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Becoming a parent is a magical experience. But along with all of the joy that comes from having an adorable little person relying on you, there’s also a mountain of responsibilities. Not only are you required to keep your children safe and healthy, but you should also ensure that they feel loved and supported at all times.
Daughters of Reddit have recently been detailing the most common mistakes that dads tend to make when raising girls, so we’ve gathered a list of their advice below. From being gentle with their daughters’ boyfriends to actually remembering their friends' names, enjoy reading through these tips for fathers. And be sure to upvote the replies you think should be required reading for dads!
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#1
Not listening and acting when your child says “no.” I’m not talking about issues of health and safely but more general “I don’t want to be tickled right now” or “please don’t call me that nickname you think is cute but I’ve told you I dislike.”
She HAS TO be able to trust that the first important man in her life will listen when she expresses what she will and won’t consent to.
Breadcrumb. 17 hours ago
Teasing you and getting your siblings to join in is pretty gross behavior.
RELATED:
#2
The way they talk about women. Making assumptions about them easy, promiscuous, or a s**t based on how they dress. Making sleazy or fatphobic remarks on their body proportions. They make it like women exist for their viewing pleasure.
Jane No Dough 14 hours ago
THIS! This will make a child gain as much weight as possible to try and "hide" their developing body from gross alcohol fueled tirades from male relatives and their friends.
#3
Expecting different things from their daughters than their sons, especially when it comes to household chores. Like, Brother mows the lawn once a week but Sister has to do all the dishes, sweep the floors, and fold the laundry every day.
Jane No Dough 14 hours ago
This, like most of these, is a 2 parent issue. Mom's are just as guilty here.
#4
Not teaching us the same things they teach their sons ie) car maintenance, building s**t, power tools etc.
Jane No Dough 14 hours ago
I was lucky enough to have Auto Shop in high school, repairing staff cars. I received the highest grade in a class of myself and 24 guys. They talked a lot of shite, but I am still glad to this day for the knowledge and experience. Many mechanics have tried to put one over on me, to their deep regret!
#5
Not having anything to do with their daughters because the dad "doesn't have anything in common with a girl". This goes double if a son shows up and the dad is really involved in the son's life.
Beak Hookage 12 hours ago
My dad didn't have any sons. He got me into video games, fishing and science fiction movies, and my sister into motorbikes. You can bet we've got plenty to talk about to this day!
#6
My dad and I recently talked about how he stopped showing physical affection when I hit puberty (20 years ago). He didn't know how to act because his sisters got treated inappropriately by others when he was young, and he wanted to be sure I never felt like that. It resulted in me never getting hugs or kisses on the cheeks anymore. He also didn't know how to talk about it in the past. But in the last years, he worked through so much of his rough childhood and really learned to express himself better. He apologized, and I said I understood and that his intentions came from a good place, that the only bad thing was all the hugs we missed out on. We hugged for a really long time after that, and we've been hugging extra tight ever since :)
So I guess what I wanna say is, don't treat your daughters differently when their bodies start to change. And always keep talking! I'm so proud of my dad for the person he's become
#7
Acting like periods are disgusting.
The Doom Song 14 hours ago
My dad just never talked about it at all. Even with my mum. But he grew up in that generation where they just didn't talk about stuff like that
#8
Literally knowing nothing about their daughters lives. Those ‘funny’ videos where they ask fathers basic questions - like what their daughters birthday, or eye color, or school is, and the dads have no idea are not at all funny. I love my dad but he can’t tell you anything about me - even the name of the place I’ve worked for over 6 years.
#9
My dad didn't do any of the stereotypical mistakes.
But as a fully grown woman, I can now look back and see how my dad never complimented me.
He never called me beautiful, or intelligent, or talented, or kind, or anything.
And I was. I was a lovely, smart, motivated, talented kid. But I was deeply insecure. I think a little encouragement from love would've done me so much good.
#10
The one mistake my dad made was not really being present. A lot of the memories I have of him are him watching tv or being on the computer and not having time to play with me, he always said he’s too tired or he’ll come play later but then he never did.
so since we never really bonded when I was little we weren’t all that close as I grew older either.
Jane No Dough 14 hours ago
There was a few years where you could look around and see that this traditional dad behavior was disappearing as it was no longer socially acceptable. Now, both parents have their faces in their phones constantly, yet talk about their kids ignoring them.
Susie Elle 13 hours ago (edited)
My dad basically skipped my entire youth and kind of came back when I was already in my twenties. I'm 35 now, he's really trying to re-esthablish a relationship, which I appreciate, but his and mine recount of the past is so different, he sometimes still feels like a stranger to me. Whenever I have something exciting to tell or am going through something, he's the last to pop into my mind to talk about it with. My mom definitely played a part in all of this, but it's mostly him and how easily he checked out of being a dad and just stayed away.
Kelly Scott 32 minutes ago
The biggest mistake most dads make? Not wearing a f*****g condom. If you're gonna check out of your kids' lives, don't want them around, don't want to deal with them or treat them like s**t all the time, then just wear a condom and be done with it. Don't make us be born and have to put up with your c**p and then act like it's our fault we grow up broken and angry after having raised ourselves.
#11
Body shaming/ fat shaming
I’m a full grown adult and can name every single time he called me fat, told my friends I needed a diet, ate snacks in front of my and told me I couldn’t have any cause I didn’t need it. I quit theater in school cause ‘how many fat actresses do you see’. No good man will ever want me. Ect.. ect…
Don’t do that dads.
#12
Expecting your daughter to do all the (physical and mental) labor your wife does when your wife is not around.
Jane No Dough 14 hours ago
Viewing your daughter(s) as a wife/mother substitute for even the most upright intentions is still borderline creepy.
#13
I cut contact with him nearly ten years ago, because he was an overall piece of s**t, but these are a couple of examples of how not to be a daughter's father. Or anyone's father.
When I was just hitting puberty, I was in a store with my dad and picked out a hair removal cream. He asked why I needed that, and I said for my under arms, and he laughed in my face. Loads of people looked at us really awkwardly. I was mortified.
Also, he would tell me off and call me names for showing emotions other than neutrality or happiness (but not too much happiness). When I was about 7 or 8, I cried watching "All dogs go to heaven", and he called me a "stupid f*****g c**t" for crying over a cartoon. Now I'm 28, with a monotone voice that I can't get rid of without putting a hell of a lot of effort in. I really struggle any time I get gifts, because I know my face and voice often don't show how grateful and excited I am. I also have anger issues, because I was never taught how to deal with frustration and anger, I was just made to bottle it up instead.
Jane No Dough 14 hours ago
Both parents can be guilty of this and it is more often directed at their sons from toddlerhood. It's a terrible oppression on any child, they grow up hating themselves for being human.
#14
Doubting the sincerity/professionalism/skill of other women they encounter because they’re women.
One time my dad said “you know they only put that woman [insert title of car show] on the mechanics team for one reason (hinting at the reason being eye candy).”
It stayed with me. I had been dealing with a lot of sexism in the industry I was pursuing — making a connection inevitably led to a request for a dinner date or a sexual proposition — and it really made me depressed to hear my dad say something like that about a woman who probably really did have an interest in cars.
He didn’t get why I was so upset.
#15
I can't speak for anyone else, but my standards for how I expected to be treated in a relationship came from watching my dad interact with my mom. And surprise, surprise, my first relationship was with an emotionally abusive and controlling person who made me feel like I was worth nothing. (I went to therapy and now I'm in a healthy relationship and don't speak to my parents. :))
So I would say the way you treat your wife is a reflection of the relationships your daughter will probably default toward in the future. If you treat your wife kindly, like a person who is worthy of respect and care, your daughter is likely to find a partner who does the same for her. If you don't, the reverse becomes more probable.
#16
Not apologizing or taking accountability for making mistakes, everything was always everyone else’s fault….which means we now have a surface level relationship because he could never be open or self reflective.
#17
My dad wanted to raise intelligent and capable daughters but also wanted to be treated like the family patriarch. We had to get good grades but any attempt to express individuality was crushed. Quelle surpise, I developed depression as a teen. Got therapy for it, the therapist had a family session and told my dad he was f*****g up. Therapy stopped.
Also he and my mother were miserable together, and I internalized a lot of bad ish about how they treated each other that took about a decade to unpack and overcome. Together or not, treat your daughter's mother with kindness and respect.
Lastly, studies have shown that girls who are taught about bodily autonomy and consent aren't at any greater or lesser risk of being victimized by a r*pist. But knowing 'your body is yours and your consent matters' makes them more likely to report abuse and assault.
#18
The whole "tell your bfs I've got a shot gun" mentality.
That's the quickest way to teach them to hide bfs from you. A) it's unnerving and B) it means you don't trust their choices.
Much better to have a home where the boys are expected to come in and meet you, you get a feeling about them, then have a rational discussion with your daughters later on. Not a raging 'get rid of him' kind of chat. Like a chat where you say I didn't like how he said this to you, does he respect you, etc. She'll be more likely to listen to logic, and more likely to come to you if she's worried or unsure about things.
Open dialogue rather than telling her you know better. Odds are, you DO know better. But telling her that shuts her down and she feels like you don't value her thoughts or opinions. So she won't open up to you again.
StrangeOne 16 hours ago
I know it's supposed to be either a joke or a poor way to threaten boys to treat her right, or not break her heart. It's no better than mothers getting jealous of their son's girlfriends.
#19
Thinking that your daughter's emotional needs are being met by her mother. Even if mom and daughter are very close and talk often, it is still important to ask your daughter about her day, her relationships, her triumphs and struggles. My mom is my best friend, but our relationship was more volatile than my relationship with my dad and I was scared of disappointing her. My dad was often neutral territory and got to hear all the gossip before mom did. My dad was awesome!
#20
Not showing/explaining what a good man/partner looks like.
Susie Elle 13 hours ago
My dad's absence (paired with my mom's own issues) let my boyfriends get away with toxic behaviour for years. I never learned how to set a boundary.
#21
Not actively listening to me.
#22
Do not embarrass your child when they hit puberty, or exclaim in a store”she needs a bra, she has breasts now” . I wanted to die that day.
MushroomHead22 4 hours ago
so he did 1 thing that was embarrassing? i feel like people are missing the point of all this.
#23
Telling women to be more patient and tolerant of the men in their lives because they “don’t know any better” and that it’s the woman’s job to keep the household together.
This came from my single mom and she has a son and a daughter who are both adults. Guess who still cooks, cleans, and does the laundry for their son while the daughter does that for herself in the same household?
Teach your daughter to respect herself more. If any person (man or woman) can’t keep up with basic physical and emotional expectations, teach them. If they are unteachable or not respectful, leave them.
#24
Asking your child if they’re on their period when they display any emotions. Also not spending quality time with your daughter because you only want to do “boy” things with your sons.
Beak Hookage 12 hours ago
Like I said in an earlier comment, my dad shared his "boy" interests with me and it was a major factor in bonding. We had and still have so much fun together! :D
#25
Treating women poorly. Giving different rules because you’re a girl. Leaving and thinking their daughters don’t want or need your attention anymore. Not having actual conversations with them.
#26
Expecting that we will accept their wrongs as easily and readily as our mothers did.
#27
Not trying to understand or communicate with them. I was the only girl in my friends group that had a father she could hold a conversation with. Most of my girlfriends had fathers who were toxic or not involved. They never talked about feelings or thoughts. It was sad. My father and I talked about all kinds of things and he taught me about everything. I could ask him anything. He took the time.
#28
Treating sons differently when it comes to bf/gf relationships....
My younger brother was caught making out in the high school bathroom with a girl and my dad said good job 🙄
I was in high school and he saw me with a guy's arm around me, no kissing, and absolutely freaks out, grounds me etc. Like what the actual f**k.
#29
Not showing a healthy range of emotions or how to work with emotions.
My dad was of the “emotions are irrational and should be shut down” camp. Ie. Scream at the kid to stop crying.
Because anger didn’t count as an emotion.
#30
Being *too* overprotective. It has the opposite effect. Your daughter will be so scared of your overreaction that if something actually happens, she'll be hesitant to tell you.
Note: this post originally had 72 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
What do you think ?
Laserleader 15 hours ago
If your dad is gay, it's not a good idea for them to be hitting on your boyfriends, or asking when you will be bringing boyfriends over. Saying inappropriate sexual innuendo to your friends to try to look "cool". Definitely don't ignore your daughter when she says she doesn't like your friends who are hitting on her inappropriately. And if she comes to you and says they make her uncomfortable, listen.
Tamra 2 hours ago (edited)
My dad did so many of the worst things in this list, that I just stopped reading halfway through. If any of you have a parent who dropped the ball like this, just remember: you can be the person you want to be, not the person they made you feel like when they were failing miserably as a parent.
Kimberly Bailey 7 hours ago
My dad passed away in 2018 at the age of 65. If you have a good relationship with your dad please give him a big hug for me :) I’d give almost anything to hug mine one last time
MartiBob 1 hour ago
I actually had a great father, but 1 thing did mess me up a bit. Comments were often made comparing my sister and my looks. Not often, but once is all it takes. It was understood but not openly acknowledged that I was the "prettier/thinner" girl in the family from indirect comments. This messed up my sister and I, especially her. It's so sad to watch her struggle as an almost 50 yr old with body image issues, it's an unhealthy obsession that comes up in all conversations. I, on the other hand, HATE anyone saying anything about my looks, even if it's positive. Don't comment on your daughters looks, please. It's OK as a dad to occasionally say "you're beautiful to me", but stop at that.
Laserleader 15 hours ago
If your dad is gay, it's not a good idea for them to be hitting on your boyfriends, or asking when you will be bringing boyfriends over. Saying inappropriate sexual innuendo to your friends to try to look "cool". Definitely don't ignore your daughter when she says she doesn't like your friends who are hitting on her inappropriately. And if she comes to you and says they make her uncomfortable, listen.
Tamra 2 hours ago (edited)
My dad did so many of the worst things in this list, that I just stopped reading halfway through. If any of you have a parent who dropped the ball like this, just remember: you can be the person you want to be, not the person they made you feel like when they were failing miserably as a parent.
Kimberly Bailey 7 hours ago
My dad passed away in 2018 at the age of 65. If you have a good relationship with your dad please give him a big hug for me :) I’d give almost anything to hug mine one last time
MartiBob 1 hour ago
I actually had a great father, but 1 thing did mess me up a bit. Comments were often made comparing my sister and my looks. Not often, but once is all it takes. It was understood but not openly acknowledged that I was the "prettier/thinner" girl in the family from indirect comments. This messed up my sister and I, especially her. It's so sad to watch her struggle as an almost 50 yr old with body image issues, it's an unhealthy obsession that comes up in all conversations. I, on the other hand, HATE anyone saying anything about my looks, even if it's positive. Don't comment on your daughters looks, please. It's OK as a dad to occasionally say "you're beautiful to me", but stop at that.
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