If you had just recently become their stepmother (say in the last couple of years) they may not be used to you/accept you in their heart as their mother. It's been 13 years. If they were young; kids or teenagers. They're not. They're mid to late twenties. If they were struggling financially, trying to get by on minimum wage and part-time hours. They're not. You said 150k and 70 k. Money is not a problem. You said they have never given you a present ever in 13 years that you've been there stepmother? This is an established pattern. You say mother-in-law says "stop trying to buy them stuff, they not going to accept you?" Well geez, thats their grandmother, there's probably some truth to this. You may not have done anything wrong. This may be extremely hurtful to you. But, I don't think there's anything wrong with you not continuing the charade. These adults are blatantly trying to hurt you by excluding you. Your husband / their father should not be encouraging this

Your husband (definitely NOT "dear") is a POS as a husband AND father. His daughters are just plain trash.

Janelle Collard

Janelle Collard

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

Premium

Premium user. Get details.

They're hubs daughters, he can buy them stuff. OP bought them stuff way longer than I would have - I'd have cut them off at age 21, possibly 18. Rude, dismissive people don't deserve anything from me.

Gift wrap the divorce papers and put them under the tree. You don't need to put up with any of these a******s and their rude, uncaring behavior, especially from DH!

Why isn't the husband seeing how hurtful his daughters are to her young children? As he said the daughters are adults, why is it okay for them to be completely unkind and rude to their step sisters?

i don't get my step mom anything, but they married when I was in my 30's and I've only ever seen her a handful of times.

Im not going into a long explanation but, OP is not wrong. Fauq them. Giving gifts to people that appreciate it is what makes it feel good.

Loser husband too.

I have two step children, in another country. They are not rich, as 150 k a year, perhaps miniscule of that. I have visited them a few times, my husband has visited them by himself also. Every single time I get something from both of them, every time. Little things, souveniers, or something else. It's not important. I know that sometimes they have not had money to get me something, but my husband gives them money, so they can get me a gift of something. I love them to pieces, and they love me, and I feel it, even so far apart. The two stepdaughters in this OP's case, are the rudest of them all. Do they enjoy your cooking when you get together?Do they ever thank you when they receive their gifts from you? Your husband is a huge AH tambien.

That's funny I had the same story... except I am the stepdaughter and I decided to stop giving my Evil StepMother a Christmas gift. I used to chose something she'd like but not pricey, and then I gave money to her children (my half-bro/sis) for them to buy her something after my dad passed so she could have some gifts under the tree (I have to say at that time I lived with less than 900€/month and had to drive 800km to come and see them so it was a big thing for me). I did it for 2 years. The 1st one she gave me some cheap chocolate with oranges in it she knew I hate, and nothing the second. So the third year I found a really awful flashy orange bag for free and I gave her for my final act. I continued giving money to the children until they were old enough but they decided to use it to buy gifts to our nephews so it was more than fine for me !

If they ask, you can ask them what they have got you over the years as you would be happy to regift that to them... Nah, you come to a point where you realise you don't have to put yourself through one sided relationships and remove yourself from situations like this. Sadly without your partner's support, this is going to lead to either a break up or a fix if he realises that you have been neglected and rejected and does something about it.

People saying it's weird that they buy gifts for the children separately but my parents do and so do my partner and I for his children. There's nothing wrong with that. My question is why does the husband think it's ok for his partner to be treated like this.

He should be buying gifts for his daughters and signing them from both of you, like normal couples. Not your problem.

I have been a stepmother to small children and teenagers as well as adults. I was in pain for my smaller children at Christmas when they had no gift for me. I solved that by taking them shopping, giving them money and a gift list with suggestions. When they became teenagers, they would ask me for the shopping event and I always got a gift. When they became adults, I was completely forgotten about. But at least their childhood was not damaged by me. I did receive a handwritten letter from my 22 year-old stepson who thanked me for giving him more of what he needs to be an adult than either of his parents. That was the best gift I could have ever gotten. Unfortunately, his mother is still an angry ex-wife and has told her son he needs to forget about me since me since metand the dad are now divorced. That’s too bad. I loved that kid.

Why the hell is it up to her to buy HIS kids their Christmas presents? If he wanted them to receive gifts he should have got off his own lazy a*s and purchased them.

Just talk it out! I mean, you are all adults

I feel your pain. Every year we make ornaments for family, friends & co-workers...the list grows larger every year. (If you're on the list, your there for life) I've been burnt out by how many we make now and have to PAY to mail every year...and it's Family members that never say thank you or even acknowledge they get them. It wears on me. But, I keep doing it because I know it how much most of the recipients love them. Family is hard. Choose what is right for you and do that. Give those girls gifts because that's you - thoughtful and kind. Don't change because of their bad behavior. Some day it may rub onto the them. You're a great mom, continue to be you! You got this! God Bless you and Merry Christmas!!

My husband has one child, a daughter. For the first ten years of our marriage, she was openly hostile, said some very hurtful things to me. Me, being the stupid one, blew it off. My own daughter has said and did some excruciating painful things that nearly killed me. My son has set the bar high though. He treats my husband as his Dad, and is always kind to our youngest. Honestly, this nonsense has gone on long enough. Confront them both, at the same time, and spell everything out. They are adults, it's time they act like it.

I have to wonder if he thinks that gifts labeled as from both of you would be declined - interesting. The family seems to be seperate because he's more or less keeping it that way - my big question would be how has he always treated your kids and you his ona normal basis, not just b-days and xmas? Are you the only one who's expected to have an open heart in this relationship?

Assuming this is real... her husband is a p.o.s. and there is no coming back from it. And he raised two awful people.

I have a rule that when they are 16/ and or working that I no longer buy Xmas presents.

And this is yet another example among millions of others of why it's just not a good idea to date or marry anyone with kids. Just don't. The stepmother is THE MOST hated role in all of Western civilization. I was married twice for 25 years. There is no way I'd ever date any man with kids.