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In dating, like in friendship, one cannot know another person after just meeting them; however, certain things may stand out, minimizing or even sweeping one's interest. This may happen more intuitively, yet by trying to name red flags in dating, one gets the opportunity to grow more conscious of what they (do not) value in another person or people in general and maybe even adjust their preferences.
On the other hand, reading about major flags in dating as listed by men answering one Redditor’s question: “Men, what is a deal-breaker for you in modern dating?” one may compare them to one’s own deal-breakers, get a clue of what other people are (not) looking for in dating and maybe find some things to look out for.
More info: Reddit
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#1
Any kind of ultimatum, like: "It's me or your cats/friends/hobbies." They were here before you, and they will be here after you.
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#2
If my date is rude to anyone in the service industry, there won't be another date. That s**t tells me exactly who you are.
Hippopotamuses 1 year ago
“I don’t trust anyone who’s nice to me but rude to the waiter. Because they would treat me the same way if I were in that position.” - Muhammad Ali
#3
General punctuality, though this is a state with friends too.
If you're going to be late, let me know when you know. If you live 30 minutes away and text me you are leaving 5 minutes before we are due to meet, you knew you were going to be late 25 minutes ago.
It's a small thing but I've known people like that and I've waited in the cold enough.
Hippopotamuses 1 year ago
To me, lack of punctuality means lack of respect. I'm had two relationships and several friendships hit the the rocks because of this. It's my biggest peeve.
#4
Someone who brings nothing to the table except deigning to allow me the opportunity to treat her like a queen.
Sorry, I'd rather stay single than deal with that s**t...
#6
Dishonesty is my main one. If you can't trust them, then there's no reason to even date them because you're always going to worry about what they're doing when they're not with you.
#7
If she's an influencer or has plans to become an influencer.
Hippopotamuses 1 year ago (edited)
In my world, influencer isn't a real thing. So any relationship would be very..... entertaining.
#8
Having a sugar baby or entitled mentality. Or if I see the line " can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve the best".
Hippopotamuses 1 year ago (edited)
I love the irony of the woman in the picture leaning up against a Lada. She's likely okay with a scuralose daddy.
#9
Social media. I don't want every waking moment of my relationship plastered on Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat. I dated one girl for a year who didn't have a smartphone, didn't have internet at her house, and didn't even own a TV. It was surprisingly nice. Honest. When we spent time together, we spent our time together.
#10
For me, when I was dating, it was women who didn't know how to cook or clean. That may seem a bit misogynistic, but I am someone who cooks and cleans and can keep a house. The number of people I would go on dates with that didn't have those skills was a bit baffling to me. How do you feed yourself? Is it takeout every night? I wouldn't expect a potential partner to be unable to do household things that I do, nor one that was unwilling to share the burden of keeping a place together.
Hippopotamuses 1 year ago
Fair enough. It should be a two way street. Especially in the 21st century.
#11
Screen addiction is a turn off.
Michael Largey 1 year ago (edited)
I nod my head in agreement as my eyes stay glued to the screen.
#12
I have had a few women I met online start talking about how supportive I can be for their children before I even met them. Like if you just shopping for a replacement for their non-existant Dad I am out.
Rocky Wheelwright 1 year ago
This is very common. A woman looking for someone to financially support her and her children.
#13
Inability to say sorry or own up to their mistakes.
Flakyness.
Being overly dramatic and loud.
#14
This sounds dumb, but if she's not into me, I'm not interested. If she plays hard to get, I'm done. I'm not playing the games anymore. You'd be surprised how often a women has SAID she was into me, but won't do anything at all to act like she is.
#15
Very religious. Poly (just not for me). Lack of communication.
DaPandaMan 1 year ago
I say they can be religious but if it’s basically brainwashing them then hard no.
#16
Someone with no hobbies or no passion for anything at all
Michael Largey 1 year ago
They may have hobbies and passions they don't want you to know about. (And chances are neither do you).
#17
Honestly, anything to the effect of "men are trash" or "I hate that I'm attracted to men" in their dating profile.
Like, I get it. A lot of women have had a lot of really bad experiences with men. And at the same time, I'm not here to fix anyone and I really hate being treated like "one of the good ones." If you really hate men to the extent that you need to declare it on your dating profile, you should probably be working that out with a therapist.
Hippopotamuses 1 year ago
Stating they hate men on their (presumably hetro) dating profile. Really?
#18
Inability to acknowledge being wrong. Being able to do that and grow with me as an individual was literally one of the biggest things that led to me falling in love with my current gf. I will never again EVER be in a relationship with a woman who doesn’t have that quality because seeing how much better this relationship has been than any of my previous, I just can’t ever go back.
Chez2202 1 year ago
I totally agree with the comment about the inability to acknowledge being wrong. What I don’t get is that they then say that being able to grow with them as an individual led them to falling in love with their current girlfriend but then talk about their future relationships. The inability to be wrong may be a sticking point for OP but the fact that they still see no future with the woman they claim to love should be a big red flag for her.
#19
Flakyness. If they keep canceling plans, I'm out.
Hippopotamuses 1 year ago
If they keep cancelling plans, the next question is, what's actually going on that you don't know about?
#20
Height preferences on dating profiles/bios. It's just rude. I cant help being 5 7, I have been this height for ages. I get preferences and stuff, but seeing 'if you're under 6 foot don't bother' on the reg is a bit of a downer.
Also, horses. I went out with a horse-y girl, and it was a car crash, I don't blame the actual horses, but horses make girls get a bit weird. If you know you know.
#21
Anything along the lines of “being a boss babe” and “you better keep up with me”
Ugh
#22
Lack of communication skills! I need engaging conversation! I don't want to talk to a wall😅
Erca 1 year ago
Communication or conversation? There should be comment tools or links for words like this so each person can specifically define how they interpret it. This person says communication is conversation and that's fair. Some see it as psychic abilities. Some say it's knowing when to speak... not sure the latter applies to me, but you get the point. Words like "communication" and "drama" are too vague.
#23
If she’d leave me for behaving like her.
That covers most of them.
#24
If she’s rude or mean.
JB 1 year ago
Had an interesting conversation with a fellow British expat the other day. We both acknowledged that North Americans are often baffled by our tendency to be “rude” to people we like but flawlessly polite to those we don’t. So, if you are from North America and your prospective squeeze is a Brit, don’t assume that them calling you a “bat faced twit” is anything other than an endearment.
#25
Not understanding or working toward improving their own mental health.
Hippopotamuses 1 year ago
Assuming that they're in a position to acknowledge, and work on, their problems.
#26
I like to be a gentleman, but I want that to be something that is appreciated, not expected or demanded
Lori Simpson 1 year ago
Um, what exactly does OP qualify as the traits of a gentleman? I've raised two young men to be gentleman and it's absolutely expected.
#27
Not having any goals other than having fun. My ex just lived to "go out" every night with her friends. No future there, and an unhealthy relationship with alcohol (and her ex boyfriend after a few drinks one night). That was a clusterf**k of chaos that I'm glad to be free from.
#28
Smoking and lack of accountability and inability to learn from mistakes.
Anyone-for-tea? 1 year ago
It’s always gutting when you think you’ve found a good match but then you see they’re a smoker.
#29
Inconsistent communication style, just feels like I’m being strung along. Also don’t date single-mothers, I’m sure they’re nice and the kids are great but I’m just not in a place in my life where I’m comfortable with that kind of situation.
Hippopotamuses 1 year ago
I can't unpick what inconsistent communication style means. But on the subject of single mothers. If the person I'm in love with has kids, so be it. They're part of the package.
#30
Wanting to continue living as though they're single but still have the emotional fulfillment of a relationship.
What do you think ?
ConstantlyJon 1 year ago
My biggest red flag when dating is if the woman isn't my wife. Really hate dating anyone that's not already my wife. 100% of the time will not date you if you're not my bride.
Papa 1 year ago
If I joke about getting a girlfriend my wife's usual response is "Make sure she can cook and clean so I won't have to."
Load More Replies... Mimi M 1 year ago (edited)
Everyone is entitled to their preferences. Mine? Intelligence, good character, mutual attraction. Dat's it!
Sven Petersson 1 year ago
Why are there so many comments that are downright misandrist? If someone had written similar (but genderswapped) comments on a thread about what women don't like in men, there would have a storm of outrage.
Lauren Caswell 12 months ago
Well, yes you are right. I've seen those lists and what happens is men comment "not all men" or "women do it too", then get ripped apart in the comments because its distracting back to their own gender. I didn't read much yet (I'll re-read later) but if there are those kinds of comments happening here from women, then I think that should be seen as just as problematic as when men say "not all men". "Not all women" is not helpful here or at all.
Load More Replies...
Caramello 1 year ago
Maybe when we create posts like these, we just need to publish both sides simultaneously: "Deal Breakers for Men" and "Deal Breakers for Women". So many comments turning it around on men when this is a post from the man's perspective. I would say that would be my deal breaker: making every hardship I share about how hard it is on her instead.
Dan St John 12 months ago
Relationships are hard. They take work and we have become a disposable society, where it is easier to leave, than work to fix them. My wife and I have been together for over 40 years and not everyone of them was a piece of cake, but we worked hard on it and today, I think we are more in love, than when we first got married. Communication and trust seem to be the lynch pins to a good relationship.
Brendan 12 months ago
I know, right? How dare she fart, burp, produce blood cells, strengthen her immune system, or (god forbid) breath. Natural bodily functions or a big no-no.
Load More Replies... ConstantlyJon 1 year ago
My biggest red flag when dating is if the woman isn't my wife. Really hate dating anyone that's not already my wife. 100% of the time will not date you if you're not my bride.
Papa 1 year ago
If I joke about getting a girlfriend my wife's usual response is "Make sure she can cook and clean so I won't have to."
Load More Replies... Mimi M 1 year ago (edited)
Everyone is entitled to their preferences. Mine? Intelligence, good character, mutual attraction. Dat's it!
Sven Petersson 1 year ago
Why are there so many comments that are downright misandrist? If someone had written similar (but genderswapped) comments on a thread about what women don't like in men, there would have a storm of outrage.
Lauren Caswell 12 months ago
Well, yes you are right. I've seen those lists and what happens is men comment "not all men" or "women do it too", then get ripped apart in the comments because its distracting back to their own gender. I didn't read much yet (I'll re-read later) but if there are those kinds of comments happening here from women, then I think that should be seen as just as problematic as when men say "not all men". "Not all women" is not helpful here or at all.
Load More Replies... Caramello 1 year ago
Maybe when we create posts like these, we just need to publish both sides simultaneously: "Deal Breakers for Men" and "Deal Breakers for Women". So many comments turning it around on men when this is a post from the man's perspective. I would say that would be my deal breaker: making every hardship I share about how hard it is on her instead.
Dan St John 12 months ago
Relationships are hard. They take work and we have become a disposable society, where it is easier to leave, than work to fix them. My wife and I have been together for over 40 years and not everyone of them was a piece of cake, but we worked hard on it and today, I think we are more in love, than when we first got married. Communication and trust seem to be the lynch pins to a good relationship.
Brendan 12 months ago
I know, right? How dare she fart, burp, produce blood cells, strengthen her immune system, or (god forbid) breath. Natural bodily functions or a big no-no.
Load More Replies... You May Like People Were Asked What Made Them Lose Interest In Their Crush, Here Are The Best Replies “Am I A Jerk For Not Letting My Mother-In-Law See My Baby Until I Put Cameras Up In My Home?”
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