I've waitressed before, trust me, we don't give a s**t how you pronounce it so long as we get your order right.

"Sorry but that's not your password, must contain and uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign in hieroglyphics, and the blood of a virgin"

This is a great summary of my life

Even more annoying when its an empty bathroom, and someone goes in the stall immediately next to you ... WHY!?

Default polite response. I said you too when wished a happy birthday.

always alone

I once heard of a teacher making a test that was all true.

Love how gypsies, booty, and asparagus are 'trending' xD

no! It's NOT funny

Excalibur XD

I hate it when people say you are going to hell if you don't agree with them. It's not like I'm offending their religion or something :'(

Ha!

This sounds familiar.

"omw" is one of the biggest lies in the world

I hate pepsi

Now maybe I'd be more enthusiastic if there was a big bowl of ice cream at the top

Can relate but it can't be that hot if he's wearing a hoodie

Earplugs. :p

THE BEST ONE!!!!

So cool

I don't get it.

The boobs tho :D

I once ate out of a wine glass for two days to avoid doing the dishes. #noregrets

This is so t- PLEASE REMOVE ITEM FROM BAGGAGE AREA-Please let me post a co-An ATTENDANT HAS BEEN NOTIFIED TO ASSIST YOU

I just love those faces he creates :D

Reminds me of the Broad City episode when Illana is allergic to shellfish, but it's Abbi's bday & they are getting free food. So she eats it

he finally confessed.

So true

I can relate to this. One time I went to do laundry and a spider and an earwig were fighting to the death right in front of the washer. I literally said "never mind" and walked away. 3 days later I struck up the nerve to see who had won the fight.

Why is the bus number 69?

I don't understand the dickishness when it was YOUR FAULT.

People put puddings into drinks? Am I getting my leg pulled?

O"RIELEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY