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146
Dad Explains To His 16YO That Her Grandparents Abused Her Mom, She Invites Them Over To Her Birthday
Parents are supposed to be the people who love their kids unconditionally. Sadly, it’s not the case for all children in the world. Some parents tend to be abusive. And it can even go to the extent of the children developing immense trauma that ruins their life for many years to come.
One of these people is today’s story’s OP’s wife. She has PTSD from her childhood abuse and has no contact with the abusers — her parents. Well, that was the case until her own daughter decided to invite them over.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
Unfortunately, some parents are so abusive to their children that it causes them to have immense trauma
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
A teen asked to contact her grandparents, who abused her mom so much that she still suffers from PTSD to this day
After getting a negative answer and an explanation for it, she still invited her grandparents to mom’s birthday, claiming that her mom exaggerated her stories
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
The grandfather injured the teen’s mother during her birthday, proving to the girl that the stories weren’t exaggerated
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Ok-Bee8175
The night ended with pressed charges against the grandparents, and the teen was called selfish and undisciplined for not considering her mom’s feelings
The post’s author’s wife’s parents are terrible. They abused her up until she moved out at the age of 18. To this day, she still suffers from PTSD from it. Fortunately, the woman decided to break the cycle of abuse and treat her daughter way better than her parents ever treated her.
One day, the couple’s 16-year-old daughter asked to visit her grandparents from her mom’s side. Both parents immediately said no, as these people didn’t deserve any part in their lives. They told their daughter the whole story behind the mom’s childhood, and it seemed that she understood the situation’s severity. So, the parents thought the situation was solved.
But they were wrong. It was the wife’s birthday, and the OP, their daughter, and the wife’s sister and her children were at their place celebrating her. Then, suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Turns out, it was the wife’s parents. Apparently, their granddaughter invited them.
The OP tried to kick them out, saying that they were unwanted, but his daughter stood up for them. Her justification was that she assumed her mom was exaggerating what happened in her childhood, as the grandparents had said. The wife shouted at them to leave, and so the husband tried to push out the unwanted guests.
Sadly, since the wife’s father was quite a hefty guy, he pushed the OP aside and also pushed his daughter (the OP’s wife). This resulted in her head hitting the wall to the extent that she needed stitches. After that, he was forced out of the home with a promise of getting charges pressed and a restraining order.
Naturally, after such a dramatic turn of events, the daughter, who invited the grandparents despite knowing the history, deserved some kind of discipline. The OP screamed at her, telling her how selfish she was. She repeated that she thought her mom exaggerated and that reconnecting was supposed to be a good thing. She didn’t anticipate how evil they were.
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Of course, the girl said sorry, but that wasn’t enough for the parents. After all, her decision ended up with her mom getting injured. The daughter lost her parents’ trust. That means she can’t have a phone or visit friends until she earns the trust back.
Yet, the father feels they went too easy on their daughter and that some more serious discipline would have been better. That’s what prompted him to come on Reddit to ask for advice.
And a lot of people gave him advice. Many of them assured him that he must stay on the course of the punishment he set. Quite a few weren’t in the advising mood and simply wished the OP’s wife the mental strength to overcome this situation. The rest told him that both parents should consider how to make this lesson for their daughter long-lasting so she won’t do this ever again.
Sarah Vanbuskirk provides some tips on how to prevent future behavior troubles from teens. One of the main ways to do this is to clearly communicate expectations. Well, from what we’re told in the Reddit story, we can understand that this was executed quite well. The daughter seeing how awful her grandparents are, along with the things her mom told her, paints a clear picture. So does her parents telling her she needs to earn their trust back.
Another tip provided by Sarah is to listen to the teen. We can imply that this was done by the story’s parents as well since they heard her explanation and apologized, and, in this situation, it’s enough, at least from what we are aware of.
So, maybe the parents dealt with the situation quite properly as far as we know. Yes, the teen messed up really badly and inflicted some emotional and physical injuries on her mom, but hopefully, everyone will be able to deal with it and move on.
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What do you think ?
Heather Evans 1 year ago
As a daughter of a monster, with complex PTSD from my childhood .. people who have good and normal parents have NO idea how monstrous and toxic some people can be!!
Sonja 1 year ago
Sadly that's true. The worst is, they really think they know what bad means. They have their ideas and imaginations about 'bad' but within their own framework. They cannot comprehend that people would really do such things. They know teasing, and when they hear bullying, they think it's a bit more teasing. They know a parent losing their cool now and then, and they hear choleric screaming and think off losing the cool a bit more often. They hear beating, and they think of a person slapping their child once in a rage. They also believe just talking about it could smooth things out. They're very mistaken.
Load More Replies...
David 1 year ago
The girl is 16? Sounds like a dumb misguided teen who was living in a fantasy world about things working out. She needs to really earn back her mothers trust, but also she learned a valuable lesson about people. I feel bad for the mother who is suffering because her daughter did not listen. Hopefully they can move forward from this
Ken Beattie 1 year ago
I can understand the kid wanting to meet them, at least up until the point at which the Dad sat her down and explained just how badly they'd treated her Mom and Aunt. But at that point, it's really bad that the kid still felt the need to disbelieve their parents and get in contact. The only good thing (if you can call it that) about it is that she realized she'd made a mistake after seeing the consequences. Some kids are so bloody minded and determined to rebel that they'd have doubled down and kept trying to see the grandparents.
Load More Replies...
KatSaidWhat 1 year ago
16 is old enough to understand that no contact means no contact, especially for those reasons, and then she pursued with multiple messages. The very person, her mother, who she should have respected then got physically assaulted right in front of her. That's going to take ages to fix between the 2 of them. Mum is re-traumatised. Kid is full of guilt and regret. I hope they can get through this all right.
Guess Undheit 1 year ago
You're forgetting societal pressure. Being told "you can't date or see that boy down the street" IS NOT THE SAME THING. Society repeatedly lies that "family is everything!" and forces people to conform, that people who don't conform are "wrong". Most families DO have grandparent-grandchild contact, so she thought it was normal. And narcissists are sociopaths who know how to lure in and trick victims, they KNOW how to play nice until their victims are in a situation where the narcs are in full control.
Load More Replies...
C.O. Shea 1 year ago
The end. I have complex PTSD. Anyone who tells me "I'm not as fücked up as I think I am" ...immediately cut off. They are not safe humans.
DC 1 year ago
Not their position to judge or measure anyway, most times at least.
Load More Replies...
shanila.pheonix_ 1 year ago
as someone who is also a teenager, like the daughter i must say she is probably the dumbest f*****g person ever. 16 is old enough to know that bad people are bad and they will pretend to seem good. reading through this made me question if the daughter even cared for her mom.
Lori w 1 year ago (edited)
My 16 year old relative leaves p**s puddles on the bathroom floor from missing the toilet, and can't sleep without building a fort because he is scared of the dark. Come to Texas, we can find you plenty of dumber teens.
Load More Replies...
Charles McChristy 1 year ago
People, including my mother, try to get me to talk to my father all the time, because they have no idea what I suffered through. If someone did this do me I would disown them.
Leo Sjölander 1 year ago
I grew up with abusive parents, but I also did a lot of stupid stuff without thinking as a teenager. If my mom sat me down and said she no longer trusted me, took all my means of communication and grounded me, I'd probably be just as f****d up eventually. In my opinion, noone in the story handled this very well.
Load More Replies...
Casey Payne 1 year ago
At 16 and sheltered, she had a volatile mixture of arrogance and ignorance. I had decent parents and had few if any dramas. But my friends were not so lucky. My own cousins were not that lucky. Too many people I know nowadays that were not that lucky and do not have children because of it. I do know how bad the monsters are, even if I don't have the experience.
Guess Undheit 1 year ago
NTA, but back off. Cool your jets, explain calmly, and APOLOGIZE for your anger. Get counseling WITH THE TEEN involved to understand how abusers and narcissists lure in people to be their flying monkeys. The teen is as much a victim of the abusers, and she needs to understand this.
Julia H 1 year ago
I completely agree. She messed up royally. However the punishment feels like overkill. Especially since she's now a pariah in her own home
Load More Replies...
Alexandra 1 year ago
This is so terribly sad and infuriating at the same time. I would so like to blame the daughter and in a sense I do, but the sad thing is, the daughter, as most of us I'm sure, cannot imagine that there are people who are downright evil. And I mean evil in an almost biblical sense. This girl has opened up Pandora's box, because her father will have to explain to her that her grandparents are evil people and he will have to tell her how evil people operate in order not to appear evil so that they can manipulate others the way they manipulated daughter. This means the daughter, at age 16, will find the world she lives in is also peopled by predators. I think every parent will want to delay that moment as long as possible, but she opened Pandora's Box.
Tabitha 1 year ago (edited)
Cripes. The kid engineered a really s****y surprise of springing those monsters on her unsuspecting mother and aunt with absolutely no notice. The damage done to those two women will take so long to come back from. She did the worst thing she could ever have done to her mother and aunt by allowing those two monsters to breach the safety of her home. Having been raised by two similar people myself, I can tell you with authority that, even if the kid had never brought the grandparents to the house, but talked to and visited them on her own, it would not have been long before their abusive attentions would have shifted to her, and she would have gotten firsthand experience with what her mother’s and aunt’s lives were like before they got old enough to leave home and never look back (which is what I did right after turning 18). I’d don’t know if the kid was extremely naive, or she inherited the monster gene from her grandparents. What I DO know, however, is that if I was the father, I would be keeping a VERY close eye on my children to see if any of them ever appear to be turning into their grandparents. I would ask the counselors to educate me on what to look for, what kinds of behaviors are telltale signs of the apple skipping a generation and falling too close to the grandparents’ tree. I know that sounds like the plot of The Bad Seed, but hell, you can’t be too careful when there are monsters in the family. My brothers and I have been on the lookout for signs any of our kids were turning into our parents. We’ll do the same with the grandkids too.
Jessie 1 year ago
Imagine punishing your children and grandchildren with constant suspicion over something their grandparents did. If you’re that concerned just don’t reproduce, you’re not doing anyone a favor with this way of raising kids.
Load More Replies... Heather Evans 1 year ago
As a daughter of a monster, with complex PTSD from my childhood .. people who have good and normal parents have NO idea how monstrous and toxic some people can be!!
Sonja 1 year ago
Sadly that's true. The worst is, they really think they know what bad means. They have their ideas and imaginations about 'bad' but within their own framework. They cannot comprehend that people would really do such things. They know teasing, and when they hear bullying, they think it's a bit more teasing. They know a parent losing their cool now and then, and they hear choleric screaming and think off losing the cool a bit more often. They hear beating, and they think of a person slapping their child once in a rage. They also believe just talking about it could smooth things out. They're very mistaken.
Load More Replies... David 1 year ago
The girl is 16? Sounds like a dumb misguided teen who was living in a fantasy world about things working out. She needs to really earn back her mothers trust, but also she learned a valuable lesson about people. I feel bad for the mother who is suffering because her daughter did not listen. Hopefully they can move forward from this
Ken Beattie 1 year ago
I can understand the kid wanting to meet them, at least up until the point at which the Dad sat her down and explained just how badly they'd treated her Mom and Aunt. But at that point, it's really bad that the kid still felt the need to disbelieve their parents and get in contact. The only good thing (if you can call it that) about it is that she realized she'd made a mistake after seeing the consequences. Some kids are so bloody minded and determined to rebel that they'd have doubled down and kept trying to see the grandparents.
Load More Replies... KatSaidWhat 1 year ago
16 is old enough to understand that no contact means no contact, especially for those reasons, and then she pursued with multiple messages. The very person, her mother, who she should have respected then got physically assaulted right in front of her. That's going to take ages to fix between the 2 of them. Mum is re-traumatised. Kid is full of guilt and regret. I hope they can get through this all right.
Guess Undheit 1 year ago
You're forgetting societal pressure. Being told "you can't date or see that boy down the street" IS NOT THE SAME THING. Society repeatedly lies that "family is everything!" and forces people to conform, that people who don't conform are "wrong". Most families DO have grandparent-grandchild contact, so she thought it was normal. And narcissists are sociopaths who know how to lure in and trick victims, they KNOW how to play nice until their victims are in a situation where the narcs are in full control.
Load More Replies... C.O. Shea 1 year ago
The end. I have complex PTSD. Anyone who tells me "I'm not as fücked up as I think I am" ...immediately cut off. They are not safe humans.
DC 1 year ago
Not their position to judge or measure anyway, most times at least.
Load More Replies... shanila.pheonix_ 1 year ago
as someone who is also a teenager, like the daughter i must say she is probably the dumbest f*****g person ever. 16 is old enough to know that bad people are bad and they will pretend to seem good. reading through this made me question if the daughter even cared for her mom.
Lori w 1 year ago (edited)
My 16 year old relative leaves p**s puddles on the bathroom floor from missing the toilet, and can't sleep without building a fort because he is scared of the dark. Come to Texas, we can find you plenty of dumber teens.
Load More Replies... Charles McChristy 1 year ago
People, including my mother, try to get me to talk to my father all the time, because they have no idea what I suffered through. If someone did this do me I would disown them.
Leo Sjölander 1 year ago
I grew up with abusive parents, but I also did a lot of stupid stuff without thinking as a teenager. If my mom sat me down and said she no longer trusted me, took all my means of communication and grounded me, I'd probably be just as f****d up eventually. In my opinion, noone in the story handled this very well.
Load More Replies... Casey Payne 1 year ago
At 16 and sheltered, she had a volatile mixture of arrogance and ignorance. I had decent parents and had few if any dramas. But my friends were not so lucky. My own cousins were not that lucky. Too many people I know nowadays that were not that lucky and do not have children because of it. I do know how bad the monsters are, even if I don't have the experience.
Guess Undheit 1 year ago
NTA, but back off. Cool your jets, explain calmly, and APOLOGIZE for your anger. Get counseling WITH THE TEEN involved to understand how abusers and narcissists lure in people to be their flying monkeys. The teen is as much a victim of the abusers, and she needs to understand this.
Julia H 1 year ago
I completely agree. She messed up royally. However the punishment feels like overkill. Especially since she's now a pariah in her own home
Load More Replies... Alexandra 1 year ago
This is so terribly sad and infuriating at the same time. I would so like to blame the daughter and in a sense I do, but the sad thing is, the daughter, as most of us I'm sure, cannot imagine that there are people who are downright evil. And I mean evil in an almost biblical sense. This girl has opened up Pandora's box, because her father will have to explain to her that her grandparents are evil people and he will have to tell her how evil people operate in order not to appear evil so that they can manipulate others the way they manipulated daughter. This means the daughter, at age 16, will find the world she lives in is also peopled by predators. I think every parent will want to delay that moment as long as possible, but she opened Pandora's Box.
Tabitha 1 year ago (edited)
Cripes. The kid engineered a really s****y surprise of springing those monsters on her unsuspecting mother and aunt with absolutely no notice. The damage done to those two women will take so long to come back from. She did the worst thing she could ever have done to her mother and aunt by allowing those two monsters to breach the safety of her home. Having been raised by two similar people myself, I can tell you with authority that, even if the kid had never brought the grandparents to the house, but talked to and visited them on her own, it would not have been long before their abusive attentions would have shifted to her, and she would have gotten firsthand experience with what her mother’s and aunt’s lives were like before they got old enough to leave home and never look back (which is what I did right after turning 18). I’d don’t know if the kid was extremely naive, or she inherited the monster gene from her grandparents. What I DO know, however, is that if I was the father, I would be keeping a VERY close eye on my children to see if any of them ever appear to be turning into their grandparents. I would ask the counselors to educate me on what to look for, what kinds of behaviors are telltale signs of the apple skipping a generation and falling too close to the grandparents’ tree. I know that sounds like the plot of The Bad Seed, but hell, you can’t be too careful when there are monsters in the family. My brothers and I have been on the lookout for signs any of our kids were turning into our parents. We’ll do the same with the grandkids too.
Jessie 1 year ago
Imagine punishing your children and grandchildren with constant suspicion over something their grandparents did. If you’re that concerned just don’t reproduce, you’re not doing anyone a favor with this way of raising kids.
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