Hosting a birthday party is complicated. Everybody has different needs, meals they like or don’t like, some of the guests even may have allergies that can influence the whole meal plan that you had in mind. 

However, planning a child’s birthday party is considerably trickier because of how few foods parents allow their children to eat and the prevalence of allergies. And what makes it more complicated – most of the time kids will choose their favorite meal even if it means one of their guests cannot come to the party due to severe allergies.

More info: Reddit

I guess most of us, especially if we were 7 Y.O., would choose our favorite cake for our birthday over our baby cousin’s presence at the party

Image credits: Loren Kerns (not the actual photo)

Woman wonders if she was too harsh to her sister and nephew or too soft on her daughter after family drama arose over birthday cake

Image credits: LonelyFruitbat

Image credits: cyclonebill (not the actual photo)

7 Y.O. girl asked for a chocolate and peanut butter cake and mom agreed despite her little nephew being allergic

Image credits: LonelyFruitbat

Image credits: codersquid (not the actual photo)

The woman was called a bad parent and her daughter selfish by her sister after she refused to change the cake so her nephew could also come

A few days ago, a Reddit user shared her story to one of the most honest communities asking members if she was being a jerk by allowing her daughter to have a peanut butter cake for her birthday, knowing that her nephew is allergic and wouldn’t be able to come. The post got more than 9.1K upvotes and almost 5.5K comments in just 6 days.

The author starts the story by saying that her daughter recently turned 7 and in the family they have a kind of tradition that birthdays are celebrated with friends and on the menu there is pizza, and then with the family, they have cake. This year the girl requested chocolate and peanut butter cake. However, the issue with this is that her baby cousin has a very bad peanut allergy. 

The OP let her sister know about the cakes, but refused to change the cake so that her nephew could come. After the author’s sister mentioned that the birthday girl needed to learn to compromise for the sake of family, OP promised to speak with her daughter – however, unsurprisingly, kids at that age tend to choose their favorite meals instead of baby relatives.

Now, after the final decision, which was that her daughter was not changing her choice of cake, OP called her sister, but was met with rude remarks that she is a bad parent, that her daughter is selfish, and so on, and long story short, OP’s sister family was not coming to the birthday party. Additionally, the woman mentioned that her sister is still very distant and cold to this day.

Despite the rude remarks from the sister, community members decided that the woman was not being a jerk in this situation. “Having strong allergies is you don’t get to do everything. It is what it is,” one user started. Additionally, another commenter added: “Most 7 year olds I’ve known (and I worked with kids for years) have no or little interest in babies and toddlers if there are anyone their own age or slightly above there.”

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Image credits: Two Kings Confections (not the actual photo)

Additionally, Bored Panda contacted Megan Lavin, who is a mom to four kids, two with multiple food allergies & one with EOE. She is a published cookbook author that constantly tweaks recipes to make them allergy-friendly. She kindly agreed to share deeper insights about allergies.

“There is often this misconception of ‘one bite won’t hurt’. Or, ‘why is accidental ingestion a big deal when you can just take your epi pen?’ People have died from eating their allergens, even after administration of their epi pen (epinephrine). Administering epinephrine doesn’t always equal that the reaction will stop, which is why strict avoidance is what we’re told to do by our allergists,” Megan starts.

Many people think that allergies will just result in simply a hive or lip swelling (think the movie Hitch). But a systemic reaction like anaphylactic shock can happen and people do die every year from their food allergies. Somehow food allergies are still belittled, bullied, made fun of and not taken seriously. FARE states: ‘Each year in the U.S. 200,000 people require emergency medical care for allergic reactions to food,’ the woman emphasizes. 

Speaking about ensuring kids’ safety, Megan says that there isn’t one way that could fit everybody. “Some allergy parents won’t feel comfortable sending their child to a birthday party where there is unsafe food, especially when they’re little and their impulse control is low and they will be tempted to eat something that looks yummy before asking if it’s safe. Some allergy parents feel comfortable sending their child to a party with unsafe food as long as they can be there to ensure the little one doesn’t eat something they shouldn’t.”

Also, “Some parents, like myself, will send their child to a party with unsafe food because my son is older, can read labels, isn’t contact reactive, and has shown he is extremely careful and takes his food allergies seriously,” Megan added. “We have also worked a long time to educate our family and friends so that they almost always have a similar and safe option for him. It takes a lot of work to find your tribe who will be willing to take the time to understand and work with you but it’s so worth it.”

Unfortunately, allergies are a very common thing, thus don’t forget to check out Megan’s website, cookbook and Instagram! If you know somebody with allergies, her recipes and information can be very helpful!

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Folks in the comments shared reasonable insights and their personal stories

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