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Dad Gets A Wake-Up Call After People Tell Him Wife’s “Bad Days” Are Not For Him To Manage
Interview With Expert
It’s impossible to be in a great mood 100% of the time. If you’re hungry, exhausted or had a stressful day at work, it might be a bit more challenging to put on a happy face and be patient with your loved ones. But these bad days should be rare occurrences, not the norm.
To try to minimize the damage that occurs during his wife’s bad days, one dad decided to start sending out warnings to his kids when their mom wasn’t feeling her best. But she was not impressed when she found out what was going on behind her back. Below, you’ll find the full story that this dad recently posted on Reddit, as well as a conversation with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, founder of Growing Self Counseling and Coaching.
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This father decided that it would be wise to start warning his kids when their mother was in a bad mood
Image credits: Jack Sparrow (not the actual photo)
But she was not amused when she found out what was going on behind her back
Image credits: Prostock-studio (not the actual photo)
Image source: Glassholering
Later, the dad clarified how often his wife has bad days
Being unable to manage frustrations in a healthy way is a clear sign that a person could benefit from professional help
Image credits: Tim Samuel (not the actual photo)
To learn more about whether it’s normal for us to be more irritable during bad days, we reached out to Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, founder of Growing Self Counseling and Coaching. Dr. Bobby was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and share her thoughts on this situation.
“We all feel irritable sometimes, but if you can’t manage your frustrations in a healthy way, without damaging your relationships with the most important people in your life — your partner and your children — that is a clear signal that you could benefit from support,” the expert says.
“I can’t tell you how often is too often to snap at your family members or otherwise take out your bad day on them, but when it becomes a pattern, something needs to change,” she added. “This mother’s irritability is clearly a pattern. It’s so predictable that they’ve developed a system for managing it!”
“When you’re walking on eggshells, you’re unable or unwilling to express your true thoughts and feelings”
Image credits: Keira Burton (not the actual photo)
We were also curious what kind of an impact it can have on a family to have to tiptoe around a spouse or parent. “Walking on eggshells is destructive to relationships, and it models unhealthy patterns that the kids are likely to carry forward with them into their adult relationships. Not good!” Dr. Bobby shared.
“When you’re walking on eggshells, you’re unable or unwilling to express your true thoughts and feelings because you’re afraid of the reaction you’ll get from your partner,” she explained. “It’s the opposite of vulnerability, authenticity, and emotional intimacy — it’s working hard to control the situation in an attempt to manage your partner’s moods for them. In the process, you’re abandoning yourself and disregarding your own feelings.”
The expert also noted that, although this dad means well, he’s sending the wrong message to his children. “They’re learning that they’re responsible for how their mother feels, and worse, for their mother’s abusive behavior,” Dr. Bobby says. “It’s teaching them to set their own feelings and needs aside to pander to an adult’s moods.”
“If they carry these lessons forward into their adult relationships, they may have trouble setting boundaries, they may struggle with codependent tendencies, and they may even tolerate emotional abuse,” she added.
“Getting to the root of what’s really going on is important”
Image credits: Polina Zimmerman (not the actual photo)
Dr. Bobby also shared some wise words for this couple. “The dad needs to address this directly with the mom, and lovingly let her know that she is behaving in ways that are unacceptable and emotionally unsafe for the kids, and that it’s time to get some help and stop this,” the expert says. “As a couple, I think they’d also benefit from some counseling. It’s clear that they’ve developed some unhealthy ways of managing conflict that will take some work to unpack.”
The expert also recommends that the mother start seeing a therapist. “I would hope that learning about her family’s efforts to accommodate her bad moods would motivate her to get support. A good counselor could help her explore the roots of her anger and find healthier ways to manage her feelings,” she explained.
Dr. Bobby also noted that there can be a number of reasons why people experience intense irritability (such as anxiety, depression, and even things like perimenopause) that are treatable. “Getting to the root of what’s really going on is important, so mom can feel better and her family can feel emotionally safe in their relationship with her,” she told Bored Panda.
Most readers agreed that both spouses should be acting more maturely, with some suggesting they seek professional help
However, some readers sympathized with the dad and shared advice for him
And others thought that the father was definitely in the wrong
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What do you think ?
Zedrapazia 9 months ago
Whilst it certainly is weird to have a Mom Alert Chat around (the redditors are right that it sounds quite disfunctional), someone who has anger issues like once a week also goes far beyond what is normal. Everyone's moody once in a while, but if it's that frequent and always let out on family members, it's up and beyond what would be normal and more sounds like underlaying issues that should be looked at deeper.
Ms.GB 9 months ago
If she has children those ages she may be going through perimenopause. It's something nobody talks about but women from their late 30s to mid 40s start going through perimenopause. I was the most patient person in the world and I started getting so irritable. I just thought I'd lost my patience for the last few years until I got a more concerning symptom and went to the Dr. and found out that this is even a thing. I'm 43.
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Alexandra 9 months ago
Ok, I think it's rather obvious mum has a problem. Not only that, when she has a problem she takes it out on her children. That's not right. Having an alert is just avoiding what needs to happen: mum needs to stop taking out her bad mood or frustrations on her children. The husband needs to sit down with his wife and he needs to tell her what effect her bad moods have on her children. From there, they need to discuss ways for her to get a grip on herself.
Jessie 6 months ago
Easier said than done. My mother is like this but literally every day she comes back from work (she actually likes her job which makes it so weird). I have talked to her about it, so did my sister, father, stepfather and my therapist. She ignored all of that and is now frequently ignoring me after another heated argument between us because I now refuse to accept her yelling at me over the tiniest thing.
Load More Replies...
LaserBrain 9 months ago (edited)
Being moody and ruining other people's day because a person doesn't control her anger is a deal-breaker for me, even if she does have other good qualities. It's extremely selfish. If he wants to teach his kids how to deal with people, he will let her know that kind of behaviour is not acceptable.
Zedrapazia 9 months ago
Whilst it certainly is weird to have a Mom Alert Chat around (the redditors are right that it sounds quite disfunctional), someone who has anger issues like once a week also goes far beyond what is normal. Everyone's moody once in a while, but if it's that frequent and always let out on family members, it's up and beyond what would be normal and more sounds like underlaying issues that should be looked at deeper.
Ms.GB 9 months ago
If she has children those ages she may be going through perimenopause. It's something nobody talks about but women from their late 30s to mid 40s start going through perimenopause. I was the most patient person in the world and I started getting so irritable. I just thought I'd lost my patience for the last few years until I got a more concerning symptom and went to the Dr. and found out that this is even a thing. I'm 43.
Load More Replies... Alexandra 9 months ago
Ok, I think it's rather obvious mum has a problem. Not only that, when she has a problem she takes it out on her children. That's not right. Having an alert is just avoiding what needs to happen: mum needs to stop taking out her bad mood or frustrations on her children. The husband needs to sit down with his wife and he needs to tell her what effect her bad moods have on her children. From there, they need to discuss ways for her to get a grip on herself.
Jessie 6 months ago
Easier said than done. My mother is like this but literally every day she comes back from work (she actually likes her job which makes it so weird). I have talked to her about it, so did my sister, father, stepfather and my therapist. She ignored all of that and is now frequently ignoring me after another heated argument between us because I now refuse to accept her yelling at me over the tiniest thing.
Load More Replies... LaserBrain 9 months ago (edited)
Being moody and ruining other people's day because a person doesn't control her anger is a deal-breaker for me, even if she does have other good qualities. It's extremely selfish. If he wants to teach his kids how to deal with people, he will let her know that kind of behaviour is not acceptable.
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