One single dad might need to prepare for a full home inspection if he wants to follow through with the sleepover his daughter is excitedly anticipating.

In a post on the subreddit ‘Ask UK,’ he explained that the parents of his daughter’s friend had requested the probe as a condition for allowing the overnight stay to take place.

The father asked people on the internet to share their opinions on the situation, prompting a discussion about the line between genuine safety concerns and prejudice against men raising kids on their own.

Raising a child alone entails more responsibilities than doing it with a partner

Image credits: astreltsova / Envato (not the actual photo)

But this father didn’t think that even sleepovers would be so complicated

Image credits: astreltsova / Envato (not the actual photo)

Image credits: [deleted]

Vicki Broadbent of Honest Mum thinks the topic of sleepovers taps into a wider discussion on child safety

Image credits: Honest Mum

To learn more about sleepovers, we contacted Bored Panda’s parenting expert Vicki Broadbent. She is the founder of the acclaimed family blog Honest Mum and a multi-award-winning TV director and broadcaster, who can also be found on Instagram @honestmum.

“I think sleepovers are a personal choice, the parent or carer of the child should make, using the information they have to hand,” Broadbent told Bored Panda. “My own children only ever stay at relatives’ houses overnight, or at friends’ houses we know well and trust.”

Ultimately, the author of Mumboss (UK) and The Working Mom (US and Canada) believes that having honest conversations with your children is key and protects them in their daily lives, whether they stay overnight or not.

“If you opt to allow a sleepover, giving your child a phone (showing them how to use it first if they’re not familiar) can offer peace of mind so they can contact you if necessary whatever the concern: scared of the dark for example or if they’re feeling unwell,” Broadbent, who is a mom of three herself, said.

One of the reasons why this post has gotten so much attention could be that it’s not just about a sleepover. “I think this topic taps into the wider discussion of child safety and teaching your children to voice concerns,” Broadbent added. “In the UK, the charity, the NSPCC runs initiatives in schools to teach children how to protect themselves.”

These aren’t the only parents who are skeptical of sleepovers

Mary Alvord isn’t surprised that a fair share of parents are uncertain about trusting others to keep their kids overnight.

During the four decades she’s spent as a clinical psychologist, Alvord has seen parental anxiety steadily increasing. According to her, the pandemic only exacerbated that pattern, but she noticed a heightened sense of caution among parents even before Covid.

“It’s a delicate balance — you do not want to put your children in harm’s way,” she said. “On the other hand, you don’t want them to be afraid of risks that are important to move them further in life, like trying new things, tolerating some level of discomfort, pushing yourself outside your comfort zone.”

Alvord believes social media has played a part in shaping the amplified sense of vigilance; today’s parents are inundated with an overwhelming volume of information and traumatic accounts of potential dangers. A common belief is that we live in a perilous time to raise a child, giving parents plenty of reason to feel on edge.

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Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages / Envato (not the actual photo)

“There’s just a lot more for parents to think about now,” Alvord said. “And it’s not that some of these things weren’t going on before, but we weren’t as aware of it, people weren’t talking about it.”

Alvord, who grew up the daughter of Armenian immigrants in New York City, fondly remembers attending sleepovers when she was a young girl herself. That kind of social experience can foster a sense of independence and offer kids a new way to understand their peers, exposing them to different environments, different foods, different rhythms, and routines. “I learned a lot by going to other people’s homes,” she added.

Vicki Broadbent of Honest Mum agrees that sleepovers can be fun and also show your kids you are giving them a little more responsibility. “For my children, I feel 11 or 12 is the right age to consider sleepovers as they’re emotionally mature enough to stay with friends for longer periods,” she said. “Of course, every child is different, you as a parent will know your child best.”

There’s no one blueprint for organizing these evenings, but “when it comes to sleepovers or school trips overnight, I only agree if I feel comfortable with the parents or teachers in charge and I assess whether I think my child would cope with more independence,” the mom explained. “Approach each request on a case-by-case basis. Be reasonable in your expectations.”

“It’s best not to invite your child’s friends for sleepovers if you don’t feel comfortable sending your child to their home. Stick to daytime playdates.”

Also, remember that kids can build social fluency and resilience through many different kinds of encounters. “Sleepovers are just one way,” Alvord said, “and I think we all do need to be sensitive to kids who may feel left out because their families don’t believe in it — that’s fine, that’s their family value.”

So maybe the parents described in the post were perfectly entitled to the uneasiness they were feeling. However, the way they went about it could have been more considerate

The story has received a lot of different reactions

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