ROFL

Gravity sucks!

I'm just doing my part.

For me the first step is buying a plane ticket, cos there's no f'ing way I'm walking.

You're looking kinda beat up, too

...to avoid hiring YOU

OMFG I LOVE THIS BAHAHAHA

There's always a bigger fish! -- Qui-Gon Jinn

I've seen this quote attributed to Albert Einstein ...

I put in epoxy resin, popped an LED light on and voila: night light

I tried reaching for the stars one time, but ended up throwing my back out…

*Dies*

**Lies to himself**

'Shared delusions' is closer to the truth.

Well, that actually depends on what you do...

Why is this so true?

that’s what you think

While I know that's photoshopped, I am still anxious for the kitty. Yes, the kitty that isn't actually there.

To get her?

1883033-de...-vetor.jpg

Stars are too hot to touch

This is why I'd rather sleep in. Gotta avoid those early birds.

it's always full, liquid, air, it's always full

Friend: "duck!" Me: "Where?" Sometimes friends can't help save you from you.

I am so old now all of my friends are dead and I'd rather not try and make new ones (although, my wife is a friend). When I told my doctor this he said it was the saddest thing he has ever heard.

Friends would laugh & tell you to move faster.

*YOU'RE!! *LOSE!!! HOW MANY MORE TIMES!!??!!