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Parent Seeks Advice After Calling Out Daughter In Front Of Her Friends That She Doesn’t Have Autism
Interview With Author
Ever since the digital revolution, people have had this strange urge to be “trendy,” and believe you me, it’s made them do some weird things, to say the least. I mean, how many stories have we heard about folks pulling off crazy stunts just to appear en vogue on social media?
Even this parent is worried about their daughter, who has self-proclaimed autism and has been making “stimming” videos about it on TikTok. Now, the parent feels it’s because of her new friends, who are also “autistic,” so they told her off in front of them, angering the teen.
More info: Reddit
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Teens often find a way to conform with their peers, not knowing if what they are doing is right or wrong
Image credits: Aline Viana Prado / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The poster is extremely proud of their 15-year-old daughter who has a lot of achievements to her name, but they are unhappy with her new friends
Image credits: Exotic-Front-643
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
All three of these new friends claim to be autistic, and even her daughter has self-diagnosed with it, making stimming videos on TikTok
Image credits: Exotic-Front-643
One day, while the girls were talking about autism, the poster told her daughter that she didn’t have it in front of her friends, which really angered her
In today’s story, we dive into the world of a concerned parent who thinks that their 15-year-old daughter changed after making new friends. Two of these friends are non-binary, while the third is a girl, but all three claim to have autism, and even the original poster’s (OP) daughter claims the same.
The poster is completely irate over this self-diagnosis of autism and finds it strange when their daughter makes “stimming” videos on TikTok. To understand more about the matter, Bored Panda reached out to Eden Lobo, a counselor and psychology professor.
She mentioned that, although self-diagnosis can be a helpful tool for some individuals, professional diagnosis is the most accurate way to identify autism. She believes that several factors might contribute to a socially adept and high-achieving teenager suddenly believing they are autistic.
“Identity exploration, the influence of social media, awareness campaigns, perception of traits, social influences, validation of emotions and behavior, or some underlying psychological factors might be the reason for it. Understanding the motivations behind this belief requires open communication and possibly a professional evaluation,” Prof. Lobo explained.
Prior to this, the parent claims her daughter had never shown any signs of autism until meeting these new friends, which is why OP feels it’s made up. The parent also says that the teen has distanced herself from her other friends, and now all she does is make videos about autism with these new friends.
Prof. Lobo narrates that joining a friend group where individuals identify as autistic can influence someone to adopt similar behaviors or identities, especially during adolescence, a period marked by identity exploration and social learning. She emphasized that teens may also align themselves with the identity of their peer group to feel a sense of belonging and acceptance.
Since it’s something new for the parent, it is naturally frustrating because they don’t know whether it’s genuine or not. When the teen and her friends were talking about autism one day, the annoyed parent lashed out and said that she was self-diagnosed and it’s inappropriate for people who actually struggle with it.
Well, all of the teens stormed off in anger and the poster’s daughter is still not talking to them. After the story garnered attention online, many folks declared that the way the parent handled the situation was awful. She was, after all, just a teen, and calling her out in front of her friends must have been embarrassing for her.
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
They said that even if she did—or didn’t have—autism, she would think of the parent as the last person to look for support after the way they reacted. Prof Lobo noted that teens often see their friendships and social identities as critical parts of their lives, and a public challenge to these can provoke anger and resentment.
“Being corrected or challenged by parents, especially in front of peers, can be deeply embarrassing for a teen. It might make them feel exposed or humiliated. Calling out the teen’s self-identified traits, like being autistic, may lead them to feel that their parent dismisses or belittles their experiences, whether or not the identity is accurate.”
“It may erode the teen’s confidence, especially if it relates to their exploration of a new identity or personal traits. Further, the teen might feel betrayed by the parent for addressing a sensitive topic in front of others, reducing her willingness to share her thoughts and feelings in the future,” Prof. Lobo elaborated.
Well, just like the Redditors highlighted, calling her out in front of her friends was a bad move on the parent’s part and it drew criticism from many netizens. A few also found it disturbing that teens at times proclaim autism just to be “trendy,” and almost all agreed that getting her daughter checked by an expert would be a wise choice.
OP also revealed that they were ashamed of calling out their daughter in front of her friends and had already apologized to her. They also gave an update that they sat down with their daughter and talked things through where she revealed that she was just bored of everything and wanted to try something different.
The teen also said that apart from the anxiety, she couldn’t relate to any other symptoms and her friends had told her that she had it. However, after they discussed it, the daughter decided to quit a few of her past activities and try something new, like photography.
We also contacted the poster to understand their thoughts and they said, “The most challenging part was feeling like my daughter was changing, and I had absolutely no idea why she was changing. She’s my only child, so I’m not used to the turbulence of a kid growing up yet, and all the changes they go through.”
When we asked them what advice they would like to give other parents in a similar situation, OP stressed to be more in tune with your children. “I realized I did not ask her a lot of questions and instead jumped right to potentially embarrassing her out of frustration. I should have asked her what made her feel autistic right away. I did ask later, but I had already hurt her feelings at that point,” they added.
What do you make of it? Let us know your thoughts in the comments section below!
Folks online were baffled by the teen’s behavior and advised the poster to have her daughter checked, while some chided the parent for outing her in front of her friends
Image credits: Kaboompics.com / Pexels (not the actual photo)
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What do you think ?
that one guy 1 month ago
I'm actually autistic, people like this really grind my gears, they use my disorder for popularity because they want to use it as an excuse, meanwhile people who actually have autism struggle daily with basic life tasks.
James016 1 month ago
100% this. Sadly some autistic adults encourage this and claim that self diagnosis is just as valid as a diagnosis from a specialist.
Load More Replies...
FreeTheUnicorn 1 month ago
Be aware, autism presents differently in women. But get testing done. There's a good chance she does have a neurodiversity issue that isnt autism. Sometimes when you have an undiagnosed issue, and then see similar symptoms or struggles in others, it seems like you have the same thing. In particular ADHD, OCD and spectrum disorders have a lot of overlap. Go get a real diagnosis. This was handled badly, if the lesson the girl takes is mu mothet won't believe I have struggles, the relationship is going to be broken. As a kid I was successful in school because I could compensate. I had friends and activities. And I had parents that didn't believe that I had learning difficulties so I had to wait until I was 19 to confirm I had a processing disorder and a seizure disorder. I thought it was ADHD, and fought to get tested for it for 18 months. My sister paid for the whole thing. Turns out, there was something, just not what I thought I had. Could be a similar situation here.
Ben Aziza 1 month ago
She has been seeing a psy for 2 years. Unless they are completely incompetent and or the mom is lying she should have been diagnosed by whatever know neurodivergence that fit her pattern of behaviour. This honestly sounds like fad chasing. As soon as "tiktok stimming" was mentioned that much has become clear to me. Please go look at one of those videos you will see the insanity of that "fad"
Load More Replies...
Surly Scot 1 month ago
Do testing, get a diagnosis or prove the daughter is delusional. Then pass this to the parents of the other kids who self-identify as autistic and encourage those parents to seek diagnoses too. Nip all this in the bud. Wish these kids would get off of social media.
The Doom Song 1 month ago
My brother is autistic. Being autistic is NOT A TREND. It is NOT A LABEL. QUIT SELF DIAGNOSING COZ YOU SAW A VIDEO ON THE INTERNET. It makes it harder for the people who are ACTUALLY autistic and need help with their day to day lives.
Schmebulock 1 month ago
Sounds simply like a stupid kid jumping on the trend of people claiming to falsely be autistic for attention. She will most likely grow out of it, but you should warn her about being a poser.
kath morgan 1 month ago
I understand the concern, there is a lot of trash info being spread on TikTok and such that validates what people want to hear, shared by the telephone game of self diagnosed people’s interpretations of each others posts… I very much doubt she is autistic. BUT it may be worth questioning why she needed the validation. What is doing this giving her that she wasn’t getting elsewhere? Something to bring up with the psych.
never-wake-up (fae/faer) 1 month ago
When i was 13, i self-diagnosed with i-don't-remember-what exactly, but never told anyone about it. I think it was BPD but not sure. It gave me a sense of understanding why my brain didn't seem to work the same way as other people and reassure me that there was a reason i was "like that." I never told anyone about it, but maybe it's just because i was the bullied loner kid with no friends. I grew out of it after a few months. Turns out i had been diagnosed with a neurodivergency when i was 5-6 and my parents never bothered to tell me until i was 18. It is possible she's struggling with her emotions and attributing them to a label makes her feel safer and "normal" in a way. Even if she's not autistic, there's something to be dealt with at least emotionally i think, because self-dx never made me feel like fitting in but also this was 2016 so there was not much mental illness trend yet if i remeber well.
Neb 1 month ago
There is already update: OP talked with daughter, watched a few autism related videos, and daughter related only with social anxiety ones. Daughter told to cancel autism evaluation appointment, and accepted that her anxiety is working up, also that she is boring from her current post-school activities, like Feminist Roundtable. She decided to quit Feminist Roundtable and one sport activity, but decided to get more into photography and possibly volunteering with PAWS. OP also decided to increase her therapy appointments to weekly to help her deal with her increased anxiety.
Jaaawn 4 weeks ago (edited)
That person that says YTA and 'self-diagnosis is valid' is so bloody stupid. You don't self-diagnose this. Her new friends sound like TikTok clowns. I am on the spectrum and it's not something to be thrown around as some situations in life that are so difficult for us. Just made me remember that teenage girl craze of having tourettes during Covid.
Mrs.C 1 month ago
My child self diagnosed her senior year in high school. I was dubious because she didn't "check any of the boxes" other than sensory issues. She was officially diagnosed with SPD at 6 and her OT was amazed that she didn't have any other issues. Come to find out, she'd been masking at an unthinkable level her entire life. She's now a COTA and there is no doubt that she's on the spectrum. Self diagnosis is valid, but a 15 year old child being heavily influenced by friends needs an actual diagnosis. She may be masking, but I doubt it.
DoubleDoubleTiredAndTuckered 1 month ago
I very much agree with the postscript from one user - what does anyone in the group being nonbinary have to do with anything? It certainly doesn’t immediately make them a “bad influence”.
UKGrandad 1 month ago
Not a bad influence, maybe, but four kids with self-diagnosed autism and two of them with non-binary identities to boot certainly sounds like four kids particularly susceptible to social contagion.
Load More Replies... that one guy 1 month ago
I'm actually autistic, people like this really grind my gears, they use my disorder for popularity because they want to use it as an excuse, meanwhile people who actually have autism struggle daily with basic life tasks.
James016 1 month ago
100% this. Sadly some autistic adults encourage this and claim that self diagnosis is just as valid as a diagnosis from a specialist.
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 1 month ago
Be aware, autism presents differently in women. But get testing done. There's a good chance she does have a neurodiversity issue that isnt autism. Sometimes when you have an undiagnosed issue, and then see similar symptoms or struggles in others, it seems like you have the same thing. In particular ADHD, OCD and spectrum disorders have a lot of overlap. Go get a real diagnosis. This was handled badly, if the lesson the girl takes is mu mothet won't believe I have struggles, the relationship is going to be broken. As a kid I was successful in school because I could compensate. I had friends and activities. And I had parents that didn't believe that I had learning difficulties so I had to wait until I was 19 to confirm I had a processing disorder and a seizure disorder. I thought it was ADHD, and fought to get tested for it for 18 months. My sister paid for the whole thing. Turns out, there was something, just not what I thought I had. Could be a similar situation here.
Ben Aziza 1 month ago
She has been seeing a psy for 2 years. Unless they are completely incompetent and or the mom is lying she should have been diagnosed by whatever know neurodivergence that fit her pattern of behaviour. This honestly sounds like fad chasing. As soon as "tiktok stimming" was mentioned that much has become clear to me. Please go look at one of those videos you will see the insanity of that "fad"
Load More Replies... Surly Scot 1 month ago
Do testing, get a diagnosis or prove the daughter is delusional. Then pass this to the parents of the other kids who self-identify as autistic and encourage those parents to seek diagnoses too. Nip all this in the bud. Wish these kids would get off of social media.
The Doom Song 1 month ago
My brother is autistic. Being autistic is NOT A TREND. It is NOT A LABEL. QUIT SELF DIAGNOSING COZ YOU SAW A VIDEO ON THE INTERNET. It makes it harder for the people who are ACTUALLY autistic and need help with their day to day lives.
Schmebulock 1 month ago
Sounds simply like a stupid kid jumping on the trend of people claiming to falsely be autistic for attention. She will most likely grow out of it, but you should warn her about being a poser.
kath morgan 1 month ago
I understand the concern, there is a lot of trash info being spread on TikTok and such that validates what people want to hear, shared by the telephone game of self diagnosed people’s interpretations of each others posts… I very much doubt she is autistic. BUT it may be worth questioning why she needed the validation. What is doing this giving her that she wasn’t getting elsewhere? Something to bring up with the psych.
never-wake-up (fae/faer) 1 month ago
When i was 13, i self-diagnosed with i-don't-remember-what exactly, but never told anyone about it. I think it was BPD but not sure. It gave me a sense of understanding why my brain didn't seem to work the same way as other people and reassure me that there was a reason i was "like that." I never told anyone about it, but maybe it's just because i was the bullied loner kid with no friends. I grew out of it after a few months. Turns out i had been diagnosed with a neurodivergency when i was 5-6 and my parents never bothered to tell me until i was 18. It is possible she's struggling with her emotions and attributing them to a label makes her feel safer and "normal" in a way. Even if she's not autistic, there's something to be dealt with at least emotionally i think, because self-dx never made me feel like fitting in but also this was 2016 so there was not much mental illness trend yet if i remeber well.
Neb 1 month ago
There is already update: OP talked with daughter, watched a few autism related videos, and daughter related only with social anxiety ones. Daughter told to cancel autism evaluation appointment, and accepted that her anxiety is working up, also that she is boring from her current post-school activities, like Feminist Roundtable. She decided to quit Feminist Roundtable and one sport activity, but decided to get more into photography and possibly volunteering with PAWS. OP also decided to increase her therapy appointments to weekly to help her deal with her increased anxiety.
Jaaawn 4 weeks ago (edited)
That person that says YTA and 'self-diagnosis is valid' is so bloody stupid. You don't self-diagnose this. Her new friends sound like TikTok clowns. I am on the spectrum and it's not something to be thrown around as some situations in life that are so difficult for us. Just made me remember that teenage girl craze of having tourettes during Covid.
Mrs.C 1 month ago
My child self diagnosed her senior year in high school. I was dubious because she didn't "check any of the boxes" other than sensory issues. She was officially diagnosed with SPD at 6 and her OT was amazed that she didn't have any other issues. Come to find out, she'd been masking at an unthinkable level her entire life. She's now a COTA and there is no doubt that she's on the spectrum. Self diagnosis is valid, but a 15 year old child being heavily influenced by friends needs an actual diagnosis. She may be masking, but I doubt it.
DoubleDoubleTiredAndTuckered 1 month ago
I very much agree with the postscript from one user - what does anyone in the group being nonbinary have to do with anything? It certainly doesn’t immediately make them a “bad influence”.
UKGrandad 1 month ago
Not a bad influence, maybe, but four kids with self-diagnosed autism and two of them with non-binary identities to boot certainly sounds like four kids particularly susceptible to social contagion.
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