Woman Doesn’t Invite Her Sister To Her Wedding, As Her Panic Attack Ruined The Engagement Party

The presence of a sick sibling can cast a long shadow, even within a loving family. Important moments – birthdays, graduations, even everyday joys – can be overshadowed by one’s sibling’s health struggles. This necessary shift in focus can, over time, cultivate a simmering resentment.

The author found themselves caught in such a heartbreaking situation. Their youngest child’s frequent panic attacks had become a constant disruption, casting a shadow over celebrations. Now, the eldest child, fed up with the disruptions, has disinvited the affected sibling from their wedding, which leaves the author trapped in a tug-of-war between their children’s happiness.

More info: Reddit

Saying “I do” is a once-in-a-lifetime moment, and witnessing a disruption can be incredibly upsetting

Woman Doesn’t Invite Her Sister To Her Wedding, As Her Panic Attack Ruined The Engagement Party

Image credits: Leonardo Miranda (not the actual photo)

The poster’s daughter disinvited her sister from her wedding because of her panic attacks

Woman Doesn’t Invite Her Sister To Her Wedding, As Her Panic Attack Ruined The Engagement Party

Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)

This has been going on for years but recently happened during the engagement party, which disrupted the event

Woman Doesn’t Invite Her Sister To Her Wedding, As Her Panic Attack Ruined The Engagement Party

Image credits: Jose Ricardo Barraza Morachis (not the actual photo)

Woman Doesn’t Invite Her Sister To Her Wedding, As Her Panic Attack Ruined The Engagement Party

Image credits: u/PastDue4395

Feeling hurt by the disinvitation, the poster’s daughter insists that they not attend the wedding, which they refuse

The author is facing a difficult situation as their daughter’s wedding plans have sparked conflict. The eldest daughter, 27, is set to marry, but has chosen not to invite her younger sister, 24, due to concerns about panic attacks.

The younger daughter has struggled with anxiety and panic attacks for nearly eight years, following an incident in high school. While the sisters aren’t particularly close, family gatherings have often been disrupted by these episodes. The eldest feels these disruptions have overshadowed important moments, like graduations.

The situation reached a boiling point at the engagement party, where the younger daughter experienced a panic attack. The event was cut short, leaving the bride-to-be upset and questioning the initial invitation.

Wedding invitations were subsequently sent out, excluding the younger sister. This decision has caused significant tension within the family. The younger daughter feels hurt and excluded, while the poster is caught in the middle.

Commenters empathized with both sides. On one hand, many expressed concern for the elder daughter. They acknowledged the unfairness of potentially having her big day disrupted, highlighting the importance of celebrating this milestone.

Woman Doesn’t Invite Her Sister To Her Wedding, As Her Panic Attack Ruined The Engagement Party

Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)

The original poster (OP) clarified that the younger daughter’s panic attacks are unintentional and triggered by events. However, the situation isn’t as black and white. As The Guardian points out, siblings of children with chronic illnesses or mental health challenges often grapple with complex emotions.

While they understand the additional care their sibling receives, it can leave them feeling emotionally neglected. Birthday parties become subdued, vacations catered to the sick sibling’s needs, and conversations constantly revolve around their well-being. This can lead to a sense of resentment, a yearning for normalcy and recognition of their own needs.

The poster’s decision to attend the wedding reflects this complexity. Missing the elder daughter’s momentous occasion could create lasting regret, and they want to be there to celebrate her happiness.

However, they also acknowledge the younger daughter’s challenges. Skipping the wedding altogether reinforces the idea that the younger daughter’s anxiety dictates family events. The mother might be hoping for a solution that shows support for both daughters.

Ultimately, the goal is to celebrate the wedding while acknowledging the challenges faced by the younger daughter. Through empathy, understanding, and open communication, this family might just find a way to honor both daughters on this special day.

What are your thoughts? How can this family navigate this situation with compassion? Share your ideas and experiences in the comments below!

Commenters agreed that the poster was not the jerk

Woman Doesn’t Invite Her Sister To Her Wedding, As Her Panic Attack Ruined The Engagement Party

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My name is Obinna often shortened to Obi (like Kenobi without the Ken) and I am a writer here at Bored Panda. As a kid, I always wanted to tell stories which led to my interest in writing and now I get to do it for a living. I have a background in advertising where I also get to tell brand stories. When I am not telling these stories, I am watching stories and probably ransacking my brain on how to write more stories or I am gisting with friends.

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I am a visual editor here. In my free time I enjoy the vibrant worlds of art galleries, exhibitions, and soulful concerts. Yet, amidst life's hustle and bustle, I find solace in nature's embrace, cherishing tranquil moments with beloved friends. Deep within, I hold a dream close - to embark on a global journey in an RV, accompanied by my faithful canine companion. Together, we'll wander through diverse cultures, weaving precious memories under the starry night sky, fulfilling the wanderlust that stirs my soul.

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What do you think ?

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Ron Baza 8 months ago

I’m waiting for someone to make a case for the younger sibling not being TA, because I’m sure she’d be able to give me that case. But right now, it’s escaping me. She’s not TA for having panic attacks. She’s not (necessarily) TA for having a panic attack at the engagement party. She’s not TA for being upset she isn’t invited to the wedding, but fair do’s to her sister for not inviting her to be honest. However the sister is TA for insisting that the mum doesn’t attend - she *knows* she’d likely ruin/monopolise/overshadow the wedding, and has taken the approach of “If I can’t enjoy myself, nobody can”. Ironically, that feeds the suspicion that she doesn’t do all she can to stop her own condition from impacting other people.

51points

Captain McSmoot 8 months ago

That last line you typed: BINGO!

17points

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marcelo D. 8 months ago

she is kinda TA for having a panic attack at the engagemnt party, sorry. If you have a condition, and you know certain X makes the condition goes, and yet do that, you are doing it on purpose, simple as that. Let's show it with a simple comparison. Person is alergic to strawberries. Person goes to every party and eats strawberries, person has attacks and kilsl the mod of party. next party, she eats strawberries again. At some point, you would realize that she is gettnig triggered and try and stop it, but she doesn't. She knows her triggers are social events with many people, yet she keeps going, and does nothing to improve at all.

9points

MR 7 months ago

The suspicion? No, she flat out doesn't. This isn't hard. She's had 8 years to figure it out. She's being deliberate in her actions. She's like that person with a nut allergy demanding to walk onto the planter's factory floor. Then getting upset when others don't cater to her.

6points

Sonja 7 months ago

The youngest is firmly caught up in the 'that's so unfair,I shouldn't be punished for having panic attacks' mindset. And in a way she is right. She had a traumatic experience and now subsequently suffers from panic attacks, that's unfortunate and very unfair. But it seems none of that is her sister's fault, nor are any of the other people whose events she ruined responsible for her panic attacks. I fully understand that she feels punished for being ill and excluded. Because realistically, that's how it is. So I wouldn't call her an AH for that. However, she has to accept that she can't push that unfairness fully onto others so she can pretend to be normal and live her life to her comfort alone while everyone else suffers. And this is one of the first steps towards that, that's why it's so hard for everyone involved. It seems that everyone tried to accommodate her, so she never had to accept the new reality of her panic attacks and manage her needs. She has to take responsibility now.

3points

Karl 7 months ago

I have a younger sibling who suffers from diabetes but manages it very badly and uses it to manipulate my mother with whom he still lives. He is in his 40s and gets enhanced govt benefits but pays my mother nothing towards household costs, refuses to take any steps towards any sort of independence and' if she brings up the possibility, he mysteriously has a diabetic episode and it’s back to square one. If my mother visits me or my brother, he is guaranteed to have an episode that makes her return to make him the centre of attention once more and maintain the status quo in his favour. While I can’t say that there is similar manipulation in this case, I’ve seen firsthand how someone can cynically weaponise a condition to get what they want and ruin any sort of healthy family life.

2points

Royal Stray 7 months ago

I pretty much agree completely with this, at a certain point she has to realize that she just can't be in large crowds and has to try to avoid them, or find something to help her deal with them, because showing up, and having a panic attack infört of everyone that's so bad the entire event is ruined clearly isn't the way to go, and I say this as someone who also has panic attacks and hates large crowds. The sister has to find something that works to calm her down, learn how she feels right before an attack and go have it/calm down somewhere else, preferably with a friend or bf, or she needs to realize that she can't show up to events like that, and it's gonna suck. She may need to look into getting a service dog that can help her if she doesn't have anyone

2points

FreeTheUnicorn 8 months ago (edited)

Younger sister is an adult and has been dealing with this for years, but still doesn't have a plan or coping strategy that works for her. Lots of us get panic attacks, if you know it's a problem, have a plan to excuse yourself and get to a bathroom or place where you can be ok. Bring a buddy to help. Plan in a quiet time break once an hour, just excuse yourself and have a quiet sit down etc. Speak to your doctor (she's on meds so has one) about PRN meds not just prophylactic ones. Or, don't go/accept not being invited. You aren't a child, you need to put a plan in place to care for yourself. Neglecting this is why we all face stigma. You are actively making it worse for others. Edit: autocorrect fix

43points

ERMAHGERD DINOSAURS 7 months ago

PREACH!

0points

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Jeevesssssss 8 months ago

NTA and your eldest isn't either. Your youngest however IS. Not for having panic attacks, but for not owning how they can ruin special occasions and understanding how that impacts other people. It can be hurtful to be left out because of something that isn't really your fault - I am often not invited to very fancy/expensive meals because I have an ED, and if I get stressy it'll ruin a special experience - which though it sucks from my perspective is totally reasonable overall, and the same applies here. She isn't the one getting married, her sister is, and her engagement party has already been ruined by a panic attack. Oh, and asking you to not attend? Totally out of order. Real d**k move.

31points

Almost sunny 8 months ago

I agree with you.

7points

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Ron Baza 8 months ago

51points

Captain McSmoot 8 months ago

That last line you typed: BINGO!

17points

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marcelo D. 8 months ago

9points

MR 7 months ago

6points

Sonja 7 months ago

3points

Karl 7 months ago

2points

Royal Stray 7 months ago

2points

FreeTheUnicorn 8 months ago (edited)

43points

ERMAHGERD DINOSAURS 7 months ago

PREACH!

0points

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Jeevesssssss 8 months ago

31points

Woman Doesn’t Invite Her Sister To Her Wedding, As Her Panic Attack Ruined The Engagement Party

Saying “I do” is a once-in-a-lifetime moment, and witnessing a disruption can be incredibly upsetting

The poster’s daughter disinvited her sister from her wedding because of her panic attacks

This has been going on for years but recently happened during the engagement party, which disrupted the event

Feeling hurt by the disinvitation, the poster’s daughter insists that they not attend the wedding, which they refuse

Commenters agreed that the poster was not the jerk

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Woman Doesn’t Invite Her Sister To Her Wedding, As Her Panic Attack Ruined The Engagement Party

Saying “I do” is a once-in-a-lifetime moment, and witnessing a disruption can be incredibly upsetting

The poster’s daughter disinvited her sister from her wedding because of her panic attacks

This has been going on for years but recently happened during the engagement party, which disrupted the event

Feeling hurt by the disinvitation, the poster’s daughter insists that they not attend the wedding, which they refuse

Commenters agreed that the poster was not the jerk

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