DIL Calls Man To Ask About Daughters’ Lunch, He Tells Her She Is Not His Daughter
InterviewHaving in-laws can be a lot of fun and love, but it can also be a disaster. Some people have the most beautiful relationships and treat them as they would their own parents or kids; others may have good relationships, but also have boundaries; but there are also people who can’t find the balance and sometimes overstep boundaries.
Well, these situations may be a little bit embarrassing and create tension between people. A similar situation happened to this Reddit user who had to rudely tell his daughter-in-law that she was not welcome to his father-daughter lunch, as she is not his kid. The situation was not the nicest not only for these 2 people, but also for the woman’s husband, who was put between them.
More info: Reddit
Some people treat their kids-in-law like their own, but some people also keep their distance
Image credits: Askar Abayev (not the actual photo)
This person shares that he has father-daughter dates with his kids, so one day they decided to have a tea party
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
Then he received a call from his daughter-in-law asking about the time for the father-daughter date
Image credits: Yaroslav Shuraev (not the actual photo)
She kept insisting on coming, which led to him just saying that she is not his daughter
Image credits: u/Remarkable_Office177
After the whole miscommunication, his son called the father a jerk for not welcoming his wife to the family
A Reddit user shared his story to one of the harshest communities asking if he was indeed being a jerk for telling his daughter-in-law that she is not his kid and is not invited to a daughters’ lunch. The post received a lot of attention and collected almost 14.5K upvotes and 5.5K comments.
The author shares that he and his wife have two daughters and realized that he used to spend more time with the boys, and his wife – with the girls. Because of that, they decided to ‘fix’ it and now do father-daughter dates and mom-son dates. Thus, one time, he decided to start a tradition of going with his daughter to a tea house. However, as his oldest son is married, the OP received a call from his daughter-in-law.
She called him to ask about the time for father-daughter dates. At first the OP was confused and asked what this was about, to which she argued that she is his daughter-in-law quite a few times until he had to straightforwardly say that she is not invited as these dates are just between his kids and him. After this, OP started getting calls from his son telling him that he is a jerk for not welcoming his wife to the family.
Moreover, the author posted an update explaining that he talked with his daughter-in-law again, both of them apologized and she explained that she thought it would be a nice way to get closer with OP’s daughters. The man explained that forcing herself into family traditions won’t help that and suggested that she should simply invite them to spend time together.
Community members marked this post as ‘Not enough info’ and had discussions and different opinions regarding this situation. “She’s not a birth daughter but she’s part of the family now and I don’t get the harm in inviting her. Could’ve been a beautiful bonding experience,” one user wrote. “OP is allowed to have things he does with just his actual kids. He isn’t excluding her from other events. Not everyone gets invited to every event,” another shared.
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
Moreover, Bored Panda got in touch with Dr. Wyatt Fisher, who is a licensed psychologist and marriage retreat leader. He kindly agreed to share his professional insights regarding in-laws’ impact on family dynamics, how couples can deal when one of them feels torn between their partner and in-laws, and shared advice on how to navigate the complexities of viewing their in-laws as additional children.
So to begin with, Dr. Wyatt Fisher emphasizes that any time when a new member joins the family system, it will often change the family dynamic. However, it’s important to remember that that doesn’t have to be a bad thing – sometimes it can change things for the better if the new family member is warm and easy to get along with.
Now, speaking about situations that happened in this story when the son was caught in the middle of the conflict between his wife and father, the psychologist notes that when joining a family, it’s important to respect pre-existing connecting rituals that are already established. Instead of asking to join these rituals or traditions, it’s often the best idea to simply create new ones.
And finally, when navigating the complexities of viewing your in-laws as additional children within the family structure, Dr. Wyatt emphasized that it’s important to remember that you will never love them in the same way as your own children. However, it’s also important to make them feel accepted. Ideally, you would even carve out some one-on-one time with them to build a stronger bond.
So, guys, what do you think about this story? Was the author in the wrong for not letting his daughter-in-law join lunch with his daughter? Or was he right for wanting to spend time only with his daughters? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Redditors discussed this situation and asked the author a few more questions to understand the situation better
Ok, so unpopular opinion - how sweet would've it been for the dad-in-law and sisters to invite her into the family like that?
I don't understand why he had to involve everyone else. Thus could have been kept between his son, DIL and himself. Now everyone knows and she'll feel very embarrassed and humiliated. Did she act appropriately, no, but it looks like her husband inferred that she was invited. It's a big issue now when it could have been handled more discreetly and kindly.
I can't understand how so many relatives think they have something to say. I always handle this by saying "Thank you for your concern. My relationship with (relative, friend, family, etc.) is not a family project." I then change the subject firmly. OF the 3 or 4 times I've had to say it only one cousin wouldn't drop it. I left, and it hasn't been a problem since.
Load More Replies...YTA You certainly could have been kinder about how you handled the situation. I don't think I'd care to have you as an in law. God help this young lady as she navigates life with jerky in laws!
The positive thing though is that it didn't affect anything else, she was still invited to already planned events, and he did take the time to talk with them and explain things. As someone who has multiple in-laws, I'd be irritated too if I had something planned with a sibling and another sibling's spouse tried to cut in without properly asking first. I'd also be even more irritated if they didn't take the first "No". I'd be willing to schedule another time for a group thing, but if it turned out that the person just wanted to get closer to my sibling, and me being there didn't matter, I'd definitely tell them to schedule something with the sibling, just like this Dad did. It's not his job to mitigate the relationships between two capable adults, when he isn't one of them.
Load More Replies...Ok, so unpopular opinion - how sweet would've it been for the dad-in-law and sisters to invite her into the family like that?
I don't understand why he had to involve everyone else. Thus could have been kept between his son, DIL and himself. Now everyone knows and she'll feel very embarrassed and humiliated. Did she act appropriately, no, but it looks like her husband inferred that she was invited. It's a big issue now when it could have been handled more discreetly and kindly.
I can't understand how so many relatives think they have something to say. I always handle this by saying "Thank you for your concern. My relationship with (relative, friend, family, etc.) is not a family project." I then change the subject firmly. OF the 3 or 4 times I've had to say it only one cousin wouldn't drop it. I left, and it hasn't been a problem since.
Load More Replies...YTA You certainly could have been kinder about how you handled the situation. I don't think I'd care to have you as an in law. God help this young lady as she navigates life with jerky in laws!
The positive thing though is that it didn't affect anything else, she was still invited to already planned events, and he did take the time to talk with them and explain things. As someone who has multiple in-laws, I'd be irritated too if I had something planned with a sibling and another sibling's spouse tried to cut in without properly asking first. I'd also be even more irritated if they didn't take the first "No". I'd be willing to schedule another time for a group thing, but if it turned out that the person just wanted to get closer to my sibling, and me being there didn't matter, I'd definitely tell them to schedule something with the sibling, just like this Dad did. It's not his job to mitigate the relationships between two capable adults, when he isn't one of them.
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