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We like to think we're on top of things, but that doesn't mean we are. For example, according to a survey sponsored by USANA and conducted by OnePoll, roughly four in five Americans consider themselves knowledgeable about the human body, but one-third of respondents didn't know we have two kidneys, and one-fifth believed we have three or more.
Which is probably why, when Reddit user Graynard asked all the doctors on the platform to share the wildest conversations they’ve had with adults, many came forth with stories that were equal parts surprising and amusing. From grown men thinking they’re experiencing menopause to women fearing they’ll contract AIDS through a toilet seat, our ignorance can be pretty impressive.
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#1
**I don't want my baby to get a vaccine because Jenny McCarthy's book says her son got Autism from the Thimerosal in his MMR vaccine.**
- Jenny McCarthy is a one time playboy model who wants to sell you her books.
- MMR is a live vaccine and does not contain Thimerosal.
- Thimerosal contains Ethylmercury which clears from your body in a ~10 days unlike methylmercury which stays for months and actually causes damage.
- Measles killed 135,000 people in the world ~~THIS~~ LAST YEAR
- Autism has a strong genetic component. If one identical twin has it, there is a 75% chance the other will as well.
~~with 75% of identical twins both having autism.~~
- Andrew Wakefield faked the research linking autism to MMR vaccine, lost his license to practice medicine, and made millions helping lawyers sue and selling books. He lives in a mansion in England.
I went to school for 11 years, spent 10,000 hours studying and just want to make sure your child stays healthy. Quit thinking your 5 minutes of internet research means anything, get over yourself, and vaccinate your damn baby.
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#2
Well it looks like she is about 30 days pregnant congrats!
How can she be pregnant she is only around her brother?
...well actually they don't follow the same moral code as you or I.
- veterinarian.
#3
Not a doctor, but my human sexuality professor in grad school had some interesting stories. He worked a lot in very conservative Christian communities and so a lot of times people got married with no sex education. He had one couple who couldn't get pregnant. Turns out they thought sleeping together literally meant sleeping in the same bed. Another couple was in therapy because neither one of them enjoyed sex or ever had an orgasm. After having them talk through step by step what they did in bed, he learned the guy was just sticking it in and nothing else. He told the guy to move back and forth next time and see what happened. They couple came back one more time to say "THANK YOU!!!!!" and didn't need any more sessions.
Julia Mckinney 16 hours ago
I've often thought that the whole "stay a virgin til you get married" thing was a crock. How can tell if your and your spouse are sexually compatible if you don't sleep together before the wedding?
#4
Patient made an appointment and brought in his s**t in a box. He was concerned about the size of his turd, and if it's normal. All he got from the visit was, "Normal turd. Yes, it's pretty wide."
Turd box was set out with biohazard waste. Waste guy thought it was a misplaced package and put it on the front desk. Secretary got quite the surprise that day..
#5
My sister (who is a new redditor and hope sees this) is a doctor and 25 years ago when she had her very very first patient out of residency and this patient refused to allow her to see her breasts (which were sore and needed a mammogram to check out a lump). So sister asks why and this girl who is about 30 and single said matter of factly "oh. That's lesbian. We can't do that. It's against the lord's wishes." She loves telling this story at the dinner table on family gatherings. Especially to our religious side.
#6
Medical Assistant to a cataract surgeon here.
If you f*****g sleep in your contact lenses long enough, they will fuse to your eyes and will need surgery to have them removed. Yes, you can go blind from this. For the love of God, don't sleep in your contact lenses.
#7
That the 30+ cups of coffee he was drinking every day could possibly be the cause of his chief complaints of anxiety and insomnia. He said he was not willing to give this up or try decaf.
#8
I was a newly minted graduate with fresh and optimistic views on my life as a doctor. Second week in came this old lady and her very dysfunctional family.
They would argue and complain about everything, from the food, the nurses they didnt like and every single medical decision we made. She was very very sick so her management was just as complicated.
She had several children and they all didnt like one another and would not talk to one another. Each time we would have to explain a long update to every single one of them because they "are entitled to hear it from a doctor".
One of these stories being sitting down and explaining why you don't give gatorade as an IV drip. They did not understand why we were giving "salt water" to her.
Conversation with her son:
"Look she likes gatorade, she is drinking it so why cant you give it to her through her drip?"
We explain why.
Son frowns. "But its isotonic."
We explain again.
"Yes but gatorade has more electrolytes."
We explain again.
"Salt water just seems to be too cheap. Cant you give her something else closer to gatorade? That has electrolytes?"
Continues for two hours. Wash and repeat every day during her admission.
Afterwards I told my fiance. He opened up a scene from Idiocracy on youtube and I just sat there with my mouth open for a while.
Kenneth Barns 15 hours ago
Each time we would have to explain a long update to every single one of them because they "are entitled to hear it from a doctor". NO. Updates are with the (competent) patient--or, if not competent, with the appropriate surrogate decision-makers--and any support people who happen to be there at the time. MAYBE, a single separate discussions with whomever the patient nominates as the "family liaison". Any questions from other family members get redirected to the liaison or to the patient themselves. Health care staff don't have the time to offer one-on-one play-by-play after-reports to everyone who wants one, and that is before you even consider the potential issues of confidentiality (especially between members of a dysfunctional family).
#9
Patient comes in at 2am for insomnia, clearly tweaking her brains out, heart rate 200. Can't sit still, bouncing off the walls. I suggest maybe easing up on the c*****e. "But doctor, I LOVE c*****e." K.
Nice Beast Ludo 14 hours ago
You love cocaine so why are you in the hospital trying to cure your high???
#10
I'm not a doctor but I suppose this is related, my mother (before she had kids) grew up not even knowing that you could breastfeed a baby. She was never told anything about what breasts were for, sex and even about homosexuality.
Her parents never talked about any topic that was considered taboo, my mother learnt about that once she had her first baby subsequently at 16.
#11
My brother is a general practitioner in rural Tennessee. Enough said, right?
He says most of his patient visits go about like this:
MD "Well, person, you're pre diabetic, have high blood pressure, and are complaining about joint pain. Have you been exercising and cutting out sugar and carbs?"
Person "yeah I have, doc, but it doesn't seem to help. Do you have any better meds you could prescribe?"
MD "well, let's talk about your diet. How much water do you drink a day?"
Person "I don't like water, so I get extra ice in my sweet tea every day to make sure I get enough water."
MD (explains how that's not enough water by a long shot) "how much sweet tea are you drinking every day? Those can have a lot of sugar in them."
Person "well I get a large one from Hardee's/McDonalds/ wherever on my way to work with my breakfast, and another one on my way home for dinner. Then I have a glass or two when I get home."
MD "well, that's a lot of sugar. And a lot of fast food if you are eating it twice a day. What do you eat at home?"
Person "I don't like to cook so I usually don't eat anything but little Debbie snack cakes at home."
MD "those have a lot of sugar too..."
Person "I thought that all I had to do was cut out Mountain Dew! Now you're saying I can't eat my food or my snacks?! What are you suggesting I do? Eat salads for every meal?! Why can't you just up my meds?!".
HeavyMetalHeart 7 hours ago
I was told I was pre-diabetic so I changed my diet and lost 14lbs. The doctor was astonished. Apparently 99% of people don’t do anything and just get diabetic.
#12
Not a doctor, dental hygienist...
Had to explain that brushing your teeth with Comet ( the cleaner ) was not a good way to clean your teeth to a 40 year old woman.
Also had to tell a woman that painting her teeth with white finger nail polish was a bad idea.
AtMostAFabulist 15 hours ago
Comet, is worse than Listerine, Comet, will make your mouth turn green. Comet, will make you vomit. So buy some Comet and vomit today.
#13
I was living in China and taught English on the side to a student whose mother was a physician. This was in 2012 just prior to the London Olympics, the mother wanted to send her daughter to London with a school group to watch the Olympics but has reservations about it. I asked why, she said she was worried that her daughter would catch AIDS from using the public toilets. Yes, a doctor.
Robin Roper 14 hours ago
I was once asked by a 17 year old if she could get HIV from a toilet seat. I started with "To contract HIV from a toilet, an open wound on your body (buttocks) would have to come into contact with fresh/wet blood, semen, vaginal fluids, or beast milk." I then asked, "If you went into a toilet of any kind and there was fresh/wet blood, semen, vaginal fluids, or beast milk on the seat or anywhere in the stall, wouldn't you choose a different toilet to use?" I also explained that if she chose to use that toilet and didn't have an open wound on her buttocks, how she would have to oddly straddle the wet and disgusting toilet in such as way as for the fluids to enter her body though one of the natural openings she had between her legs. Her mother was an idiot; It was an interesting conversation.
#14
There was a nursing student I had once who laughed loudly and exclaimed 'How can you possibly get an STD in your mouth?' ahh the innocence of youth.
#15
Not a doctor (yet) but an ER tec for ~2 years. Mom comes in with her baby plus two more older kids. Complains that the baby hasn't pooped in a while and wont stop crying. As I'm settling them in with one of the nurses, the baby is bawling, like opera singer lungs bawling. Suddenly mom whips out a white plastic shopping bag and sticks an end in the kids mouth, says "this is the only way she stops crying." Nurse and I share a look and immediately order and emergency x-ray on the kids stomach. Turns out she had ingested a good amount of these bags and it was blocking up in her stomach. Big deal, potentially life threatening. When we confront the mom about her baby feeding habits her only words of defense are "Well I checked all over the bag and I couldn't find anything that said 'non edible.'"
TLDR: Mom had been letting her baby teeth on plastic bags because she didn't know they weren't edible.
#16
I'm really late to this one but maybe someone will get a kick out of it.
A few years ago, the subject of human anatomy came up between a friend and I. He went on this whole tangent about how all men have uteruses because his college professor said so. I don't know if his professor was trying to explain transmen and some wires got crossed or what. But I had to explain to this fully grown man that he did not, nor did any natural born male, have a uterus. I sent him diagrams and told him to google for himself if he didn't believe me. He said those were fake, "Professor so and so said!" I asked him where he thought his uterus was and he said "the same place yours is". When I countered with "oh you have a vagina?" He got quite angry and said men don't have vaginas. I explained that not having a vagina means not having a uterus. He laughed at me and said "okay, just go ahead and believe that." Why yes I will go ahead and believe anatomical facts 🙄.
We weren't really friends anymore after that, especially since I asked about 20 times wether or not he was joking.
Erla Zwingle 9 hours ago
"Just go ahead and believe that," the motto for the next five years. Or ten. Or forever, at this point.
#17
My friend is a student doctor and is on placement at a small town doctor's office.
She had a 70-ish year old woman come in with complaints of a small but painless growth that was visible at the back of her throat.
Turns out it took her 70 years to notice her uvula.
#18
I'm a paramedic and recently transported an idiot who self presented to the local hospital, who found he was having a heart attack (stemi) and needed him sent to a bigger hospital for treatment.
During my assessment I asked him how long he'd been having chest pain. On and off for twelve months, he tells me.
Any family history? (One of the biggest indicators). Oh, yes. Dad died of a heart attack. Brother died of a heart attack. Both of them first presentation, stone dead on the spot, no f*****g about.
So... you have a 12 month history of intermittent chest pain, and a family history of your closest male relatives spontaneously chucking hearties and dying, and you've never got it investigated. Further more, the only reason you came to the hospital tonight is because your family badgered you into it.
I told him he needed a solid kick in the a**e. To his credit, he agreed.
Family's_disappointment 14 hours ago
At least he had the decency to understand his mistake and then try fix it
#19
I had severe asthma as a kid. I was intubated for a sever attack a few times. My parents were instructed to take better precautions in our home and went through instructions, more dusting, washing bedsheets etc.. and the big one NO SMOKING inside the house. So my parents agree to all of this.
Few weeks later I'm back in the hospital. A doctor recognized me and came over to talk. Then he bent over and smelled my head (I'll never forget that. I thought it was so weird). He told a nurse to sit there and not let me leave with my parents. When my parents showed up he asked point blank:
"Did you not understand what I told you last time? Do you understand these attacks could be fatal?"
"But we open windows and have stopped smoking in her room when we put her to bed" :/.
Jessica Cooney 7 hours ago
Unfortunately, smokers, especially those who are parents, rarely care about the health effects of those around them caused by the second hand smoke. My mother once tried to quit. She came home and said, "Idk why I'm even doing this." to which I responded, "for my sister's and my health." The response from her: "That's not good enough."
#20
Lady had a broken jaw. She comes in after 2 weeks with an open mandible fracture. Referred her to the hospital for immediate surgery. She never went bc it "doesn't bother her and she'll see if it gets better".
#21
Im an ER doc and see this far too often with young and middle aged people with minor aches
Patient : I have some *insert pain in random joint/limb/back* since yesterday.
Me: Did you take any thing for the pain
Patient: no I didn't
Me: why
Heres where I get multiple equally stupid answers from people
A : I wanted to see a doctor first (why??????? These people have mild pain and are willing to wait for hours for no reason)
B: I don't know what to take (how does anyone from the age of 15 onwards not know about Tylenol/advil/generic OTC pain meds is beyond me )
C: I don't like taking pills (the f**k do you think I'm going to do, lay hands and make it better I'm not a f*****g paladin!!!
KatSaidWhat 6 hours ago
Yeah, upvoting this because I work with idiots who won't take painkillers but will whine about their headache, etc.
#22
Step mom is an ER nurse, she used to tell stories about her fun patients she had. My favorite was always this:
Severely drunk guy came in with signs of alcohol poisoning. They put a urethral catheter in him so he didn't p**s himself. He didn't quite understand what it was and why he had it in his d**k and kept on messing with it.
At one point he tried pulling it out and my step mom (she's not the very best at subtlety mind you) leans over and said in his ear: "If you pull that out now, your d**k will never work again". Well wouldn't you know it? He stopped trying to pull it out after that.
#23
So I'm ~~only~~ an EMT, but I want to weigh in here to this conversation.
I had to tell a patient with severe pneumonia (and the patient's family) that you don't get sick (i.e. catch a cold) by leaving your skin exposed. The family was vehemently debating me on the fact claiming that I had no idea what I was talking about because I'm not a doctor.
Attempting to explain to them the necessity for a foreign body to enter your system was the most preposterous thing to them.
Edit: I just want to say to everyone who flooded my inbox with wonderful sentiments regarding the work of EMTs and paramedics. That appreciation makes dealing with the seemingly inexorable chorus of professionals telling us (me) otherwise much easier.
#24
Had a patient in our high priority area for DKA. Sugar was in the 800s. Stomach pain, nausea, vomiting and the such. Pulled Burger King and gummy worms out of his backpack and proceeded to eat them. Like bro do you even know what diabetes is? Noncompliance and lack of medical knowledge is a big thing in Detroit.
#25
Dentist here
Things I've had to explain to parents:
1. Breast milk CAN cause cavities
2. Don't put your kids to bed with a bottle with Coke in it. (They then switched to Diet Coke).. facepalm
3. Don't wiggle out your permanent teeth just because the tooth fairy will give you money.
4. You can't brush cavities away with toothpaste or any of these new Internet fads (oil pulling, honey, chocolate) once your cavity is deep enough it needs to be fixed by a dentist.
5. Fluoride isn't poison any more than table salt is poison. Small quantities are good for you. Anyone who tells you otherwise has been lied to and believed it.
I have plenty more, but I'd have to think harder.
Edit: Had a few questions about #3.. there was a little guy probably 8 years old or so that had wiggled out his 4 lower PERMANENT incisors (front teeth) after wiggling out his 4 baby teeth in the corresponding spots because his family made such a big deal about giving him money from the tooth fairy. They were in my office asking when the new teeth would be coming in.... had to tell them NEVER.
Edit#2: incisors only have 1 root typically and when it first erupts it is not completely developed and the tooth is still moving through bone so it isn't really firm in place yet.. this kid capitalized on a single-rooted, undeveloped, erupting tooth, and with a little elbow grease and the promise of riches was able to tough it out.
#26
As a veterinarian, I had a 10 minute conversation with an owner explaining which side was the dog's left side.
#27
My Dad's answer(I am not a doctor): My dad had to tell a patient that they were not pregnant. The patient was male.
Nice Beast Ludo 14 hours ago
Was it a giant hair and teeth tumor baby? Referring to greys anatomy episode
#28
That having sex gets you pregnant. It was a 20+ year old woman that couldn't grasp the idea that sex leads to pregnancy. She thought that in order for a man and a woman to have children, they needed to be married first and then have a baby. That sex was just an act unrelated to it.
Then again, we are talking about a small rural community in the middle of f*****g-nowhere, Mexico.
#29
A mother came in with her son to discuss treating his acne. Son was about 15 years old and didn't really care about the acne but mom did. After going over treatment options she asked if he just needed to "do it" to get rid of the acne. A grown woman with a child thought that by him having sex his acne would magically go away...smh
EDIT: It seems that many people think that having being a teenager = acne, thus having sex makes you a man and you would no longer have acne. Odd thought process IMO.
#30
Nurse here. Retired after 27 years on the job. The number of American 20-somethings that don't know if they're circumcised or not is surprisingly high. When one with urinary tract infection symptoms needs to give a specimen for testing, I ask, "Are you circumcised?" If not, I have to tell them to pull back the foreskin before peeing in the cup. The number of guys who have asked, "What's that?" is way too many. For the record, I can count the number who were uncircumcised on two hands.
Note: this post originally had 73 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
What do you think ?
Lsai Aeon 8 hours ago
Diabetic here, I argued with my doctors for YEARS. My diet isn't an issue, I can't cut carbs any more than I already have, I only have one real Dr Pepper then water the rest of the day, you need to be checking other reasons. 8 years later they finally listen while trying to figure out why my pancreas is suddenly not working. LADA https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/type-1-diabetes/expert-answers/lada-diabetes/faq-20057880
highwaycrossingfrog 6 hours ago
Pretty sure NO-ONE should be drinking caffeinated, sugar-filled soda every day, let alone a diabetic
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Lsai Aeon 8 hours ago
Diabetic here, I argued with my doctors for YEARS. My diet isn't an issue, I can't cut carbs any more than I already have, I only have one real Dr Pepper then water the rest of the day, you need to be checking other reasons. 8 years later they finally listen while trying to figure out why my pancreas is suddenly not working. LADA https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/type-1-diabetes/expert-answers/lada-diabetes/faq-20057880
highwaycrossingfrog 6 hours ago
Pretty sure NO-ONE should be drinking caffeinated, sugar-filled soda every day, let alone a diabetic
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