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“She Manipulates You In Small Ways”: TikTokers Split The Internet After Revealing 3 Major Red Flags In Women
People often choose partners based on attraction. Whether it’s the color of her eyes or his care for the elderly, every person has features others might find appealing. Equally important, each of us has flaws and weaknesses, too. That is why evaluating both sides of the coin is important when looking for the happily ever after.
A famous personal coach, writer, and content creator, David De Las Morenas, and his wife Julia discussed the less romanticized characteristics of a partner on TikTok. In a video that went viral, they shared insight on three things they considered red flags in women and expanded on how they can affect a couple’s relationship. After attracting over 700k views, the video sparked a buzz online and got people falling into two camps about it.
RELATED:
TikTokers singled out three things they consider red flags in women in a video that went viral
Image credits: howtobeast
“Number one: She fails to thank you or show you any type of gratitude”
Image credits: Vlada Karpovich (not the actual photo)
“If you’re hanging out with a girl and you notice that she never says thank you when you pay for the bill, or just to say that she appreciates you, you gotta move on. She’s not gonna change, and then you’re gonna end up resenting her.”
Image credits: howtobeast
“Number two: She has male friends”
“Aside from some very rare scenarios when a guy and a girl are talking, it is not platonic.”
Image credits: Helena Lopes (not the actual photo)
“And even if she’s not interested in him, he’s probably interested in her and then she likes having that validation. The point is, if a girl has male friends that she regularly sees or even just texts with, that’s the type of girl who’s always gonna have one foot out the door in a relationship.”
Image credits: howtobeast
“Number three: She manipulates you in small ways”
“If you’ve already hung out with a girl a few times and she’s still down to keep hanging out, but she will literally never text you first, she’s low-key trying to force and maintain this dynamic where you’re the one who’s gonna be chasing her forever.”
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
“When she uses the line, ‘guys I’ve seen in the past would never do that,’ she’s making you feel bad for whatever boundary you’re trying to set with her by talking about guys she’s seen in the past. She’s trying to force you to be jealous.”
Here’s a full video that went viral
@howtobeast 3 low key RED FLAGS in women… 🚩 #dating #datingforguys #texting #datingtips ♬ original sound – David de las Morenas
Each individual boasts a set of characteristics, some of which might be unfavorable, if not harmful, especially when it comes to relationships. Such traits can cause difficulties in forming a connection, trying to coexist, or building trust. This is likely the reason they’re compared to a red flag—a bright and noticeable warning sign.
We discussed this topic with a certified love life strategist, dating and relationship expert—Lisa Concepcion. When talking about how red flags change our perception of a potential partner, she expanded: “When a person notices red flags, it makes them pay close attention to things that might be problematic. Say, for example, a woman gets drunk on a date, or a man explodes in anger at another driver while they are driving, these red flags may lead to the decision to end things, especially if they are deal breakers.”
“Someone who grew up with a parent who was an alcoholic might see excessive drinking as a very important red flag. Red flags have to do with our boundaries and standards. They are necessary to keep ourselves safe,” Lisa added.
The significance of the troubling attributes differs depending on the person. For some, a red flag can be something as mundane as not doing the dishes right after dinner. Others, on the other hand, might be oblivious to any form of misconduct until they’re in actual danger themselves. No matter the case, such features might determine the end of a relationship, therefore, they should be mulled over beforehand.
Image credits: Odonata Wellnesscenter (not the actual photo)
Lisa told Bored Panda: “It’s important that people are very clear about what they want in a relationship and what they won’t tolerate before they enter a relationship. It’s very good to get very clear on what red flags are. For some people, a red flag is a sloppy car, a messy home. Red flags vary from person to person but they should NEVER be ignored.”
A study of possible dealbreakers among American students distinguished the following six characteristics as the main red flags—gross, addicted, clingy, promiscuous, apathetic, and unmotivated. This proves that in most cases, it doesn’t have to be groundbreaking atrocities; sometimes a red flag can be something as casual as bad manners or clingy nature.
Similar arguably insignificant daily occurrences were discussed in David De Las Morenas’ TikTok video. He is a known personal coach and author of empowering books on mindset and healthy lifestyle. He is also the founder of www.HowToBeast.com, dedicated to helping men work on their physical and mental health.
The first red flag mentioned in David’s viral video—not expressing gratitude often enough—might not seem like a huge problem at first; however, according to the video, it may eventually cause resentment. This bitter state can eradicate compassion, which, as told in Psychology Today, is the bloodline of relationships. At times, a lack of compassion can lead to apathy—one of the six aforementioned red flags in interpersonal communication.
The topic sparked a heated discussion, some people agreed with the TikTokers
The second low-key red flag, according to David, is women having friends of the opposite sex. Related to validation and receiving attention from male friends, this somewhat commonplace situation does not provide a solid ground for a devoted relationship and enables the girl to feel halfway out of it at any given time.
A survey carried out in Great Britain suggests that only 6% of respondents would agree with a similar statement. The vast majority of them (84%) say that a platonic friendship is possible between heterosexual women and men. It shows that red flags are a highly subjective matter and opinions might differ depending on personal experiences or views. The third red flag discussed in David’s video—small-scale manipulation—is likely to cause less division, as most people usually expect to be treated fairly in any relationship.
People on the opposing side also shared their views
Dating expert Lisa Concepcion emphasized the importance of being fair to yourself. She shared advice for people who start seeing red flags in their partner: “Honor yourself. You want what you want for a reason. Red flags are never to be ignored. When you observe a red flag and mention it to the other person, they might try to make an excuse. Watch their actions. If you mention that excessive drinking is a red flag and they stop drinking, then you’ve influenced them in a positive way. But… if they have a drinking problem you probably won’t be able to change that behavior and it’s best to end the relationship.”
What do you think ?
Caro Caro 1 year ago (edited)
Tell me you're insecure without telling me you're insecure. Sounds to me as if he wants to control his imaginary girlfriend (EDIT:wife, he's married and she agrees WTF) . What a twat. Never saying thank you is just impolite - that's all. Having male friends is healthy. Three: stop chasing her and move on.
Sandra Morison 1 year ago
What a load of rubbish. This sounds like a man who is very insecure and controllIng BIG RED FLAGS
MortalFlame 1 year ago
Okay, I have seen alot of relationships, and number II is not right. They can have male friends. It is important though, that the GF or wife stays above reproach and never makes it where it can logically be seen as anything other than platonic. It ruins trust. And jealousy, while evil that it is, we are all guilty of, so be careful.
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Anyone-for-tea? 1 year ago
It’s also a red flag is a woman owns her own property, exercises her right to vote, goes out without a chaperone, and dare I even say it, READS BOOKS! Steer clear men, these ones be witches!
Wendy Herman 1 year ago
Lol. I adore your Sarcasm. At the same time,, I shudder that 45 is having lunch w/ a guy who's openly stated that "We really should burn more women", and that we have a SCOTUS where Alito used the words of an actual witchburner dead for centuries to support his successful quest to deny bodily autonomy to a nation of females. We're headed back towards the Dark Ages, and insecure dudes are thrilled at the notion of being able to Control an entire gender. Horrific.
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Kazza 1 year ago (edited)
#1 is a version of just basic politeness/kindness. #3 If she isn’t texting you , she just isn’t that into you. Stop creeping her out. BUT #2 is a incelism nightmare: Any man that thinks women can not be friends with a man without sexual feelings involved is a man that can not be trusted to be around a woman, ANY woman. There’s a word for men like this. And laws that protect women from men like this. Whatever your deep, deep level of insecurity makes a man think this way- C’mon over to the Light side! Where people just get to be friends and hang out with anyone they like..just…because they have common interests and like community. Open your world up- not everything is about sxx
Little Wonder 1 year ago
Some of my best friends are men, men who I have no sexual interest in and who have no sexual interest in me. We are friends, we enjoy each other's company. If you're so insecure about yourself that your partner can't have friends of the opposite sex then don't date.
Menace Dennis 1 year ago
how do you know they have no sexual interest in you ? pretty much any time a man sets boundaries, he is insecure, and to be completely honest, every one of your male " friends " would f**k you
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ConstantConstance 1 year ago (edited)
There is nothing wrong with having male friends. She does not have to stop being friends with people just because they're male and you're being an incel
Donkeywheel 1 year ago
Don’t you have better things to do or read than these useless and dumb as f**k tiktokers? The articles of some contributors are like a collection of the worst obnoxious influencers that offer nothing but their idiocy. Don’t you have some degree of discernment?
Ueda 1 year ago
Influencers would not be a thing if people had discernment.
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D. Pitbull 1 year ago
Wow... this.. is... garbage. I honestly try to find something good ... but... this... is absolute... Horsesh** - maaaybe the first one - but that just shows a 'lack of manners' - and is not gender specific... it's just "Someone does something for you, just say thank you" (you know.. basic.. decency stuff) - If the other person loudly SHAMES you for *not* paying for the date (or whatever) - that may be a different story. Oh wow, this is a terrible post - I just... really? Is it April 1st already? This was actually considered acceptable to post?
Mason Kronol 1 year ago
I worked with a young lady that rarely said thank you and if she did it was more of a mumble. She was very shy but very smart. Looking back it's possible she was on the spectrum if that's the right terminology.. But she was never an a$$hole so I never took offense that she didn't say thank you when I bought her lunch or fixed her computer. Sometimes just being a good person is enough.
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Natalie Bohrteller 1 year ago
I could be upset, but really it makes it super easy to ditch guys like him. Saves a lot of time when they're that open with their uncontrollable insecurities.
Will Cable 1 year ago (edited)
Number 2...so if she /he is pan/bi/gay sexual I'm guessing they can't have ANY friends at all !!!!! claptrap.
Clown fish 1 year ago
Wow! Just wow. I don't know where to start to unpack his man's insecurities.
Casey McAlister 1 year ago
#1 lacks nuance: saying "thanks" as a polite reply to polite gestures is just basic manners, but a nod of acknowledgment is quite enough if we are talking about compliments or your decision to pay for a restaurant bill even if your date wouldn't mind paying for themselves. #2: I'm just waiting for the moment when "people of different genders can't be friends" folks learn that bisexuality is a thing and realize that friends of the same gender aren't safe either. Nobody is safe if you are insecure enough. #3: if somebody knows you for quite a long time and never initiates contact with you - they are probably just not that into you. Additionally, if you are on a very early stages of your relationship - that may be because they don't want to come off as imposing and overbearing. You are just getting to know each other and still have a lot to learn about each other's boundaries.
Craig Reynolds 1 year ago
It's a revelation about themselves! They are telling you they are exactly what they are accusing others of being/doing. Listen to them, heed the warning, and find someone better.
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N Miller 1 year ago
Based purely on this and other similar posts recently Tiktokers are a bunch of twelve year olds whose sole life ambition is to be an influencer with the personality of a puddle - and unfortunately society is leaning in such a direction that they will make money/a career out of it.
Load More Replies... Helena 1 year ago
1. If you asked her out, you're expected to pay. If she asks you out, she's expected to pay. If you are long time dating, you take turns or switch off with some regularity. Should she say thanks as a courtesy, yes. When it is her turn should you say thanks as a courtesy, yes. If it is a long-term dating, I would see the constant thank you's as an acknowledgment that you still aren't close, and move on. It is the difference between an acquaintance that comes to your home and you serve them a drink, and a true friend who'll rummage through your fridge themselves. If you expect a lot of bootlicking for paying for dinner, you are the red flag. 2. Friends are so rare and hard to come by, To expect your significant other to forgo some just because of gender is ridiculous. 3. Or it is still early in the relationship and she's trying not to b all clingy. Guys complain if you don't text often enough, they complain if you text too often. Grow up.
Leo Domitrix 1 year ago
"She can't have male friends". Oh, yes we can. My hubby is my best friend. I have several good friends who are male. We're not sexual. Why? We're *adults*. We share common interests. OMG. Th iswhole thing was The Song of the Incel.
gotham-panda 1 year ago (edited)
#1 - She's not good at manners. Maybe she was never taught any. TALK about it, don't just dismiss her out of hand. This is not a red flag, just something to discuss. Maybe she may not have been brought up in a household that valued verbal thanks and expresses it through action. Maybe it's something else. You'll never know til you talk it out. #3 - Some people AREN'T attached to their phones. I'M not. I text when I have something to text about. I'm not trying to force some "dynamic", I just didn't have anything to say that couldn't wait til I see you. And when I say "people I've seen in the past wouldn't do that" in regards to your behavior, I MEAN it. Whatever the hell you're doing, it's a new one to me, and I probably don't like it, if I'm saying that. Or I don't understand it. Either way, explain it or I'm going to assume you don't care you're upsetting/confusing me. I'm not trying to make you jealous by talking about past partners. (Who even does that and what good do they think making you jealous accomplishes?) Annnd that leads to #2 - "having male friends means she's ready to cheat/leave you at any time". He thinks that, because that's what certain types of men would do it for. To those men, women are NEVER friends, just potential s*x partners, Which is why he thinks #3 is the girl trying to make him jealous too. Because that's why HE'D bring up past girlfriends. Because they were only ever s*xual interactions to him. Overall, this guy comes across as immature, s*xually insecure, and controlling. He himself is a walking red flag.
Noname 1 year ago
My ex-husband told me when we were engaged that he had female friends that he was invested in friendship and would never give up. I was OK with this as I, too, had male friends I had invested in friendship that I wouldnt give up. My ex made himself a complete a*s with my friends so they hated him, but they stayed my friends. He was an a*s with his friends, but they stayed my friends after the divorce.
DutchFairy 1 year ago
Thinking that my male friends are a red flag is a red flag to me. I have male friends my whole life and I am not planning to lose them because the guy is to insecure to accept it. The person who makes me choose is the one to leaf. And also I am bisexual, so does that mean that I can't have any friends?
Mason Kronol 1 year ago
That list is trash. But more importantly why can't I change my profile picture? Will I forever be Schmanta? I want to be Raider Dave now.
Kumkum Wada 1 year ago
My bestest friend is a man. I considered him as a big brother. I know his wife and their two sons. They considered me as a family as well. Saying thank you is and always one of my traits, and even I forgot several times, my SO never made any remarks. Same with me, I never asked him to thank me if I did something for him. The #3 point is not only for girls. If the boys message me less, it depends on situations. Maybe busy, stress at work, or anything. Hanging around doesn't mean you have to be clingy. Analyze before you decide.
Dirty Hands 1 year ago
As a woman, my best friend is a man. Also, my other bestie is a lesbian. So just curious how this insecurity plays out with friendships that don't follow a cisgender heteronormative narrative. Especially since it applies to not just me, but also my husband has a childhood friend who is gay. In the whole friend group, none of us have had sex with each other. But you know...according to this loser, that just means we always just want to and we are all just stringing each other along for validation. Bleh. Adults can be friends with adults. That's the only rule. If you can't, it's your issue.
Mason Kronol 1 year ago
#2 is BS. I have many male friends and my now husband knew this when we started dating and became friends with them. He also had female acquaintances, because of his job, that I didn't feel threatened by.
Damon 1 year ago
Why even comment on this? You know it’s just for clicks. Same with BP reposting it
michael piscopo 1 year ago (edited)
All this goes to the notion that men need women in their lives to be whole. Nah....The same-sex only friends requirement kind of obliterates the reality of sexually dominant fields like healthcare. Somehow I managed to work as a male in healthcare for 35 years without bonking anyone and make lots of good friends along the way and yes many were married. The advise they give here just seems so stressful. Shouldn't they have figured this stuff out as adolescents?
Kristal 1 year ago
Okay, I gotta take this one by one: 1) Some people forget. Give this a few more opportunities before flat out saying she's a problem. Not being appreciated is a huge red flag but this is worded like if it happened once on a first date. 2) Oh gosh. Okay. This depends on individuals. Some women and men CAN be platonic, going both ways. I have a friend like that and I'm totally single. We just vibe super well. Also ignored the fact that some male friends can be gay. 3) Partially true. The 'well other guys don't ' thing is a definite red flag. The whole texting first thing though? Some people are just busy or they need to develop a deeper connection to initiate contact. But, after ... maybe a month ... maybe 2 if you're patient, if she's still doing that then yeah, not as much interest if you both made it clear you were seeking a relationship.
Denise Melek 1 year ago
Yeah, maybe because they cant befriend someone from the other genders without having sex, doesnt mean other people also cant. what about my gay male friends? Childish BS.
R Dennis 1 year ago
I'm gonna say no to almost all of this, with a caveat on number 1 - if she doesn't appreciate anything you do, that is a problem. It doesn't have to be a verbal thank you, but maybe reciprocal actions like buying gifts, making dinner, etc. To some people "thank you" doesn't have much value. 2. I don't care if they have male friends, I have female friends I don't see the problem. Sounds like people with very insecure relationships. 3. We all make small manipulations of others. It's the big ones that suck... like telling a girl she can't have guy friends.
Old Roadie 1 year ago (edited)
What kind of 1953 rubbish is this. Women cannot have male friends?! How dare he infer women cannot be trusted? Evolve. Just... evolve, insecure manchild.
Craig Reynolds 1 year ago
Male or female doesn't matter! Those insecurities are coming from someplace inside their own head. If they are against you having friends of the opposite sex, it's because they are insecure or because they have had friends of the opposite sex with whom they were always hoping for more and they are projecting. Life Fact: Generally, people refuse to believe that someone else is incapable of what they themselves are because doing so requires admitting their own flaws to themselves. Examples: People who say "everyone cheats", are or have been cheaters themselves, and are using that as self-justification. If they don't trust you or your friends, it's because they don't trust themselves. When it comes to their own actions, anyone who uses the phrases "everyone does, it's no big deal, you're overreacting, etc"; those are red flags.
Jude Laskowski 1 year ago
Life was so much easier before computers and cell phones. Back in the day, there was no hanging out, no texting, etc. You had to call someone up on the phone and ask her out on a date. Then, you would actually talk to each other. Most of the time you were introduced by someone who knew both of you. I know, people think I'm from the stone age.
Rose 1 year ago
Ok, I kind of get some if this, number 1 - yes thanking others for paying for you is good manners and consideration for others. 3 - yip manipulation is not ok but the examples given are week, neither side so be obliged to be the first to txt. There is a difference between over contacting someone and keeping in touch, people need space and adults need to learn to be by themselves as well as others. But number 2, no, that's not a red flag, what is a red flag is someone who get jealous if their partner having friends of the opposite sex, I have many friends of both sex and it doesn't mean I'm looking at leaving my relationship - they are friends no more, no less
Farting Bee 1 year ago
What’s the problem with male friends? This dude has maaaajor trust issues
Rita Shapiro 1 year ago
A red flag in men: policing the gender of a woman's friends and declaring which are acceptable and which are not. This also includes their sexuality and/or presentation. AND it's also a outright big flag and not "low key" at all. It's controlling and sexist.
clist414 1 year ago
Seems like the OP was a woman, despite the "advice" being offered by a man. People can do what they want, but personally, I believe the OP has internalized a lot of Alpha Male BS and is spouting that. Hope she enjoys that lifestyle, but it is NOT for me. By the way, controlling someone by labeling their behavior as "red flags" aka toxic is not ok. If you feel it's a warning flag and need reassurance, fine. But if you with someone you don't trust, trust your gut. Or look in the mirror. Personally, I think she's just projecting her own devious behavior on others as "red flags".
Mandy Delaforce (PC Girl) 1 year ago
Guy sounds like a d**k. He's one big red flag. Probably a neckbeard... ha ha
TrixicBird(Any pronouns) 1 year ago
my male friend that i've known since kindergarten gotta go I guess
Jennifer Germain 1 year ago
really? I have had male friends all my life, my husband is not insecure and not worried about it. If you are so insecure that your wife can only have casual conversations with men, that is a YOU problem
joren Van der Ark 1 year ago
I agree with number 1. If someone is not capable of basic politeness (wich is what this boils down to) I do not want you as my SO. The other 2 scream of insecurity.
Lea S. 1 year ago
A woman made this video and all these people actually agreed that you can't be friends with the opposite sex? I have two brothers, some of they're friends are mine. I have two close male friends who I met in college, they are married to their college/highschool girlfriends and I am welcomed by their wives (also my friends). This screams incel to me and scares me for a reason I can't really describe.
CalmAndCollected 1 year ago
Low key red flag 4: you come on here and argue why your red flags aren't red flags...
Neuropotathy 1 year ago
"Honey I'm home! Why is this guy fingering you?" "Oh u so inSEcuRE!"
Load More Replies... Neuropotathy 1 year ago
My own experience tells they are valid. Ex gf had "friends" too. As soon as my income lowered she jumped to a "friend's" c**k because his father bought him Mazda. Keep downvoting, girl power girl power! XD
Wendy Herman 1 year ago (edited)
#2 is a Total Red Flag of potential cheating & abuse by the controlling male. It's also indicative of projection of his own mindset onto others. Hubby #1 pressured me to quit my airline career b/c "no woman of his would be trusted to fly around w/ strange men all the time." So, I did, and built a new career, climbing up to a management role. Then, it became "if you want to be a GOOD mom, you *must* stay home w/ our kids!". But he still wanted me to bring home a paycheck, so i started a successful home daycare biz which ran for 4 years, by the time we split. That's when, after a decade of marriage & 2 little kids (ages 6 & 4), he left me for a flight attendant. Ironic! Shame on me for not remaining 22 & "Hot", lol. Our last year together, there was No family vacation, b/c he (secretly but got found out) went on vacation w/ his mistress, when he said it was w/ a male buddy. If you meet a guy like this, Ladies, RUN AWAY!! His deep insecurities will rip you - and your kids - to shreds. Then, you'll heal when he's Out of your life. Good luck. 💙
Paweł Duda 1 year ago
Well you do know that woman can have gay friends right? And even heterosexual ones don't have to be here lovers. If you don't have trust in relationship... Don't pretend you are on one
Michael Largey 1 year ago
#2 should be reversed. If she has no male friends, that's a red flag. If she can't have a positive extended .relationship with a male, then she can't have one with you
Potato 1 year ago
How do you even know that about this made-up woman? Oh, you're one of those "alpha" Tate worshippers--ew. Keep simping for that incel, I guess. I hear he's winning... in detention lol.
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Caro Caro 1 year ago (edited)
Tell me you're insecure without telling me you're insecure. Sounds to me as if he wants to control his imaginary girlfriend (EDIT:wife, he's married and she agrees WTF) . What a twat. Never saying thank you is just impolite - that's all. Having male friends is healthy. Three: stop chasing her and move on.
Sandra Morison 1 year ago
What a load of rubbish. This sounds like a man who is very insecure and controllIng BIG RED FLAGS
MortalFlame 1 year ago
Okay, I have seen alot of relationships, and number II is not right. They can have male friends. It is important though, that the GF or wife stays above reproach and never makes it where it can logically be seen as anything other than platonic. It ruins trust. And jealousy, while evil that it is, we are all guilty of, so be careful.
Load More Replies... Anyone-for-tea? 1 year ago
It’s also a red flag is a woman owns her own property, exercises her right to vote, goes out without a chaperone, and dare I even say it, READS BOOKS! Steer clear men, these ones be witches!
Wendy Herman 1 year ago
Lol. I adore your Sarcasm. At the same time,, I shudder that 45 is having lunch w/ a guy who's openly stated that "We really should burn more women", and that we have a SCOTUS where Alito used the words of an actual witchburner dead for centuries to support his successful quest to deny bodily autonomy to a nation of females. We're headed back towards the Dark Ages, and insecure dudes are thrilled at the notion of being able to Control an entire gender. Horrific.
Load More Replies... Kazza 1 year ago (edited)
#1 is a version of just basic politeness/kindness. #3 If she isn’t texting you , she just isn’t that into you. Stop creeping her out. BUT #2 is a incelism nightmare: Any man that thinks women can not be friends with a man without sexual feelings involved is a man that can not be trusted to be around a woman, ANY woman. There’s a word for men like this. And laws that protect women from men like this. Whatever your deep, deep level of insecurity makes a man think this way- C’mon over to the Light side! Where people just get to be friends and hang out with anyone they like..just…because they have common interests and like community. Open your world up- not everything is about sxx
Little Wonder 1 year ago
Some of my best friends are men, men who I have no sexual interest in and who have no sexual interest in me. We are friends, we enjoy each other's company. If you're so insecure about yourself that your partner can't have friends of the opposite sex then don't date.
Menace Dennis 1 year ago
how do you know they have no sexual interest in you ? pretty much any time a man sets boundaries, he is insecure, and to be completely honest, every one of your male " friends " would f**k you
Load More Replies... ConstantConstance 1 year ago (edited)
There is nothing wrong with having male friends. She does not have to stop being friends with people just because they're male and you're being an incel
Donkeywheel 1 year ago
Don’t you have better things to do or read than these useless and dumb as f**k tiktokers? The articles of some contributors are like a collection of the worst obnoxious influencers that offer nothing but their idiocy. Don’t you have some degree of discernment?
Ueda 1 year ago
Influencers would not be a thing if people had discernment.
Load More Replies... D. Pitbull 1 year ago
Wow... this.. is... garbage. I honestly try to find something good ... but... this... is absolute... Horsesh** - maaaybe the first one - but that just shows a 'lack of manners' - and is not gender specific... it's just "Someone does something for you, just say thank you" (you know.. basic.. decency stuff) - If the other person loudly SHAMES you for *not* paying for the date (or whatever) - that may be a different story. Oh wow, this is a terrible post - I just... really? Is it April 1st already? This was actually considered acceptable to post?
Mason Kronol 1 year ago
I worked with a young lady that rarely said thank you and if she did it was more of a mumble. She was very shy but very smart. Looking back it's possible she was on the spectrum if that's the right terminology.. But she was never an a$$hole so I never took offense that she didn't say thank you when I bought her lunch or fixed her computer. Sometimes just being a good person is enough.
Load More Replies... Natalie Bohrteller 1 year ago
I could be upset, but really it makes it super easy to ditch guys like him. Saves a lot of time when they're that open with their uncontrollable insecurities.
Will Cable 1 year ago (edited)
Number 2...so if she /he is pan/bi/gay sexual I'm guessing they can't have ANY friends at all !!!!! claptrap.
Clown fish 1 year ago
Wow! Just wow. I don't know where to start to unpack his man's insecurities.
Casey McAlister 1 year ago
#1 lacks nuance: saying "thanks" as a polite reply to polite gestures is just basic manners, but a nod of acknowledgment is quite enough if we are talking about compliments or your decision to pay for a restaurant bill even if your date wouldn't mind paying for themselves. #2: I'm just waiting for the moment when "people of different genders can't be friends" folks learn that bisexuality is a thing and realize that friends of the same gender aren't safe either. Nobody is safe if you are insecure enough. #3: if somebody knows you for quite a long time and never initiates contact with you - they are probably just not that into you. Additionally, if you are on a very early stages of your relationship - that may be because they don't want to come off as imposing and overbearing. You are just getting to know each other and still have a lot to learn about each other's boundaries.
Craig Reynolds 1 year ago
It's a revelation about themselves! They are telling you they are exactly what they are accusing others of being/doing. Listen to them, heed the warning, and find someone better.
Load More Replies... N Miller 1 year ago
Based purely on this and other similar posts recently Tiktokers are a bunch of twelve year olds whose sole life ambition is to be an influencer with the personality of a puddle - and unfortunately society is leaning in such a direction that they will make money/a career out of it.
Load More Replies... Helena 1 year ago
1. If you asked her out, you're expected to pay. If she asks you out, she's expected to pay. If you are long time dating, you take turns or switch off with some regularity. Should she say thanks as a courtesy, yes. When it is her turn should you say thanks as a courtesy, yes. If it is a long-term dating, I would see the constant thank you's as an acknowledgment that you still aren't close, and move on. It is the difference between an acquaintance that comes to your home and you serve them a drink, and a true friend who'll rummage through your fridge themselves. If you expect a lot of bootlicking for paying for dinner, you are the red flag. 2. Friends are so rare and hard to come by, To expect your significant other to forgo some just because of gender is ridiculous. 3. Or it is still early in the relationship and she's trying not to b all clingy. Guys complain if you don't text often enough, they complain if you text too often. Grow up.
Leo Domitrix 1 year ago
"She can't have male friends". Oh, yes we can. My hubby is my best friend. I have several good friends who are male. We're not sexual. Why? We're *adults*. We share common interests. OMG. Th iswhole thing was The Song of the Incel.
gotham-panda 1 year ago (edited)
#1 - She's not good at manners. Maybe she was never taught any. TALK about it, don't just dismiss her out of hand. This is not a red flag, just something to discuss. Maybe she may not have been brought up in a household that valued verbal thanks and expresses it through action. Maybe it's something else. You'll never know til you talk it out. #3 - Some people AREN'T attached to their phones. I'M not. I text when I have something to text about. I'm not trying to force some "dynamic", I just didn't have anything to say that couldn't wait til I see you. And when I say "people I've seen in the past wouldn't do that" in regards to your behavior, I MEAN it. Whatever the hell you're doing, it's a new one to me, and I probably don't like it, if I'm saying that. Or I don't understand it. Either way, explain it or I'm going to assume you don't care you're upsetting/confusing me. I'm not trying to make you jealous by talking about past partners. (Who even does that and what good do they think making you jealous accomplishes?) Annnd that leads to #2 - "having male friends means she's ready to cheat/leave you at any time". He thinks that, because that's what certain types of men would do it for. To those men, women are NEVER friends, just potential s*x partners, Which is why he thinks #3 is the girl trying to make him jealous too. Because that's why HE'D bring up past girlfriends. Because they were only ever s*xual interactions to him. Overall, this guy comes across as immature, s*xually insecure, and controlling. He himself is a walking red flag.
Noname 1 year ago
My ex-husband told me when we were engaged that he had female friends that he was invested in friendship and would never give up. I was OK with this as I, too, had male friends I had invested in friendship that I wouldnt give up. My ex made himself a complete a*s with my friends so they hated him, but they stayed my friends. He was an a*s with his friends, but they stayed my friends after the divorce.
DutchFairy 1 year ago
Thinking that my male friends are a red flag is a red flag to me. I have male friends my whole life and I am not planning to lose them because the guy is to insecure to accept it. The person who makes me choose is the one to leaf. And also I am bisexual, so does that mean that I can't have any friends?
Mason Kronol 1 year ago
That list is trash. But more importantly why can't I change my profile picture? Will I forever be Schmanta? I want to be Raider Dave now.
Kumkum Wada 1 year ago
My bestest friend is a man. I considered him as a big brother. I know his wife and their two sons. They considered me as a family as well. Saying thank you is and always one of my traits, and even I forgot several times, my SO never made any remarks. Same with me, I never asked him to thank me if I did something for him. The #3 point is not only for girls. If the boys message me less, it depends on situations. Maybe busy, stress at work, or anything. Hanging around doesn't mean you have to be clingy. Analyze before you decide.
Dirty Hands 1 year ago
As a woman, my best friend is a man. Also, my other bestie is a lesbian. So just curious how this insecurity plays out with friendships that don't follow a cisgender heteronormative narrative. Especially since it applies to not just me, but also my husband has a childhood friend who is gay. In the whole friend group, none of us have had sex with each other. But you know...according to this loser, that just means we always just want to and we are all just stringing each other along for validation. Bleh. Adults can be friends with adults. That's the only rule. If you can't, it's your issue.
Mason Kronol 1 year ago
#2 is BS. I have many male friends and my now husband knew this when we started dating and became friends with them. He also had female acquaintances, because of his job, that I didn't feel threatened by.
Damon 1 year ago
Why even comment on this? You know it’s just for clicks. Same with BP reposting it
michael piscopo 1 year ago (edited)
All this goes to the notion that men need women in their lives to be whole. Nah....The same-sex only friends requirement kind of obliterates the reality of sexually dominant fields like healthcare. Somehow I managed to work as a male in healthcare for 35 years without bonking anyone and make lots of good friends along the way and yes many were married. The advise they give here just seems so stressful. Shouldn't they have figured this stuff out as adolescents?
Kristal 1 year ago
Okay, I gotta take this one by one: 1) Some people forget. Give this a few more opportunities before flat out saying she's a problem. Not being appreciated is a huge red flag but this is worded like if it happened once on a first date. 2) Oh gosh. Okay. This depends on individuals. Some women and men CAN be platonic, going both ways. I have a friend like that and I'm totally single. We just vibe super well. Also ignored the fact that some male friends can be gay. 3) Partially true. The 'well other guys don't ' thing is a definite red flag. The whole texting first thing though? Some people are just busy or they need to develop a deeper connection to initiate contact. But, after ... maybe a month ... maybe 2 if you're patient, if she's still doing that then yeah, not as much interest if you both made it clear you were seeking a relationship.
Denise Melek 1 year ago
Yeah, maybe because they cant befriend someone from the other genders without having sex, doesnt mean other people also cant. what about my gay male friends? Childish BS.
R Dennis 1 year ago
I'm gonna say no to almost all of this, with a caveat on number 1 - if she doesn't appreciate anything you do, that is a problem. It doesn't have to be a verbal thank you, but maybe reciprocal actions like buying gifts, making dinner, etc. To some people "thank you" doesn't have much value. 2. I don't care if they have male friends, I have female friends I don't see the problem. Sounds like people with very insecure relationships. 3. We all make small manipulations of others. It's the big ones that suck... like telling a girl she can't have guy friends.
Old Roadie 1 year ago (edited)
What kind of 1953 rubbish is this. Women cannot have male friends?! How dare he infer women cannot be trusted? Evolve. Just... evolve, insecure manchild.
Craig Reynolds 1 year ago
Male or female doesn't matter! Those insecurities are coming from someplace inside their own head. If they are against you having friends of the opposite sex, it's because they are insecure or because they have had friends of the opposite sex with whom they were always hoping for more and they are projecting. Life Fact: Generally, people refuse to believe that someone else is incapable of what they themselves are because doing so requires admitting their own flaws to themselves. Examples: People who say "everyone cheats", are or have been cheaters themselves, and are using that as self-justification. If they don't trust you or your friends, it's because they don't trust themselves. When it comes to their own actions, anyone who uses the phrases "everyone does, it's no big deal, you're overreacting, etc"; those are red flags.
Jude Laskowski 1 year ago
Life was so much easier before computers and cell phones. Back in the day, there was no hanging out, no texting, etc. You had to call someone up on the phone and ask her out on a date. Then, you would actually talk to each other. Most of the time you were introduced by someone who knew both of you. I know, people think I'm from the stone age.
Rose 1 year ago
Ok, I kind of get some if this, number 1 - yes thanking others for paying for you is good manners and consideration for others. 3 - yip manipulation is not ok but the examples given are week, neither side so be obliged to be the first to txt. There is a difference between over contacting someone and keeping in touch, people need space and adults need to learn to be by themselves as well as others. But number 2, no, that's not a red flag, what is a red flag is someone who get jealous if their partner having friends of the opposite sex, I have many friends of both sex and it doesn't mean I'm looking at leaving my relationship - they are friends no more, no less
Farting Bee 1 year ago
What’s the problem with male friends? This dude has maaaajor trust issues
Rita Shapiro 1 year ago
A red flag in men: policing the gender of a woman's friends and declaring which are acceptable and which are not. This also includes their sexuality and/or presentation. AND it's also a outright big flag and not "low key" at all. It's controlling and sexist.
clist414 1 year ago
Seems like the OP was a woman, despite the "advice" being offered by a man. People can do what they want, but personally, I believe the OP has internalized a lot of Alpha Male BS and is spouting that. Hope she enjoys that lifestyle, but it is NOT for me. By the way, controlling someone by labeling their behavior as "red flags" aka toxic is not ok. If you feel it's a warning flag and need reassurance, fine. But if you with someone you don't trust, trust your gut. Or look in the mirror. Personally, I think she's just projecting her own devious behavior on others as "red flags".
Mandy Delaforce (PC Girl) 1 year ago
Guy sounds like a d**k. He's one big red flag. Probably a neckbeard... ha ha
TrixicBird(Any pronouns) 1 year ago
my male friend that i've known since kindergarten gotta go I guess
Jennifer Germain 1 year ago
really? I have had male friends all my life, my husband is not insecure and not worried about it. If you are so insecure that your wife can only have casual conversations with men, that is a YOU problem
joren Van der Ark 1 year ago
I agree with number 1. If someone is not capable of basic politeness (wich is what this boils down to) I do not want you as my SO. The other 2 scream of insecurity.
Lea S. 1 year ago
A woman made this video and all these people actually agreed that you can't be friends with the opposite sex? I have two brothers, some of they're friends are mine. I have two close male friends who I met in college, they are married to their college/highschool girlfriends and I am welcomed by their wives (also my friends). This screams incel to me and scares me for a reason I can't really describe.
CalmAndCollected 1 year ago
Low key red flag 4: you come on here and argue why your red flags aren't red flags...
Neuropotathy 1 year ago
"Honey I'm home! Why is this guy fingering you?" "Oh u so inSEcuRE!"
Load More Replies... Neuropotathy 1 year ago
My own experience tells they are valid. Ex gf had "friends" too. As soon as my income lowered she jumped to a "friend's" c**k because his father bought him Mazda. Keep downvoting, girl power girl power! XD
Wendy Herman 1 year ago (edited)
#2 is a Total Red Flag of potential cheating & abuse by the controlling male. It's also indicative of projection of his own mindset onto others. Hubby #1 pressured me to quit my airline career b/c "no woman of his would be trusted to fly around w/ strange men all the time." So, I did, and built a new career, climbing up to a management role. Then, it became "if you want to be a GOOD mom, you *must* stay home w/ our kids!". But he still wanted me to bring home a paycheck, so i started a successful home daycare biz which ran for 4 years, by the time we split. That's when, after a decade of marriage & 2 little kids (ages 6 & 4), he left me for a flight attendant. Ironic! Shame on me for not remaining 22 & "Hot", lol. Our last year together, there was No family vacation, b/c he (secretly but got found out) went on vacation w/ his mistress, when he said it was w/ a male buddy. If you meet a guy like this, Ladies, RUN AWAY!! His deep insecurities will rip you - and your kids - to shreds. Then, you'll heal when he's Out of your life. Good luck. 💙
Paweł Duda 1 year ago
Well you do know that woman can have gay friends right? And even heterosexual ones don't have to be here lovers. If you don't have trust in relationship... Don't pretend you are on one
Michael Largey 1 year ago
#2 should be reversed. If she has no male friends, that's a red flag. If she can't have a positive extended .relationship with a male, then she can't have one with you
Potato 1 year ago
How do you even know that about this made-up woman? Oh, you're one of those "alpha" Tate worshippers--ew. Keep simping for that incel, I guess. I hear he's winning... in detention lol.
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