“I Was Free”: 30 Early Warning Signs Of Estrangement From Parents

Building healthy relationships sometimes means cutting people off when their presence becomes detrimental to your well-being. And as tough as it can be, this also includes parents.

In fact, a recent study, drawing on thousands of interviews with adult children, found that 26 percent reported estrangement from fathers and another 6 percent from mothers.

Trying to understand what leads to this difficult decision, Reddit user YoungGod928 asked platform users who have cut ties with their own folks to share some of the early warning signs that pointed to their deteriorating relationships.

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“I Was Free”: 30 Early Warning Signs Of Estrangement From Parents The day I decided to attend a military academy for university. The rules there were less strict than my parents and they would only be able to contact me by mail and could not hold their money over my head. I was free.

Still am.

G0es2eleven , Somchai Kongkamsri/ pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

149points

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Captive 3 months ago

Imagine having to go to military to escape your parents

85points

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“I Was Free”: 30 Early Warning Signs Of Estrangement From Parents I had a notebook counting down the days until I was 18. I started it at like 13. Can’t pinpoint the exact moment but I knew from a very young age I wanted to go far away and never look back. I moved out at 16 and haven’t looked back in 17 years. Wow didn’t realize until typing this that I’ve lived longer outside of that toxicity than in it. What a relief.

_SomeWittyName_ , KATRIN BOLOVTSOVA / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

134points

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Ionescu Popa 3 months ago

when 3-4 yrs old i was asking my aunt: wont u be my mother?

59points

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“I Was Free”: 30 Early Warning Signs Of Estrangement From Parents When he told me his new wife didn't like me and he did not want to get divorced again so we wouldn't be seeing each other much anymore. I was 14. And his only child.

We spoke maybe a dozen times for the next 30 years. He divorced again. Outlived his next wife. He died alone. I took care of his affairs, only child and all that. I felt nothing. Still don't, 4 years later.

I have 3 sons. They all talk to me, even the grown ones. We get together once a month for dinner and games. Always a great time.

DangleofDoom , ricardo rojas / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

133points

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Ace 3 months ago

Ouch.

19points

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“I Was Free”: 30 Early Warning Signs Of Estrangement From Parents In order for a relationship to deteriorate, it would have to have been good to begin with. My mother was setting up situations where my death would look accidental, all my life. As a child she taught me the wrong way to cross the street, left me outdoors in electrical storms. When I developed life threatening food allergies she sneaked allergen exposures.

One of my earliest memories is of falling through thin ice after she ordered me to play on a frozen pond and promised it was safe. An older child pulled me out and saved my life. Years later, when I had learned to read and saw a description of what it's like to freeze to death, at first I was angry with the book. *No, that can't be!* Then slowly came the realization of how close a call that had been, and how my mother hadn't lifted a finger until she realized there were witnesses.

According to other relatives whose reports are trustworthy, that habit of risking my life goes back to infancy.

I'm probably alive to relate this because she was too cowardly to try things that were likely to get her prosecuted. She had an odd habit of looking over her shoulders to see who was watching during her worst stunts. A kindergarten teacher reported her to CPS and a social worker nearly placed me with other relatives.

Fled from her and moved in with Dad as soon as I turned 11.

Texandria , Samer Daboul/ pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

127points

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Marianne 3 months ago

I have no words...

75points

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“I Was Free”: 30 Early Warning Signs Of Estrangement From Parents Realizing the distance between us wasn't just physical but emotional too. They'd call every once in a while, and I dreaded it. Phone rings, heart sinks. It was never about catching up, always about some complaint or another way I had let them down. One day, it hit me - every call left me feeling drained and guilty for not being the 'perfect' child they wanted. I started screening calls, texts went unanswered, visits became annual formalities. The peace in choosing my mental well-being over trying to meet their impossible expectations was the turning point. You can't choose your family, but you can choose not to let their chaos become your norm.

LilyPhoenixx1 , Ivan Samkov/ pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

108points

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Crouching hippo hidden panda 3 months ago

Oof I felt this one

29points

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“I Was Free”: 30 Early Warning Signs Of Estrangement From Parents He wouldn't stop threatening to k*ll us.

Went total NC 30+ years ago and the f****r finally died broke and alone a few years ago. Good riddance to a s**t father.

pirfle , Meruyert Gonullu / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

86points

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Marianne 3 months ago

Reading something like that breaks me. I was lucky to be born into a good family and the thought that children are stuck with parents like that scares me a lot. No matter what demons possess you, how can you hate your own children so much?

48points

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“I Was Free”: 30 Early Warning Signs Of Estrangement From Parents My Dad used to beat me and my Mom up. He almost k*lled me when I came down with appendicitis when at his house for visitation. He thought I was faking vomiting and being in severe pain, so he punched me in the stomach… I was 11.

I snuck a call to my Mom’s house when he fell asleep. My sister answered and got some people to come get me. My appendix was removed at the hospital the next morning.

Later my Dad brought me a model of a Ferrari that I liked. I asked him if he knew that what he did was wrong. He said, “It’s my god given right to punish my wife and kids whenever and however I see fit.”

I said, “It’s time for you to go.”.

JohnnyGFX , Hunain Bin Shahid / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

83points

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BannedFromABoatShow 3 months ago

I don’t know what god you follow but he sure sounds awful.

44points

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“I Was Free”: 30 Early Warning Signs Of Estrangement From Parents Every time I was on their way to my house I would feel sick to my stomach. I didn’t think anything of it until after we were estranged and I was suddenly much less nauseous all the time.

eleusian_mysteries , Sora Shimazaki / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

72points

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Ilikemybooksshakennotstirred 3 months ago

Had something similar. My anxiety used to be so bad that I just felt sick all the time. Since I left, went NC and got help, it rarely happens anymore.

22points

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“I Was Free”: 30 Early Warning Signs Of Estrangement From Parents When he chose his other woman and her kids and left me alone… in a foreign country.. without anything.

i was 15.. :)).

Spiritual_Bath6210 , RDNE Stock project/ pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

70points

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Erica Ventura 3 months ago

This boggles my mind. I just want to go back in time and scoop every single one of you up and take you home and love you and feed you and tell you you're beautiful.

71points

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#10

“I Was Free”: 30 Early Warning Signs Of Estrangement From Parents When they don’t see you as an adult. They still see you as the controllable child. You’re an adult doing adult things in every other sphere of your life. The lack of respect and caring for you as an adult wears on you. If they have a personality disorder you had to tiptoe around, it accelerates this process.

Three major turning points
1. Constant belittling of my kids. None of us were good enough. Critical comparisons to others. My kids accomplishments were mocked. But if another of their grandkids did the same thing…the heavens opened and light shown down on them with praises from heaven.
For example 2 of my kids had national merit scholarships to a top 10 school for their degree. Got them invited to the Governor’s mansion for a luncheon with the other 20 in the state.
My niece gets National honor society and they send presents to her. They ignored my kids. All were Duke TIP scholars, and 10 yrs later a nephew earns that.
He’s praised. There’s something about them doing it to you, but once they do it to your kids, you cant let them. We had already limited contact.
Now both of those adult kids are doing well. They have chosen not to have relationships with that set of grandparents.

2. Playing my siblings against one another. Either praising one to me, or devaluing one to me. I shut it down but they continued with the others. I’ve become the evil one in their story

3. How they speak about me when I’m not there. I’ve heard from their friends some pretty awful things they’ve said. It started when I was very little.
As a teen though they told people I was on d***s, sleeping around etc. I suspect they did it for sympathy, “I have it so hard with Fritos”. I get married and move away. Run into a family friend 4 yrs later and hear how it’s so great “you turned your life around”. What? That’s when I heard what I supposedly was doing. I wasn’t using d***s. I wasn’t sleeping around back then.
The last time I spoke with that parent and they were accusing me of some morally reprehensible behaviors, I ended up telling them that if that’s what they believed of me, they should want nothing to do with me.

I’ve been LC for 20 yrs. And now NC for 5. It’s a very painful decision to choose this. It’s seen as one day I just turned off the switch to them. Where in reality it was 20 plus years of begging them to be more mature, to be an adult in our relationship. If they had made changes we’d not be estranged.
The decision was not made lightly. I no longer have migraines and my health has improved significantly.

LetsBeginwithFritos , Andrea Piacquadio / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

68points

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Ionescu Popa 3 months ago

i am graduate (university, master and professional courses). my 7 grades father is convinced he is more intelligent and cultured than me.

27points

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#11

“I Was Free”: 30 Early Warning Signs Of Estrangement From Parents Raised by a Jehovah's Witness. Need I say more?
*Cough cough*, cult.

reddit_mustbtrue , Jonathan Wells / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

67points

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Kangaroo 3 months ago (edited)

I lost my absolute #1 best friend to Jehovah’s Witnesses. They said we couldn’t be friends anymore because I was “worldly” which meant I was “guided by Satan” and would “corrupt” her, even though we loved each other and were very good friends. But if she didn’t rejoin the religion, she would lose her family and never be allowed to talk to them again. I told her that her God sounds like a total a*****e but when she’s done with him I’ll always be here for her. It’s been 14 years but my worldly sinner aśs would still be there to help her if she reached out.

34points

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#12

“I Was Free”: 30 Early Warning Signs Of Estrangement From Parents Intentionally lying. claim a conversation went one way instead of another. forcing all conversation to then become text-based for future proof

constant, incessant asking for money. like monthly basis with the only info being, “it’s for bills”

Throwing tantrums and demanding that other family members drop everything and fly back to home state to fix things. (parent/brother couldn’t be bothered to take a sick cat to the vet and just threw a fit about the situation).

At least this is what my partner shared with me about her family.

My partner died on May 4th and I talked with her mom for the first time that day for 8 minutes. First 6 minutes were nice and then she started lying to me about the nature of the relationship she had with her daughter (I didnt call her out on the lie but I shouldve). I spent the month of May being called a murderer and being harassed by my partner’s family. That has since settled down but their expressions of grief throughout all of this helped me 100% understand why my partner never wanted me to meet her immediate family. .

encognitowhetherman , Brett Sayles / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

64points

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Kitten 3 months ago

I am very sorry for your loss 💖

25points

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#13

“I Was Free”: 30 Early Warning Signs Of Estrangement From Parents When Mum pushed me off the front porch when I was 4. It was a 10ft drop.

Ashamed_Lock8438 , Vika Glitter / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

60points

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hoppsa 3 months ago

This is just sad. Who would do that to their child?

35points

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#14

“I Was Free”: 30 Early Warning Signs Of Estrangement From Parents I accidentally knocked over a glass of milk at the dinner table. Like a kid might do. It certainly wasn’t a habit. Dad got up and silently left the room. I was relieved because I thought for sure I was in for it and had gotten off light.

He was in my bedroom stuffing all my possessions into trash bags that he put on the curb. Had to sleep on a naked mattress until Christmas when my aunts bought me blankets and sheets. That’s just one example but it was an early one I never forgot.

levieleven , Charlotte May / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

59points

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T'Mar of Vulcan 3 months ago

My cousin once dropped a glass at my house. She immediately got upset and started to cry and apologize. I was like, "What's wrong?" "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!" I said I knew that and we'd just clean it up. She hovered like she was waiting to be screamed at. I was like, "It was an accident. They happen." My aunt (her mom) used to scream at you for little infractions. I have a spastic colon and couldn't stop myself from farting (and I farted a lot when I didn't eat for too long) and she'd scream at me and tell me it was disgusting, etc. I only learned when I started teaching that there are people who can fart on purpose. OTOH, my mother only screamed at us if we dropped a glass because we'd be standing there with our bare feet. "Get out of the room!!! You're going to cut yourself!!" She didn't give two sh!ts about a broken glass - she just didn't want us to hurt ourselves.

55points

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#15

“I Was Free”: 30 Early Warning Signs Of Estrangement From Parents I don't have a tragic story. My dad is in my life. I see him regularly. He just doesn't have any interest in doing anything he doesn't want to do. He never calls. He never texts. He has never actively wanted to spend time with me. He never wants to share my interests. In fact he generally has actively questioned them. He would do the basics like drive me to sports or pick me up from the subway but drives home would be silent. Maybe he cares. He's never outwardly shown that he has. I can't remember if he's ever told me that he's loved me or was proud of me.

I make it a point to tell my son every day.

nicky10013 , Tim Mossholder / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

54points

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Lil Miss Hobbit 3 months ago

Thank you for breaking that cycle. Your son will appreciate it.

35points

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#16

“I Was Free”: 30 Early Warning Signs Of Estrangement From Parents I invited a dear friend to a family vacation and my stepdad blew up/escalated to the point she was shaking with anxiety and fear because she hadn’t seen a man behave that way.

As we were leaving there were neighbors standing on their porch, nodding at us, saying “esta bien?” And I knew something had to change.

It wasn’t going to be my parents so it had to be me. I had to stop showing up to take it. I had to stop putting myself and certainly anyone I love in their destructive path.

AffectionateTitle , RDNE Stock project / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

53points

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Cheezumcrow 3 months ago

I’m glad this person saw the need to take initiative bc they knew their parents wouldn’t

13points

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#17

“I Was Free”: 30 Early Warning Signs Of Estrangement From Parents She's always been a piece of s**t to me, it just took me having a daughter of my own to realize how absolutely s****y she was, and that I was not the problem in our relationship.

starboundowl , Brett Sayles/ pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

47points

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liz MacClain 3 months ago

Been there. I only removed my mom from my life for my son

11points

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#18

“I Was Free”: 30 Early Warning Signs Of Estrangement From Parents Physically and mentally abused me. Ridicules me but praises me when their comrades and friends visit, taking credit for my achievement.

Ripped my shirt and pjs off around midnight for forgetting to do something and made me sleep like a dog on the balcony butt naked, this happened around when I was 12 years old

Pushed me with so much force that my head hit the corner of the table and left me a bump and scar on my forehead when I was around 5 yrs old and only felt pity on me when she saw my inflamed forehead yet still commanded me to go buy ice for me to put it on it.

Around my puberty, 11 - 13 (cs my father died when i was 13 lol) My mother felt jealous of me and my father bcs he's defending me every time she's being ballistic. Then turned him into a monster too that whips me with belt.. maybe you're wondering why? Yeah, bcs she thinks it's hot when he's being the one who gets angry and ballistic bcs she gives her head and f****d after they bruised me. They used to kick me out of the house for them to get f****d while me crying and having no idea what I did so wrong for them to punish me like that, and that's how my little sister was made :).

Literally, can't even sit down on my butt and sleep on my back because of the huge bruises on my butt down to the back of my legs.

Speaking of bruises, I used to wear long sleeves/jackets at school because of my green and violet bruises on my arm. And speaking of school, Since the school was only a cross the street away from our house, my mother used to slap my face, pull and twist my ears before I got to school. And my classmates were always used to watching me walk inside the class with red cheeks with a slap mark while tearing up.

Up to this day, still happening to me actually, kinda used to it. Thought there'll be hope for her and for me but I got nothing. Currently getting a degree in Psychology bcs I thought I wanted to help people and understand people more it was just her.. the more I study, the more I understand her yet the more I get sick to my stomach why is she that way but realized that I just wanted to help her and understand her but turns out, I'm the one who needed it. I needed help. I'm crying for help. Now, looking for a job at bpo secretly and hours away from our house bcs I'm giving up trying to find hope for her.

I decided to prioritize myself now. After all these years. Now was the only time that I felt pity for myself, that it isn't selfish not to be selfless.

camswsws , cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

46points

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Sunny Day 3 months ago

What tipped me over the edge was reading an article about how kids will often be closer to the abusive parent. Like, the kid's covered in bruises. CPS comes in to take the kid, and it's clinging to mom and screaming "mommy" as they carry him away. CPS thinks dad must be the abuser. No - mom is the abuser. The kid clings to her and loves her and tries to please her - because if he could get her to love him, she wouldn't hurt him anymore, right? (Because the kid thinks it's HIS fault she beats him.) It explained so much about my childhood.

41points

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#19

“I Was Free”: 30 Early Warning Signs Of Estrangement From Parents My dad is a narcissist and gas lit me my entire childhood and early adulthood. I went to college and as I became educated I realized what he was doing to me all those years. I cut him off, reunited, cut him off, etc. Now we haven’t spoken in 6 years because I called him out on his manipulation and bruised his ego. Of course his narcissistic a*s thinks he’s the victim here, that I’m a cold hearted person. Life is so much better without him. I don’t feel like I’m walking on egg shells any more trying to dance around his ego and perceived injustices.

matbea78 , RDNE Stock project / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

45points

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"Disembodied voice" 3 months ago

Sounds like my father. Maybe OP is one of my siblings.

5points

#20

“I Was Free”: 30 Early Warning Signs Of Estrangement From Parents I always knew my mom was a bit of a pathological liar. She liked having her stories especially when it meant entertaining people. Then I found out she was lying to me about what she was doing with my son when she was watching him. Going to the park, meant watched cartoons all day. Ate some pasta and apple sauce, meant had ice cream and cookies. She was even giving him caffienated soda at the age of 2yo. I found out from my aunt who lives with her what was actually going on. When I confronted her, she was just like "this is what grandmas do". For the record, we didn't ask her to watch him. We had other sources of childcare. She would ask to spend time with her grandson, but then get easily frustrated when he would fuss. I would tell her to call me if it got too much and I would pick him up, but she wouldn't. Even though she wasn't doing any serious harm, I can't let anyone have alone time with my kid if they're dishonest with me. .

Pale-Preference-8551 , Ketut Subiyanto / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

44points

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Papa 3 months ago

The part about caffeinated soda hit a nerve. My daughter spent a day with my mother when she was maybe 8-10. My mother let her have two of Starbucks cold drinks you get at the convenience store. She didn't sleep that night, at all, and was practically bouncing off the walls.

17points

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#21

“I Was Free”: 30 Early Warning Signs Of Estrangement From Parents I felt like they were constantly criticizing my life choices instead of supporting me.

Adorable_Bat186 , RDNE Stock project / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

43points

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BannedFromABoatShow 3 months ago

I started lying to my parents pretty consistently when I was around 12 through maybe 20. Since they were going to judge everything I did or said, they can criticize my fake life and I’ll live my real one. It was a hard habit to break though. But now at 45, they still criticize but now I only tell them maybe 10% of what happens in my life. Critique how I went to the post office? If it makes you that happy then go for it.

26points

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#22

“I Was Free”: 30 Early Warning Signs Of Estrangement From Parents My parents making everything I vent to them about, about themselves..

DeeRey__ , Monstera Production / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

41points

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Ionescu Popa 3 months ago (edited)

or mine defending the part i blame and blaming me instead in every occasion.

13points

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#23

“I Was Free”: 30 Early Warning Signs Of Estrangement From Parents When they told me I wasn’t ‘Christian enough’ of an example for my younger siblings and would no longer be welcome in their house.

Why wasn’t I ‘Christian enough’? I told a youth pastor my older bro was SA-ing me.

Needless to say, I have issues with organized religion (the pastors (yes, multiple) did nothing) and don’t have any relationship with the parentals.

That doesn’t stop them from trying to ‘get the whole family together’ because it would be ‘so nice’ to have a family picture of everyone smiling together….

minowsharks , RDNE Stock project / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

38points

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Amberlie Mikelsen 3 months ago

I have faith, but I have no use or care for organized religion. Faith comes directly from a higher power, regardless of what you happen to call him, her, it, or them. All religion is man-made and therefore flawed, because all mankind is flawed. Pobody's Nerfect!

12points

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#24

“I Was Free”: 30 Early Warning Signs Of Estrangement From Parents I would be forced to forgive them by other relatives. If my father threw things at me and destroyed my possessions and screamed, I was pressured to be the bigger person and mend the relationship.

If my mother kicked me and told me I "needed to be evaluated" and "something is wrong with your brain" for not wanting to hang out with a relative who was grooming me (who gave my parents a lot of money), I couldn't interact with my other relatives until I started talking to her again.

I knew from an early age I'd leave them all someday and finally be able to hold a damn grudge in peace.

Winter-Channel-671 , Kindel Media / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

38points

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Bubba Jones 3 months ago

I'm so sorry OP, i hope you find peace and love and have a wonderful life away from all that.

11points

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#25

“I Was Free”: 30 Early Warning Signs Of Estrangement From Parents There wasn’t much of a relationship to begin with. My earliest memories involved being insulted and smacked around by parents.

Once I broke free of them, it felt like this massive burden was lifted from my shoulders. I was a new man.

BecksSoccer , Kelvin Valerio / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

37points

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Bubba Jones 3 months ago

Happy for you OP!! ;)

10points

#26

“I Was Free”: 30 Early Warning Signs Of Estrangement From Parents My husband hasn't seen his parents in 23 years. Mom left when he was a teen, stayed in town but didn't want to be a Mom anymore. She regrets it now at nearly 70 but it's too late. Dad raised him but didn't want to. When he moved away from home at 22, they just stopped speaking. Parents over all just didn't have interest in kids, but for some reason, they had 4.

DudeHeadAwesome , Kindel Media / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

35points

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#27

“I Was Free”: 30 Early Warning Signs Of Estrangement From Parents In my 40’s. My dad died 3 years ago. Before his death he was the only reason I was in the same room with my mother. 10 years ago she drove over to my house one night and she tried to call me to repentance for leaving culty Mormonism. And when I got divorced from my ex wife, her first words were “how could you do this to me”. I didn’t speak to her at all for almost two years. After my dad died I tried being the best son again. I called her often, etc. But her not allowing me to give the eulogy as the eldest child in the family and having my younger Mormon brother do it hurt a ton. My dad was my best friend.

TheFinalVin , jon collier / flickr (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

35points

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Ionescu Popa 3 months ago

jerks dont change a bit! u can behave as well as u want...

10points

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#28

“I Was Free”: 30 Early Warning Signs Of Estrangement From Parents When family dinners turned into epic debates on who’s the bigger drama queen.

LuminousAriel24 , cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

29points

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Strings 3 months ago

No offense, but this is almost wholesome compared to some of the others...

10points

#29

“I Was Free”: 30 Early Warning Signs Of Estrangement From Parents When my mother would leave me home alone at 4 years old, the last straw was overhearing her say how much she wished I had died instead of my sister, & then she took my kids from me, and making it impossible to get them back, but I’m still fighting.

Brilliant-Gate-9658 , Alex Green / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

26points

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Charles McChristy 3 months ago

There's a lot missing here. They don't take your kids away for being a stellar parent.

56points

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#30

“I Was Free”: 30 Early Warning Signs Of Estrangement From Parents When my mother tried to get me to prioritize her over my new wife of

FishFollower74 , Jeremy Wong/ pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

23points

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L Terr 3 months ago

New wife of what??

12points

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#31

My mom and dad are extremely religious. I don’t agree with their commitment to religion because it came before me and my siblings. Fast forward to adulthood, I’m the youngest of 9 kids, they haven’t really changed, lol! There’s no reason to stick around when your parents don’t ACTUALLY want to be in a relationship with you. Actions speak louder than words. You can love someone and not wanna be around them.

Generational curses have a lot to do with the estrangement as well. My mom had an abusive/alcoholic upbringing and she never dealt with her issues so she brought all of it into parenting and basically neglected all of my siblings and I.

I’m now a parent of 2 beautiful kids and I’ve had to go to therapy (I’m 40 but have attending since 23 years old) to help me unlearn codependency and acceptance of unhealthy relationships.

My parents won’t get the help they need and, not that I think I’m better than them, but I can’t be around people who aren’t willing to admit they did something wrong to their children.

There’s so much more but this is the shorted way to explain.

Only-Limit-9528 Report

Final score:

15points

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#32

When I was growing up I was the youngest of 4 children, my family never really seemed to make any effort for me. But I was always gaslit into thinking it was because my requests and needs were frivolous. I was pretty independent so I was left to my own devices. My older siblings constantly needed support and help.

The moment I moved out for college I tried to call and keep in touch and it felt like I was doing all the work. I only lived 2 hours away but they came to visit twice in 4 years, but expected us to show up to every holiday and kids birthday party for my nieces/nephews.

6 years later I realized all of the effort was coming from me. So I stopped trying to extend the olive branch.

My family never once reached out, they didn't want to go to my graduation, they didn't want to come to my wedding. They didn't care even a little bit. I wasn't crazy, I was the black sheep and always had been.

A few years of therapy and self reflection made me realize that I waa neglected significantly as a child and I developed hyperindependence because my needs weren't ever met.

I was regularly food insecure, I was educationally neglected, I was isolated socially, I was told I had no life prospects and thought too much of myself. My childhood was abusive and my family never really loved me. They just wanted to own me.

We don't talk anymore, I do talk to my nieces and nephews because I want them to have social support and not get trapped in the small town they live in. I started a secret college fund for my nieces and nephews because I want them to have an escape should they desire it. I had to fight so hard to succeed in life despite everyone telling me I was worthless.

Bearacolypse Report

Final score:

15points

POST

Rachknits 3 months ago

I'm so glad you got some support and what a wonderful way to deal with it by helping out your relatives. Amazing

3points

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#33

“I Was Free”: 30 Early Warning Signs Of Estrangement From Parents My parents said "you're gay, aren't you?!" in an accusatory fashion before I knew what that word meant. I guess I enjoyed slumber parties when I was 10yo and sports too much.

Quidam1 , Alexander Grey / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

14points

POST

Ionescu Popa 3 months ago

" i know you are a pervert, i know you want to smoke..." - tell this to a shy nerd and he becomes even shier.

5points

#34

Reflecting on every forced apology after conflicts where I wasn't wrong but had to bear the blame, I realize the pattern of one-sided accountability was a red flag. The absence of mutual respect and apologies made me feel perpetually undervalued and dismissed - a dynamic that only grew more apparent over time. It taught me to value genuine communication and emotional honesty in relationships, something I didn't experience growing up. It takes courage to break the cycle, but recognizing these early signs can save years of heartache. Now, I'm focused on building a foundation of trust and respect with my own family, something I learned the hard way was missing in my upbringing.

RoseRowan1 Report

Final score:

13points

POST

#35

I genuinely didn’t realise how f****d things were until my dear father almost k*lled me lmao.

Looking back it’s the objectification that should have concerned people. He used to compare my sisters and I to clay - saying he was moulding us into the perfect wives for our future husbands etc. We were never allowed to explore our own interests and were only allowed to read / watch / listen to a very small list of approved things. He pulled us out of certain classes in school if he didn’t agree with them and pulled me out altogether when I was 16 - I still haven’t finished high school but I’m doing an access course to get into uni so all’s not too lost.

Granted my childhood took place in a largely oppressive religious group that is now being investigated and called a cult but hey ho. I had no idea things were as bad as they were until “the incident” 🫠.

OptimalEconomics2465 Report

Final score:

13points

POST

JenniB 3 months ago

If you click on the OP's name (in grey) under the post in re-directs you to Reddit where they explain a little more. Coles notes: they had a heart problem, family part of a cult sorry religion that does not believe in medical intervention, had to run away to be treated after almost dying.

7points

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#36

When I was told to lie to people so they wouldn't take us away. It's one of my earliest memories. It never got any better.

My dad left by the time I was 12, not sure when exactly he died, I know his body was left unclaimed for years. My mother tand I stopped having contact in my early 20s but we weren't close in my teens. She tried to ruin any and everyone's life around her until she breathed her last breath. Her ashes are still there because all of us hate her.

HmNotToday1308 Report

Final score:

13points

POST

#37

“I Was Free”: 30 Early Warning Signs Of Estrangement From Parents Being pressured or forced to do things I didn't agree to.

TeodoroCano , varyapigu / envato(not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

12points

POST

Ionescu Popa 3 months ago (edited)

on the contrary, they refused to show me.

1point

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#38

Not quite there yet, but I’m working on it, so I’ll still answer.

I think one of the biggest signs (aside from years of abuse) is the constant disregard for boundaries, even the ones that are pretty clear. They make you feel like you’re the crazy one for standing by them and constantly pressure you into doing things you never agreed to, or even turning angry and dismissing your emotion when you tell them how you feel. From there, you start talking less and less until every interaction turns into them needing your help or starting a new argument.

Spiritual-Debt-6495 Report

Final score:

12points

POST

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#39

When they left me at the truckstop.

Remarkable-Bar1394 Report

Final score:

12points

POST

#40

I think I was about 13 or so where all my daydreaming (which was how I spent most of my day and several hour every night before falling asleep) was getting as far away as possible. At 23, I finally had a college degree and some work experience and a couple thousand dollars. I sold my car on the way to the airport and I moved about 4000 miles away.

11023517141 Report

Final score:

12points

POST

#41

I never had a good relationship with my biofather right from the start. One of my earliest memories was of him beating me at age four, and things continued to go downhill from there.

UnknownCitizen77 Report

Final score:

12points

POST

Ionescu Popa 3 months ago

whats worse, they took advantage of my weakness - the random and hardest beatings were when i was youngest, to crush the whole structure. like animals, they stopped when i could fight back, but they raised hugely the psychological pressure and especially the mobbing.

4points

#42

When my mother packed me at 7 years old and my brother at 4 into the car in the middle of the night. She proceeded to drunk drive us across state borders to visit a Nevada casino. She was pulled over, and when the police officer asked her why she was swerving, she responded, "I was dancing!"

My parents never divorced, and she got to stay a parent.

My life has been hell, and I sometimes wonder if it's all just a big joke.

whisperofjudgement Report

Final score:

12points

POST

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#43

- she constantly needed money but seemed to have every excuse not to work
- constant drinking when she was home
- everything was everyone else’s fault she could never take blame
- the feeling of dread when you hear your parent angry walk to your room and your skin tightens wondering how you could have upset them.

beyondavatars Report

Final score:

12points

POST

#44

The lack of interest and care from my mum.

When I was quite young, 11 or younger she would always spend time with me, take interest in my hobbies, take me to after school activities and play xbox with me.

As she became neglectful and abusive the opposite became true.

Never talked to me about my hobbies, no shared activities whatsoever

I remember one or two times ONLY from my teenage years and that was being taught to make stir fry and watching a few episodes of the walking dead one night.

She also never had a nice word to say about my school or social life, just criticism, disappointment and disinterest after a while.

This came to a head when I was jumped on my way to school and beaten to the floor and "saved" by a woman I didn't even know.

When I got to school and my mum came to collect me I was told it was "my fault" and she was more interested in punishing me for having access to a computer that I shouldn't have as I was grounded.

Not a kind word, a hug, or making me food to feel better.

Just a silent car ride home.

proudgoose Report

Final score:

11points

POST

Ionescu Popa 3 months ago

my parents forcing me to get naked in front of strangers - once when he took me to his workplace and washed me with a hose, even if they had showers. once when she forced me to change in front of a random playing mate etc.

3points

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#45

There never was a relesionship, they told me I was a worthless piece of s**t from the beginning, when others hurt me they told me i deserved to suffer, I never saw them in the parental way you're meant to.

soft-as-butter Report

Final score:

11points

POST

Ionescu Popa 3 months ago

and it hurts most when ur compared negatively with idiots or with ur bullies.

0points

#46

“I Was Free”: 30 Early Warning Signs Of Estrangement From Parents Frequent arguments and a growing sense of emotional distance were early warning signs.

WhisperingMallows22 , Zinkevych_D / envato (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

9points

POST

#47

When she tried to k*ll me at 6.

But I am so *dramatic* I won't let it go.

HistrionicSlut Report

Final score:

9points

POST

#48

Well as soon as I turned 18 I moved out and as far away as I could on what little savings I had and stopped picking up calls. Put them on a strict info diet and never came home to visit.

thoughtsdissapear Report

Final score:

8points

POST

#49

Probably when my dad died and I had to move in with my mother at 16 and she had just gotten engaged to a guy who hated my guts. Our relationship at that point didn't seem very healthy.

Hanuman_Jr Report

Final score:

8points

POST

#50

As soon as I was old enough to realize my “stepdad” adopted me. I was a baby, but as realization entered my brain I knew we were different. He’s a nice enough person, but he’s also medically diagnosed as manic depressed and schizophrenic. It was hard growing up with that. Never a single physical issue, just a lot of mental juggling and moving around because he was always getting ready to be “fired”. I’m 53 and he’s still alive. He still loves me very much, whereas I’m “hi and bye”. He’s my only surviving “parent” now. I try to forgive him even though he’s still the same. He glitches my brain.

It_is_me_Mike Report

Final score:

5points

POST

Papa 3 months ago

it sounds like he might have done the best he could.

9points

What do you think ?

Sergio Bicerra 3 months ago

May sound anti civil rights, but some poeple should be forced to a vasectomy o their tubes tied after these.

Ads Ads 3 months ago

God, be with all those who have parents even remotely like these. Truly heartbreaking..

Tempest 3 months ago (edited)

These submissions reminded me of how, when I was really young, I liked to imagine that I was adopted and that my real parents had died in an accident. I didn’t understand it at the time but I was feeling so neglected (emotionally) by my parents, especially my mom, so much so that my mind created this alternate story cause I couldn’t imagine real parents being like mine. Part of me actually even believed it to be true. When I was bundled up crying alone in my room, trying to get myself to fall asleep, I would travel to that story and console myself saying that “mama loves you”, “mama’s here for you”, etc (mama is the “real” mom I imagined). Now as an adult I’m diagnosed with BPD and OCPD on top of long-term depression, and am struggling in every relationship, making me feel equally lonely as I was when I was a kid but with the additional knowledge of the unchangeable reasons. I can’t wait to become independent and go low contact with my parents.

Ginger Winters 3 months ago

Unfortunately I am in the same boat. I had dreams like that too, this fantasy family that actually cared, was actually there, didn't physically/ emotionally abuse me. The dream family came true when I met my husband at 18, married at 22, became a mom at 26. Have been NC with the abusers since 24 and my mental health is still getting better every day

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“I Was Free”: 30 Early Warning Signs Of Estrangement From Parents

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