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Married Lady Feels Uncomfortable With Dog-Walking Friend, Worries He Misunderstood Her Friendliness
Some say that making friends as an adult is not an easy task. So when you meet someone who’s easy to talk to, it’s normal to start developing a friendship. Still, a person should be careful, as sometimes the other party might see this relationship a tad differently.
This happened to the author of today’s post. Or at least she thinks it did. Basically, the woman found a buddy to walk her dog with, but soon she started to suspect that he might have a crush on her despite knowing she’s happily married.
More info: Mumsnet
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Some people tend to misinterpret platonic relationships as something more, leading to very uncomfortable situations
Image credits: Tychon Krug Tychon Krug / Pexels (not the actual photo)
A woman found a dog-walking buddy and asked him for coffee, but soon she started noticing that he might have misinterpreted it as something more
Image credits: Elina Volkova / Pexels (not the actual photo)
He started making remarks about paying for her coffee, cooking for her, and also looking at her for overly long
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
He also started messaging her early in the morning or late at night, making her worry about why he was even thinking about her at such times of the day
Image credits: PuzzleMix
She asked online whether others interpreted these actions the way she did or if she had entirely misread the situation
The OP is the owner of a dog from a rare breed of large dogs. So, many times when she goes for a walk with it, they catch other dog owners’ attention, who come to chat. This way, the woman has made friends.
One of them is the guy she dubbed Tom. She describes him as a private person who had an easy time opening up to her. This way, the author learned that he takes care of his sick sister, struggles with his mental health, and recently split up with his partner.
Since the OP herself has had mental health struggles, she asked him to go for a dog walk and a coffee as friends. After all, having peers to share your mental health troubles with can be beneficial for people. It provides them with a sense of belonging and support, which can be crucial while dealing with their struggles.
It should be noted that the post’s author is happily married, and her new friend Tom knows that since he met her husband. So when the OP invited him for coffee, she thought he would consider this.
Soon, she started suspecting that he didn’t. For this platonic coffee date, they met outside of Tom’s house and he invited the OP inside, saying he wanted to show her around and introduce her to his sister. From the beginning, “no” flew across the woman’s mind, but she agreed, as she couldn’t find a way to politely decline. Her dog’s size provided some comfort stepping into an uncomfortable situation.
Then he offered for them to have coffee in his kitchen, but this time the woman refused, as their initial plan was a dog walk and not sitting around in the house. The situation felt too intimate for her and she wanted to get out as soon as possible.
While they were walking around with coffee, Tom made remarks that made the OP uncomfortable – he expressed wanting to cook for her or pay for her drink next time. Also, there were a few instances where he looked at her for a bit too long.
Image credits: Gülşah Aydoğan / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Well, prolonged eye contact and reaching out for communication are typical signs of someone having a crush, so maybe she’s onto something. So, during their meeting, the woman proceeded to mention her husband as much as possible, to show Tom that she was not interested.
Seemingly this didn’t work, as the man didn’t stop giving her attention. For example, he knew that the day after their meeting, the woman had an activity and he wished her good luck for it at 7 AM. Then, at 1 AM he wrote asking how it went.
This stunned the woman, because why was he thinking of her during this time of the day? This activity of hers wasn’t even that interesting. He could have asked about it the next time they met. So she waited quite some time before answering, to modestly set a boundary.
Now, ever since this awkward message interaction, the OP has been worried he will text her again or that she’ll run into him. They live in a small town, so the chance of that happening is quite high. Basically, she wishes she’d never suggested getting coffee in the first place, because now it’s all awkward.
She also asked Mumsnet users what they thought of this situation. Maybe she’d misread the signs and nothing was happening here? The conclusion was double-sided: he either fancies the author or he has poor social skills. Either way, it’s clearly making the woman uncomfortable.
This means the best thing is either to cut all communication or try to have an honest conversation. If he actually has a crush, her telling him straightforwardly that she doesn’t feel the same about him could work, as the indirect signs she’d expressed up to now hadn’t. Continuing this could be a form of leading him on, which isn’t nice and is not going to help with the awkwardness.
So we hope that she’ll find a way to get out of this tricky friendship. She said herself that from now on she’ll be more cautious with the people she tries to make friends with. At least she learned a lesson here, even if it was quite an uncomfortable one.
People online decided that either the man actually fancies her or is just very socially awkward
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What do you think ?
Susie Elle 2 months ago
I don't find this creepy per se, as much as that it's obvious Tom has a crush on you and is overestimating his position in your social life. He definitely mistook your kindness for interest, which is a pickle to be in, but not acutely threatening IMO. Time for a talk (perhaps with your husband somewhere in the vicinity).
XenoMurph 2 months ago
That's what I thought. 1am text is inappropriate, but it wasn't intended to intimidate, and she doesn't seem to feel threatened by him. She definitely needs to give him a very clear message. Poor guy just needs a hug..... but not from her.
Load More Replies...
zovjraar me 2 months ago
i get the feeling he's lonely and wants a friend. i also get the feeling he's the kind of person who would just have one or two very close friends, and doesn't know how to have a more casual friendship.
Papa 2 months ago
I believe this lady should quit stressing over this, and use her words to kindly tell the guy that she is open to a casual friendship (assuming she still is), but that is all she wants, and that some of the things he's said and done, like texting her at 1:00 am, are not appropriate. As one of the original replies above said, it sounds like he's lonely and lacks social skills.
Susie Elle 2 months ago
I don't find this creepy per se, as much as that it's obvious Tom has a crush on you and is overestimating his position in your social life. He definitely mistook your kindness for interest, which is a pickle to be in, but not acutely threatening IMO. Time for a talk (perhaps with your husband somewhere in the vicinity).
XenoMurph 2 months ago
That's what I thought. 1am text is inappropriate, but it wasn't intended to intimidate, and she doesn't seem to feel threatened by him. She definitely needs to give him a very clear message. Poor guy just needs a hug..... but not from her.
Load More Replies... zovjraar me 2 months ago
i get the feeling he's lonely and wants a friend. i also get the feeling he's the kind of person who would just have one or two very close friends, and doesn't know how to have a more casual friendship.
Papa 2 months ago
I believe this lady should quit stressing over this, and use her words to kindly tell the guy that she is open to a casual friendship (assuming she still is), but that is all she wants, and that some of the things he's said and done, like texting her at 1:00 am, are not appropriate. As one of the original replies above said, it sounds like he's lonely and lacks social skills.
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