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Teen Bullies Girl So Badly She Switches Schools, Begs Dad For Lesser Punishment After He Finds Out
It’s easy to tell how someone’s high school went just by asking about their first associations with the institution. If prom, homecoming, and other typical events feature prominently, it probably was not a bad time. Conversely, if the first words are cliques, bullies, and harassment, those years were no doubt miserable.
A father laid out a pretty harsh list of punishments for his teenage daughter when he learned that she was a bully. This included banning her from events like prom and homecoming, which some see as the pinnacle of the high school experience. This caused a debate with the girl’s grandparents, so the dad turned to the web for advice.
RELATED:
Many people can still vividly remember their high school bullies
Image credits: Pressmaster (not the actual photo)
A dad made his daughter delete her social media when it came out that she was a bully
Image credits: gpointstudio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ventura4433
The psychology of bullying is more complex than many people realize
The classic cliche about bullying is that it comes from a place of deep insecurity, however, research shows that this is only true in some cases. Unfortunately, some people bully simply because they really do think they are better than others and know or at least believe they can get away with it. It’s not about trying to feel superior, they already do, instead, they need to make their superiority known to others. That being said, psychologists still believe there is a kernel of truth to the old adage of insecurity. A truly confident person doesn’t need to make others know just how superior they are, while bullies might have large egos, they are still quite fragile and have to be “patched up” by abusing a weaker party.
While we do not know the reasons behind OP’s daughter behaving the way she did, the punishment seems appropriate. It’s important to remember that this isn’t just matching the punishment to the crime, it’s also a parenting moment. The adults understand that they need to curtail this behavior before it gets worse. Kids and teenagers often just do not understand the full implications of their actions, which actually inhibits their ability to learn from their mistakes. By connecting a “massive” punishment to this action, OP’s father is sending a very clear signal about just how seriously adults take this sort of thing. In reality, missing prom is one thing compared to bullying and abuse in the “real world” which can end with ruined careers, prison sentences, and huge lawsuits.
On the flip side, while teens are starting to become their own person, a lot of their behavior issues stem from environmental circumstances, and no bonus points for identifying who or what influences a growing child the most. If it’s not clear, much of the blame simply lies with the parents. Poorly raised siblings, a stressful home environment, and ineffective discipline all tend to lead to a kid developing antisocial behavior, which in minors tends to come out as bullying. OP says his daughter’s behavior was a shock, which could be legitimate, teens are adept at hiding things from their parents, however, it could also be a question of not paying attention.
Image credits:Keira Burton (not the actual photo)
Ideally, bullying should be prevented, not just punished
To OP’s credit, he does a number of things correctly with the punishment. He has effectively identified what his daughter values and has taken it away. A lot of “traditional” punishments are ineffective for some children, for example, grounding a kid who prefers to be in their room anyway. The daughter’s reaction is a good indicator that he hit the nail on the head, as well as ordering her to delete her socials. While the loss of photos is regrettable, this could be seen as “forcing” her to turn a new page and start from scratch.
This sort of “extreme” punishment is probably warranted, as studies indicate that bullying is rarely an isolated incident, it’s nearly always ongoing. In this story, the bullied girl’s decision to move serves as evidence for that, it’s unlikely that she would take the pretty excessive move of switching schools over one incident. The school also seems somewhat to blame here, as the first indication a responsible adult got about the situation came after the bullied girl already left. But, in the face of grown-up incompetence, the girl’s choice to leave was, unfortunately, the best bet, as bullying tends to intensify over time.
As it often happens, parents are simply unaware, and authority figures are underpaid and undertrained and do not understand what to do in these situations, even if they are made aware. In fact, there have been many instances of ineffective interventions making life worse for the victim, who often feel like they should never have spoken in the first place. Realistically, much could have been done to help the girl who was bullied, but we will have to settle for some form of justice. All of this highlights the importance of adequate punishment and making it clear why the person is being punished. As “harsh” as OP might seem to some, this might be the last chance before his daughter is an adult where he can truly correct this sort of behavior. As horrible as bullying can be in school, it’s nothing compared to the havoc a malicious adult can pull off.
Image credits: Ilayza (not the actual photo)
OP gave some more details
Most readers thought his punishment was appropriate
But a few thought it was too far
What do you think ?
MsLou 1 year ago
What is with the YTA?? That is absolutely absurd! She helped ruin this girl's high school experience by being a racist psychopath and the dad is an a$$hole for holding his daughter accountable?? Stop the world I want to get off! What his daughter did is unforgiveable and has caused so much mental trauma and people on this forum are so upset that she's missing Prom and Homecoming
Janner Wingfeather 1 year ago
Probably one of those people who thinks teens and young twenty-somethings are basically infants who shouldn’t be given responsibilities or held accountable for their actions because yada yada frontal lobe doesn’t develop until 25.
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Tracy Sellars 1 year ago
The bullied kid had to change schools because they were that traumatized. The mental damage done to this kid would be horrendous and will be felt throughout their lives. Mean while little miss b!$ch is boo hoping cause they don't get prom and will lose picture. They got off lightly. Good on the tough parenting.
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 1 year ago
I was sexually and emotionally harassed from 9 or 10 throughout highschool. It utterly destroyed my self esteem and ability to trust. I feel that had I never been bullied, I wouldn't have made the choices that led me to prison. I'm 54, and the bullying was a hugely significant part of my life.
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Upstaged75 1 year ago
Anyone who says this dad is the AH was obviously a bully themselves as a kid/teen and is trying to justify their own behavior. JMO.
Shadow 1 year ago
NTA and awesome dad! Your daughter, sadly is passed the age where this type of hateful personality trait can easily be changed without intensive therapy. Your imposing consequences for her tormenting another girl, to the point of her leaving her school is spot on. Your daughter should also be forced to meet the girl, her parents and sit and listen to how her actions and words affected her. Then, please consider adding to the consequences for your daughter to have her do community service at a shelter, soup kitchen or place where disadvantaged people of all races suffer where she can get a dose of real life. As parents we often try our best but end up insulating our kids from reality. No, the punishment is correct and make her work for every penny for her car and tell her she's moving out and better start saving. If she can act like a racist adult she should be able to support her lifestyle. Good luck and stick to your principles, Don't cave. Once you do, the lesson is lost.
Xenon 1 year ago
I disagree with meeting with the girl and her parents. The bullied girl is traumatized already. She should not be forced to confront her tormenter, it would only hurt her further. I hope the bullied girl gets support and counseling to help her.
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Jared Robinson 1 year ago
Not far too harsh at all. Just about the perfect amount of harsh. Could have done a little more.
Freya the Wanderer 1 year ago
Bullies are rarely punished for their cruel behavior, so it's good to see a bully getting her comeuppance. I hope she teaches that lesson to other kids so they won't become bullies.
Load More Replies... just me 1 year ago
What if, instead of no prom/holding/car, enroll daughter in a different highschool for her senior year? Similar consequences as the kids that was bullied. I'd let her save the photos from insta, but if social media was used in the bullying I would have her close the accounts. I would also make sure everything in the email the parent sent was left and get my kid's side before taking any action.
Royal Stray 1 year ago
Honestly the bullies should be expelled from the school, especially if there's hard proof. I don't care how sad they'll be, they shouldn't have an opportunity to simply band together and switch targets as bullies often do.
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Sami-Jo Ross 1 year ago
The YTA votes need a reality check. The girl was tormented so badly she had to switch schools...and we don't know what her mental state is like, so OP's daughter could have seriously, seriously damaged this girl. If anything, this is tame. Give her an old Nokia phone so she can't try to pull the "I need a way to contact you" card.
lenka 1 year ago
I don't think the punishment is too much, but I am not sure that it is going to help the girl genuinely realise and accept just how f****d up her behavior was and the consequences for the victim. Bullying generally indicates a lack of empathy towards others.... I would be making her do some kind volunteer work supporting others and perhaps counselling to help her understand the impact her behaviour has. I would also be expecting her to apologise to the girl.
Freya the Wanderer 1 year ago
Yes - volunteer work is a good way to atone for mean behavior. The daughter needs to learn that actions have consequences, and that being nice to others is much more rewarding than being a jerk.
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Rosemary Janiak 1 year ago (edited)
Ohnonononononononononono She is a f*****g piece of s**t for bullying this kid and traumatizing her she deserves it.
Roan The Demon Kitty 1 year ago
The people who said YTA are, or were, bullies themselves, I bet. This is a LIGHT punishment in my opinion. If that was my daughter she'd be grounded with no phone, no computer, no social media, no prom/dance, no car, AND she'd have to do chores AND apologise to the girl she bullied in person. I know how damaging bullying is. Been there myself, after all. Probably still effects me today with the s**t state my mental health is in after stuff I endured as a teenager :')
Ali 8 months ago
Not that I ever would but if my mother EVER found out I made a rude comment about someone's race, I would be BEGGING for the punishment this dad is handing out. As would most of my friends. My best friend since elementary school is Chinese Canadian and was the only POC in our small town school. She was often subjected to racist comments by other students and sometimes teachers. A decade later, those comments still affect her.
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cartoon ghosts 1 year ago
As someone who was bullied as a little kid, that's way too lenient. She's gonna be pissed for a little bit but it's just going to turn into resentment and she'll never understand why it was wrong. What I went through as a kid wasn't even that bad, and it's still f****d up how I feel and react to emotions. She could have ruined that girl's life, or ended it.
Royal Stray 1 year ago
HA! Once in a life-time event, cry me a river, bullying can leave LIFE LONG scars (both mental and physical). Honestly do I think that taking anything away will teach her a lesson that'll stick, no. I think she's gonna complain about how her parents treated her terribly for absolutely nothing in a few years and talk about how she was abused and has trauma, just for the attention. But I do think that she deserves it, bullying really f*cks people up. I hope that girl ended up at a better school.
Skulls.N.Succulents 1 year ago
Dad is NTAH and it's is obvious. But the fact that he didn't find out about any of this until it went so far as the victim having to change schools is outrageous! A boy had been "picking" on my daughter at school. After a week of this and her telling the teacher and principal I went to the school and I told the principal to her face myself. This boy's mom was on speed dial on the principal's phone so clearly has was an AH often! The principal explained what he had been doing to my daughter and just to make it clear I then got on the phone with his mom and word for word told her if her son (who is bigger than me) ever says or does anything else inappropriate to my daughter I will have my own son whoop his a*s. He never even looked at my daughter again.
Emma Schumann 1 year ago
As the mom of a girl who was bullied so badly the 12 yr old girls doing it were reported to the State, and we also had to move to save her sanity, YOU SIR are a good parent!!!
El Dee 1 year ago
The punishment is quite extreme but the offence was even moreso. This may give her an inkling of the long term effects of bullying as it never leaves you. This wan't a little bit of teasing that went too far, the girl actually had to change schools. I agree with this 100% but that's my opinion and it is just as valuable (not) as that of the grandparents. Other people's opinions are like a******s, we all have them but we don't have to show them to everyone..
Mad McQueen 1 year ago
That's good punishment. Why should she have a social life when she took (partook) in taking another girls away? I hope all the parents side with you too. And if she really had any special photos of people that passed she should be allowed to save those only.
Christopher Denney 1 year ago (edited)
Most people will forget their prom(s) within a few years (except the people that just can't let go) The person bullied will carry that trauma for the rest of their life.
Scott Rackley 1 year ago
Looks like all the bullies are screaming YTA. Thanks for pointing yourself out.
freakingbee (any pronouns) 1 year ago
anyone who said yta was probably never bullied. i've been bullied since kindergarten and it started to get worse without me realizing in middle school, eventually leading me to change districts. it f****d me up.
ConstantlyJon 1 year ago
You know what's also a once in a lifetime experience? High school. And this girl made it hell for someone else and ruined it for her. And the effects of this kind of bullying will live on for far longer than high school as well. I think the punishment fits the crime here, though I do like the idea of possibly earning back prom since it's at the end of the year. Punishment for punishment's sake isn't enough. Consequences that bring about a changed heart are worth fighting for. I'm not sure what that would look like here, but maybe there's a way forward to help her learn to be healthy and respectful. Also, I've never had Instagram, but I know when I deleted Facebook, it gave me a way to download all my information on there. I'd imagine Instagram is similar, since they're both owned by Meta.
DarkViolet 1 year ago
As Gilbert & Sullivan sad, "Let the punishment fit the crime!" What OP did was absolutely commendable as far as commando parenting goes. No social media, no homecoming, no prom. (OP should throw in extra housework and community service for good measure.) For all of those belonging to the YTA club--would you be so lenient if YOUR child was the victim? I think not. I recall the bullying I endured over 50 years ago; it doesn't fade with time. The only other appropriate addition to this situation is for OP'S daughter to have to endure the same level of bullying as that of her victim. I won't endorse it, but it might get the point across. She'll soon be going out into the real world. If she carries that kind of cruel attitude with her, there's no telling what will happen then. Best to stop it before it escalates into something far worse.
Liu Woods 1 year ago
I personally kind of disagree with the punishment because it feels like it's mostly towards JUST punishing the kid and not ensuring that it never happens again. There should at least be some empathy-building element where she has to directly look at the consequences of her own actions so she understands the weight of what she did. Plus, imo, prom in this scenario is months out—it's a bit far to feel connected to the original bullying. I liked the idea of her having work hard to earn prom back since it keeps her from forgetting about it in those in-between months, so it might cement the lesson better than the shock of a single punishment
Princess Mar-li Cathryn 1 year ago
Empathy is hard to teach. The girl is a psychopath in the making. The best the father can hope for is that the severe consequences are a revelation that she cannot, I'm fact, do what she wants, when she wants, to whom she wants without being called out. If this girl (the bullying victim) had taken her own life a member of her family might seek their own consequences and prom might've been the least of her problems.
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Sara Wilson 1 year ago
The child had to change schools, leave her friends and everything she knew! Heck no! If they give in, then they r sending the message that no matter what, she can get out of punishment. MAYBE she can EARN her way to Prom, but a car at 18, nope! Social media, nope! Fun school activities with her friends and all the joy that other kid had to give up, nope!
Ima Manimal 1 year ago
And the bully can pay for her own college, or take out student loans just like the people she bullies.
K.M. 1 year ago (edited)
Honestly, if I were (and I truly am not) a bully, and my parents would give me punishment this severe, I would become even more vicious. Because of anger, pain and humiltion. It's one thing to take away her electronics or tell tell her to stay at home for some time. It's different (for a teenage girl) not to let her take a part in, let's be honest, very important and memory/character building events like prom etc.
Salman Chowdhury 1 year ago
people talking out their a*s with this "YoU RuInEd ThIs OnCe In A LiFeTiMe FoR HeR" like she didn't ruin that other girls once in a lifetime high school education for her for something she cant even control
YetAnotherSarah 1 year ago
"Once in a lifetime blah blah!" Tell me you peaked in highschool without telling me you peaked in highschool. And "those things are gifts, you cannot take them!" Garbage. Those are privileges. You don't gentle-parent a bully.
Monarch cat lady 1 year ago (edited)
I think that dad Is awesome. As someone who was bullied from elementary school til high school by girls and boys no one got punished for what they did to me, but I got called into the office several times over it. It was absolutely brutal. People I didn't know never even spoke to bullied the hell outta me, and no parents ever did anything.
Sandy D 1 year ago
Punishment was right. Bullying a kid, and it being racially motivated, to the point she feels stir had to change schools is hideous. That's not just bullying. It's harassment, it's abuse, amc it is psychological assault. I don't have time to read it all, but I hope he stuck with her punishment . She should also have to do some kind of community service - a lot of it. I don't feel at all sorry for her
Deson 1 year ago
NTA. My Life was made a living hell that still bothers me today due to over 6 years of constant bullies. The school had a "Boys will be boys" attitude and did nothing. I'm 63 and I still have the occasional nightmare and glaring hatred for the person(s) who did this. I grew up in the country going to school in a small town so even getting relief by transferring to another school wasn't an option. Yes, yes, I'm a somewhat messed up person due to bullies.
Lori w 1 year ago
I see it as 4 different punishments- no car, no social media, no prom, and no homecoming. It's hard to not hold anger for something your kids did that was completely senseless. I don't know if it'll change your kid or not. I hope you can encourage her to be nice to others. But there's never going to be enough punishment to make things equal, so I wouldn't punish her endlessly. Maybe you should educate her about Little Rock 9. Teach her some history.
Ron Baza 1 year ago
This is not an endless punishment. But it’s a short, sharp and very memorable shock.
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Jessica SpeLangm 1 year ago
I think the punishment was a bit harsh. She should have been allowed to try to save her pictures and videos from her social media accounts....THEN have the parents change the passwords to something she doesn't know. I also think, if her behavior and attitude improved, she should have been allowed to go to the prom. But my biggest issue is there's nothing indicating she was told to go to therapy to figure out why she bullied this girl and behavior modifications so that doesn't happen again.
Princess Mar-li Cathryn 1 year ago
Yeah, the victim has to suffer the consequences forever but the punishment is 'unfair.' Wouldn't want thar bully to have any lasting effects...
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Wheely 1 year ago
She (and her friends) racially abused a girl to the point where she felt forced to change school. It's literally written right there in the article.
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TheBlueBitterfly 1 year ago (edited)
Apology vid, what is she, a celeb? "Boohoo, I'm sorry I got caught." No prom, no social media, lots of volunteer work and lots of therapy intervention. Get her away from those horrible friends! Actions have consequences! (Edit to fix a typo that was bothering me.)
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MsLou 1 year ago
What is with the YTA?? That is absolutely absurd! She helped ruin this girl's high school experience by being a racist psychopath and the dad is an a$$hole for holding his daughter accountable?? Stop the world I want to get off! What his daughter did is unforgiveable and has caused so much mental trauma and people on this forum are so upset that she's missing Prom and Homecoming
Janner Wingfeather 1 year ago
Probably one of those people who thinks teens and young twenty-somethings are basically infants who shouldn’t be given responsibilities or held accountable for their actions because yada yada frontal lobe doesn’t develop until 25.
Load More Replies... Tracy Sellars 1 year ago
The bullied kid had to change schools because they were that traumatized. The mental damage done to this kid would be horrendous and will be felt throughout their lives. Mean while little miss b!$ch is boo hoping cause they don't get prom and will lose picture. They got off lightly. Good on the tough parenting.
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 1 year ago
I was sexually and emotionally harassed from 9 or 10 throughout highschool. It utterly destroyed my self esteem and ability to trust. I feel that had I never been bullied, I wouldn't have made the choices that led me to prison. I'm 54, and the bullying was a hugely significant part of my life.
Load More Replies... Upstaged75 1 year ago
Anyone who says this dad is the AH was obviously a bully themselves as a kid/teen and is trying to justify their own behavior. JMO.
Shadow 1 year ago
NTA and awesome dad! Your daughter, sadly is passed the age where this type of hateful personality trait can easily be changed without intensive therapy. Your imposing consequences for her tormenting another girl, to the point of her leaving her school is spot on. Your daughter should also be forced to meet the girl, her parents and sit and listen to how her actions and words affected her. Then, please consider adding to the consequences for your daughter to have her do community service at a shelter, soup kitchen or place where disadvantaged people of all races suffer where she can get a dose of real life. As parents we often try our best but end up insulating our kids from reality. No, the punishment is correct and make her work for every penny for her car and tell her she's moving out and better start saving. If she can act like a racist adult she should be able to support her lifestyle. Good luck and stick to your principles, Don't cave. Once you do, the lesson is lost.
Xenon 1 year ago
I disagree with meeting with the girl and her parents. The bullied girl is traumatized already. She should not be forced to confront her tormenter, it would only hurt her further. I hope the bullied girl gets support and counseling to help her.
Load More Replies... Jared Robinson 1 year ago
Not far too harsh at all. Just about the perfect amount of harsh. Could have done a little more.
Freya the Wanderer 1 year ago
Bullies are rarely punished for their cruel behavior, so it's good to see a bully getting her comeuppance. I hope she teaches that lesson to other kids so they won't become bullies.
Load More Replies... just me 1 year ago
What if, instead of no prom/holding/car, enroll daughter in a different highschool for her senior year? Similar consequences as the kids that was bullied. I'd let her save the photos from insta, but if social media was used in the bullying I would have her close the accounts. I would also make sure everything in the email the parent sent was left and get my kid's side before taking any action.
Royal Stray 1 year ago
Honestly the bullies should be expelled from the school, especially if there's hard proof. I don't care how sad they'll be, they shouldn't have an opportunity to simply band together and switch targets as bullies often do.
Load More Replies... Sami-Jo Ross 1 year ago
The YTA votes need a reality check. The girl was tormented so badly she had to switch schools...and we don't know what her mental state is like, so OP's daughter could have seriously, seriously damaged this girl. If anything, this is tame. Give her an old Nokia phone so she can't try to pull the "I need a way to contact you" card.
lenka 1 year ago
I don't think the punishment is too much, but I am not sure that it is going to help the girl genuinely realise and accept just how f****d up her behavior was and the consequences for the victim. Bullying generally indicates a lack of empathy towards others.... I would be making her do some kind volunteer work supporting others and perhaps counselling to help her understand the impact her behaviour has. I would also be expecting her to apologise to the girl.
Freya the Wanderer 1 year ago
Yes - volunteer work is a good way to atone for mean behavior. The daughter needs to learn that actions have consequences, and that being nice to others is much more rewarding than being a jerk.
Load More Replies... Rosemary Janiak 1 year ago (edited)
Ohnonononononononononono She is a f*****g piece of s**t for bullying this kid and traumatizing her she deserves it.
Roan The Demon Kitty 1 year ago
The people who said YTA are, or were, bullies themselves, I bet. This is a LIGHT punishment in my opinion. If that was my daughter she'd be grounded with no phone, no computer, no social media, no prom/dance, no car, AND she'd have to do chores AND apologise to the girl she bullied in person. I know how damaging bullying is. Been there myself, after all. Probably still effects me today with the s**t state my mental health is in after stuff I endured as a teenager :')
Ali 8 months ago
Not that I ever would but if my mother EVER found out I made a rude comment about someone's race, I would be BEGGING for the punishment this dad is handing out. As would most of my friends. My best friend since elementary school is Chinese Canadian and was the only POC in our small town school. She was often subjected to racist comments by other students and sometimes teachers. A decade later, those comments still affect her.
Load More Replies... cartoon ghosts 1 year ago
As someone who was bullied as a little kid, that's way too lenient. She's gonna be pissed for a little bit but it's just going to turn into resentment and she'll never understand why it was wrong. What I went through as a kid wasn't even that bad, and it's still f****d up how I feel and react to emotions. She could have ruined that girl's life, or ended it.
Royal Stray 1 year ago
HA! Once in a life-time event, cry me a river, bullying can leave LIFE LONG scars (both mental and physical). Honestly do I think that taking anything away will teach her a lesson that'll stick, no. I think she's gonna complain about how her parents treated her terribly for absolutely nothing in a few years and talk about how she was abused and has trauma, just for the attention. But I do think that she deserves it, bullying really f*cks people up. I hope that girl ended up at a better school.
Skulls.N.Succulents 1 year ago
Dad is NTAH and it's is obvious. But the fact that he didn't find out about any of this until it went so far as the victim having to change schools is outrageous! A boy had been "picking" on my daughter at school. After a week of this and her telling the teacher and principal I went to the school and I told the principal to her face myself. This boy's mom was on speed dial on the principal's phone so clearly has was an AH often! The principal explained what he had been doing to my daughter and just to make it clear I then got on the phone with his mom and word for word told her if her son (who is bigger than me) ever says or does anything else inappropriate to my daughter I will have my own son whoop his a*s. He never even looked at my daughter again.
Emma Schumann 1 year ago
As the mom of a girl who was bullied so badly the 12 yr old girls doing it were reported to the State, and we also had to move to save her sanity, YOU SIR are a good parent!!!
El Dee 1 year ago
The punishment is quite extreme but the offence was even moreso. This may give her an inkling of the long term effects of bullying as it never leaves you. This wan't a little bit of teasing that went too far, the girl actually had to change schools. I agree with this 100% but that's my opinion and it is just as valuable (not) as that of the grandparents. Other people's opinions are like a******s, we all have them but we don't have to show them to everyone..
Mad McQueen 1 year ago
That's good punishment. Why should she have a social life when she took (partook) in taking another girls away? I hope all the parents side with you too. And if she really had any special photos of people that passed she should be allowed to save those only.
Christopher Denney 1 year ago (edited)
Most people will forget their prom(s) within a few years (except the people that just can't let go) The person bullied will carry that trauma for the rest of their life.
Scott Rackley 1 year ago
Looks like all the bullies are screaming YTA. Thanks for pointing yourself out.
freakingbee (any pronouns) 1 year ago
anyone who said yta was probably never bullied. i've been bullied since kindergarten and it started to get worse without me realizing in middle school, eventually leading me to change districts. it f****d me up.
ConstantlyJon 1 year ago
You know what's also a once in a lifetime experience? High school. And this girl made it hell for someone else and ruined it for her. And the effects of this kind of bullying will live on for far longer than high school as well. I think the punishment fits the crime here, though I do like the idea of possibly earning back prom since it's at the end of the year. Punishment for punishment's sake isn't enough. Consequences that bring about a changed heart are worth fighting for. I'm not sure what that would look like here, but maybe there's a way forward to help her learn to be healthy and respectful. Also, I've never had Instagram, but I know when I deleted Facebook, it gave me a way to download all my information on there. I'd imagine Instagram is similar, since they're both owned by Meta.
DarkViolet 1 year ago
As Gilbert & Sullivan sad, "Let the punishment fit the crime!" What OP did was absolutely commendable as far as commando parenting goes. No social media, no homecoming, no prom. (OP should throw in extra housework and community service for good measure.) For all of those belonging to the YTA club--would you be so lenient if YOUR child was the victim? I think not. I recall the bullying I endured over 50 years ago; it doesn't fade with time. The only other appropriate addition to this situation is for OP'S daughter to have to endure the same level of bullying as that of her victim. I won't endorse it, but it might get the point across. She'll soon be going out into the real world. If she carries that kind of cruel attitude with her, there's no telling what will happen then. Best to stop it before it escalates into something far worse.
Liu Woods 1 year ago
I personally kind of disagree with the punishment because it feels like it's mostly towards JUST punishing the kid and not ensuring that it never happens again. There should at least be some empathy-building element where she has to directly look at the consequences of her own actions so she understands the weight of what she did. Plus, imo, prom in this scenario is months out—it's a bit far to feel connected to the original bullying. I liked the idea of her having work hard to earn prom back since it keeps her from forgetting about it in those in-between months, so it might cement the lesson better than the shock of a single punishment
Princess Mar-li Cathryn 1 year ago
Empathy is hard to teach. The girl is a psychopath in the making. The best the father can hope for is that the severe consequences are a revelation that she cannot, I'm fact, do what she wants, when she wants, to whom she wants without being called out. If this girl (the bullying victim) had taken her own life a member of her family might seek their own consequences and prom might've been the least of her problems.
Load More Replies... Sara Wilson 1 year ago
The child had to change schools, leave her friends and everything she knew! Heck no! If they give in, then they r sending the message that no matter what, she can get out of punishment. MAYBE she can EARN her way to Prom, but a car at 18, nope! Social media, nope! Fun school activities with her friends and all the joy that other kid had to give up, nope!
Ima Manimal 1 year ago
And the bully can pay for her own college, or take out student loans just like the people she bullies.
K.M. 1 year ago (edited)
Honestly, if I were (and I truly am not) a bully, and my parents would give me punishment this severe, I would become even more vicious. Because of anger, pain and humiltion. It's one thing to take away her electronics or tell tell her to stay at home for some time. It's different (for a teenage girl) not to let her take a part in, let's be honest, very important and memory/character building events like prom etc.
Salman Chowdhury 1 year ago
people talking out their a*s with this "YoU RuInEd ThIs OnCe In A LiFeTiMe FoR HeR" like she didn't ruin that other girls once in a lifetime high school education for her for something she cant even control
YetAnotherSarah 1 year ago
"Once in a lifetime blah blah!" Tell me you peaked in highschool without telling me you peaked in highschool. And "those things are gifts, you cannot take them!" Garbage. Those are privileges. You don't gentle-parent a bully.
Monarch cat lady 1 year ago (edited)
I think that dad Is awesome. As someone who was bullied from elementary school til high school by girls and boys no one got punished for what they did to me, but I got called into the office several times over it. It was absolutely brutal. People I didn't know never even spoke to bullied the hell outta me, and no parents ever did anything.
Sandy D 1 year ago
Punishment was right. Bullying a kid, and it being racially motivated, to the point she feels stir had to change schools is hideous. That's not just bullying. It's harassment, it's abuse, amc it is psychological assault. I don't have time to read it all, but I hope he stuck with her punishment . She should also have to do some kind of community service - a lot of it. I don't feel at all sorry for her
Deson 1 year ago
NTA. My Life was made a living hell that still bothers me today due to over 6 years of constant bullies. The school had a "Boys will be boys" attitude and did nothing. I'm 63 and I still have the occasional nightmare and glaring hatred for the person(s) who did this. I grew up in the country going to school in a small town so even getting relief by transferring to another school wasn't an option. Yes, yes, I'm a somewhat messed up person due to bullies.
Lori w 1 year ago
I see it as 4 different punishments- no car, no social media, no prom, and no homecoming. It's hard to not hold anger for something your kids did that was completely senseless. I don't know if it'll change your kid or not. I hope you can encourage her to be nice to others. But there's never going to be enough punishment to make things equal, so I wouldn't punish her endlessly. Maybe you should educate her about Little Rock 9. Teach her some history.
Ron Baza 1 year ago
This is not an endless punishment. But it’s a short, sharp and very memorable shock.
Load More Replies... Jessica SpeLangm 1 year ago
I think the punishment was a bit harsh. She should have been allowed to try to save her pictures and videos from her social media accounts....THEN have the parents change the passwords to something she doesn't know. I also think, if her behavior and attitude improved, she should have been allowed to go to the prom. But my biggest issue is there's nothing indicating she was told to go to therapy to figure out why she bullied this girl and behavior modifications so that doesn't happen again.
Princess Mar-li Cathryn 1 year ago
Yeah, the victim has to suffer the consequences forever but the punishment is 'unfair.' Wouldn't want thar bully to have any lasting effects...
Load More Replies... Wheely 1 year ago
She (and her friends) racially abused a girl to the point where she felt forced to change school. It's literally written right there in the article.
Load More Replies... TheBlueBitterfly 1 year ago (edited)
Apology vid, what is she, a celeb? "Boohoo, I'm sorry I got caught." No prom, no social media, lots of volunteer work and lots of therapy intervention. Get her away from those horrible friends! Actions have consequences! (Edit to fix a typo that was bothering me.)
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