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Woman Doesn’t Invite Her Sister To Her Wedding, As Her Panic Attack Ruined The Engagement Party
The presence of a sick sibling can cast a long shadow, even within a loving family. Important moments – birthdays, graduations, even everyday joys – can be overshadowed by one’s sibling’s health struggles. This necessary shift in focus can, over time, cultivate a simmering resentment.
The author found themselves caught in such a heartbreaking situation. Their youngest child’s frequent panic attacks had become a constant disruption, casting a shadow over celebrations. Now, the eldest child, fed up with the disruptions, has disinvited the affected sibling from their wedding, which leaves the author trapped in a tug-of-war between their children’s happiness.
More info: Reddit
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Saying “I do” is a once-in-a-lifetime moment, and witnessing a disruption can be incredibly upsetting
Image credits: Leonardo Miranda (not the actual photo)
The poster’s daughter disinvited her sister from her wedding because of her panic attacks
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
This has been going on for years but recently happened during the engagement party, which disrupted the event
Image credits: Jose Ricardo Barraza Morachis (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/PastDue4395
Feeling hurt by the disinvitation, the poster’s daughter insists that they not attend the wedding, which they refuse
The author is facing a difficult situation as their daughter’s wedding plans have sparked conflict. The eldest daughter, 27, is set to marry, but has chosen not to invite her younger sister, 24, due to concerns about panic attacks.
The younger daughter has struggled with anxiety and panic attacks for nearly eight years, following an incident in high school. While the sisters aren’t particularly close, family gatherings have often been disrupted by these episodes. The eldest feels these disruptions have overshadowed important moments, like graduations.
The situation reached a boiling point at the engagement party, where the younger daughter experienced a panic attack. The event was cut short, leaving the bride-to-be upset and questioning the initial invitation.
Wedding invitations were subsequently sent out, excluding the younger sister. This decision has caused significant tension within the family. The younger daughter feels hurt and excluded, while the poster is caught in the middle.
Commenters empathized with both sides. On one hand, many expressed concern for the elder daughter. They acknowledged the unfairness of potentially having her big day disrupted, highlighting the importance of celebrating this milestone.
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
The original poster (OP) clarified that the younger daughter’s panic attacks are unintentional and triggered by events. However, the situation isn’t as black and white. As The Guardian points out, siblings of children with chronic illnesses or mental health challenges often grapple with complex emotions.
While they understand the additional care their sibling receives, it can leave them feeling emotionally neglected. Birthday parties become subdued, vacations catered to the sick sibling’s needs, and conversations constantly revolve around their well-being. This can lead to a sense of resentment, a yearning for normalcy and recognition of their own needs.
The poster’s decision to attend the wedding reflects this complexity. Missing the elder daughter’s momentous occasion could create lasting regret, and they want to be there to celebrate her happiness.
However, they also acknowledge the younger daughter’s challenges. Skipping the wedding altogether reinforces the idea that the younger daughter’s anxiety dictates family events. The mother might be hoping for a solution that shows support for both daughters.
Ultimately, the goal is to celebrate the wedding while acknowledging the challenges faced by the younger daughter. Through empathy, understanding, and open communication, this family might just find a way to honor both daughters on this special day.
What are your thoughts? How can this family navigate this situation with compassion? Share your ideas and experiences in the comments below!
Commenters agreed that the poster was not the jerk
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What do you think ?
Ron Baza 9 months ago
I’m waiting for someone to make a case for the younger sibling not being TA, because I’m sure she’d be able to give me that case. But right now, it’s escaping me. She’s not TA for having panic attacks. She’s not (necessarily) TA for having a panic attack at the engagement party. She’s not TA for being upset she isn’t invited to the wedding, but fair do’s to her sister for not inviting her to be honest. However the sister is TA for insisting that the mum doesn’t attend - she *knows* she’d likely ruin/monopolise/overshadow the wedding, and has taken the approach of “If I can’t enjoy myself, nobody can”. Ironically, that feeds the suspicion that she doesn’t do all she can to stop her own condition from impacting other people.
FreeTheUnicorn 9 months ago (edited)
Younger sister is an adult and has been dealing with this for years, but still doesn't have a plan or coping strategy that works for her. Lots of us get panic attacks, if you know it's a problem, have a plan to excuse yourself and get to a bathroom or place where you can be ok. Bring a buddy to help. Plan in a quiet time break once an hour, just excuse yourself and have a quiet sit down etc. Speak to your doctor (she's on meds so has one) about PRN meds not just prophylactic ones. Or, don't go/accept not being invited. You aren't a child, you need to put a plan in place to care for yourself. Neglecting this is why we all face stigma. You are actively making it worse for others. Edit: autocorrect fix
Jeevesssssss 9 months ago
NTA and your eldest isn't either. Your youngest however IS. Not for having panic attacks, but for not owning how they can ruin special occasions and understanding how that impacts other people. It can be hurtful to be left out because of something that isn't really your fault - I am often not invited to very fancy/expensive meals because I have an ED, and if I get stressy it'll ruin a special experience - which though it sucks from my perspective is totally reasonable overall, and the same applies here. She isn't the one getting married, her sister is, and her engagement party has already been ruined by a panic attack. Oh, and asking you to not attend? Totally out of order. Real d**k move.
Ron Baza 9 months ago
I’m waiting for someone to make a case for the younger sibling not being TA, because I’m sure she’d be able to give me that case. But right now, it’s escaping me. She’s not TA for having panic attacks. She’s not (necessarily) TA for having a panic attack at the engagement party. She’s not TA for being upset she isn’t invited to the wedding, but fair do’s to her sister for not inviting her to be honest. However the sister is TA for insisting that the mum doesn’t attend - she *knows* she’d likely ruin/monopolise/overshadow the wedding, and has taken the approach of “If I can’t enjoy myself, nobody can”. Ironically, that feeds the suspicion that she doesn’t do all she can to stop her own condition from impacting other people.
FreeTheUnicorn 9 months ago (edited)
Younger sister is an adult and has been dealing with this for years, but still doesn't have a plan or coping strategy that works for her. Lots of us get panic attacks, if you know it's a problem, have a plan to excuse yourself and get to a bathroom or place where you can be ok. Bring a buddy to help. Plan in a quiet time break once an hour, just excuse yourself and have a quiet sit down etc. Speak to your doctor (she's on meds so has one) about PRN meds not just prophylactic ones. Or, don't go/accept not being invited. You aren't a child, you need to put a plan in place to care for yourself. Neglecting this is why we all face stigma. You are actively making it worse for others. Edit: autocorrect fix
Jeevesssssss 9 months ago
NTA and your eldest isn't either. Your youngest however IS. Not for having panic attacks, but for not owning how they can ruin special occasions and understanding how that impacts other people. It can be hurtful to be left out because of something that isn't really your fault - I am often not invited to very fancy/expensive meals because I have an ED, and if I get stressy it'll ruin a special experience - which though it sucks from my perspective is totally reasonable overall, and the same applies here. She isn't the one getting married, her sister is, and her engagement party has already been ruined by a panic attack. Oh, and asking you to not attend? Totally out of order. Real d**k move.
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