They say honesty is the best policy, but on a first date? That’s a bold move. First dates are usually all about compliments, laughter, and maybe a little exaggeration about how often you go on hikes. But sometimes, honesty decides to kick down the door and make itself at home, spilling the tea before dessert even arrives.
While it’s refreshing to be upfront, there’s a fine line between being candid and delivering the kind of truth that makes your date rethink their life choices, like having a best friend “with benefits.” Because, let’s face it, some things are better left unsaid, at least until date three.
More info: Reddit
First dates should be like appetizers, light and easy, not like a heavy main course
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One guy took his Bumble match on a fancy date, but left dinner early after she confessed that she was going to meet her “friend with benefits” the same evening
The man took the woman on a date, picking her up from her house, and promising to drive her back to her best friend’s house for movie night after dinner
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The date went very well, and the man was having a great time, until his date confessed her best friend is a guy she sometimes makes out with
Image credits: hawraz karim / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The man paid for his meal and left dinner early, but later posted an update saying his date reached out to apologize, asking if he would give her a second chance
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The man told the woman he regretted leaving her at the restaurant by herself and not paying for her meal, but explained that he doesn’t want to see her again
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The man asked if he’s a jerk for leaving his date at the restaurant after she admitted she was going to meet her “friend with benefits” at his place, after dinner
One lucky Redditor thought he’d found the perfect match on a dating app. But what started as romance and flirting turned cringey really fast. Our guy matched with Ana on Bumble and, according to him, sparks flew right away.
They had great conversations, shared laughs on FaceTime, and built up that kind of chemistry that makes you excited for a first date. Hoping to impress Ana, the original poster, who I’ll just call AJ, booked a fancy restaurant, even offering to pick her up and later drop her off at her best friend’s house. Sweet, right?
The evening started really well – great food, good vibes, and Ana letting loose with a few drinks since AJ was playing chauffeur. Everything was perfect until the end of the date, when Ana let something slip. She casually asked AJ to drop her off at Josh’s place.
Wait, who’s Josh? Oh, just her guy best friend, with whom she has movie nights and the occasional casual makeout sesh. Who thinks it’s a good idea to tell their date about their “friend with benefits” during the first date? Talk about ruining the vibe.
AJ, understandably, felt like he’d been hit by a truck. While he appreciated Ana’s candor, the idea of playing chauffeur to her romantic rendezvous with Josh wasn’t sitting well. So, he politely paid his portion of the bill, suggested Ana ask Josh to pick her up, and left. I don’t know about you, but I would have probably done the same thing.
Don’t get me wrong, genuine friendships are priceless, and lots of folks have platonic friendships, no drama. But there’s a big difference between “we’re just friends” and “are you sure you’re just friends?” And so begins the never-ending debate: can men and women really be just pals? Well, it’s not a straightforward yes or no; it’s more like a “depends on the vibes” situation.
Research shows that women are usually more likely to believe in the magical land of totally platonic friendships while men are more likely to think, “Yeah, but what if…?” Sure, both sides know that attraction can mess things up, but guys are a little less likely to see it as a big deal.
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Our Redditor later posted an update, and it’s clear he did some soul-searching. After ignoring Ana’s texts for a week, he finally opened them, only to find that Ana wasn’t mad. In fact, she apologized again and offered to cut ties with Josh if it meant salvaging their connection.
AJ admitted he felt bad about how he handled the situation, even offering to send Ana the money for her dinner. But despite Ana’s efforts to make amends, AJ realized the spark was gone. He respectfully ended things, and Ana, though sad, accepted his decision with grace. After all, she’s the one who overshared on the first date.
Honesty is key in relationships, that’s true, but honesty is not always the best policy, especially when it includes oversharing. Dropping a bombshell like Ana’s on a first date can overwhelm your partner and leave them questioning your intentions. Sure, being upfront is great, but there’s a fine line between keeping it real and oversharing your way into awkward-ville.
Experts agree that honesty builds trust, helps you communicate your needs and enables authenticity, which is always a good thing. However, dumping too much truth, especially early on, can leave the other person reeling. Sometimes, timing and tact are just as important as transparency, because not all truths need a spotlight, especially when dessert hasn’t even hit the table yet.
So, what do you think? Should AJ have stuck around to give Ana another chance, or was he right to call it quits? Drop your honest answers below!
People in the comments are shocked by the woman’s honesty, saying she should just cancel the agreement with her friend if she likes her date as much as she says she does
Personally I wouldn't have a problem with that. A first date does not signify exclusivity, but everybody is different. OP did nothing wrong especially after getting good advice and then talking it over with her.
I agree, I mean it isn’t something I would do, but you can’t expect exclusivity from before the first date. I would personally if I was going to have a physical relationship with them, but not beforehand. It is a bit off asking him to drop her off there though, although maybe say they’ve made out in the past, but wouldn’t be doing that after such a wonderful date?
Load More Replies...I'm okay with her not being exclusive, since this is just the first date. I also don't have issue with her being honest and up front; that's good to know. What I do have issue is she, after having a good date, still wants to go to her FWB and asks OP to drop her off there. To me that sounds like, yeah, it's good time but i still want to get something else. How can Op not being offended and humiliated? She may have plans to go to FWB place before the date, because she wants to keep her options open -- understand that and totally fine. But if after the date she's happy with OP but still want to go on with the hanging out with FWB, that is messed up and no one should stand for that. Op should have paid for her meal, but he sure as hell shouldn't take her to her FWB place. What am I, a pimp?
I totally agree. OP invited her to that dinner, so he shouldn‘t have left her stranded. Just pay, tell her your opinion and then leave. Honestly i find it quite disrespectful to go on a date and plan the „next date“ right after.
Load More Replies..."I like you and have admitted i'm romantically interested in you, but I'm going to have a nice expensive meal that you pay for, then have you drop me off at another guy's house who i'm likely to make out with, thus canceling out the validity of my supposed romantic feelings for you." OMG WTF was this woman playing at?
Exactly! People are giving her way too much credit for being "honest". She was trying to hide the truth and only came out with it after getting caught in the lie by accidentally saying the friend's name.
Load More Replies...Fully agree you shouldn't have left her stranded. But wow, what a piece of work this chick was? Hi, take me out to an expensive dinner date, then please drop me off to make out with another man. Nah, I'm good. Hope all is well, but no thanks.
Could somebody please explain 'making out' to me. As a Brit I'm aware of the term and its general meaning but how far does it go?
Your sister thought she was "sweet and honest?" I think you handled it as well as anyone could. I definitely positively absolutely would walk out in a date (even a first one) if I found out what you happened to. Sorry you met such a player.
It's fine to realise you aren't compatible, but no reason to be rude about it. And it's fine if someone isn't into you, don't be rude about it.
She initially tried to hide the gender of her best friend she was having him drop her off at. Not honest.
Load More Replies...i think what most people are having an issue with here is the concept of polyamory. i'm queer, my entire friend group is queer, and we've all admitted that if any of us lived remotely close to each other, there would probably be casual smooching a lot, if not more. obviously ana should have framed it as "my best friend is a guy and we do this sometimes, would that be okay for you or would it cause problems with us dating?" but i'm glad it ended in a friendly way.
That probably should be part of her profile on Bumble then.
Load More Replies...Personally I wouldn't have a problem with that. A first date does not signify exclusivity, but everybody is different. OP did nothing wrong especially after getting good advice and then talking it over with her.
I agree, I mean it isn’t something I would do, but you can’t expect exclusivity from before the first date. I would personally if I was going to have a physical relationship with them, but not beforehand. It is a bit off asking him to drop her off there though, although maybe say they’ve made out in the past, but wouldn’t be doing that after such a wonderful date?
Load More Replies...I'm okay with her not being exclusive, since this is just the first date. I also don't have issue with her being honest and up front; that's good to know. What I do have issue is she, after having a good date, still wants to go to her FWB and asks OP to drop her off there. To me that sounds like, yeah, it's good time but i still want to get something else. How can Op not being offended and humiliated? She may have plans to go to FWB place before the date, because she wants to keep her options open -- understand that and totally fine. But if after the date she's happy with OP but still want to go on with the hanging out with FWB, that is messed up and no one should stand for that. Op should have paid for her meal, but he sure as hell shouldn't take her to her FWB place. What am I, a pimp?
I totally agree. OP invited her to that dinner, so he shouldn‘t have left her stranded. Just pay, tell her your opinion and then leave. Honestly i find it quite disrespectful to go on a date and plan the „next date“ right after.
Load More Replies..."I like you and have admitted i'm romantically interested in you, but I'm going to have a nice expensive meal that you pay for, then have you drop me off at another guy's house who i'm likely to make out with, thus canceling out the validity of my supposed romantic feelings for you." OMG WTF was this woman playing at?
Exactly! People are giving her way too much credit for being "honest". She was trying to hide the truth and only came out with it after getting caught in the lie by accidentally saying the friend's name.
Load More Replies...Fully agree you shouldn't have left her stranded. But wow, what a piece of work this chick was? Hi, take me out to an expensive dinner date, then please drop me off to make out with another man. Nah, I'm good. Hope all is well, but no thanks.
Could somebody please explain 'making out' to me. As a Brit I'm aware of the term and its general meaning but how far does it go?
Your sister thought she was "sweet and honest?" I think you handled it as well as anyone could. I definitely positively absolutely would walk out in a date (even a first one) if I found out what you happened to. Sorry you met such a player.
It's fine to realise you aren't compatible, but no reason to be rude about it. And it's fine if someone isn't into you, don't be rude about it.
She initially tried to hide the gender of her best friend she was having him drop her off at. Not honest.
Load More Replies...i think what most people are having an issue with here is the concept of polyamory. i'm queer, my entire friend group is queer, and we've all admitted that if any of us lived remotely close to each other, there would probably be casual smooching a lot, if not more. obviously ana should have framed it as "my best friend is a guy and we do this sometimes, would that be okay for you or would it cause problems with us dating?" but i'm glad it ended in a friendly way.
That probably should be part of her profile on Bumble then.
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