Someone asked me what time it was and I lifted and rotated my wrist so I could look at my watch. I was holding an iced tea and just poured the whole thing into my lap.

I wasn’t wearing a watch.

I didn’t even own a watch. Never have.

justtosubscribe , Scott Feldstein Report

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I jumped up and (successfully) bit the string that is used to pull the attic door down. It had a metal bead on it... Immediately after I remember thinking “holy s**t I actually got it in my mouth and broke the string”. Then I realized the string was still there, but half my front tooth wasn’t.

As the best man at my wedding said “the attic string went fishing for idiots and caught one”

Jsn1986 , Jeswin Thomas Report

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I chopped an aerosol paint can in half with an axe. I was far old enough to know better but my cousin and I thought we had it worked out. My mom always said, “One kid, one brain; two kids, no brains.” Boy was she right. I was yellow for a week.

candaNce7210 , cottonbro Report

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Maybe not the dumbest but a recent one on my mind. I was in my office with the door closed. Got up from my desk to walk out and knocked on the door before opening it and walking into the hallway.

winsomelosemore , Polina Zimmerman Report

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Went to a coffee shop and ordered a large cup of coffee. Barista hands it to me and I put it into my purse with no lid.

samanthalynn-s , Marco Verch Report

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We were driving to a restaurant and wanted to see how long the wait was. My dad handed me the phone book and asked me to look up the number. I, for whatever reason, thought he said “get rid of this”. So I opened the window and chucked the phone book while we were going 70 MPH down the highway.

That was over ten years ago, I still get s**t for it.

Sooperwhooper , How can I recycle this Report

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You know those old cigarette lighters in cars? Nobody in my immediate family smokes, and when I was younger, I pressed it in and it popped out.

I pulled it out to inspect - it was just grey coils - it didn't look red hot or anything. So I tested that sucker the best way I knew how. I stuck it to my tongue.

Sullen_Pancakes , Snap_it Report

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During a traffic stop, while trying to act casual, I handed a police officer $50 instead of the licence he asked for.

GJacks75 , Michael Report

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When I was a kid I went into my parents bathroom. I found my dad’s razor and I decided to scrape it against my tongue, my whole tongue. I started screaming in pain immediately after.

PsyGuy98 Report

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I once told my roommate I was going out of town, but really hid under his bed for 5 hours so I could freak him out that night.

LukesFather , Joe Hall Report

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Yesterday I was using a nail gun on the trim around the windows of my house. Being the idiot that I am I decided to see what would happen if I shot a penny. The nail ricocheted off the penny, shot past my head, and ended up in the fridge behind me. Close call.

gil_beard , Robert Couse-Baker Report

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Microwaved a pen for two minutes in the workplace microwave. To this day I do not know why I did that. Update: I'm still at the same job. The pen was a Frixion Pilot. When the ink smoke cleared and my senses came back to me, I quickly ran across the street to Lowe's and bought the same exact microwave to replace it with. I was never caught.

SLeNDeRMaN-23 , liviu_c Report

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When I was a wee boy I woke up early before everyone, went down to the kitchen, grabbed a chair, brought it to the fridge and took the small metal pencil sharpener from the top. I decided to sharpen my pinky first thing in the morning so I can have a sharp finger?? Ended up waking the parents up and bleeding profusely.

Aphex117 , pixabay Report

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I put my finger into a handheld blender and turned it on to see if I could stop the blades from spinning.

I couldn't, and it chewed up my finger. I was 21

FerociousSalmon , SeRVe Photography Report

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I stuck my head in the opening of the back of our dining room chairs. My head was stuck for almost an hour as my grandad tried to butter me up to get my head out.

I also did the same thing with our stairs banister. Needless to say, I was a stupid child.

treerot , thelivingroominkenmore Report

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When i was about 8, i was walking out of school, i picked up some pink fairy floss (cotton candy) off the ground and put it in my mouth. It was insulation.

[deleted] , Eugene PeretzFollow Report

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Sometimes I blow on my ice cream before I take a bite. Have no idea why.

haccthaplanet , Sean MacEnteeFollow Report

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Boiled a pot of pasta. Then poured the water and noodles down the drain.

justtosubscribe , Klaus Nielsen Report

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I tried to put out a candle by covering it with a Kleenex.

TheREALGillypies , Katy Report

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Wondered what would happen if I pedalled the bicycle as fast as I could and then brake it as hard as I could.

P/s: I hit my crotch at the middle of the handlebar and also flew a couple of meters onto asphalt.

DanialE , John Loo Report

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I have an amazing ability to pick up almost any bug carefully and efficiently without hurting them, so when I first discovered this when I was about 5 or 6, I went and collected 44 ants, got some dirt, and made my own ant colony. in my room... under my bed...

[deleted] , Daniel Pink Report

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I once picked a guys pocket and put it back just to see if I could do it without getting caught. I didn't get caught. It was the single dumbest thing I've ever done in my life considering how bad it could have gone if I had gotten caught.

shadowrangerfs , Emil Kalibradov Report

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Anyone else jump down a flight of stairs because you thought you could make it? I was 4.

aubreyrose , Patrick Byrne Report

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Was a backseat passenger in my friend's car and decided to open the door and just kind of roll out while driving down the street.

50ftBeast , Ron Lach Report

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When I was 10 I saw this cool magic trick where you soaked a dollar bill in rubbing alcohol and the alcohol burns off and your dollar bill stays intact so stupid 10 year old me was home alone one day when my mom left me $20 to order food with I ended up soaking it in rubbing alcohol and burning it causing it to disintegrate into ash immediately.

[deleted] , Karolina Grabowska Report

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When I was little I threw my ballet shoes into a toilet I had just peed in. I have no idea why. I then ran to my mom who couldn't decipher through my hysterical crying what was going on. To this day I still have no idea why I did it, but I remember feeling that I had to do it.

poodlenancy , Elena Kloppenburg Report

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When I was 5 I wanted to see if pepper made you sneeze like in the cartoons so I shoved a black peppercorn up there. Burned like hell.

Munsanity , Calum Lewis Report

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I stuck my hand in a bowl of soup simply because I hadn’t before.

ladyofthedead , stu_spivack Report

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When I was about 7 or 8 I decided to hold my breath as long as I could ... with milk in my mouth while staring absentmindedly out the window. Naturally I spit the milk all over said window when I lost my breath. I don’t know what I learned. I don’t know what I gained from doing this. I don’t know my motivation. I laugh when I remember it because... what the f**k was even happening in my mind. If anyone is wondering - my aunt saw the milk explosion happen and was like “why did you do that?!!!!” I don’t even know what I said. I just cleaned it up.

TommyPimple , Kjokkenutstyr Net Report

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Me and my brothers would tie ropes to each other and run in opposite directions. Did it to trees too. I tried to bungee jump from a tree with just a regular old rope, that one hurt pretty bad.

uniqueusername0054 , David Waschbüsch Report

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4th grade. The teacher asked a math question. I immediately raised my hand and shouted "poop". No idea why I did this but I was sent to detention for a week.

Smellimus Report

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I threw a plastic bottle at a ceiling fan. It ricocheted back, right on my forehead.

60five , Maxwell Ingham Report

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My father had a glass cutter that consisted of a diamond embedded in the tip of a metal rod. I decided to witness it’s amazing cutting power exhibited in cartoons, so I tried to cut a circle in our garage door window glass. The scar still rests in the glass 36 years later.

nivenfan , cottonbro Report

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So packing up the car and just completely forget to grab the last suitcase and put it in the car, it was apparently just sitting on the sidewalk for the 2 days I was gone

da_manimal420 , Sun Lingyan Report

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Snorted a line of instant ramen seasoning

BijectiveForever , Matt & Chris Pua Report

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Sprayed hair spray onto a lamp while it was on. The bulb shattered and when my parents asked what happened I said I had no idea

PhilofthePresent , russellstreet Report

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Took some scissors while I was at my moms friends house and looked to see how hard i'd need to press to cut a lamps wire to cut it off while the lamp was still on. Didn't need to press that hard.

[deleted] , Yandle Report

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I took a bite out of a bar of soap.

Not-an-Ocelot , jm3 Report

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Put on my shoes then get into bed.

tallrowantrees Report

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I put a seaweed in my purse to take home with me, because it was pink.

OneEvilCat , Cody Logan Report

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