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“Most Were Also Flabbergasted When I Told Them No”: People Share The Dumbest Customer Questions
Few things test your limits as much as working with clients. Even one workday can bring so many bizarre moments that you might start doubting the brightness of humanity's future.
So Reddit user Dashigos decided to dig further and asked people to share the silliest questions customers have ever thrown at them.
From pizza chefs to park rangers and call center employees, continue scrolling to check out what these and other professions have to deal with—whatever they're getting paid, it's probably not enough.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I used to work at the UPS store in high school. Our last pickup was at 7:00 and we closed at 8:00 pm. Since we had private information and people’s personal mailboxes in the store, security was a big deal.
It was 8:30. Our tills were counted down, the alarm was set, our copiers, fax machine, and computers were shut down, our lights were off, and we had closed and locked a ginormous red gate that separated the entrance from the rest of the store.
Some woman ran up to the door, and like some demon in a horror movie, she hurled herself against the glass and screeched like a banshee.
Keep in mind, we are very obviously closed with a sign saying we are closed, no lights on, and a giant red gate drawn down over the store.
She began pounding on the glass and frantically yelling at us. My coworker worried something was wrong, like maybe she was being chased and needed help.
He carefully opened the door just a crack to ask what was wrong. She immediately tried to wedge her hands and head in the crack and asked “Are ya’ll open?” We informed her that we obviously weren’t.
Her logic was “well you opened the door so now you have to help me”.
She began wailing and crying that she had to mail a package. We explained that even if we were open, our last pick up was an hour and a half ago and we couldn’t even mail it until tomorrow.
She protested and protested and we eventually got the door shut and locked. So we just stood there awkwardly in the dark, hoping she would leave. She kept pounding on the glass and saying “I know you’re open!!!!”
As we debated what to do and if we should call the cops, this lady pulled out her cell phone and called the cops herself!
The cops arrived, we explained the situation, and the woman accused us of lying, despite the sign on the door saying we closed an hour ago at this point.
Then, in front of the officer and on security camera, the woman launched herself at my coworker and hit him in the face. She immediately jumped back and began fake crying that he had assaulted her.
We were dumbfounded. She ended up getting arrested and my coworker pressed charges.
So the stupidest question I got was “Are you open?”.
RELATED:
#2
I used to work at Enterprise Rent-A-Car (We'll pick you up!). I went to pick up a customer (worth noting she was renting a car for a weekend getaway), called her when I got to her apt, and she came downstairs and had this conversation:
Lady: Ok, I'll follow you back to the office
Me (confused): I'm here to pick you up and drive you back to the office.
Lady: What am I supposed to do with my car?
Me: Were you planning on leaving your car at our lot over the weekend?
Lady: No
Me (more confused): Why are you going to follow me in your car? I can drive you back to the office, finish the paperwork, and you can take the rental car from there.
Lady (not grasping the concept): Well how are you going to get back?
Me: I'll drive us both, in this rental car, back to the office, where we can do the paperwork and you can take the rental car from there. That way, your personal car is still at your apt. And when you return the car on Monday, you can drive the rental car back to us, we'll close out the paperwork, and we'll give you a ride home. Sound like a plan?
Lady: That doesn't make sense. You're making this way too difficult. I'll just follow you in my car.
Me (thinking the customer is always right!): Ok!
We get back to the office, I finish the paperwork (still astonished she qualified to rent a car), and hand her the keys to the car.
Lady: Ok, how do I get my car back to my apt?
Me: ...
Lady: Can you drive my car back to my apt?
Me: I'm not authorized to drive your car. You're welcome to leave it here on the lot over the weekend if you want.
Lady: Ok, can you drive the rental car and follow me back to my house so I can drop off my car?
Me: This is what I was trying to do when I picked you up! There was no need to take 2 cars.
Lady: I'd like to speak to your manager.
#3
This will be buried but hopefully it makes someone laugh. Worked at an animal hospital and a woman made an appointment for her dog for lumps on his stomach.
She comes in, sees the doctor, only to be told that the strange lumps were the dogs NIPPLES.
She dead a*s said, "But he's a boy!"
Apparently she has either never seen a man without a shirt or forgot that males also have nipples.
#4
A woman came to the check out and handed me a bag of mozzarella. She asked me what the ingredients were and if there were any chemicals in it. I turned the bag around and started to read the ingredients out to her. She grabbed the bag out of my hand, angrily said "I could have done that myself " and stormed off.
Panda-sized Potato 1 day ago
Too bad for the lady, it has a lot of chemicals. Pretty much all of it. Everything made of matter is a chemical.
#5
When I was a teenager I had a customer try to fight me because we didn't do the taco Tuesday discount for him.
It was the weekend.
quentariel 22 hours ago
This reminds me how our once health inspector wrote us up for not measuring our temperatures properly (we have to take daily temps inside of every fridge, freezer, cold table and so on). Apparently we were not taking temperatures on weekends and also didn't mark the dates properly on the report paper. Well, obviously we haven't gotten weekends temperatures on our weekly report as it was currently friday. Also, the reason there wasn't exact dates, was because there was a huge week number, meaning that it was the current week. All then previous weeks' reports would be found in a file if he bothered to ask.
#6
I worked at a convenience store while in college. This married couple comes in and they go get drinks. The lady asks me if the bottle water is fat free. I smile and just, yes and that brand is also calorie free. She smiled and said thanks. Her husband gets out his wallet, shakes his head, and pays.
#7
Customer: Aren't those apples $2.49 a pound? Why are you charging me more than that?
Me: *motions to screen* Yep. They're $2.49 a pound and you bought 2.3 pounds and so, the price is correct because that's how multiplication works.
#8
No lie, I volunteer at Stonehenge and was asked when in the Bible it was created. That was more perplexing than the usual UFO questions.
SheamusFanFrom1987 1 day ago
Just tell them to look it up in the chapter in which punishment by stoning was involved...
#9
I once had a customer ask me if our wine was on sale because it was about to expire. Our good, aged red wine.
EDIT: the customer also insisted that she get a discount because the wine bottle did not have an exp. Date..
#10
I used to work in IKEA in the section which sold wardrobes. Big behemoths of things. Normally around 6 foot long and 60kg in boxes. Customers would regularly ask me would it fit in their car. After being polite the first few times asking them about the size of their car and guessing, I then just started asking them what colour their car was. The amount of people who'd answer unphased was amazing.
Michael P (Perthaussieguy) 1 day ago
Oh, you have a white car. No, sorry, they only fit in blue cars
#11
Many years ago managing a pet store, a customer came in with an empty bottle of oral skin and coat supplement. He wanted a refund because it made his dog's coat really greasy. So as I start working on his refund I ask a few questions, trying to find out why the product failed. I ask the standard questions, did you use too much, how often. Stuff like that.
As we are conversing it started to click that he didn't use this on his dogs food he used it like a shampoo and rubbed it on his coat. So I nicely explain that it is *oral* skin and coat supplement and it's intended to be put on the dog's food.
He was embarrassed and apologized and started to leave refusing the refund. I gave him a new bottle in exchange for the now empty one and told him to give it another shot.
The guy was really nice and understanding about it, but come on. The instructions tell you how much to put ON THE FOOD, and it's called *oral* skin and coat.
#12
I had a customer take up 10 minutes of my time saying that I didn't know how to do my job because I couldn't find the "nutritional facts" placard on a carton of cigarettes.
Why, you who walk around with your head full of brains, may ask?
She needed, NEEDED, to know if these Timeless Times pieceoshit cigarettes contained corn syrup in them. Because, dontchaknow, the corn syrup in bad for her.
SheamusFanFrom1987 1 day ago (edited)
Just tell her: Oh they are bad indeed. They contain ni-corn-tine, cob-on monoxide, maize-thanol and many other corn syrup side products -_-"
#13
When I worked in a call center for home phone service, I had a guy call and angrily ask why we were still charging him for his phone service, since he had unplugged his phone from the wall a month ago.
#14
I thought it was the dumbest thing but it turned out not to be.
I was working at a department store and this guy comes up to me and he shows me two of the exact same sweater. He's like, "Which one is burgundy?" They were both burgundy because they are the exact same sweater and I'm like... what is this dude smoking? Or I thought I was being punked or something. And he sees me hesitating and he's like, "Like... which one is more wine-red?" So finally I just point at one and he's like, "Oh, thank you so much. I'm colorblind and I can't really distinguish this range of color.".
Manic Mama 1 day ago (edited)
That's why I START by telling people I'm colorblind, and yes it's a serious question ...
#15
Worked in retail.
Regularly had customers ask to take the clothes out of the store and come back and pay later.
Like... absolutely not? Most were also flabbergasted when I told them no.
#16
Working at a famous Mouse-based theme park "Can you shut off the rain now", "is there pork in the pulled pork sandwich?"
#17
Years ago, before the Internet was a thing, I worked in a small electronics shop. One day I got a phone call and it went like this:
Him: Yeah, hi. I was just wondering...how far is it to your shop?
Me: (Long pause, calculating how galactically stupid this question was, whether I was being pranked, and how a professional business person would handle this.)
Me: Oh, it's just a few miles away. Come on down.
Him: OK. See you soon.
Follow-up: No idea if he ever actually arrived. I got busy and people came and went all day. But it was still the dumbest question I've ever received.
#18
Web developer here.
I had a client who was absolutely *livid* -- literally screaming at me -- when I told her she couldn't take the hyperlinked words from her webpage, transfer them over to her print ad, and still have them function like a link.
#19
Working at a state park in Maine:
When do deer turn into moose?
#20
I used to work in a phone shop.
Had someone come in asking why their phone wasn't working properly. It was visibly scorched and melty. I asked why it looked that way. They said, it came up with an error message saying it had been too cold (not an error message I had heard of before, but I know phones can bring up errors for being too hot, so who knows) and so they had put it under the grill to heat it up.
The grill.
Their first point of call was to cook it.
I said, that's why their phone wasn't working, and no it was not covered under the guarantee.
#21
Is the fire of your pizza oven organic?
ynyrhydref56 1 day ago
Like the guy that asked me if the ham was "processed". I know what he meant, but yeah I giggled
#22
Karen - "I'd like to speak to the manager"
Me - "I am the manager.....and the only person working here today"
Karen - "I don't like this policy. I want to speak to the owner"
Me - "Good luck with that. Their email is on the company cards available on the desk. And I'll include my cell number.....just because I'm interested to hear how it goes for you"
Oh boy did I get a pissed off text from her later that night hahaha.
#23
I used to work in a pet store. One night a woman came in and said she had ordered a puppy off the internet and he would be arriving in the next few days. She had never owned a pet and asked several dumb questions, but the one that I'll always remember is "Do puppies need water?".
#24
"What time do you close today?"
"We're open 24/7."
"Oh great! And what time do you close tomorrow?".
#25
I sell stamps from my register at work. This was just a few days ago, actually. I had a lady come up and ask to buy some postal stamps.
I asked her, “how many stamps would you like? We sell them in books of 2, 10, and 20.”
Her: “...what? What does that mean?”
Me: “it’s just the number of stamps in the book. Do you want 2, 10, or 20 stamps?”
Her: (suddenly getting angry) “I don’t know what that means. What is a stamp? I don’t know what a stamp is”
Me: ???
I eventually sold 20 stamps to her while she was vaguely hostile and suspicious about the entire concept of stamps and stamp quantities? I don’t know how to explain this to you, lady, you’re the one who came to me for stamps.
SheamusFanFrom1987 1 day ago
Anymore hostility and I hope OP would've been allowed to stamp her out. Talk about going postal...
#26
Customer: I'll have a gin and tonic.
Me: This is a brewery.
Customer: Oh, can I get a glass of wine then?
Me: This is a brewery.
#27
Context - I was 16 during this
I work at chick fil a and I’m taking orders as you do, guy walks up and asks “Aren’t you supposed to be in school?”. I look down at the clock and see it’s 6 pm. I look at him confused and say “No it’s 6 pm”. He asks again, I say the same thing again.
Then he yells “Alright, F**K YOU” and leaves.
#28
Used to work at a car parts store. Customer walks in and asks if vegetable oil was better than regular engine oil and what isle it was on.
#29
Standing next to a pallet of eggs, with boxes of eggs in my hand and freshly unloaded ones on the shelf in front me. "Do you sell eggs?".
Panda-sized Potato 1 day ago
It happens. Sometimes people are more focused on the person and the question to notice the surroundings.
#30
Used to work at a movie store in the early 2000s, this dude with a thick accent kept calling in every other few weeks or so asking if we had this movie on DVD called "Churro Man"
I mean this guy called a lot, and I told him that no such movie existed in our system but he was adamant he'd seen it on a release schedule.
Finally a couple of months later, some guy walked up to me and asks me for the movie. I immediately recognize the voice and know who it is, after a few questions in person I realized what the movie was all along. The whole time he'd been looking for True Romance and it had indeed just come out on DVD, the accent threw me off.
Turns out it wasn't a dumb question and that I in fact was the dumb one.
#31
>Do you have Raisin Bran, but without the raisins?
Bran flakes?
>No, that’s not it...
Snazzy Smurf 1 day ago (edited)
That is like asking for a cheeseburger without cheese and explaining what a hamburger is.
#32
IT, got a ticket from a lady saying her screen is blank. I call, because I saw her in orientation and to be honest she seemed to have never used a computer before (despite being 19, and her title as a receptionist).
"Ma'am is your computer on?"
"I don't know, how would I check?"
*coworker next to her grunts and turns on computer for her*
"Oh! Ok it's on, now do I have to type out my username AND password to log on?"
"............................."
No words could properly describe how I felt in that moment.
#33
"Can I return the box for a full refund? The thing was stolen so I don't have any use for it now."
Umm, not here, no. Call your insurance company.
#35
I'm a chef at a grill. We also have a buffet for people who don't want something we grill.
One night, the special was a type of seasoned fish. An old guy came up and asked "is this freshly caught?" I thought he was kidding so I kind of chuckled as I told him that no, we order it and get it frozen. He was pissed and made a scene as he left saying that only a crappy restaurant served frozen fish.
I was in south-central Pennsylvania.
What do you think ?
Manic Mama 1 day ago
I have a non-English name, even though I live in (and was born in) an English-speaking country. My parents just liked the name. The spelling of this name is unusual, and makes no logical sense. It is however, how the name is correctly spelled in it's country of origin. 3 separate times I have spelled my name to people on the phone, and they've asked "Are you sure?"
Gina Price 16 hours ago
I have a fairly common name, but even when I spell it out for someone, they'll write/type it completely wrong.
Load More Replies...
Manic Mama 1 day ago
I have a non-English name, even though I live in (and was born in) an English-speaking country. My parents just liked the name. The spelling of this name is unusual, and makes no logical sense. It is however, how the name is correctly spelled in it's country of origin. 3 separate times I have spelled my name to people on the phone, and they've asked "Are you sure?"
Gina Price 16 hours ago
I have a fairly common name, but even when I spell it out for someone, they'll write/type it completely wrong.
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