic expectations and stressing out those around them who just want to do their jobs.

Blogger Brooke Burton-Luttmann addressed on her site Food Woolf why she believes “servers don’t get any respect”, detailing her own experiences working in restaurants. “The answer is simple: many customers don’t believe waiters to be professionals and therefore don’t merit their respect,” she writes. Brooke explains that she is expected to be courteous, skilled and work with a smile regardless of how customers treat her and that she must cater to their every whim because “the customer is always right”. But there are so many expectations that servers are required to uphold, so why aren’t guests held to the same standards?

Brooke goes on to explain that most diners expect that their only task is paying for a meal at the end of the evening, assuming that nothing before that matters. But respecting a server, showing up for a reservation on time, abiding by restaurant policies and agreeing not to steal any property are just too much for some guests to handle. “Is offering basic human kindness really all that difficult? Is civility really too much to ask for?” Brooke begs. If someone came to your home and you served them a meal, wouldn't you expect them to follow your house rules and respect you and your home? Why should dining in a restaurant be any different? Just because someone is a stranger who you may never see again does not mean they don't deserve equal treatment. 

“I’ve heard the argument before—most waiters don’t act like true professionals and therefore shouldn’t be treated with respect—but the truth is, professionalism isn’t the real issue here,” Brooke explains. “There are plenty of proficient and skilled wait staff in the world–I count myself as one of them—that are just as prone to being treated poorly by guests, simply because of our position. The world is filled with tons of angry and unhappy people that have no use for words like civil, kindness, and respect. They’re too busy perpetuating misery in their lives by spreading as much hate and anger as possible. Who am I to expect something more than payment (which is easily denied) in return for my services?”