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“She’s Family”: Teen Refuses To Bake 100 Cookies For A Christmas Party For Free
Interview With Expert
Kids helping around the house is beneficial. Not only does it lighten the parents’ load, it also teaches them essential life skills such as cooking, cleaning, and organizing and fosters responsibility outside of the home. However, there usually comes a point when they have enough of doing chores for free. After all, they’re putting in hard work while making sure that the dog’s waterbowl is always full or that the trash is taken out.
A similar dilemma recently arose in this family’s home when the oldest daughter refused to bake cookies for free for a holiday party the parents were hosting. Realizing that making 100 cookies involves a lot, the mom offered to give $75, which she refused, demanding a bigger sum.
Scroll down to find the full story and conversation with a licensed marriage and family therapist, Suzette Bray, who kindly agreed to tell us more about paying kids for tasks.
RELATED:
Some kids might expect monetary compensation for helping parents around the house
Image credits: Mint_Images (not the actual photo)
Like this teenager, who refused to bake 100 cookies for parents’ party for free
Image credits: KaikaTaaK (not the actual photo)
Later, the teenager updated the post with some clarifications
Image credits: QueenMoonshadow191
Around 70% of parents pay their kids to do chores
Around 70% of parents pay their kids to do chores. Most do it because they believe that it teaches children the value of money and discipline, which experts seem to confirm as true.
“Paying kids for tasks can teach them about being financially responsible, help them understand the value of hard work, and motivate them to take on larger, more difficult projects,” says licensed marriage and family therapist Suzette Bray to Bored Panda.
In addition, receiving a monetary reward can teach them to set financial goals, like saving for a specific toy or activity. This creates delayed gratification, which helps them to learn the importance of working towards a goal.
However, research shows that paying children for tasks doesn’t really work in the long term. Constantly getting rewarded with money after completing a task hinders their self-motivation, which means they might no longer find joy in doing something for its own sake.
“They might start expecting payment for everything they do, even the basic stuff that is part of being in a family. This more entitled mindset can reduce their intrinsic motivation, as they may refuse to help unless they see some financial gain,” explains Bray.
Another downside to rewarding kids with money for help around the house is that it can make them focus on materialistic things or make them worry about money.
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Balance can be achieved by combining paid and unpaid chores
Achieving balance and combining paid and unpaid chores can give kids the best of both worlds. Bray calls this strategy a two-tier system.
“Tier one would include family chores like cleaning rooms or doing dishes. These would be considered shared responsibilities, not jobs to be paid for,” she explains.
“However, tier two would be the option for paying kids for extra tasks, like deep cleaning the garage or helping with large yard projects, which can teach them valuable lessons about effort and reward. This idea of two levels of tasks allows for kids to work toward the goal of earning money with tier two tasks, but also creates a sense of contribution instead of compensation with tier one tasks.”
Parents might decide not to pay for daily tasks like making their bed, brushing their teeth or setting the table but might want to reward them for chores that are beyond their regular scope, like washing the car or mowing the lawn. This, of course, depends on each family, as everyone’s needs are different.
Some parents might choose not to pay for chores at all. It all depends on what lesson they want to teach their kids. “Some families really want to teach their values of work tied to money, or if you work that earns you money. I think that’s well and good. In our family, I want them to know that being part of the family is the most important thing first,” said JoAnn Crohn, author of the No Guilt Mom blog.
Image credits: Nicola Barts (not the actual photo)
The author provided more information in the comments
Some readers believed the daughter was the jerk in this situation
While others thought it was unreasonable to expect so much for from a kid
Later, the teenager posted an update
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What do you think ?
Nimitz 3 weeks ago
I mean, the kid's not wrong wanting a fair wage. I grew up baking and cooking, and this is why I stopped working in the food industry. The profit margin on baking is razor thin, and you won't get paid for going over the top. That's why there are so few hole-in-the-wall bakeries left and it's all just mass produced garbage at the grocery store. GL kid. Sorry you had to find out the hard way
Nikole 3 weeks ago
Yeah, the YTAs clearly skipped over large portions of her post. Three layers of decorating? And she’s 15 and studying for finals? I’m glad her dad consented to an hourly wage.
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UpupaEpops 3 weeks ago
How big is the house that it can fit 105 people? 😅 And how cheap do you have to be to be able to afford hosting that many, yet negotiate on fancy cookies? And have your 13 year-olds contribute with *multiple* dishes.
Load More Replies... sweet emotion 3 weeks ago
The mother would have endured a lot less grief by telling OP "never mind" and spending the $75 on bakery cookies.
Janelle Collard 3 weeks ago
OP is in high school + finals are coming up. I'm surprised she has any time to do this much extra work! 4 days of fiddly cookie-making in the middle of finals? Tell the cheapie parents - *pay* me or do it yourselves.
Melissa Harris 3 weeks ago (edited)
Me too. It takes me 4-5 dedicated days around Chistmas to get through all the baking.
Load More Replies... MisterE 3 weeks ago
The people that said YTA can go sit on an iron spike. This is professional level work for a kid that is full time in school. And I don't know anyone who thinks anyone outside of parents amd siblings is "immediate" family. Doing amything time comsuming for 100+ people is ridiculous and then trying yo guilt her into to it because "its for fAmILy." Thr mom is CATERING the food, aka making some phone calls or online orders. It is her choice to have an insanely huge party. And if they are doing a party this big at their house, thry are pretty wealthy. Just pay your kid. This could possibly be the start of a nice business for her at age 15.... or she can force her daughter to do this and it could be the beginning of a NC relationship.
quentariel 3 weeks ago
I think there's no clear YTA:s in here. This fifteen-year-old probably enjoyed making cookies, and enjoyed developing her decorations yearly. Now she probably agreed to do much bigger batch without thinking how much more work and time it takes. Now she's panicking about it and how incredibly busy she's gonna be with school too, and has realised that it's not fair how much more time she's expected to use compared to her sisters. Now she just should sit her mom down and talk about her worries and they could figure out solution together. Either reduce the amount of cookies, simplify the designs (make some elaborate ones and keep the rest really simple) or get some help doing them. Hourly wage in making complex cookies is more than understandable, but it should be discussed before "taking the job".
33Possums 3 weeks ago
After years of baking cookies I’m sure she knew how much time she would need to invest. Which is the point of her post - at what point do you say you can’t keep doing something for free.
Load More Replies...
OWL ON A MISSION 3 weeks ago
My best friend in high school would make about 300 cookies every Christmas for the family and to give away as gifts, she never got paid, did it out of the kindness of her heart but she would also take cake orders for Christmas and get paid for those. About 4 years after she graduated high school she opened up her own bakery and all of the people that she had given cookies to at Christmas became her customers! Sometimes kindness pays off.
Melissa Harris 3 weeks ago (edited)
This is the reason I don't make/decorate suger cookies. I just finished 5 days of holiday baking. I made four different types of Christmas cookie (I have about a 100 cookies and feel like a f*****g Kibbler elf) and I STILL have an apple pie to bake on Christmas day for Christmas dinner. It's the curse of being the family baker. I started by making ONE batch of Chistmas cookie years ago and here we are. My advice is to learn to make cookies that don't require finicky icing or decorating.
Eugene the Jeep 3 weeks ago
Do it for free but make basic or simpler cookies. If that's not good enough, then bake them a cake from a mix. Otherwise, nothing.
Janelle Collard 3 weeks ago
Right? I would've made slice + bake cookies! F**k all that fiddly extra work!
Load More Replies...
Orange Panda 3 weeks ago
I just finished baking an unreasonable amount of cookies, and you know what I learned? Decorating the ones you cut out is crazy hard! If she can do it, holy cow, good for her. Maybe next year I'll try double layer cookies, you know, with the jam in the middle, but wow. Going beyond chocolate dipping is a skill.
tori Ohno 3 weeks ago
This is what, as a woman in her 50s, I hate holiday baking and candy making. It's an absolute chore. Just pay the kid. She's risking her grades, and not taking part in her extracurriculars for it, she deserves compensation. Just wait until not even money can get her to do it because she's burnt out on it.
33Possums 3 weeks ago
A lot of commenters on the original post seem to have missed the fact that this is the Parents’ party, not the OP’s, and if it weren’t for the kids the parents would be paying a caterer. It’s great to have your kids contribute but there is a limit to what parents should expect, and I say that as a parent. We expected our kids to do the usual chores for a weekly allowance but paid them more for certain exceptional tasks. This way they learn the value of work and the value of money. And no one should be saying a 15 year old owes their parents - parents are responsible for their children and should help them with materials for extracurricular activities. Hopefully they will get this worked out without hard feelings before the next party.
Bertha Madott 3 weeks ago
Who in their right mind thinks four days of work makes sense!?! For a throw-away treat!?! At Christmas p!!! For a student!!! Retired people with nothing to do might take on such a job. Wombat project= waste of money brains and time. Stupid.
Meagan Glaser 3 weeks ago
God, the YTAs all act like Mommy Dearest will die without absolute piles of elaborate art cookies, and as if mommy is legally obligated to have a giant stupid party. Oh no, mom is paying for catering her own party so the least OP can do is spend 12 hours laboring for free? WTF attitude is that? "don't bite the hand that feeds you," WTF? This isnt' helping otu with chores, this is 4 days of hard work being unpaid catering staff for mommie's ego
GalPalAl 3 weeks ago
am glad OP stuck to her guns and didn't fall into the guilt trap. It should be her choice to gift baked goods at her discretion. I think some of the people who opposed this thinking that baking cookies for that many people is some easy feat and are not considering the amount of work and effort put into that. Try putting yourself in her shoes and consider what you would do.
Bobbi McGough Robert 3 weeks ago
I'm curious if the mother charges her daughter for cooking her meals, doing her laundry, etc etc etc.
Brenda Wallace 3 weeks ago
One thing left out. Is this party, with the enlarged guest list from last year just for Mom and Dad’s friends? How many of her friends, and her sisters’ are invited? Only adults? Not her party, full wages for a full job. Kids invited? Less money, for the party is theirs too.
Gary 3 weeks ago (edited)
She must be doing some Rembrandt level of artistry on these cookies for it to take that long. I wouldn't dream of charging my mum for anything after what she has done for me,
33Possums 3 weeks ago
Have you ever made 100 fancy cookies? So many experts here.
Load More Replies...
Kitty 3 weeks ago
I would like to know if this kid used her parents' money to make cookies for her theatre kid friends
Rahul Pawa 3 weeks ago
I don't see how that's relevant to the current situation. If the parents expected to be compensated for those ingredients, they should have said so at the time.
Load More Replies...
Joanne Mendonza-Earle 3 weeks ago
She was offered 75. Then she said it takes about 4 hours and she was gonna charge 20/hr. That comes to 80. She would've been better off countering w/ 100 and then negotiating something more than 75 but less than 100.
Rahul Pawa 3 weeks ago (edited)
Mom kinda sucks for bringing up the free cookies for casts in prior years. That's irrelevant and feels manipulative to me. If mom is ordering specific quantities and designs, then paying at least close to market rates seems fair (including ingredients cost). I'm not sure what market rate for 100 fancy sugar cookies is. I can't imagine paying $250 but maybe I'm too cheap 🤐. If mom wants free cookies, then it's up to OP how much effort to put into it (meaning simplifying designs or reducing quantity). I guess you could say I'm taking the "beggars can't be choosers" approach. ---- ETA: not baking the cookies is always a valid option for OP.
Trista JW 3 weeks ago
Yes, this kid is the a*s in the post. I was a professional caterer ten years ago and I have baked for many years-- the latter started when I was fourteen. I baked and decorated cookies and brownies every year for Thanksgiving and Christmas; multiple dozens with detailed designs and three - four colors for the cookie decorations. When I was a kid, my parents bought all the ingredients. I baked for my entire family (parents, six younger siblings, grandmother, grandfather, two aunts and three cousins) and never got paid for it. Yes, it was very time-consuming. Yes, I had to put more time into homework and studying, didn't have much time for "fun" during the holidays. But I did it anyway. I would have been very glad to have been offered some sort of compensation back then, so yes, I agree that $75 was more than fair.
Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo 3 weeks ago
Thats a ridiculous amount of work and drama for what will surely be the least memorable bit of the party. People like sugar cookies fine, but nobody loves sugar cookies; theyre just a way to show off designs
CanadianDimes 3 weeks ago
I love sugar cookies and so disprove your sweeping statement.
Load More Replies... 
Janissary35680 3 weeks ago (edited)
Parents have a legal duty of care with respect to their non-adult children.
Load More Replies...
Melissa Harris 3 weeks ago
Clearly you've never decorated fancy suger cookies. Piping takes ages. Royal icing needs to set between layers and colors(though putting in the fridge speeds it up).
Load More Replies... 
LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 weeks ago
I don't normally toot my own horn, but I was in college as an English/Creative Writing major by the time I was 14. I'm only bringing that up to inform you that not every teenager talks only in memes, emojis, and internet short-speak like "ur mom".
Load More Replies... Nimitz 3 weeks ago
I mean, the kid's not wrong wanting a fair wage. I grew up baking and cooking, and this is why I stopped working in the food industry. The profit margin on baking is razor thin, and you won't get paid for going over the top. That's why there are so few hole-in-the-wall bakeries left and it's all just mass produced garbage at the grocery store. GL kid. Sorry you had to find out the hard way
Nikole 3 weeks ago
Yeah, the YTAs clearly skipped over large portions of her post. Three layers of decorating? And she’s 15 and studying for finals? I’m glad her dad consented to an hourly wage.
Load More Replies... UpupaEpops 3 weeks ago
How big is the house that it can fit 105 people? 😅 And how cheap do you have to be to be able to afford hosting that many, yet negotiate on fancy cookies? And have your 13 year-olds contribute with *multiple* dishes.
Load More Replies... sweet emotion 3 weeks ago
The mother would have endured a lot less grief by telling OP "never mind" and spending the $75 on bakery cookies.
Janelle Collard 3 weeks ago
OP is in high school + finals are coming up. I'm surprised she has any time to do this much extra work! 4 days of fiddly cookie-making in the middle of finals? Tell the cheapie parents - *pay* me or do it yourselves.
Melissa Harris 3 weeks ago (edited)
Me too. It takes me 4-5 dedicated days around Chistmas to get through all the baking.
Load More Replies... MisterE 3 weeks ago
The people that said YTA can go sit on an iron spike. This is professional level work for a kid that is full time in school. And I don't know anyone who thinks anyone outside of parents amd siblings is "immediate" family. Doing amything time comsuming for 100+ people is ridiculous and then trying yo guilt her into to it because "its for fAmILy." Thr mom is CATERING the food, aka making some phone calls or online orders. It is her choice to have an insanely huge party. And if they are doing a party this big at their house, thry are pretty wealthy. Just pay your kid. This could possibly be the start of a nice business for her at age 15.... or she can force her daughter to do this and it could be the beginning of a NC relationship.
quentariel 3 weeks ago
I think there's no clear YTA:s in here. This fifteen-year-old probably enjoyed making cookies, and enjoyed developing her decorations yearly. Now she probably agreed to do much bigger batch without thinking how much more work and time it takes. Now she's panicking about it and how incredibly busy she's gonna be with school too, and has realised that it's not fair how much more time she's expected to use compared to her sisters. Now she just should sit her mom down and talk about her worries and they could figure out solution together. Either reduce the amount of cookies, simplify the designs (make some elaborate ones and keep the rest really simple) or get some help doing them. Hourly wage in making complex cookies is more than understandable, but it should be discussed before "taking the job".
33Possums 3 weeks ago
After years of baking cookies I’m sure she knew how much time she would need to invest. Which is the point of her post - at what point do you say you can’t keep doing something for free.
Load More Replies... OWL ON A MISSION 3 weeks ago
My best friend in high school would make about 300 cookies every Christmas for the family and to give away as gifts, she never got paid, did it out of the kindness of her heart but she would also take cake orders for Christmas and get paid for those. About 4 years after she graduated high school she opened up her own bakery and all of the people that she had given cookies to at Christmas became her customers! Sometimes kindness pays off.
Melissa Harris 3 weeks ago (edited)
This is the reason I don't make/decorate suger cookies. I just finished 5 days of holiday baking. I made four different types of Christmas cookie (I have about a 100 cookies and feel like a f*****g Kibbler elf) and I STILL have an apple pie to bake on Christmas day for Christmas dinner. It's the curse of being the family baker. I started by making ONE batch of Chistmas cookie years ago and here we are. My advice is to learn to make cookies that don't require finicky icing or decorating.
Eugene the Jeep 3 weeks ago
Do it for free but make basic or simpler cookies. If that's not good enough, then bake them a cake from a mix. Otherwise, nothing.
Janelle Collard 3 weeks ago
Right? I would've made slice + bake cookies! F**k all that fiddly extra work!
Load More Replies... Orange Panda 3 weeks ago
I just finished baking an unreasonable amount of cookies, and you know what I learned? Decorating the ones you cut out is crazy hard! If she can do it, holy cow, good for her. Maybe next year I'll try double layer cookies, you know, with the jam in the middle, but wow. Going beyond chocolate dipping is a skill.
tori Ohno 3 weeks ago
This is what, as a woman in her 50s, I hate holiday baking and candy making. It's an absolute chore. Just pay the kid. She's risking her grades, and not taking part in her extracurriculars for it, she deserves compensation. Just wait until not even money can get her to do it because she's burnt out on it.
33Possums 3 weeks ago
A lot of commenters on the original post seem to have missed the fact that this is the Parents’ party, not the OP’s, and if it weren’t for the kids the parents would be paying a caterer. It’s great to have your kids contribute but there is a limit to what parents should expect, and I say that as a parent. We expected our kids to do the usual chores for a weekly allowance but paid them more for certain exceptional tasks. This way they learn the value of work and the value of money. And no one should be saying a 15 year old owes their parents - parents are responsible for their children and should help them with materials for extracurricular activities. Hopefully they will get this worked out without hard feelings before the next party.
Bertha Madott 3 weeks ago
Who in their right mind thinks four days of work makes sense!?! For a throw-away treat!?! At Christmas p!!! For a student!!! Retired people with nothing to do might take on such a job. Wombat project= waste of money brains and time. Stupid.
Meagan Glaser 3 weeks ago
God, the YTAs all act like Mommy Dearest will die without absolute piles of elaborate art cookies, and as if mommy is legally obligated to have a giant stupid party. Oh no, mom is paying for catering her own party so the least OP can do is spend 12 hours laboring for free? WTF attitude is that? "don't bite the hand that feeds you," WTF? This isnt' helping otu with chores, this is 4 days of hard work being unpaid catering staff for mommie's ego
GalPalAl 3 weeks ago
am glad OP stuck to her guns and didn't fall into the guilt trap. It should be her choice to gift baked goods at her discretion. I think some of the people who opposed this thinking that baking cookies for that many people is some easy feat and are not considering the amount of work and effort put into that. Try putting yourself in her shoes and consider what you would do.
Bobbi McGough Robert 3 weeks ago
I'm curious if the mother charges her daughter for cooking her meals, doing her laundry, etc etc etc.
Brenda Wallace 3 weeks ago
One thing left out. Is this party, with the enlarged guest list from last year just for Mom and Dad’s friends? How many of her friends, and her sisters’ are invited? Only adults? Not her party, full wages for a full job. Kids invited? Less money, for the party is theirs too.
Gary 3 weeks ago (edited)
She must be doing some Rembrandt level of artistry on these cookies for it to take that long. I wouldn't dream of charging my mum for anything after what she has done for me,
33Possums 3 weeks ago
Have you ever made 100 fancy cookies? So many experts here.
Load More Replies... Kitty 3 weeks ago
I would like to know if this kid used her parents' money to make cookies for her theatre kid friends
Rahul Pawa 3 weeks ago
I don't see how that's relevant to the current situation. If the parents expected to be compensated for those ingredients, they should have said so at the time.
Load More Replies... Joanne Mendonza-Earle 3 weeks ago
She was offered 75. Then she said it takes about 4 hours and she was gonna charge 20/hr. That comes to 80. She would've been better off countering w/ 100 and then negotiating something more than 75 but less than 100.
Rahul Pawa 3 weeks ago (edited)
Mom kinda sucks for bringing up the free cookies for casts in prior years. That's irrelevant and feels manipulative to me. If mom is ordering specific quantities and designs, then paying at least close to market rates seems fair (including ingredients cost). I'm not sure what market rate for 100 fancy sugar cookies is. I can't imagine paying $250 but maybe I'm too cheap 🤐. If mom wants free cookies, then it's up to OP how much effort to put into it (meaning simplifying designs or reducing quantity). I guess you could say I'm taking the "beggars can't be choosers" approach. ---- ETA: not baking the cookies is always a valid option for OP.
Trista JW 3 weeks ago
Yes, this kid is the a*s in the post. I was a professional caterer ten years ago and I have baked for many years-- the latter started when I was fourteen. I baked and decorated cookies and brownies every year for Thanksgiving and Christmas; multiple dozens with detailed designs and three - four colors for the cookie decorations. When I was a kid, my parents bought all the ingredients. I baked for my entire family (parents, six younger siblings, grandmother, grandfather, two aunts and three cousins) and never got paid for it. Yes, it was very time-consuming. Yes, I had to put more time into homework and studying, didn't have much time for "fun" during the holidays. But I did it anyway. I would have been very glad to have been offered some sort of compensation back then, so yes, I agree that $75 was more than fair.
Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo 3 weeks ago
Thats a ridiculous amount of work and drama for what will surely be the least memorable bit of the party. People like sugar cookies fine, but nobody loves sugar cookies; theyre just a way to show off designs
CanadianDimes 3 weeks ago
I love sugar cookies and so disprove your sweeping statement.
Load More Replies... Janissary35680 3 weeks ago (edited)
Parents have a legal duty of care with respect to their non-adult children.
Load More Replies... Melissa Harris 3 weeks ago
Clearly you've never decorated fancy suger cookies. Piping takes ages. Royal icing needs to set between layers and colors(though putting in the fridge speeds it up).
Load More Replies... LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 weeks ago
I don't normally toot my own horn, but I was in college as an English/Creative Writing major by the time I was 14. I'm only bringing that up to inform you that not every teenager talks only in memes, emojis, and internet short-speak like "ur mom".
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