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Family Drama Erupts As MIL Doesn’t Serve Anything Vegan DIL Can Eat For Dinner, Spouses Leave
The history of humanity has many ways to hurt a person without resorting to outright insults. Unfortunately, people have been very inventive in creating such passive-aggressive techniques for centuries. And now we often suffer the consequences of this ingenuity…
For example, the user u/Superb_Top8222, the author of today’s tale, was unlucky – his mother, for some unknown reason, didn’t get along with his girlfriend, and the situation didn’t change after their wedding. However, unlike many husbands from our stories, here the author clearly sided with his wife in this conflict.
More info: Reddit
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The author of the post recently married his long-term girlfriend, but, alas, she didn’t get along with his mom at all
Image credits: Anna Shvets / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The man expected things to get better after the wedding – but his expectations were definitely wrong
Image credits: Superb_Top8222
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The author’s wife is a vegan, but when they recently came over for dinner with his mom, they found no vegan meals served
Image credits: Superb_Top8222
Image credits: Daniel Frese / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The host pretended to act innocent, but the man decided it was the last straw – they just stood up and left
Image credits: Superb_Top8222
The mom dubbed it ‘disrespectful’ to her cooking but the author was adamant that he did the right thing by sticking up for his spouse
So, the Original Poster (OP) recently married his long-term fiancée, and one of the first visits the spouses made as a married couple was to the author’s mother. However, it cannot be said that this visit was very joyful for the OP’s wife.
The thing is that the two women never really got along, and the wedding, contrary to the author’s expectations, didn’t change the situation in any way. The dinner that the OP’s mom prepared for them was further confirmation of this.
The lady knew perfectly well that her newly made daughter-in-law is a vegan, but when the couple saw the set table, there was not a single vegan meal there. Nothing that the author’s wife could eat. Even the vegetable soup was cooked in meat broth – “just to make it more tasty…”
The author’s mother tried to feign surprise, but she was apparently a bad actress. And after the sarcastic suggestion that the daughter-in-law could just pick the shrimp out of the jambalaya and eat the salad, our hero simply stood up and said that he and his wife were leaving. They left without waiting for dinner.
Yes, it was the author’s decision – his wife tried to save the evening by saying that she wouldn’t mind eating only a salad, but when the MIL said that her son’s wife could “eat normally for one day” – that was the last straw.
The host was indignant after the couple left, calling it blatant disrespect – after all, she spent long hours at the stove, preparing all these dishes. But the author was no longer able to stop – he reasonably objected that she should have thought about his wife’s food preferences.
In general, if the original poster expected that the first joint visit after the wedding would end with a reconciliation between the wife and mother, then he was definitely wrong…
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
“Unfortunately, many mothers try to ‘test’ the feelings of their married sons in this way. To check who he will choose in this confrontation – his wife or his mom. That is, in fact, adult women behave in some ways like toddlers, who also test the boundaries set by parents,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment here.
“In any case, it was just demonstrative. An attempt to show the son’s wife that his mom cooks exclusively for him, and not for her. And the fact that this man sided with his spouse, with his new family – this is quite a good sign for their relationship in the future.”
“As for the relationship with the mother, the sooner she realizes that her son is already an adult, he has his own family, his own partner, whom he chose and with whom he wants to live his life together – the better. Both for him and his wife, and for the mother herself,” Irina summarizes.
Well, many people in the comments to the original post even urged the author to go no contact with his mom after this incident. “Time to go very LC or NC with your mom until she decides to treat your wife with respect,” one of the commenters suggested. “Your mother knew exactly what she was doing,” another person’s quite sure.
In any case, the respondents believe, based on their own life experience, that this, alas, is only the beginning… “[You were wrong] for expecting your wife and mom’s relationship to get better just because you got married,” someone wisely presumed. “You’re in for a long ride, my guy.” And do you, our dear readers, also agree with this point of view?
People in the comments praised the man for such a decision, but presumed that it’s just the beginning of a long-lasting feud…
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What do you think ?
Tyke 3 months ago
aedclif stating OP is the AH because the wife should have brought her own food rather than expect an elderly lady to figure out vegan food??? My Mum's 84 and she could figure it out... there's a big difference between being old and being a tw@t
Bat cat in a hat 3 months ago
Exactly, and if the MIL was in any doubt she could just ask the wife for a couple of simple recipes or tips. It's pure arseholerism
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TribbleThinking 3 months ago
Olga's got a decent husband. Well done, OP. Mum was pushing to see how far she could go.
Surly Scot 3 months ago (edited)
Mom has zero respect for the wife, that's why their relationship has always been sour. OP is an idiot for assuming things would magically get better just because he got married, if anything that makes mothers more insane and clingy with their sons. OP did do well in standing up for his wife. Only way to solve this is to cut contact with the mother and state if she can't be nice to the wife, she's cut loose forever. If they all start talking again, ONE instance of mother being disrespectful will give her a lifetime ban from contacting them. If she can't behave to keep the peace, then she doesn't even love her son enough to rise above her own jealousy. This isn't about being vegan, or celiac, or having an allergy, this is about RESPECT for another individual's way of life. Pathetic.
Jeremy James 3 months ago
Look out for mom in the future. She sounds like the kind of person who would swear a dish was vegan, only to triumphantly declare after the meal that it wasn't. "See? It's no big deal!"
Mark Childers 3 months ago
I've been a vegetarian since I was 21, and am now in my 50's. I've been through things like this and much, much worse with e.ven my grandmother telling others that if I got hungry enough, I'd eat. Vegan and vegetarian stomachs don't work that way. And it's rude to invite people over knowing at least one can't eat
V 3 months ago
If the mother didn't know how to make vegan dishes, she could have called them in advance and asked them to bring a dish. Then she could get a recipe book and learn how to cook properly because if you can't make vegan dishes you can't cook (I am not vegan, I just make plant based meals sometimes because we like a varied diet).
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KatSaidWhat 3 months ago
YTA for not being vegan - there's always a militant ready to raise their little head. Mother learns the hard way that the wife is now the most important woman in her life and disrespecting her means him walking out of a b******t staged scenario. Kudos to him.
Andrewsarchus42 3 months ago (edited)
“YTA for not being vegan too” oh great… one of those. How do you think this person would feel if I reacted to every AITA post with “YTA because you aren’t kosher”? That would be insanely disrespectful, right? Ugh
Broadredpanda 3 months ago
Ffs the YTAs are again off their heads! That mother did this on purpose!! Just f*****g shut up you absolute clowns. Why do you troll? BP....everyone is entitled to an opinion, but you allow so much hatred towards people who comment vile rubbish
Pamacious 3 months ago
We talk about kids testing boundaries, but parents do it too. I love the fact that she did not get away with her little stunt of ignoring the basics of hosting anyone, much less her new daughter-in-law and son. Hopefully she'll learn to stop being such an abominable jerk, but I doubt it.
Jaya 3 months ago
If MIL really had found it difficult to make something vegan, she could have asked OP or DIL to give her a good vegan recipe, to come earlier and help prepare a vegan dish, or even to bring a vegan dish with them. But she didn't do any of those things, because she either just can't be bothered to accomodate DIL or she deliberately wants DIL to not have much to eat.
R Dennis 3 months ago
I have Muslim family members and my stepson's ex-gf was vegan. It was pretty easy to make food they could all eat during holidays and BBQs - I even set up section of food and drinks that were acceptable to eat and made sure there was no contamination during prep and cooking... the MIL is completely TA.
Shark Lady 3 months ago
The mum could easily have used vegetable stock instead of chicken in the vegetable soup, she chose not to. Soup, salad and bread would have been an acceptable meal if she really couldn't work out how to make anything else vegan. Like others said, it was a power play to see if the husband would defer to his mother or his wife, luckily for his marriage he made the right choice.
Fox with a Dragon Tattoo 2 months ago
"YTA for not being vegan" lmfao... eat sh*t you condescending narcissistic trash. Do you and shut up.
Chris Riccardino 2 months ago
I personally cant stand most vegans. The wife here seems like one I would do fine with. She wasn't causing a scene. Even prior to going vegan, she was a vegetarian. Most of what the mom served wouldn't work then either. It was a power move. The people saying YTA...YTAs. After being vegetarian for a while the wife literally would have a reaction the the meat and animal products. So, OP, good job at being a good husband. This seems like an excellent foundation for a long and strong marriage.
IHaveNothingWittyToPutHere 2 months ago
Most vegans don't try to shove their personal choice down other people's throats, fyi. I'm a vegan who can't stand PETA and those like PETA because of the tactics they use to try to guilt people into being vegan. (They're also extremely hypocritical when it comes to caring about all animals when pit bulls are involved, but I don't want to get into that here since that's a whole separate issue.)
Load More Replies... Lena Flising 2 months ago
It's the mom that is disrespecting her guests, and the wife actually is more or less allergic to all the meat and dairy food. She will be sick if she eats it. Good on the husband for standing up for his wife.
Eric Torrey 3 months ago
At least we know what gift to get Mom for the next holiday -- a Vegan Cookbook!!
Christopher Crockett 3 months ago
The worst part is that this mother isn't done. She will likely poison every family member she can against Olga and OP. It will probably get worse before it gets resolved. It will likely never get better.
Max Fox 3 months ago
I have issues with vegans, but a guest leaving hungry is a crime I will never knowingly commit. NOBODY goes hungry in my house if my wife and I can help it. Guests must feel welcome, and part of that is making sure that they get food that they can eat without worrying about whether it will harm them or cause them to break their own rules. I'm willing to make sure that my religious friends are served kosher or halal food in my home, and I'm willing to make sure that my vegan friends are served food that is made without the use of animal based products.
IHaveNothingWittyToPutHere 2 months ago
I'm curious as to what your issues with vegans are. Not all vegans try to shove their personal choice down other people's throats. I'm a vegan who can't stand PETA and those like PETA because of the tactics they use to try to guilt people into being vegan. (They're also extremely hypocritical when it comes to caring about all animals when pit bulls are involved, but I don't want to get into that here since that's a whole separate issue.) Anyway, I do at least agree with your point about inviting people over and making them feel welcome. Yes, me being vegan is a choice. But regardless of the fact that I will most certainly get sick if I eat any animal-based products, especially meat-based ones (this is true, but it's not even the point), why ask me to join you for dinner and not serve anything I can eat? There are other ways to hang out if you don't feel like taking the extra effort to prepare anything vegan in your home. Why invite me somewhere and then make me feel unwelcome there?
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Bat cat in a hat 3 months ago
Not in this case unless she's severely mentally ill
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Anna Drever 2 months ago
I’m vegan and I’ll still accommodate my guests if they have allergies, food intolerances or just don’t like something. While I don’t eat meat I will cook pre-prepared meat things like frozen chicken tenders for the grandkids. I don’t want to deal with uncooked meat but I’m not going to deliberately be an a-hole to a DIL or anyone else if I can help it.
CBolt 3 months ago
NTA Since Mom didn't manage to break up OP & Olga before the wedding (OP said they didn't get along but had hoped things wouldget better after the wedding - can't imagine why he'd think that - very unrealistic) she still seems to be trying to come between them (by being intentionally rude & disrespectful) hoping her baby boy will continue to come & eat all her wonderful cooking & just leave Olga at home. Ha - she blew that! OP stepped up & did absolutely the right & best thing possible: stood up for his wife, read Mom the riot act, & took his wife home. How did a woman like OP's Mom raise such an upstanding son?
Scott Rackley 3 months ago (edited)
NTA, but there is a reason I don't invite vegans over to dinner. I don't want to sanitize my cookware, and I don't want to hear how virtuous it is to be vegan. "How do you know they are vegan?" Oh, it'll come up.
Onan Hag All 3 months ago
They are not things your wife "cannot eat", they're things she chooses not to eat.
Meagan Glaser 3 months ago
Most vegans literally cannot eat meat. Once your body isn't used to it, you lose the ability to digest animal protein. It becomes just as truly limiting as food intolerances. Might as well complain someone lactose intolerant is "choosing" not to eat dairy, when they could just go ahead and eat the dairy and spend hours in agonizing toilet adventures
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Tom Brincefield 3 months ago
Doing what you describe is the definition of an a*****e.
Load More Replies... Tyke 3 months ago
aedclif stating OP is the AH because the wife should have brought her own food rather than expect an elderly lady to figure out vegan food??? My Mum's 84 and she could figure it out... there's a big difference between being old and being a tw@t
Bat cat in a hat 3 months ago
Exactly, and if the MIL was in any doubt she could just ask the wife for a couple of simple recipes or tips. It's pure arseholerism
Load More Replies... TribbleThinking 3 months ago
Olga's got a decent husband. Well done, OP. Mum was pushing to see how far she could go.
Surly Scot 3 months ago (edited)
Mom has zero respect for the wife, that's why their relationship has always been sour. OP is an idiot for assuming things would magically get better just because he got married, if anything that makes mothers more insane and clingy with their sons. OP did do well in standing up for his wife. Only way to solve this is to cut contact with the mother and state if she can't be nice to the wife, she's cut loose forever. If they all start talking again, ONE instance of mother being disrespectful will give her a lifetime ban from contacting them. If she can't behave to keep the peace, then she doesn't even love her son enough to rise above her own jealousy. This isn't about being vegan, or celiac, or having an allergy, this is about RESPECT for another individual's way of life. Pathetic.
Jeremy James 3 months ago
Look out for mom in the future. She sounds like the kind of person who would swear a dish was vegan, only to triumphantly declare after the meal that it wasn't. "See? It's no big deal!"
Mark Childers 3 months ago
I've been a vegetarian since I was 21, and am now in my 50's. I've been through things like this and much, much worse with e.ven my grandmother telling others that if I got hungry enough, I'd eat. Vegan and vegetarian stomachs don't work that way. And it's rude to invite people over knowing at least one can't eat
V 3 months ago
If the mother didn't know how to make vegan dishes, she could have called them in advance and asked them to bring a dish. Then she could get a recipe book and learn how to cook properly because if you can't make vegan dishes you can't cook (I am not vegan, I just make plant based meals sometimes because we like a varied diet).
Load More Replies... KatSaidWhat 3 months ago
YTA for not being vegan - there's always a militant ready to raise their little head. Mother learns the hard way that the wife is now the most important woman in her life and disrespecting her means him walking out of a b******t staged scenario. Kudos to him.
Andrewsarchus42 3 months ago (edited)
“YTA for not being vegan too” oh great… one of those. How do you think this person would feel if I reacted to every AITA post with “YTA because you aren’t kosher”? That would be insanely disrespectful, right? Ugh
Broadredpanda 3 months ago
Ffs the YTAs are again off their heads! That mother did this on purpose!! Just f*****g shut up you absolute clowns. Why do you troll? BP....everyone is entitled to an opinion, but you allow so much hatred towards people who comment vile rubbish
Pamacious 3 months ago
We talk about kids testing boundaries, but parents do it too. I love the fact that she did not get away with her little stunt of ignoring the basics of hosting anyone, much less her new daughter-in-law and son. Hopefully she'll learn to stop being such an abominable jerk, but I doubt it.
Jaya 3 months ago
If MIL really had found it difficult to make something vegan, she could have asked OP or DIL to give her a good vegan recipe, to come earlier and help prepare a vegan dish, or even to bring a vegan dish with them. But she didn't do any of those things, because she either just can't be bothered to accomodate DIL or she deliberately wants DIL to not have much to eat.
R Dennis 3 months ago
I have Muslim family members and my stepson's ex-gf was vegan. It was pretty easy to make food they could all eat during holidays and BBQs - I even set up section of food and drinks that were acceptable to eat and made sure there was no contamination during prep and cooking... the MIL is completely TA.
Shark Lady 3 months ago
The mum could easily have used vegetable stock instead of chicken in the vegetable soup, she chose not to. Soup, salad and bread would have been an acceptable meal if she really couldn't work out how to make anything else vegan. Like others said, it was a power play to see if the husband would defer to his mother or his wife, luckily for his marriage he made the right choice.
Fox with a Dragon Tattoo 2 months ago
"YTA for not being vegan" lmfao... eat sh*t you condescending narcissistic trash. Do you and shut up.
Chris Riccardino 2 months ago
I personally cant stand most vegans. The wife here seems like one I would do fine with. She wasn't causing a scene. Even prior to going vegan, she was a vegetarian. Most of what the mom served wouldn't work then either. It was a power move. The people saying YTA...YTAs. After being vegetarian for a while the wife literally would have a reaction the the meat and animal products. So, OP, good job at being a good husband. This seems like an excellent foundation for a long and strong marriage.
IHaveNothingWittyToPutHere 2 months ago
Most vegans don't try to shove their personal choice down other people's throats, fyi. I'm a vegan who can't stand PETA and those like PETA because of the tactics they use to try to guilt people into being vegan. (They're also extremely hypocritical when it comes to caring about all animals when pit bulls are involved, but I don't want to get into that here since that's a whole separate issue.)
Load More Replies... Lena Flising 2 months ago
It's the mom that is disrespecting her guests, and the wife actually is more or less allergic to all the meat and dairy food. She will be sick if she eats it. Good on the husband for standing up for his wife.
Eric Torrey 3 months ago
At least we know what gift to get Mom for the next holiday -- a Vegan Cookbook!!
Christopher Crockett 3 months ago
The worst part is that this mother isn't done. She will likely poison every family member she can against Olga and OP. It will probably get worse before it gets resolved. It will likely never get better.
Max Fox 3 months ago
I have issues with vegans, but a guest leaving hungry is a crime I will never knowingly commit. NOBODY goes hungry in my house if my wife and I can help it. Guests must feel welcome, and part of that is making sure that they get food that they can eat without worrying about whether it will harm them or cause them to break their own rules. I'm willing to make sure that my religious friends are served kosher or halal food in my home, and I'm willing to make sure that my vegan friends are served food that is made without the use of animal based products.
IHaveNothingWittyToPutHere 2 months ago
I'm curious as to what your issues with vegans are. Not all vegans try to shove their personal choice down other people's throats. I'm a vegan who can't stand PETA and those like PETA because of the tactics they use to try to guilt people into being vegan. (They're also extremely hypocritical when it comes to caring about all animals when pit bulls are involved, but I don't want to get into that here since that's a whole separate issue.) Anyway, I do at least agree with your point about inviting people over and making them feel welcome. Yes, me being vegan is a choice. But regardless of the fact that I will most certainly get sick if I eat any animal-based products, especially meat-based ones (this is true, but it's not even the point), why ask me to join you for dinner and not serve anything I can eat? There are other ways to hang out if you don't feel like taking the extra effort to prepare anything vegan in your home. Why invite me somewhere and then make me feel unwelcome there?
Load More Replies... Bat cat in a hat 3 months ago
Not in this case unless she's severely mentally ill
Load More Replies... Anna Drever 2 months ago
I’m vegan and I’ll still accommodate my guests if they have allergies, food intolerances or just don’t like something. While I don’t eat meat I will cook pre-prepared meat things like frozen chicken tenders for the grandkids. I don’t want to deal with uncooked meat but I’m not going to deliberately be an a-hole to a DIL or anyone else if I can help it.
CBolt 3 months ago
NTA Since Mom didn't manage to break up OP & Olga before the wedding (OP said they didn't get along but had hoped things wouldget better after the wedding - can't imagine why he'd think that - very unrealistic) she still seems to be trying to come between them (by being intentionally rude & disrespectful) hoping her baby boy will continue to come & eat all her wonderful cooking & just leave Olga at home. Ha - she blew that! OP stepped up & did absolutely the right & best thing possible: stood up for his wife, read Mom the riot act, & took his wife home. How did a woman like OP's Mom raise such an upstanding son?
Scott Rackley 3 months ago (edited)
NTA, but there is a reason I don't invite vegans over to dinner. I don't want to sanitize my cookware, and I don't want to hear how virtuous it is to be vegan. "How do you know they are vegan?" Oh, it'll come up.
Onan Hag All 3 months ago
They are not things your wife "cannot eat", they're things she chooses not to eat.
Meagan Glaser 3 months ago
Most vegans literally cannot eat meat. Once your body isn't used to it, you lose the ability to digest animal protein. It becomes just as truly limiting as food intolerances. Might as well complain someone lactose intolerant is "choosing" not to eat dairy, when they could just go ahead and eat the dairy and spend hours in agonizing toilet adventures
Load More Replies... Tom Brincefield 3 months ago
Doing what you describe is the definition of an a*****e.
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